Greetings, all you fans of evil enterprises and hellish hootenannies! This author is here with a bold new experiment to combine two of the most insane "heroines" in recent animation and have them enter the world of one of the most destructive video games of all time: Just Cause 2! For those not familiar with the title, you shouldn't have a problem following along since the only real thing carried over is the setting and some minor characters. With that said, pull out your C4, put away your porn and let's dive into a crack fic!

Our story of chaos and destruction begins as many do: a retired villain selling his wares on the dark web equivalent of QVC.

"Greetings, all you soon-to-be slaves, Black Hat is here to entice you with yet another product to satisfy your diabolical needs! Today we have the perfect thing for all who dabble in the dark arts: The Black Hat Hell Portal!"

The device was a mixture of arcane and technological with a two-foot wide ring of metal cables carefully engraved with runes and symbols from dozens of languages. Surrounding it was a wider ring of beads, jars, and various knickknacks borrowed from dozens of cultures, apparently made as a barrier to contain the otherworldly creature they summoned. Beyond that was Dr. Flug at an ordinary control console with Demencia and 5.0.5 watching in the background.

"So Flug, what horrendous creature will you be bringing forth from the fiery abyss?" asked a smarmy Black Hat.

"Well, since this is still our first run, I am planning on summoning a low-level threat with minor combat capabilities and-"

"WHAT? I want an agent of chaos and destruction, not a haunted house attraction!"

Before Black Hat could chew out the doctor further, the portal was opened as a swirling red cloud emerged from inside the cables. All of the Black Hat Organization looked in interest, except for an already whimpering 5.0.5, until four arms sprouted from the vortex. The arms eventually grabbed the edge of the portal and pulled the rest of the demon forth; a white-colored creature dressed in a striped-top and a pair of enormous boots. Outside of the apparent gender confusion due to the conspicuous bulge on its chest, its eyes were mismatch and had a mouth full of sharpened teeth.

"Well…it worked at least," commented Flug.

The four-armed demon did not speak for several minutes, simply observing the situation with its hands on its hips until it broke into a relaxed smile.

"Okay then, it's been a while since I've done this in the living world, but I'll give it a shot. Which one of you is the director?"

"That would be me, Black Hat, your new master!"

"Ooh, a BDSM shoot! Now you're speaking my language! Gotta admit the set's a bit shitty though, but I can make it work. Now who's my co-star?"

"C-C-Co-star?" stammered Flug, already not liking where this was going. His feeling got worse when the demon sashayed over to him and placed two hands around his waist.

"Oh my, I haven't seen such a perfect sub in a long time! What's your stage name, scrawny-stud?"

"D-D-D-D-Dr. Flug?"

"Well, 'doctor,' I think this time you'll be the one getting serviced…" the demon chortled naughtily, causing Demencia to burst into laughter. 5.0.5 just tilted his head in confusion. He never would have guessed the doctor was sick.

"Silence, you androgynous fool!" commanded Black Hat, "This is a lair of villainy, not a movie set! You are here to be my servant of chaos and advertise my product-line!"

"Okay, Mr. Over-Compensation," scoffed the demon, "Let me get a few things straight. My name is Angel Dust and I am, in fact, male...Although I can understand the confusion," chortled the demon, apparently named Angel, as he hoisted up the tuft on his chest to make it look even bigger.

"And sorry, but I don't do that whole wreaking havoc shit. I am a Wholesale-Housecalling-Oral-Rectal-Expert, or whore, whichever you prefer. So, if you want a fantastic time in bed or the best way to do lines of coke, give me a call."

"FLUUUUUUUUUUUG! You summoned a demonic prostitute?!"

"Prostitute, adult actor, and expert connoisseur of illegal drugs, thank you very much," bowed Angel dramatically, "And while it's not my style to give away things for free, I might know someone who's more what you're looking for."

"You mean a violent, corrupt demon who can act as a loyal servant that annihilates any enemy in front of them?"

"Suuuuuuuuure, let's go with that."

Angel then whispered into Black Hat's ear about his friend, with every detail getting the enterprising mastermind more excited. Dr. Flug then sent him back to Hell with him muttering about how someone named Charlie better be impressed with his "good behavior." Black Hat then commanded the sniveling doctor to put in a more specific instructions to summon the demon Angel suggested. Within a few seconds the portal was opened again and this time something literally flew out of the red cloud and smacked onto the lab floor.

"OW! What the fuck-?! If that pencil-dicked snake bitch did this, I'm gonna castrate him twice!" cursed the new demon as she stood up.

