A/N This was a short(ish) story I wrote for the Death Note Alumina fanzine. xxx
Collateral Damage
Light was beginning to feel like he was on a conveyor belt being shuttled between different people who then passed him on to someone else. Since he arrived, he'd met various people with one letter names, but spent the most time with an elderly man called Watari, who politely asked him to read and sign a contract before he was taken to meet L. After that, he was passed on to a nonchalant blond man called M, whom he followed in silence to a set of double doors.
"I don't know if he'll talk to you but he's in here. If you don't speak unless you're spoken to then you might be ok," M winked at Light like it was a friendly tip and a threat all in one. He then opened the doors to what appeared to be a small auditorium, dark as if in the middle of a seminar, and indicated that Light should enter alone.
Once the door closed behind Light and his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could just about make out that the auditorium was actually a screening room. Against what looked like a slideshow of crime scene photos on the cinema screen, he saw a silhouette of a single spiky head of hair rising over the back of a seat in the front row. He walked towards it, guiding himself by the brief flashes of light from the photographs.
The obvious strangeness of this being thought of as an appropriate setting for a meeting hadn't passed Light by, but it didn't surprise him. He'd been forewarned that L was not what you might expect him to be, based on his reputation, and Light simply assumed that whatever L presented to others was a creation built to disarm and exploit. He assumed this because he was guilty of doing the same thing, and expected it of anyone with above average intelligence. He assumed that L was above average intelligence, not because of his impressive record, but because he'd asked Light to join his task force that was currently investigating the flurry of unusual deaths in Tokyo. Only an unusually bright person would realise how good an idea that would be. However, as Light approached who he was led to believe was L, he found that, despite having no preconceived ideas of how he might look, he didn't expect him to be a lanky scrap who looked unable to dress himself unassisted. Light found himself equally as disappointed as how he was intrigued.
Light approached L, taking in his messy appearance and bizarre perching way of balancing on his chair. After standing in front of him for an awkward amount of time, waiting to be acknowledged while L kept staring at the screen, Light sat in the theatre seat next to him and stared at the film himself. Every five seconds, a new image appeared, more often than not showing a bedroom with a body in it, but not always. Whatever the setting of each photograph, the link between them all was that, in each one, there was a body laid out like they were screaming in their sleep.
He was aware that as soon as he sat back in his chair, L had turned to stare at him. It wasn't expectant, like L had finally noticed that Light was there, it was the feeling of being scrutinised, so Light gave him absolutely nothing. Not a flicker of emotion crossed Light's face as he saw the crime scene photographs. Emotion wasn't necessary or called for when he wanted to present himself as a professional… not that he felt any discernible emotion from the photographs, anyway.
Eventually, L retook his previous position and watched the slideshow along with Light. Somehow, both felt as easy in each other's company as though they'd known and detested each other for all of their lives.
"What are your thoughts on what you've heard of this case, Light-kun?" L asked him in a precise and measured tone, like talking to a small child.
"I don't want to base my thoughts on what the media have said," Light replied.
"Good," L muttered while rooting around in the bottom of a carton of popcorn, "because the media know nothing. I haven't allowed anything of consequence to be released to them since I took over this case. Just a list of names," he added, turning in his seat again to peer at Light. "I presume that Watari has had you sign the disclosure paperwork before allowing you in here?"
"Yes. I signed it in blood," Light said sardonically, and in turning his face towards L, locked eyes with him for the first time.
"Oh," L sighed. "You're not another comedian, are you? I have enough of them in my task force when I really didn't want any, but thank you for your interest in working with my team. Goodbye," he said.
"I just meant that your contract has some overly prohibitive terms. I felt like I was signing my life away."
"You mean, you actually read the contract?"
"Of course," Light scoffed.
"Oh. What terms do you find 'overly prohibitive'? They're not dissimilar to those used for jury service on a high profile murder trial. I require my team to have complete discretion and to avoid being influenced by outside factors, and that's more than reasonable. Your focus must be on the case and the case alone."
"Well, I'm not in a position to argue the terms, especially since I was told that it's non-negotiable, so I signed it without knowing exactly what I'm signing up for."
"It's very wise of you not to argue with me, Light-kun. From what I've heard of you, I'd expect no less than perfect manners and mild self-entitled whining," L told him with absolutely no sign of humour. "Your father spoke very highly of you in regards to your performance on NPA cases from the age of sixteen, but then, you are his son, so you can expect more than a little bias and nepotism was at play there."
"Actually, I helped out with one case when I was fifteen," Light interrupted.
