MORE THAN A MOTHER
Mother's Day isn't until next week, but I decided to not wait until then to post this. This is one of my favorites, despite its sad nature and tough writing. At the risk of sounding redundant, leave me with a review (or two) when you reach the end, and save your flames for your summer barbecue. And the next time you see your mother, give her a great big hug and tell her how much you love her.
Characters (with exceptions) © C.S. Lewis and Disney/Walden Media
Lyrics © Randy Edelman
Story © unicorn-skydancer08
All rights reserved.
It was Sunday in Narnia. Not just any Sunday, but Mothering Sunday—otherwise known as Mother's Day.
Lucy used to adore Mother's Day when she was younger; but now, as a queen of Narnia, in a world entirely separate from her own, she felt nothing toward the holiday but sorrow and dread. It seemed like forever since she last saw her mother, yet she could still recall her, in surprisingly clear detail. In her mind's eye, she could see her mother's face, with her elegantly styled brown hair, and her soft brown eyes, with only a slight crease at the corners. And, every now and again, Lucy thought she caught the faintest scent of her mother's special perfume.
The girl remembered wistfully how her mother would tell her stories, sing lullabies to her at night, tend to her lovingly when she was sick, and comfort her when she was sad or lonely. She remembered how she would present her mother on Mother's Day with a small bouquet of fresh flowers, or a card with a picture she'd drawn herself, with her signature at the bottom in a rather untidy scrawl. Once, she made her mother a pretty necklace out of fine beads. But her mother's favorite gift of all comprised of a hug and a kiss, and a simple: "I love you, Mum."
Now Lucy was all grown up, and yet she needed her mother, more than ever.
In some ways, she needed her more now than when she was a child. As much as Lucy loved Narnia, she wished she could see her mother again, even for a moment. There were so many things her mother had missed—Lucy's birthdays, Susan's wedding, Edmund's engagement, the birth of Peter's first child.
Mother's Day just wasn't the same, when you didn't have a mother to share it with.
That day, after their usual Sunday service, Lucy sought refuge in one of the Castle Cair's many gardens. She sat down next to one of the marble fountains, where clear, pure water bubbled into a wide basin, and where green lily pads along with white and pale pink lotus flowers drifted on the surface. A mild, fragrant breeze caressed her, and the sun shone warmly upon her. She sighed, knowing how spring had always been her mother's favorite season. It was in the springtime when Lucy's mother and father met for the first time, when they were married, and when they first discovered they were going to have a baby. Lucy felt a painful stab of longing. Not unexpectedly, warm tears pooled in her eyes, blurring her surroundings.
Bending forward, so that her long copper hair came spilling down, the young queen covered her face with her hands and began to weep softly.
Her shoulders trembled with the quiet yet intense sobs that poured freely out of her, and her tears found their way off the heels of her palms and through the gaps in her fingers. After several minutes, she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, and an even gentler voice said, "Lucy?" Very slowly, she looked up again to see Tumnus standing over her, regarding her with worry.
He sported a fine scarf that day, made of luxurious blue silk, and the breeze ruffled his curly hair and his thick, curly goatee, both of which were streaked with gold from the sun.
With his hand against the girl's shoulder, the faun asked again, "Lucy? What is it, dear heart? Are you all right?"
Ashamed to have been caught crying, Lucy ducked her head and brushed the sleeve of her dress across her wet eyes. "I—I'm fine," she quavered.
But Tumnus knew her too well to not know when there was something truly bothering her. He took a quiet seat alongside her on the edge of the fountain, where he pulled her closer to him and wrapped her in a warm hug. The feel of his arms encircling her broke the shield of resistance, and Lucy sank against the faun and clung fiercely to him in return. Her tears dripped steadily down his chest, some of them seeping into his scarf and staining the costly cloth, but Tumnus didn't seem to care. Rather, he tightened his hold on Lucy and let her cry anew, bestowing a comforting kiss on the crown of her head now and again.
"It's all right, love," he kept whispering. "It's all right…"
When Lucy calmed down in the end, when she felt brave enough to look Tumnus in the face again, he brushed his fingertips lightly across her brow, and besought her, "Tell me what's wrong."
Before Lucy could say anything, however, another voice cut into the scene. "Hey, you two, what's going on out here?" The girl and the faun simultaneously turned their heads, to find their friend Terence a short distance away. The boy, who was a unicorn at heart—hence the reason for his almost pure white hair and beard despite his youth, the blue moon-shaped mark that shone like a jewel on his brow, and his unusually graceful bearing—stood in the shade of one of the lime trees, watching them solicitously.
"Terence," Lucy acknowledged.
"Hey, there, mate," Tumnus greeted him. "I was wondering where you were today."
"I could say the same about you," Terence said as he stepped forward, his luminous hair shining splendidly as he entered the sunlight. "Is everything all right? Is there a problem?"
