Insanity warning: Sane people are at risk of reacting to this story. Read at your own risk.

In honor of my Thanksgiving story from last year, I give you the companion story to Long Feng vs. Aang. This one is a little dirtier than Long Feng vs. Aang and has some "strong language" (hence the rating). You have been warned. Enjoy, and don't forget to give thanks that I don't own Avatar.

P.S. You might want to read it out loud. That's my advice.

Confusion vs. Romance

Aang leaned in to kiss her again, but when their lips met she pulled away. "I said I'm confused!" she exclaimed. "How much clearer can I make it?"

Aang just stared back at her, not giving an answer, the storm in his eyes building.

Katara sighed and snapped her finger three times, turning to the doorway. "Zuko! Toph! Jet! Get over here! We've got some explaining to do!" The two boys and one girl zipped onto the balcony like they were being wheeled out on a super-sonic moving sidewalk, and Aang's expression turned from hurt and confused to just confused. He was going to ask what was going on when Katara barked out, "Toph, give me a beat. Ah one, two, ah one, two, three, four!"

With that Toph started beat boxing into her hand, mostly. The spit flew everywhere, and Aang had to wipe some off his cheekbone. Katara and the boys were swaying and bouncing to the beat, saying "Uh, uh," on rhythm.

"I thought Jet was dead," was all Aang could say before the rhyming began.

Katara's Rap

It's true that I love you but you know there's a war

That's been going on since Gran Gran was just four

Yeah, in her generation people wanted love more

But in this day and age the fact is I'm really not sure

Throughout our travels I've met some hot dudes, though

My homies here, Jet, Haru, and – well, not Zuko [Zuko: Hey!]

And while you're like a brother, man, my hormones're actin' up

And yeah, you're cute, but that arrow just 'aint enough

You're the Avatar, and that does get you far,

It's a crisis with these choices that are so damn hard

When the war's over I'll be good to begin

Finding love with a boy and together making sin.

Hollah! Right now, I'm not ready for love

With this war goin' on, these emotions are too much

I'm already scared out of my mind I might lose you

And I don't wanna regret the shit I didn't do with you! What it do?

Chorus [All sing]

It's okay to be confused, dude

It's something at some time we all go through

If you checked out all the clues, you'd

Know that you're pretty confused, too

Zuko's Rap

I forced my honor upon ya like an eagle or a condor

'Cause without my sweet daddy I felt my life was over

I'm a rich bitch. I didn't care about the commoner

I still don't now, but at least my heart's gone softer

I wake up every day to see this damn scar

I used to hate it, but now it tells me who I are

My loyal Uncle Iroh loved me so much so far

But now things is different 'cause I broke his damn heart

I had everything I wanted! My honor and my pride!

I had my gloomy girlfriend with me at the seaside

But I still couldn't decide why this heart of mine

Felt like my time in exile changed my life.

I was hella confused! Y'all know it was true.

I felt bad all the time when I was s'posed to feel good

Sometimes I wanna burn you and after that return you,

See your special body flame up wherever there's blue. Aw, snap!

Chorus

Jet's Rap

Yo! Y'all know that I'm not all okay in the head

And I'm sorry, that's the story of why I ended up dead [Aang: What?]

But that's not why I'm here, my dear, so never fear,

I'm gonna talk about the girls I wanna wrestle in bed

I used to be in love with Smellerbee, didn't you see?

I used to think she was the damn bee's knees, but please!

That was all before I met the best yet, Katara

And I instantly felt myself gettin' much harder

I would think about her in the day but mostly at night

When I flexed my hand again after turning out the lights

I'd forget the Fire Nation in the sweet anticipation

Of that womanly touch in between my manly thighs.

But y'all know I'm confused about the war and myself

I should see a badgerfrog and get professional help [Zuko: Yeah!]

So I can come to terms with the price I've been payin'

For ruinin' more lives than the ones I was savin'! What?