"My apologies, because that makes quite a difference. I've been working on cases since I was nine years old," L replied, causing Light to squirm slightly in his seat. "Nevertheless, it's most irregular to employ a high school student to assist with any police investigation, so there must be some justification to explain that, beyond your dad participating in the National 'Take Your Child To Work Day.'"
"We don't do stupid things like that in Japan," Light informed him. "Anyway, my father wouldn't let anything cloud his judgement. I hope that my record speaks for itself as opposed to any commendation from my father."
"I sense some bitterness there, Light-kun."
"Towards my father? Not at all. I just want you to base your judgement fairly on the quality of my work, not from comments from my father or anyone else."
"You can rest assured that I'm capable of making my own judgements, no matter what your father says," L told him. "The truth is, who your father is is incidental. I tracked you down independent of him, and, strangely, I think that you wanted me to."
A slide of a young woman lying naked on a bed and very obviously dead flashed up on the screen. L turned again to psychologically dissect Light's lack of reaction, forgetting that he himself had no reaction when he first saw that slide either.
"I'm glad that you asked me to join you, yes," Light said.
"I'm sure that you are, but that's not what I meant. I think that we both could benefit from your involvement on this case. Would you like to know what I want you to do?" he asked, pinching another cluster of popcorn between his fingers and popping them into his mouth. Meanwhile, Light watched him chew and swallow patiently. "I want you to study CCTV footage so that each victim's movements can be accounted for on the day of their deaths, and to identify possible suspects. This will be your responsibility alone and you report to me."
"Ok."
"I'll give you the full crime files to research, but they're not to leave this building in any form. No memory sticks, no notetaking apart from what will be collected from you at the end of each shift."
"That's understandable," Light commented. Bored, and slightly offended for some reason.
"Good. I thought that you might whine about that," L said, standing and wiping his hand before holding it out to Light as his prompt to leave. "Go outside and you'll be taken to your desk."
The man known under many names, but famously known as L, was the foremost detective in the world and had been since he was little more than a child, having been groomed for that role since he was discovered as an orphan by an inventor called Quillish Wammy. Wammy, otherwise known as Watari, was presented to the world as a philanthropist who homed 'difficult children' who couldn't be homed with anyone else even if money changed hands. In reality, his philanthropy was a consequence of his intention of making leaders out of children; cherry picking the brightest and most talented, and training them to be masters of any particular skill which they showed an aptitude for. L was simply another of Wammy's experiments and his greatest invention. Few people actually had met L, let alone knew him, and those who did could say little about him apart from that he was strange but had the most brilliant mind in the field of criminal investigation. He was admired and despised for that same reason. L had worked towards an assigned goal for so long that he never questioned it, or that he might want something more out of life than his eternal self-imposed isolation.
In contrast, Light was now twenty-two, his family's pride and joy and the envy or desire of nearly everyone he met. Even without knowing his long list of achievements, he had an aura of easy confidence and charm which marked him out as someone special and bound for greatness. He was one of those people you'd love to hate because you're not them. In his life, he had wanted for nothing and denied himself nothing.
Both L and Light had at least one thing in common: appearances can be deceiving.
L had a habit of taking cases out of the hands of the assigned authority and, because of his reputation, the authorities were usually more than happy to let him and take the credit when it was resolved. For a particular case which he had appropriated - dubbed 'The Silent Murders' by the media because the victims' faces were all reportedly found with the same silent scream of an expression on their faces and with no clear cause of death - he set up a headquarters in Tokyo. He quickly poached a small team of investigators from the police force who had worked the case from the start, and they all had to conform to L's unusual investigative methods. But then, everything about this case was usual. It was uncertain, for starters, that The Silent Murders were in fact actually murders at all. What was certain was that thirty five people had been found dead in the same suspicious circumstances when there were no medical causes for why they should be dead at all. L was convinced that they were all murdered, but others thought that that might be wishful thinking on his part, as there were currently no suspects. It was making L increasingly irritable as every potential lead actually led nowhere.
Days passed, and just as L was getting so depressed about his failure to break the case that he had seemingly lost his love of cakes, three more people were murdered in quick succession. They were: victim 36 - Raye Penber, victim 37 - Naomi Misora, and victim 38 - Misa Amane. After victim 38, L regained his appetite, because he'd finally found a suspect.
Misa Amane was recorded on CCTV going into her apartment with a man who was never seen leaving. Even Misa Amane left, eventually, but she was removed by the coroner. There was no trace of the mystery man seen with her. L kept all of this information to himself, however, because after reviewing the footage repeatedly, the person he suspected to be the man seen with Misa Amane was the son of Soichiro Yagami, a member of his taskforce.
