Summary: Hugo Weasley saw many odd occurrences in his young life, but the one which shocked him the most was when he went into the Prefects Bathroom and found his cousin, Albus, in a very intimate position with Scorpius Malfoy. Al/Scorpius Rewritten to include more detailed kisses and dialogue as of 2018
Rating: Mature to be safe
Genres: Romance, Comedy, Family, Friendship, Fluff
Disclaimer: Do you own the Harry Potter characters? No? Me neither.
Note: This work used to be entitled "The Strangest Thing Hugo Weasley Ever Saw." After I spent time revising and adding longer scenes to it, I decided it deserved a new name.
Tags: Slytherin Albus Potter, Slytherin Scorpius Malfoy, Hugo Weasley, Funny Moments within the Potter and Weasley Families are Mentioned, Accidental Voyeurism, Boys Kissing, Grinding, Frottage, Dirty Talk, Implied Sexual Content, Explicit Consent, Best Friends to Lovers, Sexy Dorks in Mutual Love, Prefects Bathroom, New Next Gen Era, Epilogue and Cursed Child Canon Compliant
Too Strange and Beautiful to be Witnessed
By MinervaEvenstar
Hugo considered himself to be relatively normal, especially compared to the rest of his family. While sometimes this was a good thing, he often felt as though he wasn't worthy of being related to his more talented sister and cousins.
In an attempt to reduce his insecurities, Hugo compiled a list of strange things he'd been a witness to concerning various members of his family that made him glad he was a normal teenaged wizard (if there was such a thing) one day when he was sitting in the common room searching for any possible excuse to avoid doing his homework. The list began at 'only slightly offbeat'incidents and progressed to events that were 'unspeakably bizarre.'
One: Aunt Fleur plaiting and primping Domi's hair, and Louis asking if she'd do the same to his.
This had seemed VERY weird to six year-old Hugo, but once he became a teenager and saw Louis wear pink tights and a feathered boa it didn't seem too uncanny. The only reason why that trivial event made Hugo's list at all was because it was the first time (at least, the first time Hugo noticed) Louis' very obvious sexuality showing.
Two: Uncle Harry finding it hilarious when Lucy chose to hide under the stairs during games of Snitch-and-Seekers.
Hugo really couldn't understand what the big deal with her hiding spot was. Then again, grown-ups tended to find a lot of things amusing which seemed uninteresting to Hugo, like Vicki mentioning a patient named Lockhart flirted with her while she was interning at St. Mungo's for her Healing degree.
Three: Granddad Weasley being fascinating by pencils.
Hugo used them at Muggle primary school, which Mum forced him and Rose to go to before they were old enough to start Hogwarts. Granddad wanted to know all about what pencils and pens were made out of and how they worked. Hugo couldn't explain their components, hence Rose gladly gave Granddad the lecture instead.
Uncle Harry sent his children to Muggle primary as well, though James caused so much trouble Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny decided to stop sending him before the Ministry's squad of memory-modifiers had to be summoned for a tenth time. Hugo thought James was very lucky.
Four: Rose and Al begging Mum to take them to a museum so they wouldn't "have to sit through that boring World Cup thingie."
Anyone who didn't want to see a Quidditch match, particularly such an important one, was obviously mental no matter how high their OWL scores were. Most of the family understood Rose's lack of interest, but Al caught a lot of flack for it. Hugo assumed this was because Al's dad had been Captain of the Gryffindor Team, Al's mother had played Quidditch professionally, and Al's brother and sister both played on their House team now. According to the articles nosy reporters printed about the family, "Albus Severus never quite fit the mold of an Ideal Potter," whatever that was.
Five: Teddy Lupin morphing his face while he told stories so it would look like the characters' faces.
Sometimes, the characters were fictional while other times they were historical. Seeing him as a bloke called Mad-Eye Moody was the most scary and peculiar visage in Hugo's opinion. Fortunately, Teddy never made his face resemble Lord Voldemort's; Hugo wasn't sure what he would do if that happened…Run screaming from the room, probably.