"That's what I would like to know, myself," Tumnus said quietly, as he looked down at Lucy again.
Terence saw the tears glistening in Lucy's eyes and on her cheeks, and he moved in just a little faster. As soon as he reached his companions, he sat down himself, on Lucy's other side. He didn't try to hug her, as Tumnus was doing, but he reached for the girl's hand and held it between both of his, rubbing them all gently together. "What's wrong, Lucy?" he queried.
"Come on, you can tell us," Tumnus encouraged her, when she hesitated. "We're here, and we'll listen."
"We can keep our mouths shut," Terence added on. "We won't give anything away."
Lucy sighed, but gave in. "Oh…I guess I'm just…missing my mother," she said.
"You 'guess'?" said Terence, somewhat incredulously.
Lucy blushed slightly. "Oh, all right," she said submissively, "I am missing my mother."
"Oh," was all Tumnus said in a hushed voice, while genuine sympathy filled Terence's deep ocean-blue eyes.
"Today is Mother's Day, you know," Lucy went on gloomily. "And with my mother not here…" She trailed off.
With one arm still enfolding her, Tumnus tenderly stroked her cheek with his free hand, and told her empathetically, "I know how you feel, dear heart. I miss my mother, too."
Of course, Lucy never knew Tumnus's mother, not on a personal level, but she had certainly heard plenty about her.
She understood that Tumnus's mother passed away when Tumnus was still a very young faun, just barely entering full faunhood. From what Lucy heard, she had been very sick, and though Tumnus and his father cared for her as best they could, she ended up dying within a short time. Tumnus was right there at her bedside, when she drew her final breath.
It twisted Lucy's heart to imagine such a thing—and at the same time, it made her feel a little guilty.
At least her mother was alive, as far as she knew. At least she was lucky enough to still have a mother out there, somewhere.
But then again, Tumnus knew where his mother was, for certain. He would never have to wonder what she was doing, if she was all right, or whether he'd ever see her again in this life.
"I guess it doesn't matter what the circumstance is," Lucy said, at length. "Whether dead or alive, you miss the ones you love, and it hurts just the same."
Tumnus only nodded solemnly, and pressed Lucy to his heart once more. Terence said nothing, but he continued to hold Lucy's hand, and his fingers brushed absently over her skin.
After a few minutes, Lucy spoke again, this time to her other companion. "Terence?"
"Hmm?"
"What was your mother like?"
Seeing the way Terence's posture stiffened, and the look that crossed his handsome, youthful face, Lucy added hastily, "Or, if you'd rather not say, that's perfectly all right…"
"Oh, no," Terence cut in abruptly. "No, not at all."
The young man didn't seem angry or annoyed in the slightest—but there was no mistaking his haunted expression.
"You know, mate, I am rather curious, myself," Tumnus piped up, as he let Lucy go, somewhat. "You know, about your family life, and all."
"We truly don't mean to pry," said Lucy apologetically.
"No, no," Terence said again, releasing his hold on Lucy completely and rising to his feet, "it's all right, really. You have every right to be curious. And, you may as well know, anyway." He did not explain right away, however, but paced back and forth several times. With one hand, he tried to shove back his long white bangs, only to have them spill into his face again. Finally, after taking a deep breath, he said, "I didn't know my mother, for all that long. But her memory's remained with me throughout my life. Even today, I remember everything, like it was yesterday."
"What was your mother's name?" Tumnus questioned.
"Amethyst. She was a rare purple mare, with a silver horn and silver hooves. Her mane and tail were also silver, and I remember her eyes were just like mine." Lifting his bangs briefly to reveal his moon-shaped mark, Terence added on, "She even had a birthmark similar to my own…except hers was more in the center of her face, and it was shaped like a purple flower."
"Amethyst," Lucy repeated softly. "That's a very beautiful name."
"As was the unicorn it alluded to," said Terence nostalgically. "In my eyes, she was the most beautiful creature in the whole world. There was no one else like her, anywhere at all."
Tumnus asked, "What was she like, mate?"
"Everything that a mother should be…and more." Standing very still, looking toward the sky, Terence went on evocatively, "I remember when I saw her for the first time, on the day I was foaled, how she kissed me and tickled me behind the ears. I knew her by sight, by scent, and by her love. I wanted to be near her, always. As I grew up, we did everything together, literally everything. My mother played with me, kept me warm and sheltered at night, showed me where to find good things to eat, and overall, kept me safe from harm. I stayed as close to her side as I possibly could, though I became pretty wild and rambunctious as time went on. But my mother was always very patient with me; her patience never seemed to run out."
Both Tumnus and Lucy sensed where this story was going, and Lucy was almost afraid to ask, "What happened to her, Terence?"