L had traced back CCTV footage to an apparent meeting place between Misa Amane and the suspect at a coffee shop. Based on that, he obtained the sales records from the shop for that day. A credit card receipt jumped out to him because of the card holder - Light Yagami, but this only proved that Light Yagami was at that coffee shop on the morning of that particular day, nothing more. L then found that Light Yagami had made a habit of visiting that coffee shop at the same time for the previous three days before his visits abruptly stopped. The staff at the coffee shop didn't remember ever seeing Misa Amane and only had glowing recollections of Light Yagami, but L suspected that he was being left a trail. Unknown to the task force, he had Light followed by Mello, but that resulted in nothing but the same reports of punctual, perfect Light Yagami and nothing suspicious in the slightest, which only intrigued L more. He had, in effect, convinced himself that Light Yagami was the key to the spate of deaths with very little to back up that theory apart from a gut instinct. Mello hesitated to suggest that there might be some other reason why L was bordering on being obsessed with this man, but he'd learned long ago not to question L.
Though L would ordinarily have just pulled any suspect in for questioning no matter how far fetched his suspicions were - and even with the camera footage, its graininess certainly didn't make a positive identification by any stretch - on this occasion, L tried a different tactic to avoid alienating his entire team. L was sick to death of Light Yagami even before he met him, since Soichiro mentioned him so often, but he decided to utilise Soichiro's obvious pride in his son as an excuse to ask Light Yagami to work as a member of the task force. Then he could investigate him himself and exclude, or convict.
Light didn't look like he'd ever seen Misa Amane before and showed no sign of shock, even when confronted with crime scene photos of her body on a giant cinema screen. It could be assumed that it was a one night stand gone terribly wrong for her, but Misa Amane's friends had said in interviews that she was 'in love' with a man she'd seen on the street. Did she finally find him again and he killed her for it? The other victims didn't often show signs of any sexual activity prior to death, but Misa Amane did, and L was really struggling with that. He hoped that assigning the CCTV footage from Misa Amane's apartment to Light might break him, and that's what Light had been working on for two weeks, sitting next to L. From his position, L could see exactly what Light was doing, and was waiting for him to knowingly fail to find the coffee shop CCTV, but he was disappointed. Light pointed out the CCTV footage and even commented that he was also at that coffee shop that day, and that it made him feel sick to think that he was possibly there when the suspect met the victim. If only he had known and done something to stop it from happening, etc, etc. Light's father consoled him while L scowled, and Light was given a doughnut by another concerned member of the task force.
"Light-kun, I'm sorry to interrupt your public show of sensitivity and devastation, but could you brief the team on your work now?" L asked grumpily before turning to look at Light directly. "Or are you just too devastated?"
"I'll get my notes," Light replied, pausing to shuffle papers needlessly. "After the coffee shop sighting previously mentioned, Victim 38 was found on the 14th February in her apartment," he told the task force. "I can trace her path back to her apartment, and a suspect is seen with her… here," Light said, reaching over to tap on a thumbnail on L's computer. L shirked away from the closeness, but not that that was unusual for him to resent anyone getting too close to him. It was how Light smiled at him charmingly while he did it which made it doubly uncomfortable.
A pixelated CCTV shot of an unknown tall man and a petite blonde woman popped up on the monitor, and over the next few stills, both figures entered Misa Amane's apartment.
"That was the last known sighting of Misa Amane," Light informed everyone. "And this is probably the best footage we have of a suspect," he said, casually tapping the figure of the man on the screen so that L turned to look at him with something like disgusted awe.
"Have you connected him to any of the other murders?" Soichiro asked Light.
"Not yet. I'm sending this footage off to see if it can be enhanced and so I can compare it to any other footage. All I can say at the moment is that the height of this individual would be around 179, 180cm."
"So, around your height, Light-kun," L said flatly.
"And your height, L-san. If you stood straight," Light said through gritted teeth before addressing the task force. "I can't find evidence of seeing them leave, so I suggest that someone is sent to interview neighbours at the apartment again and to see if something was missed at the crime scene. Since all indications point to the suspect having found another exit route, I need to find CCTV coverage that might cover that."
"Aizawa-san," L groaned, "do what Light-kun suggests. Matsuda-san, go with Aizawa-san and take a camera. I expect a report by tonight for review tomorrow."
"Have you received the autopsy results?" Light asked L suddenly.
"Yes," L replied. "Unless anyone has anything further to say, that concludes the meeting."
"And?" Light said after an extended pause. "What were the findings?"
"Why aren't you gone yet?" L turned to Aizawa and Matsuda, who immediately scuttled off, as did everyone else apart from Light. The passive aggression between L and Light was becoming more aggressive and less passive every day, and the others had given up on trying to break it up.