Six: Reading an article in the Daily Prophet about the first ever human-centaur marriage.
The report was printed years ago, so Hugo could no longer remember the centaur's name, but he knew the human had been a woman called Lavender Brown. Hugo's parents and Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny received invitations to the wedding. Dad didn't want to go, but they all attended, so Gran and Granddad babysat the five kids.
Hugo recalled watching James get punished for putting some type of goo in Al's hair before he, Hugo, was sent to bed with Lily, and the two of them complained about not being allowed to stay up with the older children. When the parents returned, Aunt Ginny was giggling hysterically about "Lav-Lav always liking Divination a little bit too much." Hugo never found out what that was about, but figured he most likely didn't want to know anyway.
Seven: Roxanne singing a duet with a portrait.
It wasn't that either of them sang poorly. It was just…Well, it was a portrait, you know? Specifically, it was someone named Violet who frequently visited Gryffindor Tower, and the song they sang was one of romantic rejection to get someone known as Sir Caddogan out of Violet's painted hair.
Eight: Uncle Percy asking Uncle Bill to take him to the place where he got his piercings done.
Uncle Bill was shocked, of course. Everyone was since Uncle Percy was always uptight and disapproving. However, Uncle Bill complied and brought him to the piercer. The next day, Uncle Percy was appalled to wake up and find a stud in his eyebrow. He couldn't remember getting it or that it had been his idea.
The whole family was confused until Uncle George, who was laughing so hard pumpkin juice came out of his nose, confessed he'd slipped a new product he was working on called an Inhibitions Loosener into Uncle Percy's drink the night before. Uncle Percy removed the iron stud and the hole closed up quickly, but almost everybody in the Potter-Weasley Clan kept photographs from the incident because they agreed seeing Uncle Percy in such a condition was a rare sight.
Nine: Lorcan Scamander…being Lorcan Scamander
The ninth element did not require an explanation or specific example as far as Hugo was concerned.
The strangest thing of all, however, was definitely the last.
Ten: Al snogging Scorpius Malfoy.
Hugo fancied a soak in the Prefect's bathroom. He wasn't a Prefect himself, but he'd been given the password a few weeks previously by his sister and hoped it hadn't changed yet. Rose normally wouldn't break the rules and give out passwords, but recently Hugo had a disastrous date with Megan Smith from Hufflepuff, and Rose had taken pity on his need to relax.
"Bowtruckle." The entrance parted and Hugo thought fortune was with him. He was mistaken, but someone was indeed getting lucky in the bathroom tonight. Two someones.
Hugo was in the bathroom's foyer when he heard noises coming from the changing area. They were the unmistakable wet, soft sounds of kissing. Hugo was not nearly as nosy as some of his other relatives, but couldn't resist finding out which goody-two-shoes Prefects were getting up to naughty activities during what was meant to be a study period, hence Hugo quietly crept closer so he could peer into the adjoining room and identify the couple.
At first, he thought it was James with a blonde girl, and that they must not have been there for very long since James hadn't managed to get her out of her clothes yet. Belatedly, Hugo remembered James had already graduated, so the distinctive messy black hair could not indicate anyone other than Albus Severus Potter.
'Oh, this is too good!' Hugo thought gleefully.
Al was one of The Chosen One's offspring and an honest-to-Merlin genius who would undoubtedly be highly successful one day, however, no one in school bothered pursuing him because they assumed he was asexual, as Al never expressed a romantic interest in anyone. He did not ever ask out a single individual, and refused all offers his cousins made to set him up on dates with males or females.
That was why Hugo felt inordinately pleased; Lily was going to be SO jealous he'd discovered Al's secret love life before she had. Wanting to be able to give a full report, Hugo craned his neck to get a better view of the person Al was dating.
Al was sitting on the lap of someone who was seated on the couch, and his inky mop blocked Hugo's view of the person's face. Although, Hugo could clearly see the hair Al's hand was tangled in was blond. In addition, the fingers trailing up and down Al's spine were long and delicate with well-kept fingernails. Feminine hands proving Al was with a girl?