Terence closed his eyes for just a moment, looking almost as if he were in physical pain.
When he was sure he had the strength, he said in a hushed voice, "When I was still very young, just barely at the age when my horn started to form, I was out with my mother in the woods, as always. At one point, I spotted some fresh strawberries growing in a nearby clearing. As you know, strawberries are considered a special treat among unicorns; so, naturally, I went right for them, and my mother followed me. For a time, we fed quietly on the berries, straight off the bush, just enjoying ourselves. Then, after a time, my mother sensed danger."
Lucy became very tense at this, and Tumnus felt a sense of cold foreboding.
"When I asked her what was wrong, she wouldn't tell me—just pushed me into the bushes to hide me, and commanded me to be silent. It turned out she wasn't fooled at all, for no sooner had she shoved me out of sight than a gang of human hunters suddenly sprang out of the trees, all of them heavily armed with bows, arrows, and swords."
Tumnus and Lucy gasped at the same time. Lucy immediately put a hand to her mouth, while Tumnus's face went ghostly pale.
"I didn't know what these men were there for, but I knew right away from the sight of them that they were not to be trusted. They attacked my mother there and then, and she did her best to fight them off, while protecting me at the same time. The battle was brief, but bloody. My mother fought as I had never seen her or any other unicorn fight before…but she was hopelessly outnumbered…and in the end, the hunters overtook her completely…and killed her." Terence had to practically force those last words out of his mouth.
"Dear Aslan…" Tumnus murmured faintly, his eyes wide with horrified disbelief.
"Oh, no!" gasped Lucy. "Oh, Terence—that's—that's horrible!"
A single tear had begun to trickle down Terence's face, and he brushed it away with his wrist. When the boy found his voice again, he said throatily, "After my mother was dead, the men worked together to sever her beautiful horn from the rest of her body; and they took the horn with them, leaving my mother where she had fallen…all save one. One hunter alone remained with her after the others had gone their way. He was clearly the youngest of the group, and he seemed the only one to show true regret for what they'd all just done. I saw him throw away his sword and all his other weapons, and he fell to the ground beside my mother's body and wept like a child. What he did next, I don't know; for by that time, I'd turned and fled for my life."
A stunned silence followed the end of this tragic tale. Neither Tumnus nor Lucy knew what to say, or what to think. Along with their initial sorrow towards Terence and his unfortunate mother, there mingled feelings of righteous anger against the men responsible for the brutal deed, as well as pity for the one repentant hunter.
Presently, Tumnus found the courage to ask Terence, "What…what happened to you, after that? Who took care of you?"
"My brother looked after me for a time, after my mother's death," Terence answered quietly. "Then, as I got older, I learned how to fend for myself."
"What about your father, mate? Where was he, in all of this?"
Terence bowed his head. "I never met him."
"Never?" said Lucy bewilderedly, knitting her brows.
"Never," Terence repeated emphatically. "Not once, in my whole life."
"Why not?" Tumnus queried. "Didn't your mother ever tell you about him, about what happened to him?"
"Not much. All she would tell me was that my father was gone…and that he was not coming back."
Lucy's stomach made her feel as though she'd just swallowed a rock. "You mean, he died, too?"
"Maybe it would have been better if he had," Terence said dismally. "Then I wouldn't feel like we might have done something to make him hate us."
"So, he left you," said Tumnus.
"It would appear so, Tumnus."
Tumnus felt his whole heart go out to his beloved friend. He, himself, knew what that was like, his own father having deserted him a number of years ago. The faun could relate perfectly.
"What's more, unicorns are known to mate for life," Terence continued. "When they mate, they make a solemn oath to never leave each other, to always remain loyal, even to the laying down of their very lives. If that oath is ever broken, it's an almost unpardonable disgrace to both unicorns…although, sometimes, they are honor-bound to leave each other if one commits a very serious offense against the other." He shook his head, and sighed deeply. "That's what makes my father's absence especially mystifying, to me. What could my poor, sweet mother have done so horrible as to cause my father to break his oath, to abandon her and his entire family forever?"
Fresh tears slid down Lucy's cheeks at this heartbreaking speech, at the raw emotion contained in Terence's voice. Tumnus found he could no longer hold back the tears, himself. Lucy simply couldn't get over what her ears had just taken in; hearing about Terence's problems made her own problems seem petty by comparison. It pained Tumnus to know about his brother's pain. More than once, he'd wished Terence would open up to them and reveal his personal life to them; now that he had, suddenly it was no wonder he'd kept it quiet for so long.
Terence closed his eyes and self-consciously put a hand over them, fighting to get hold of himself.