"So?" Light prodded L, who seemed determined to ignore him. "L-san. The autopsy."
"That's not relevant to you, Light-kun. You've been assigned to camera surveillance."
"I'd like a broader knowledge of the evidence and that's a reasonable request, isn't it?"
"She died of unknown causes, like the rest of them. But she was found naked and with signs of having had sex shortly before death," he said, glancing at Light to see his reaction.
"Is there a DNA profile of who she was with?" Light asked, apparently unperturbed.
"No, Light-kun. If there was, then that would make this disappointingly easy, and our suspect doesn't want to make this easy. "
"That's very complacent of you."
"Is it really."
"You seem so sure that whoever did this is careful enough not to leave any trace of themselves that you don't even bother checking. Maybe there was a profile left on Misora and the other victims, " Light suggested, bizarrely, L thought.
"I'm sure of it because I had every crime scene and every victim checked for foreign DNA multiple times. There were no profiles," he replied.
"So this 'killer' never slips up? Well, they really must be amazing."
"I wouldn't word it like that, but they're more knowledgeable in forensics than your average serial killer, yes. And, in regards to Naomi Misora, she was found fully clothed in an alleyway with no signs of sexual activity prior to death. Like Raye Penber, her partner, except that he was on a train at rush hour. You'd think that someone might have noticed him being sexually assaulted prior to dying at the train station, but maybe I'm just being complacent again. What do you think, Light-kun?"
"Check for touch DNA? "
"It has been checked, Light-kun."
"Actually," Light said, leaning arrogantly on the desk, "I'm glad that Victim 36 has been mentioned, because how was he murdered on a train at rush hour without anyone noticing? I've seen the CCTV footage and everyone files off the train calmly, apart from 36, who you think was murdered in front of all of them."
"Yes, that's what happened," L sighed again.
"Have you realised that that sounds ludicrous?" Light asked. L turned to face Light, and for anyone watching, it might seem that they were speaking telepathically since the silence seemed so painfully strung out before he answered. L had never had his work disputed so disrespectfully by anyone, let alone someone like Light. It hit him as hard as a kick in the face. "Just throwing that out there. Don't take it personally," Light added.
"It crossed my mind," L said. "And before you ask me about blood analysis, there was nothing unusual to be found. Since you're happy to dismiss my theories, at least be fair and tell me yours so that I can return the favour. "
"Have you considered that this might not be a crime at all but a variant virus?"
"Light-kun, you disappoint and insult me at the same time. I've considered everything," L snapped. "A murderer killed these people."
L's aggressive tone would be enough to shock most into just accepting what he said and backing down, but Light spontaneously laughed to himself and put his papers away.
"Why are you laughing, Light-kun?" L asked him, furious beneath his calm exterior.
"You couldn't have considered everything," Light replied.
"And why do you think that?"
"Because you don't know anything."
"You seem to think that you know a lot more about these deaths, so maybe you should enlighten me, Light-kun."
"I don't pretend that I know as much about this case as you. I mean, I'm not the one with a magazine about Misa Amane in my desk drawer," Light said.
"You looked in my desk?" L shouted, and in doing so caused everyone to look at him, if they weren't already. "It's for research about the victim," he added quietly.
"Research. Is that what it's called now?" Light asked. "I just think that once a motive is identified then that would bring us closer to finding the killer, or killers. You keep information to yourself instead of sharing it with us. Like you never mentioned the CCTV footage of a suspect with Victim 2. Totally different to the suspect with victim 38. What other evidence haven't you shared?"
"I think that they are the same person but they use disguises. The man with Misa Amane is not wearing a disguise, so this is who we should focus on," L said slowly.
"How can you come to that conclusion when the evidence suggests that there are multiple murderers? If these are actually murders at all."
"That's would require too lengthy an explanation, but in short, how I come to that conclusion and you don't is because I'm L and you're just some college student who plays tennis in his spare time, Light Yagami," L said, turning in his chair to face Light, showering him with aggression. He wanted to provoke Light into attacking him so he'd have just cause to put him in the cell that was waiting for him downstairs, but Light simply stared back at him and took long, deep breaths like he was following a well ingrained mindfulness method.
"I'm going to take a break," Light announced, storming out of the office and into the nearest toilet cubicle because he felt so nauseous. Meanwhile, L had another doughnut, feeling more alive and sanctimonious than he had in months.
Light was gone for nearly an hour until L went to check on him himself. Soichiro went to check on him long before, of course, and came back telling everyone, but more pointedly L, that Light was sick but wouldn't go home, so Soichiro convinced him to lie down for a while. Obviously Soichiro felt that L was to blame for making his perfect son ill, and L let the accusation wash over him like a cool breeze, hoping that it was true.