No, wait, the person was slowly guiding Al downwards so the brunet's back was pressed against the seat cushions and, now that the mysterious kisser was on top of Al, Hugo could clearly observe the body held no womanly curves and the shoulders were too broad to belong to a female. Hugo now sighted the side profile of both men as opposed to merely Al's back, though he still could not determine the blonde's identity because silvery-golden locks fell into his face and obscured his features.
A blond male…Could it be Lorcan Scamander? Lorcan and Al were on fairly friendly terms, and Hugo suspected Lorcan went both ways.
Hugo strove to ignore the groans the pair made as they rocked their pelvises together in order to search for more evidence. One of the porcelain, long-fingered hands removed Al's green tie and tossed it to the floor with a swift efficiency indicative of a great deal of experience. This caused Hugo to wonder if Al had hooked up with a harlot, but when Al did away with the other's tie just as quickly Hugo revised his speculation to being Al and his blond partner must have done this with each other numerous times before.
His Slytherin partner, Hugo added as he noted the hue of the tie which had joined Al's on the floor. That narrowed down the possibilities considerably due to there not being an overabundance of blond boys in Slytherin. The most noticeable was, of course, Scorpius Malfoy. Al was best friends with his pureblooded dorm mate, but Hugo knew the green-eyed boy was fully aware of how many members of their family disapproved of that relationship, so there was no way Al would be foolish enough to engage in something more than friendship with-
Malfoy! Hugo could not believe his eyes. He blinked and rubbed them several times to be certain they were not deceiving him. No, he was seeing clearly: The boy on top of Al, who had sat up and tossed back his shining locks, had pale, pointed facial features and eyes as grey as the sky before a snowstorm. There was no mistaking him.
Hugo wanted to leave. He did not wish to see or hear any more of his cousin and Scorpius Malfoy of all people than he already had, but it was like witnessing a heinous train accident; his body was in paralysis with his gaze transfixed. He could not stop watching.
Scorpius wore a self-satisfied expression as he looked down at Al. Hugo's cousin's cheeks were flushed, his eyes were bright, and his hair was mussed. His chest rose and fell as he gasped for air.
"Just looking at you when you're like this makes me hard. You've got no clue the things I want to do to you right now." Listening to the aristocrat speak to his relative in such a way left Hugo feeling vaguely nauseated.
"Oh, I think I might have some idea." Al slipped one of his thighs between Scorpius' legs, pressing against something Hugo seriously did not want to think about. "But tell me anyway. What do you want to do to me?"
"I want to touch every part of your body so each inch of your own skin makes you think of me." He put emphasis on this statement by sliding his manicured hand down Al's side until it rested on the brunet's hip. "I want to mark you as mine so everyone knows whose property you are and no one else would dare try to touch you." He leaned down to bite Al's neck, and Al emitted a sharp cry and arched up against Scorpius.
"Oh, yes, do it." Al tightened his arms around Scorpius and unabashedly tilted his head to give the blond better access to his neck. "I'm yours. Do whatever you want with me. Hold me, taste me, touch me. I belong to you, so take me all night long and make me scream your name so many times I can't think of anyone but you."
Scorpius moaned and lifted his head to stare at his…lover? Hugo guessed from their words they'd gone beyond mere snogging. "Al, if you keep talking like that, you'll make me finish right now."
Al's wanton expression suddenly became predatory. "Well, if you can't handle it…" He rolled them both to the side so Scorpius landed with his back against the cushions and Al was on top of him. "Why don't you let me take over?"
Hugo could not distinguish which one of the Slytherins was in control, and - though he was not the most perceptive bloke - he doubted either one of them knew either.
"You think I'm that easy?" The grey eyes were amused until a rotation of Al's hips resulted in them darkening considerably.
"That's better," Al purred, something Hugo had never heard him do before. "And, yes, I think you're very easy, but just for me and only because I know you so well."
