Alone.

All was dark and quiet. No movement to hear but the groans from the old house as the wind whipped outside my window. I watched the tree sway in fury with the winds, dancing, not wanting to give in but knowing it was no use. Although the tree was strong and healthy it gave in like a little child to sleep. My eyes burned but I had nothing left to give, like it mattered to him anyway. I had cried enough to know it would go unnoticed, I would go unnoticed. Torn by decisions I had to make I knew it would kill me either way. Shutting out the world I crawled deep inside the covers of my cold bed and wished for it to just end. His face came to my mind and I tried to suppress my cries into the pillow that smelled like him. It was my fault I cared, my fault I loved him and my fault that I could do nothing but keep coming back for more pain. Wishing for it all to end I lay there until the room changed from black to gray and I knew once again it was morning another day to pull myself out of bed, dress, and pretend like I was alright.

No amount of cover up could hide the dark circles under my eyes. What I needed was sleep but it just never came for me, it must have forgotten about me as well. I did what I could and brushed my hair sighing as I walked down the stairs. Just another day of school, another morning of bland cereal and a long quiet drive into town. Charlie was already gone probably because he hated seeing me like this. I had my good streaks and plenty of bad ones as well. I wasn't sure right now which outweighed the other but if I could find out I would. This week was a bad one plain and simple. Shuffling out to my ancient but reliable Chevy I noticed something stuck under my windshield wiper. Hope filled my every fiber of being wishing it was a note from him. I hated myself for how he made me feel how badly I needed any slight attention from him. Every brain cell I had screamed for me to run away, forget it all and forget him, the hole in my chest where sometimes my heart was screamed at the same time to read it. My unsteady hands removed and unfolded the half saturated paper. I smiled gratefully it was from him.

Bella,

I missed you last night, sorry you couldn't come. It would mean a lot to me if tonight we could get together, my place, 7......call me.

Jake

It was absolutely ridiculous he could control me like this and yet it didn't matter. He needed me to see him tonight, he missed me last night. Obviously enough if he drove all the way out here to put a note under my window, the reservation was a good distance away. I pressed the note to my heart that started to beat again and climbed inside my truck. My face felt funny to me, foreign. I looked in the mirror and took note that I was smiling...so that's what it felt like, I had almost forgot. The engine roared to life and I took off down the road wishing there would be some freak reason the school was closed so I could run to Jake's earlier than expected.

Part of me was ecstatic to see him and the other was crumbling. Now I was good enough to see? It was just a stupid beach party like he couldn't leave early to come see me or skip it all together and just spend the night at my house? The inner battle would no doubt take me in the end. I hated myself but loved to see him. We were great friends but it just killed me to know there were only certain times I was good enough.

School passed by in a blur there were too many thoughts in my head to process class. There were 15 minutes left until the day was done, this was when it dragged the most. I sat impatiently in my seat bouncing my knee wishing I could speed things up. Each second that ticked by stung a little knowing it was this much longer until the bell would ring dismissing us for the day. It was always a race to get out the door and away from the hell we all called school but I had no problems being one of the first out the parking lot. I pushed my truck to the limits as much as I could 55 was all it could hold but I think it reached 57 once. Screeching into the driveway I left everything in the truck and bounded up the stairs two by two. Now was the waiting game. If I called him too soon he would know that I wanted to see him without a doubt. On the other hand if I waited a while he would know that I have things to do but would make time to see him if possible. I didn't want to come off as obsessed and insecure so I decided to make dinner for Charlie and leave it in the fridge. He could handle reheating a chicken breast in the microwave I had at least showed him that before. Just to be safe I will leave him instructions in the note I wouldn't want to come home tonight to a crisp house because he didn't remember what to do.

I glanced at the clock 5:30 now should be an appropriate time. Nervously I picked up the phone and dialed the numbers I had memorized by heart. The ring seemed as long as the national anthem and I almost hung up but then I heard his voice.

"Hello."

"Is Jake there?...." I gulped down my nervousness once again and reminded myself to breathe.

"This is."

"Oh hey Jake...it's Bella." I'm such an idiot

"Bella! Hey it's great to hear your voice. I was afraid you weren't gonna call." I couldn't help but smile; he had that effect on me. I wanted to pour my heart out into the phone receiver and tell him how I felt inside...I held back and decided to play it cool.

"Yeah you're lucky actually the note was pretty damaged all I was able to decipher was 7 and Jake...I figured I should call and see what's up."

"Well I'm glad you called me. I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight and watch a movie....since we couldn't hang out last night. It's not like you missed out on a lot we just sat around the fire...ah Bella I'm so glad you called." I looked at the phone and mouthed out an 'I love you'!

"Sure a movie sounds good...what time should I come over? Is that what the 7 was for?"

"Yeah but if you want you can come over now......"

This is where you say yes you idiot! All I could do was stand there dumbfounded.

"Bella?........Bella?"

"Yeah I can come over now...sorry Charlie just walked in the door...." I backed away from the phone a little. "Yeah Dad I'll be off in a second."

"I'm sorry about that Jake but yeah that sounds good I'll be over in a few."

"Great can't wait to see you."

"Likewise....OK...ah bye."

I hung up the phone with a slam not meaning to. Looking down at myself I realized I actually looked pretty good. Checking myself in the mirror by the door I agreed once again it was good enough to see Jacob. I grinned from ear to ear and set out down the road, tonight was gonna be perfect!

Hello All! Please read and review about the story. How do you like it so far? What could be changed or needs more strength? Please let me know thanks -

Chels