It didn't take L long to find him, mostly because L had Watari track Light on camera since he left the office and keep him informed the whole time. As he walked into the restroom, the white glow of the room gave off that ghostly, dreamlike hospital feeling that reminded him of times long ago and long forgotten. Lying on the bed was the prone form of Light Yagami, and in his mind L compared him with the suspect outside Misa Amane's apartment. He felt torn between believing so strongly that Light was the same person on the footage, to wondering whether he just wanted him to be.
"I hear that you're unwell, Light-kun," L said blandly from the door.
"Who told you that?" Light asked, turning in bed to look at L before seemingly losing interest. "It's nothing. I've just been fighting off a virus or something, that's all. And doughnuts don't help. I'll be back in a minute, I'm sorry."
"If you're not fit for work then you should go home. We can manage without you."
"I can work."
"You don't look like you slept."
"Neither do you," Light laughed, before quickly becoming wistful, turning to lie on his back and run his fingers through his hair. "I don't know, I have bad dreams. Maybe that's it."
"You know the theory about the purpose of dreams," L said, trying to focus his eyes towards the floor rather than on Light.
"Wish fulfillment?" Light laughed again.
"Only if you agree with Freud," L replied without humour, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Scientifically, I believe that the function is to reconcile emotions - traumatic or otherwise. It would make sense for you to be doing that, considering the case you're working on."
"What do you dream about?" Light asked L, which resulted in an awkward silence.
"I don't dream," he told him eventually.
"Maybe you should," Light smiled. "You might dream of something different from this place. A bit of escapism."
"There's nothing that I want to escape from, Light-kun," L assured him, and Light smiled even more widely. It took L a few moments to realise how this was not how he intended to be with his suspect at any point, and a further delayed realisation to how Light's hand had settled on L's leg while he smiled up at him. 'This is how he cons his victims,' L thought, and flinched from the contact, turning his face towards the window to avoid looking into Light's eyes. When that didn't comfort him, he stood up suddenly.
"Thanks for caring enough to check on me. I really appreciate it," Light told him affectionately. "Hey... I'm sorry about how I acted before. I didn't mean that you know nothing. I must have just been feeling ill from Matsuda's dodgy doughnuts."
"Don't look through my desk again," L said.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, too," Light replied, but looked up again shortly afterwards with vulnerable and appealing eyes. "Do you think that she was pretty?"
"Misa Amane? I told you that I had the magazine as research in regards to weighing up her popularity. The suspect could easily have been an obsessed fan."
"Come on… you can be honest with me. I mean, you're not dead. She was a pretty girl."
"That doesn't matter to me. I just want to know who killed her and why."
"Yeah, so you keep saying. You don't dream and pretty girls don't matter to you."
"Only when they've been murdered," L admitted.
"I hope that one day you'll talk to me. I'm your friend, you know that, don't you, Ryuzaki? You don't have to hide your humanity from me."
"Last time I checked, you've been working for me for a few weeks and we're investigating a possible serial killer case. Come back when you're ready," L said before leaving, ignoring what Light said as effortlessly as if it hadn't been said at all. After the door closed, Light rubbed his hand that he'd placed on L's leg.
He was starving.
Eventually, Light did return to the main office, worked as efficiently as ever and without any small talk, but he was the first to go home when he was usually one of the last. L overheard Light tell Matsuda that he still felt ill and wanted to sleep it off, and for some reason L felt incredibly angry to not be informed directly.
"Light-kun, if you're leaving now then you'll have to make up lost time tomorrow," he called out, and it had the effect of an unexpected noise has on a herd of skittish deer. While the rest of the task force dispersed, Light walked solemnly to L's desk.
"I'll make the time up, L," he said. "Do you want me to stay?"
"If you do have a virus, I don't want it. Sleep it off and be here at 7am sharp."
"Maybe you should get some sleep yourself," Light replied quietly. "See you."
After Light left, the others followed shortly afterwards, and L was left alone in the office with only large monitors lighting the room. A few hours later, Watari let him know over the intercom that he, too, was going to bed. Though there was nothing unusual about any of this - L was used to being alone and used to working alone - but on this night, he felt restless and conscious of how alone he was. He decided to review the CCTV footage over and over again to distract himself, as if the man in the footage might eventually talk to him and reveal the truth. He wanted that truth to be that the man was Light Yagami.