It seemed Scorpius had no intention of denying this because his response was: "Shut your gorgeous mouth."
Al's sinful smile was completely Slytherin and more confident than Hugo was accustomed to seeing in school corridors or at family gatherings. Did Al always feel secure when he and Scorpius were in private away from others' judging stares? "Only if you give me something useful to do with it."
"Oh, I'll give you numerous things." Scorpius' wicked simper matched Al's. "Number one," he whispered and commenced kissing Al again. Hugo could only imagine Scorpius bit his cousin's lip because Al uttered an animalistic sound and slid hands beneath Scorpius' shirt in retaliation. Whatever Al was doing must have been pleasant for Scorpius since it left him whimpering. Turning his head to break the kiss, Scorpius gasped air into needy lungs and replaced the touch of his mouth on Al's lips with two digits. "Number two," he panted. To Hugo's mystification, Al opened his mouth to envelop Scorpius' fingers and suck greedily until they dripped with saliva. What in Merlin's name was the point of that?
"How am I doing?" Al inquired saucily.
After a brief examination of the fluid, Scorpius retorted by theatrically fanning his own face with his dry hand. "So good that it's getting hot in here…or maybe that's just you." Was making jokes – and corny ones at that – part of foreplay for most Slytherins? Hugo doubted it, though admittedly he didn't know any serpents well enough to be certain.
With a snort of laughter, Al pulled back only far enough to fully regard his companion's visage. They simply gazed at one another, emerald orbs on silver, and somehow – without either of them moving or speaking – the mood in the room shifted from lustful abandon to…something else, something deeper. Out of everything which transpired tonight, this moment of eye contact seemed to be the most intimate, making Hugo acutely aware of his status as an intruder. The way they looked at each other held too much naked awe, endless desperation, infinite passion, and irrevocable devotion. The intensity shining openly between them was painful to view, like staring at the blinding sun. It was strong enough to break Hugo's trance.
The redhead was absurdly grateful to be able to move again since Al was reaching for the buttons on Scorpius' shirt. Fighting the urge to leave quickly and noisily, Hugo backed up as silently as possible and exited the bathroom. The relief he would not have to watch any further and discover whatever Scorpius' "number three" would be was paramount. He was mentally scarred and guaranteed to have nightmares already.
For hours, Hugo lay awake in his four-poster, envying the snores of his un-traumatized dorm mates, as he debated what to do. He considered talking to his sister or James, but decided before consulting anyone it would only be fair to confront Al first. Maybe there was a reasonable explanation? Maybe a potion had been dropped in the Prefects bathtub and the fumes had caused Hugo to hallucinate? Deep down, Hugo knew he was kidding himself, but he still hoped it was possible.
"Could we, uh, talk for a few minutes?"
Hugo couldn't blame Al for blinking in bewilderment. He and Al did not have much in common, so they rarely spent time alone together. Interrupting the other's breakfasts in the Great Hall to have a private conversation was unprecedented.
"Yeah, of course." Al stood up from his table and nodded a farewell to Scorpius. Hugo deliberately avoided eye contact with the blond, and even Al, until he and his cousin were in an empty classroom.
"What is it?" Al asked in concern. "Is this about Megan Smith?"
"Merlin, does everyone know about that?" Hugo shook his head, frustrated. "No, no, it's not about her. I wanted to ask you…"
"Ask me what?"
"Um…" Hugo began sweating and started to suspect confronting Al was an unwise idea. "Just something."
The Slytherin rolled his eyes impatiently. "I gathered that much. WHAT is it you want?"
"Are you going out with Malfoy?" Hugo blurted and felt his ears blush red at the inelegant delivery as much as the words. He wasn't certain what sort of reaction to anticipate. Al had the weirdest mood swings out of everyone in the family.
Molly would angrily swear over the tiniest mishaps, Fred and James would laugh evilly over seemingly normal statements as if they'd gotten mischievous ideas, and Louis would throw his arms around the nearest person to declare he loved them in French. However, one came to expect those reactions from them. Al, on the other hand, might do any of those things, and it was almost impossible to tell which he would do. At least, it was almost impossible for Hugo.