Chorus

Toph's Rap [Katara beat boxes]

Yeah, you know I hate my parents but I miss my home

It's contradictory, I take with me where I go

I've never travelled, I 'aint never touched no snow

But when I do I wanna share it with someone close

Ya know? It's gettin' old with me actin' all bold

But I wanna be hugged when I'm shiverin' cold

Why can't my parents be here to watch me grow?

It feels like I left the Earth Kingdom long ago.

By the way, I think it's time I announced that I'm blind

I can't see Sokka's face, but I can tell if he's lyin'

When Suki saved me in the serpent's sea

I thought it was Sokka's arms wrapped around me

Goddamn! I still feel that makeup on my lips

And I still wish that face I kissed was really his

Without my family I need someone to love me

Who don't mind a confused girl who sees with her damn feet.

Chorus

After the final chorus the group exchanged hi-fives and fist bumps, hugs and catcalls. But Aang wasn't satisfied, not yet. He called over to Toph, "Don't stop the beat, girl. I haven't had my turn yet."

Toph raised her eyebrow. "But you haven't prepared anything."

Aang sneered. "It doesn't matter. These poser rappers can't handle this/My freestyle will show them what a real disaster is."

"Ouch," said Zuko as Toph started the beat again.

Frustrated, Aang waved her off. "Don't use that slow shit you did for Katara/ There's a real rapper in the house, so let's get started."

Jet said, "Aw, shit, no he didn't!"

Aang's Rap

What up? My name is Aang, but they call me Twinkeltoes

And from here on out this is how the party goes

I'ma bring out your heart till you're feelin' exposed

Away from all those weak-ass excuses of yours.

If you love someone, you're supposed to show it, you know it

When I lost Appa you saw me almost blow it

I was so damn sad I could no longer hope it

Would ever get better 'cause my heart was cut open.

But you gave me no bullshit at the point of despair

Even though I treated you so cold and unfair

You never stopped letting me know that you cared

If that 'aint love, then what the hell is that there?

You say 'cause the war that you don't want to lose me

But just for that you'll sacrifice a chance for a "you and me?"

I'd rather know the truth and end the mystery

Than wonder in battle what dear Katara thinks of me

Confusion's okay, yeah, that what I believe

But I'm in the same war and it's simple to me

Even my blind girl Toph can see,

And agree that our love is as clear as can be [Toph: It's true]

'Cause of all those times you kissed me on my cheek,

The happiest I've been in fifty-two thousand weeks

I had to choose, too, and I chose love over fear

I'm gonna give you everything I've got right here

Even dead Jet who's not right in the head

Knows this 'aint a cheap trick to get you into my bed

Yeah, I wanna touch you, but that 'aint my plan

I don't wanna hold your tits the way I wanna hold your hand [Jet: What?]

I know Jet and Zuko are both hot dudes, it's true

But no one will love you powerfully like I do.

Whatever happens, if it 'aint me that you choose

After thirty years later you'll still be confused!

If you're really worried 'bout scary war demands

Say what you feel while you still have the chance

It 'aint like you not to understand:

You be my forever girl and I'm your forever man

With that Aang whirled around to show his back to his stunned audience, including Toph who couldn't keep beat boxing from utter amazement. Aang threw his hands into the air like he was embracing a cloud and shouted at the top of his lungs, "South side! South side! What!" He pounded his chest a few times with one hand as he glared at the other rappers.

Zuko was the first to speak: "That was massive ownage."

"I think I'm going to go be dead again," Jet said, sulking off.

As Aang's glaring eyes followed the wannabe rappers off, Katara joined him on the edge of the balcony. "Wow," she said. "I never thought about it that way. The faster tempo really helped."

"So," said Aang, twiddling his thumbs and blushing. "Are you still confused?"

"Not at all." She smiled and leaned in close.

Fine.

And there you have it. Over the top some? My favorite is Jet's because of the badgerfrog, though Aang's is kind of touching in that gangster rap way of his. I spent way too much time writing this, which I probably shouldn't have written at all.

Happy week-before Thanksgiving everyone.

-samtana