The room went cold and L lost track of how long he'd been sleeping. Every time his eyes fluttered open, they reluctantly closed again, and the feeling of extreme tiredness was alien and frightening to him, like fighting against death. He dreamily wondered if he was wrong about Light and that it was making him depressed and exhausted because he couldn't prove his guilt. Maybe Light was as perfect as he appeared to be and L had been on a crusade to bring him down for reasons he didn't quite understand.
At some point, L felt that the room temperature seemed to rise, and a panic set in that maybe he'd slept for the entire night, accomplishing nothing. He heard a sound behind him, like the door closing softly, which jolted him around to look towards it. Though it was still dark, L was sure that he could see a pale figure in the hallway. It was improbable but not impossible, so L stood to follow what he thought he'd seen.
At every turn of the hallway, L was convinced that he saw that same small figure just rounding the corner. Eventually, he found himself in his bedroom that he never used. It was as dark and empty as the rest of HQ, so L sat on the edge of the dusty bed to think about what kind of mental crisis he was apparently having. He turned on a lamp on the bedside table, and heard the door to the room close. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the figure he'd been following for the last 20 minutes, and as much as he'd tried to deny the reality of it, when he turned to look at it, it was Misa Amane.
What looked like Misa Amane was shrouded in a white sheet that almost matched how ghostly pale her bare shoulders were. So pale that she appeared to emit an unearthly glow, like moonlight. She smiled, and almost glided towards him.
"This is not possible. I'm dreaming," he murmured disbelievingly. He thought that she should be cold, but he could feel her warmth from where he stood.
"Yes, you're dreaming," Misa answered, coming closer to stand flush against L. She draped her arms around his shoulders while she kissed his neck, and it was such a strange feeling to L that he felt an urge to push her away at first, but somehow he just couldn't bring himself to. "You can do what you want now," she told him. "Nothing is stopping you. Only yourself."
"Who killed you?" he asked her, but she simply smiled again and began to lift L's t-shirt over his head, and in doing so, the sheet she had wrapped around her dropped to the floor. L gripped her wrists to stop her so she looked at him quizzically. "Who killed you?" he repeated.
"To know anything, you need to consider everything," she said.
"Light?" L asked her.
She kissed him with increasing urgency while his mind spun with no logic to steady it, and suddenly, his question didn't seem to matter anymore.
L was woken by the sunlight shining through the window directly onto his face, and he shifted against the discomfort of the brightness. A few seconds later, however, he sat bolt upright in his bed and looked down at his bare chest and the sheet that covered him. There was no sign of Misa Amane in the bed or in the room. It was like she was never there.
Feeling brutally panicstricken now that his sleep had been broken, L grabbed the internal phone to call Watari. He was told that it was nearly 9am, so L said that he'd be there in a few minutes. He didn't mention anything about whatever happened the night before, because he wasn't sure what had happened himself. Also, it wasn't the sort of thing he felt comfortable with telling Watari, even if it was probably a dream, because what else could it have been? It felt real, but dreams can lie convincingly.
Even with that thought, he scanned the room again to see if he could find any evidence that it wasn't a dream, but there was none. So while L showered, he tried to reason what happened, or what didn't happen, as well as trying to shake off the fogginess which felt to be clouding his mind with a vice-like, pulsating grip.
He felt embarrassed walking into the office, feeling all those eyes upon him like he was making the walk of shame, although they'd have no way of knowing. He was intensely aware of how unusual it was for him to be the last person to arrive in the office.
After sitting down, a cup of coffee was placed in front of him by Light, who smiled at L, making him think of how Misa smiled at him the night before. It was the same gentle and knowing smile set in a beautiful face which made him feel like they knew something that they wouldn't share. He hated not knowing.
"Did you sleep last night?" Light asked L. "I came in 2 hours early, by the way. You know, to make up time."
"Did you look over our report from yesterday, L? Light's been trying to find any footage which might cover the escape route," Aizawa said.
"What?" L asked Aizawa, who looked shocked by something, then L realised how unprepared and unprofessional he sounded, but he hadn't thought about any report. He knew that there was something, but everything was so uncertain in his mind. "Of course," he added, covering for himself. "We'll discuss it later."
"You haven't picked up Light's virus, have you?" Matsuda said jokingly, but L didn't know what he was talking about. He pressed his hand to his forehead like that would help clear his thoughts so he could be normal again.
"What do you want us to do until then?" Aizawa asked. "We worked really hard to get the report to you by the end of the day like you asked us to. Have you even looked at it?"
"I'm… um…" L muttered, stumbling over what to say in his confusion. Every time he closed his eyes, he just saw Misa, and that was the clearest thing that he could remember. It felt like everything else had been wiped clean from him after just cluttering up space for so long. He suddenly pulled up HQ CCTV footage from the night before, scanning through it, hoping to find proof that Misa was there, but he could only see himself walking through hallways alone in the middle of the night.
