Okay so it's been a while since I've updated anything but I'm back with a new one now! I will update the others soon hopefully and I just want to thank anyone that reads anything I write. It means a lot to me.
I don't own anything to do with One Tree Hill, that my friends all belongs to Mr. Mark Schwahn. And the title of the chapter is a song by A Rocket To The Moon.
Let me know what you think :)
Chapter 1: I'm Afraid Of Losing You
She'd never liked hospitals. Every time that she entered one she was overcome with an unbearable feeling that she was about to lose someone that she loved, someone that had changed her life for the better. Only now did Brooke Davis truly understand that fear. Only now as her family lay in a hospital bed, lingering between the thin veil that separated life and death, did she really understand why Peyton Sawyer hated hospitals. The idea that you could enter them with a happy, loving family intact and leave with it destroyed was something that the young brunette hadn't ever fully considered in her twenty three years of life. Only when she had spoken to Peyton about her fears had she ever vaguely thought about her own. She knew of course how a single hospital visit could dramatically change a person's life, she had just chosen to live in naivety, believing instead that something like that would never happen to her.
Now, as she sat alone looking around the hospital waiting area through tired eyes, she realised how wrong that assumption had been. Nobody had come yet. Lucas, Haley, Nathan, Mia, Larry. She'd told them all and she knew they were on their way but a part of her wished they wouldn't come. She didn't want their pity or sympathy. She needed to be strong for Peyton. For the baby. The only reason she had told them about what happened was because the rational side of her knew that they deserved to know. They were her family after all, Peyton's family.
Brooke pulled her hand through her tattered, unkept hair as she sunk further into the consuming loneliness that she feared she would soon become accustomed to. Hours had past by without a word from the doctors, every attempt she had made to get some information out of the nurses or the doctors was simply ignored until she eventually gave up on asking and resigned herself to waiting for something newsworthy to happen. It didn't make her feel any better to know what was happening than it did to be unaware anyway, at least when she was unaware of Peyton's current condition she could imagine that the blonde was going to miraculously recover. It made it easier to dream that things were how they should be, that Peyton was lying in her arms once again and they were happy, safe and healthy. But as doctors and nurses hurried past her with stretchers of dying patients, she would remember that that was just a memory of a better time, a memory that she wasn't sure would ever be a reality again.
One way or another they were always going to be in each other's lives, Brooke had just always thought that they would have more time. Now every safety she had ever felt with the blonde, every assurance that they would always be in each others lives, had dissipated, replaced by a new fear that she would loose her best friend and be alone forever. That she would never be able to hear her laugh or see her smile or feel her close again. More than anything else she was terrified by the thought of not being able to tell Peyton how much she meant to her, how much she loved her and how grateful she was to her for giving her this child.
It wasn't fair. A few months ago Brooke had thought that all her dreams were coming true, that she was about to get the family that she had always wanted, only to be faced with her world crashing down around her as she watched her best friend being pulled through a hospital on a stretcher away from her. Her heart was breaking as she thought about the beautiful blonde woman that held her heart. She couldn't loose her. Not now that they were about to become a family.
As the tears stung her eyes, threatening to fall, Brooke took a long, ragged breathe trying to calm her shaking body that was wracked with anxiety and fear. All she could think about was how her life would be without Peyton. How she would be constantly depressed and alone, shut away from everyone that cared about her. How she would be a failure of a mother to their child, just like Victoria had been to her. Chocking back a sob, Brooke vowed that regardless of what happened to Peyton she would never treat her child the way her mother had treated her. No matter how painful raising Peyton's child would be she would do it properly because it was a part of Peyton and it was a part of her now too. It was their child.
Silent tears streamed down the pale cheek of the brunette who sat numbly in the cold plastic of the hospital waiting room chairs wondering which would come first, her friends or the doctors that would bring her news that would likely change her life forever. Never before had Brooke Davis been as petrified as she was at the thought of living a life without Peyton Sawyer. She had never considered what it would be like until this had happened. For her, it was always going to be the two of them against the world, together forever.
Though it was fifteen years ago, Brooke remembered perfectly the first time that she had realised that Peyton Sawyer would always be a part of her life. They where only eight years old but as she held Peyton in her arms, consoling her over her mothers death, she just knew that she would never be able to let her go. And now that she face the very real possibility of losing Peyton, Brooke wondered what she would do if she had to.