This demon, clearly female judging from the large cleavage protruding out of her skimpy top and shapely legs contained in tattered black jeans, was much more what Black Hat had in mind. Her face was dominated by a massive blood-red eye with an x in place of any pupil and a set of fanged teeth grinning with malice. She was already holding a small, bright-red bomb and gave off the aura of someone who liked to pick fights for fun and reveled in carnage. Black Hat was very pleased with this one.

"Greetings, hell-spawn! You have been summoned to do my bidding! And-"

Before he could finish his monologue, the demoness was already laughing her head off while rolling on the floor. She even lost her grip on her bomb which proceeded to roll away and destroy a nearby table of mechanical doodads.

"Okay, okay, back the truck up, Mr. Shortdick," stammered the she-demon as she got back to her feet. "One, my name is Cherri Bomb. Two, I am nobody's servant unless you've got ass, cash, or grass for me. And three, I was in the middle of a very important turf war with a certain twat before you dragged me to your shitty science-experiment. So you can either send me back home right now, or I can show you why I'm such a big deal firsthand!"

The sharply-dressed entrepreneur felt he had to respect her moxie to an extent, but was otherwise unimpressed by her defiance. To prove his point, he forced her to release the bomb she had pulled out of seemingly nowhere and levitated it up to his face. Before anyone could blink, he chomped down the munition and barely flinched as the bomb detonated in his mouth sending flesh and teeth everywhere. In only seconds his face reformed into his usual sneer.

"Now that I've established your little fireworks can't hurt me, you can either comply with my wishes or I can show you torment and agony that will make the ninth circle of your home look pleasant!"

Cherri unconsciously pulled out another bomb and walked up to him. She lit the fuse with a thought and rolled it around her hands until she was steps away from Black Hat.

"No one. Talks to me. Like that. Ever," she growled as she got into his face. Her single red eye stared into his unblinking visage. She held the round bomb right between their faces and he did not even flinch. All he did was blow out the fuse with his breath. Cherri dropped the now-extinguished explosive and grinned lustfully.

"Fuck me, that's hot," she exclaimed as she suddenly kissed him, much to Black Hat's surprise.

This did not last long, though, as a now enraged Demencia charged the enamored she demon. After literally ripping her off of Black Hat, she proceeded to pull out her signature mace from out of nowhere and bludgeon Cherri Bomb's head into a fine red paste before taking a bite out of her leg and shouting numerous profanities in remarkably fluent Spanish. 5.0.5 was left quivering in the corner while Flug and Black Hat watched the display in disbelief. Then Black Hat quickly realized his demon puppet's skull was now a pile of cranberry sauce on the floor.

"DEMENCIAAAAAAAAAAAA! Look what you've done! This is the last straw, I want you out of my lair this instant!"

Before Demencia could either plead for forgiveness or assuage his anger, all four of the villains noticed Cherri's congealing remains began to move. Her head was reforming right before their eyes! After her entire skull was mended and her brain recomposed from sludge she opened her eye and smirked, looking no worse for wear.

"Ha, is that all you've got?!" she taunted at Demencia, making the lizard-girl froth at the mouth, "I can't die in the mortal world, you dumb bitch!"

Demencia's rage overrode all reason as she slithered towards the demoness. Before she could reach her, though, Cherri ran towards her with two lit bombs in her hands and sent them both flying at her. The incensed reptile-girl managed to knock them both back towards the thrower, but this barely slowed Cherri down as any damage the explosions did to her was already healing. The two eventually devolved into a fist-fight with Demencia fighting with all her might while Cherri doled out two punches for every one she took and quickly healed off.

"Come on, you must want me to bang your boss if you fight like this!" goaded Cherri, having more fun than she had in years. Demencia literally growled at her and threw her back towards the portal.

"The only one who's going to make passionate and uncontrollable love to the vilest man in the universe is ME, you tramped-up shit-eating freak-show cunt!"

As she finished her taunt, she ran to the control console of the portal and started randomly pressing buttons and slamming in commands in the hope it would either send Cherri back to Hell or destroy her in the process. Instead the portal began sparking erratically as red energy began to fill the room. Before Flug could chastise Demencia for her recklessness, a flash of red energy blinded everyone. When the light died down the portal itself and both the feuding psychotic females were gone without a trace.

"Well…good thing I have a spare in the back?" questioned Flug in the vain hope that it would quell Black Hat's apparent anger that his latest demonstration and, possible literally, gone to Hell.

And now, let us all pray for the ass-reaming the good doctor is no doubt bound to receive for this little mess. Tune in next time for our dastardly duo to arrive at their destination and the REAL fun starts!

Thank you all so much for reading! Feel free to leave comments or questions in the review section.