"L? What are you doing?" Aizawa said.
"He's been working all night, just let him have his coffee, will you?" Light admonished him angrily. "Everyone can read the reports for themselves, and we'll discuss it after I've checked for any additional footage, ok? Otherwise we're just wasting time. L's completely right. So everyone should just get back to work. You have work to do, don't you, Aizawa? I thought that you were researching Victim 5."
"Are you leading the investigation now?" Aizawa replied. "You've only been here a few weeks."
"Are you writing a report on Victim 5 or not?" Light threw back at him. Aizawa nodded his head shuffling on the spot awkwardly, trying to reign in his anger at being told what to do by yet another self-proclaimed genius who was younger and less experienced that him. "Then do that. L will want to see your report on that later."
After Aizawa walked away to loudly slam staplers onto his desk along with anything else he could lay his hands on, L looked at Light, feeling that he should say something to reestablish his authority and take Light's away, but all he could do was to stare at Light and how he seemed to glow from within, like Misa did.
"I'm sorry if I gave you my virus," Light told L quietly. "Maybe you should go back to bed. I'll look after things here."
L didn't reply, but looking dazed, he slowly rose from his chair and did exactly what Light said.
Light didn't wake L that day. Not that L could remember, anyway. He woke up every so often, unaware of how much time had passed. He remembered Watari coming in to see him, full of concern, and giving him an injection of something. Light stood behind him, watching dispassionately and telling Watari that he'd manage the task force and investigation until L was well.
"You're not going to take this from me," L told him just as his vision became blurry and dark again.
The next time L awoke, Watari was gone and Light was standing next to L's bed like he'd never left. The room was just as dimly lit as it was when Misa Amane was there, and that memory was still the clearest one in L's mind now, apart from how much he hated the man in the room with him. His head throbbed and his body felt weak, as if paralysed by a spider bite.
"You did this, didn't you," L said, infuriated when Light smiled that same sickening smile and took a seat next to the bed.
"Did what?" Light asked him.
"Everything. You're the murderer, and you did this to me."
"I'm surprised that you're able to think of things like that," Light laughed, leaning in towards L. "This will be challenging for you, though. How do you think that I'm responsible?"
"You don't eat. When you eat, you're sick. You didn't have a virus. You are the virus," L told him, practically radiating his bitterness and hatred towards him.
"Yes, it was sloppy of me to not cover that up better, wasn't it. I wonder if I was subconsciously trying to give you a clue. Some kind of a fighting chance, out of respect. Maybe I wanted to be stopped."
"Tell me. How did you do it? Why did you do it? I need to know. You know that I need to know."
"I know that you do," Light said soothingly, and reached out to stroke the side of L's face lingeringly. "I can tell you that it's something you've never considered, and you wouldn't be able to now."
"What did you do to me?"
"You suspected me from the start, didn't you? You made it seem like you only asked me to apply for the task force because my dad recommended me, but then you told me that who my father was was incidental because you tracked me down without him. I can say now that I tracked you down, too, so all this was planned from both sides, apparently. Do you remember why you suspected me?"
"No."
"No," Light agreed. "Do you know why you can't remember?"
"You did something to me. You drugged me or…"
"I haven't drugged you, L. I was given a gift, a lot of gifts, but one in particular is the one you want to know about. I was chosen to have this gift because only I could use it for good."
"Good? What good is there in what you've done? All the people you've murdered."
"You don't understand," Light told him, sounding listless with frustration and disappointment. "I knew that you might think that and you'd bring up people that have died, but if you ask me, they all deserved it, though some more than others. You could call it collateral damage, if you like. And that's what you are, unfortunately. I wish that you weren't, in a way."
"What do you want from me?" L asked him. His tone struck Light as sounding quite desperate and sad, so he resigned to tell the truth.
"I need to know what you know. I need to be L and to control this investigation so that I can continue my great work. And for that to happen, you need to be dead. I hope that you understand now. Be proud that you're going to be a part of my success."
"Oh, of course, Light-kun. It makes perfect sense now, no bad feelings. What great work, though? You haven't said."
"I won't waste it on you if you're going to be sarcastic."
"You're leaping to conclusions, Light-kun. If you explain this to me, I might approve of your great plan, whatever it is."
"Do you know why you're awake now? Do you know why you're alive now? It's because I've allowed it. I'm closer to God than anyone on earth. I told you that it's necessary for you to die and that is definitely going to happen, so you knowing any more than that isn't going to save you."