Frankly, Albus Severus scared Hugo just a little bit, which was one of the reasons why they'd never been close. The other reason was because Al's hobbies were so darn boring. What human being preferred reading and potions experiments over Quidditch and eating…other than Uncle Percy and Mum, who Hugo wasn't positive were entirely human anyway?
Al's expression was wary and careful. "Why would you think that? Have you been listening to James' mad jokes again?"
"No, I…I saw…" Hugo's embarrassment was causing his temperature to rise so much he was amazed he didn't lose consciousness. "I saw you two snogging in the Prefects Bathroom last night."
Lips pursed and verdant orbs took on a calculating edge. Hugo could tell Al's quick mind was working on overdrive and he prayed Al would tell him a plausible excuse so they could both pretend this never happened.
"If you saw us, then you already know," Al stated evenly.
Hugo couldn't determine if Al's declaration, or the calmness with which he made it, was more shocking. "You mean, you are - you admit - you really-"
Al's arms crossed as defensiveness caused him to lose some of his tranquility. "Is that all?"
Hugo managed to gain control over his rambling mouth and inquired, "Do you know what you're doing?"
Al must have been able to discern Hugo was genuinely worried about his well-being because his face softened and his posture unwound. "Actually," he answered slowly, "for once…I have absolutely no idea!" He laughed delightedly, causing Hugo to gape at him. To explain, Al babbled he usually planned out many aspects of life, particularly now that his life mainly consisted of NEWT studies, but - despite all of his brains - he couldn't fathom how he and Scorpius had started…whatever they'd started, or how it was going to end. "And because I don't know if this arrangement is going to be permanent – and it's probably not, given that Scor is expected to marry and produce heirs and whatnot – there's no sense in worrying the family, is there?"
His green eyes were big and pleading, and Hugo almost agreed, but then he thought about all of his aunts, uncles, and cousins, and shook his orange head. "They'd want to know, Al."
The pleading look left Al's eyes to be replaced with a determined one so his gaze resembled hard emeralds as opposed to seas of helpless misery. "Look, if you tell them, I'll just deny it. Who are they going to believe?" Al was the only Slytherin in the family, which caused some of their relatives to jokingly suggest Al was untrustworthy, but almost no one actually thought it was true. Albus was the cleverest boy of the Potter-Weasley Clan. Hugo was The Stupid One, especially compared to his brainy sister, who was as smart as Al, and Hugo knew it. Almost no one would believe Hugo, particularly because a great number of them disapproved of Al's relationship with a Malfoy already, and would loathe believing it ran deeper than friendship.
"I won't say anything," Hugo muttered, feeling resentful.
Al's eyes took on yet another transformation; they became as bright as springtime leaves in the sunlight. "Thank you!" He hugged Hugo and, though he was still angry at Al for playing the everyone-knows-I'm-smarter-than-you card, he returned the embrace.
"I'm disgusted by this, you know," Hugo said once Al released him. Before Al could hex him, he added, "Not 'cause you're gay. It'll be good for Louis to have someone to talk about…I dunno, 'gay stuff.'" That sounded awkward even to Hugo's own ears, so he hastily went on, "It's just-" Hugo scrunched up his face in distaste "-you could do a lot better than Malfoy."
'Not necessarily,' argued a voice in Hugo's mind sounding eerily like Mum. 'Can ANYBODY do better than someone who looks at him or her the way Scorpius and Al look at each other when they think no one else can see?' His imaginary mother made a good point, however, Hugo wasn't going to address it right now.
Al sighed forlornly. "Almost everyone in the family will think that." Then, he brightened, "So, if it turns out Scor does want a long-lasting relationship, I'll have to convince them otherwise, and I do love a challenge! See ya later!" Al was practically skipping as he returned to the Snake Pit.
Hugo could only stare after his supposedly-intelligent cousin in bewilderment.
Yep, that was definitely the strangest thing he'd ever seen.