DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its chracters.
A/N: Oh my goodness. I have no idea why this story will not leave me. It isn't even a couple I am all that particularly fond of but it is refusing to disappear from my thoughts. So I must write it out and hopefully get back into the groove of things I really want to get back to. For some reason I am so tired of writing Relena out as the goody goody that she seems to be. Anyway, hopefully someone out there enjoys this.
It had all started years before. Dorothy had gotten it into her head that I was absolutely in need of entertainment as I had not had a single say off in more than five months. She had taken us to the circus which I later deduced had an ulterior motive. She had also gotten me smashed beyond any level I had previously experienced and that is saying a lot as over the years I had developed a taste for the drink that could put my misery into such a blank part of my mind that I could pretend it didn't exist at all. The evil woman seemed to think that I being a virgin at twenty-five was horribly unjust to, in her words, a body that was to kill for. That line had worried me just a bit but as I stated I was pretty tanked and let it pass without even contemplation. As the guests were piling out of the big top to head to their homes after a long night out, Dorothy suggested that I make friends with a certain topless performer, who I might add that any sexually repressed woman would gladly make 'friends' with, before she ditched me entirely with a phrase somewhere along the lines of " I'm sure you can find your own way home tonight, princess. " Yes, the way she used the term princess certainly made it feel dirty but I was already having some particularly dirty thoughts at the moment. To get to the point, I strode as best I could in a drunken stupor to the handsome clown and casually stated, " Are you possibly interested in some no strings sex? " A huge part of me wishes that I could have been sober enough to see if that comment had actually caused his mask to crack at least a little bit. Either way I did find my way home. The next morning. On the back of a clown's motorcycle very discreetly of course. I had assumed that nothing would come of that encounter beyond me losing my virginity in a way most unbecoming of a princess. In the back of an animal trailer. In the dirty straw. With a man I had never actually spoken to before that night. However that night did ignite some stirring of womanhood inside me and I couldn't deny I honestly wanted more. So when Trowa showed up at my hotel room a few months later I had no qualms of divesting him of his turtleneck. Nor did I have any qualms when he showed up again a couple months after that in his Preventer uniform bruised and bloody. I simply took him to the bath and stripped him down and cleaned him as best as I could. Don't get me wrong, nothing sexual had happened that night. I was far too unsure of whether he was up for it but the next morning he certainly thanked me in a way I have never been before. Eventually these trysts just turned into an almost regular pattern. Months had turned into years and no one was ever the wiser. Well, besides Dorothy I presume. Unless she truly thought that I wouldn't have the gumption to go through with it. These days I honestly try to schedule lectures and meetings in cities that I know are near to where the circus is supposed to be. As discrete as were are I find it difficult to get enough. I have no idea how many other lovers he has throughout the world but I haven't even tried to find another. With my busy schedule and the press following my every move I doubt I could find someone else let alone that I doubt one could find a better lover than a Gundam Pilot. Sometimes I wonder what my fifteen year old self would have to say about all this but I don't think I really care. The day that I realized that I hoped he didn't have any other lovers was the day he started talking to me. Our previous encounters had so few words spoken that I wondered if he actually was a mute. It was my birthday in A.C. 207 and he didn't bother to offer me a gift of any sort except his words and I cherished them more than I should have. One never knows how long a heart can hold out with the whole no strings attached. But his voice was so smooth and pleasant I think he must secretly talk to himself or perhaps those circus animals. It certainly wasn't raspy as if he was unused to using it. It was warm and relaxing. The ice that surrounded me as a barrier from the harshness of the world was starting to melt and I realized I needed to start pushing him away. Unfortunately, I didn't have the self-discipline to push him away. Yes, the sex was that good.