"I accept that - it's not like I can fight you now - but surely I deserve to know the truth. You know how much it would mean to me," L said appealingly, and that really was the only thing that mattered to him. More than his life. More than anything. "What is the gift that you were given?"
"A shinigami gave it to me. I was chosen, but I was never told why. He never told me anything, actually. He just told me that I was like him now. I didn't feel any different, at first, but then I couldn't stomach the food I used to eat, and then, one night, I couldn't feel my heart beat. I breathe out of habit, not from the need to. I have no pulse, but I am still alive. You can check if you want," he said, holding out his wrist for L to validate that Light was indeed, by medical standards, clinically dead. Despite all this, he was warm to the touch. Like Misa Amane.
"So you decided that you should kill people?" L asked.
"Yes and no," Light replied. "All I felt was this consuming urge to kill. I'd look around me, and every person I saw would make me feel so… hungry. Not for flesh or anything physical, but for something else. So I thought about what I had become and what I'm supposed to do, because there has to be a reason for this more than just killing, and I realised that I could do so much for the world because of who I am. The first person I killed, you didn't find his body, by the way. Just thought that I'd let you know that because you're so damn arrogant. Anyway, he was a murderer. I smelled it on him that he'd taken lives for pure pleasure, so I followed him, and I killed him instead. I did to him what he'd done to others, as justice, and because his loss could only improve the world. Afterwards, I found that I had his knowledge, for what it was, his memories, and I could take on his appearance like choosing a different coat to wear. That's why you couldn't find a suspect, L. It's why you could never tie the deaths to me, because on the face of it, I was never there."
"Apart from Misa Amane. You killed her, didn't you? You didn't use a disguise."
"I needed to get your attention, L. Have to say, though, I didn't think you'd like Misa that much," Light smiled, and now L knew why that smile always seemed so smug and knowing.
"She wasn't a dream. It was you."
"Yes, that was me. When I found that magazine that you have, I thought that maybe you're not as dead below the waist as you'd like to have everyone believe. I suppose that you did think that she was pretty after all, didn't you. That's why I chose her. Who can resist an idol? She was my backup plan, but I needn't have bothered, really. You knew that it was me," Light told him. "Why can't you admit that to yourself?"
"I don't need to admit anything to myself or to an incubus."
"Succubus, incubus; they're such unpleasant gender specific words and not very complimentary. I'm not a demon, L. I'm the opposite. Depending on whether they have something I want to take with me or not, I might have to sleep with them to get something that I can keep. If I just wanted to take their lives or take something just for a little while then there are easier ways."
"So you slept with Misa Amane so that you could take on her appearance?"
"Well, she wasn't the brightest spark in the box. There wasn't much to take apart from her appearance," Light laughed. "I wasn't sure how often I might need it. That's the only reason."
"That must have been very useful," L muttered. "But why didn't you kill me then when you had the chance?"
"I didn't want to. I just needed to dull you a little. And I was hungry, you see," he explained, like it was a perfectly reasonable explanation.
"And you never thought of trying Weetabix first?"
"L," Light breathed out, patting L's arm, "I think that I'd miss you if I wasn't taking you with me. I've learnt so much from you already. I wasn't hungry for days afterwards."
"That's why there was never a cause of death. You steal life."
"That sounds poetic. Yeah, let's go with that."
"Why did you kill Raye Penber and Naomi Misora? Were you just hungry then and it was an all you can eat buffet?"
"Raye Penber was an annoyance and so was his girlfriend. You know that she wanted to meet you? I ran into her outside, so it was lucky that she met me first. Because of Raye Penber, I knew who she was on sight. Lucky."
"Do you think that you're more hungry now than you were at first? Have you realised that there has been a progressive increase in the lives you've taken?"
"I noticed," Light sighed, but not regretfully. "You always have to make a negative out of everything."
"Soon you'll have to murder entire cities. Do you realise that, too?" L asked. Then, pausing for a moment, he came to his own realisation. "You've killed Watari, haven't you."
"He died in his sleep this morning, I'm sorry to tell you. It's thought that he caught that virus that you had, so now you're in isolation and the public health officials should be here for you soon. It seems to reinforce my theory that these deaths are due to some variant contagion, doesn't it," Light told him, but his self-satisfied demeanor vanished almost instantly as he looked L in the eye and asked him: "Are you ready to go now?"
L thought for a stupid moment that Light was asking him if he was ready to be taken by the public health officials, but his denial soon resolved itself.
"I've wanted you for so long," Light told him as he leaned over him. Soon, L wouldn't see anything but him.
"You mean, you've wanted to be me for so long. "