Tumnus promptly rose to his hooves at this and, leaving Lucy behind, made a beeline to the white-haired youth. Touching his mate on the shoulder, he said tentatively, "Terence?" Terence slowly looked up at the sound of the faun's voice, and Tumnus said nothing more, only slipped his arms around the young man and embraced him tightly. Terence didn't hesitate to squeeze the faun back. He buried his face in the warm crook of the faun's neck, while Tumnus ran an amiable hand over the nape of the youth's neck. Lucy held back for only a moment, before standing up as well and going over herself. When she reached her companions, she put her own arms around them, clinging fervently to them both.
They stood like that for a time, and when at last they drew apart, Lucy said ruefully, "Oh, Terence, I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I…I didn't mean to stir up such awful memories."
She hung her head in shame, but Terence reached over and gently lifted her chin, so that she was looking him in the face, and he told her softly, "No, don't be, Lucy. If anything, I'm the one who should be sorry. We were discussing your problems in the first place, and I went and cut in with mine. I meant to help with the situation, but instead ended up making it worse."
He sighed, before finishing humbly, "Forgive me."
Tumnus smiled at his sweet friend, and reassured him, "There's nothing to forgive, Terence." He added to Lucy, "And there's no need to be sorry, Lucy." With one arm enfolding Terence's shoulders, he reached for Lucy with the other arm and gently pulled her closer to his side. "We all miss our mothers," the faun said, "and there's no shame in that."
Tumnus was certainly right about that much. "I'd give anything to see my mother again," Lucy said, "even for one simple minute."
"Me too," said Terence wistfully. "If only I could see my mother's face one more time, if only I could hear her voice, touch her with my own hands…and tell her how much I love her, how much she meant to me." Looking down at the ground, he added, "At the very least, I wish I had some sign to prove to me that she's not gone forever."
Tumnus regarded his precious friend with heartfelt compassion, with love and warmth in his teal-blue eyes.
"Do you honestly think she is, mate?" he said softly. "Do you think the ones we love ever truly leave us?" Terence lifted his face at that, but said nothing—not that Tumnus gave him a chance to speak. "Of course, your mother is gone, but surely you don't believe she's gone for good, do you? I know I, for one, can't ever imagine my mother being lost in a sea of oblivion. I can't imagine not ever seeing her or speaking to her again. Aslan once said that the things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end…if not always in the way we expect."
The mention of Aslan brought a teary smile to Lucy's face, and a faint glow to her watery eyes.
Terence didn't know who this Aslan was, having never met him before, but he sensed something grand and majestic behind the name.
Tumnus went on, "No bond is as strong or as precious as that between a mother and her children. Our mothers brought us into this world; we are literally a part of them, we share the same heart and soul, and there is no one else who can possibly love us better. Though I haven't seen my mother in the longest time, I think about her every day. Often, in a situation, I ask myself, 'What would my mother want me to do?' Above all else, I'm grateful that I've been blessed with such a mother, and I try to live my life in a way that would make her proud."
"And I'm sure she is proud of you, Tumnus," Lucy said, huddling a little closer to her beloved faun, "wherever she is."
Tumnus kissed her tenderly on the forehead. "Your mother would be proud of you, too, Lucy…and so would your mother, Terence, with you."
A slow, hopeful smile began to spread over Terence's face, like melting butter on toast. "You really think so, mate?"
"I know so."
Touched, all Terence could do was hug the faun tightly, and Tumnus readily returned the embrace. Terence tried to put many unspoken things into that one hug; Tumnus must have understood them, for he cupped the boy's face briefly in his hand when they let each other go, and smiled a very warm, very brotherly smile at him.
Then Lucy stepped in, and Terence somehow found the courage to envelop the girl in his arms and hold her against him for a time. After that, Lucy rose up on her tiptoes, considering how tall Terence was, and bestowed a light kiss on his cheek. Terence could still feel her soft touch, long after she'd pulled away again.
"Thank you, Tumnus," said Lucy sincerely. "Thank you, Terence. Thank you for being there for me, for taking the time to listen to me. It has really helped to talk."
Terence had to admit he did feel somewhat better, himself. It felt as though a great weight on his shoulders had been lessened significantly.
The pain of his loss hadn't totally gone away, but the sharp edges had been dulled; the almost intolerable burden had become more bearable.
Lucy now smiled a bright, genuine smile as she took each young man by the arm and informed them both, "No one could ask for better companions than you."
Terence and Tumnus smiled at her in return, and Tumnus said grandly, "Well, then, in that case, how would it be, Lucy Marie Pevensie, if you came and had tea with me?"
Dipping into a slight curtsy, Lucy replied, "It would be my pleasure, my dear faun."
"Terence?" Tumnus glanced meaningfully at the unicorn youth. "Would you care to join us?"
Terence bowed his head in a kingly manner, and answered regally, "Lead the way, O noble Tumnus."
It's hard to remember
A summer or winter
When she hasn't been there for me
A friend and companion
I can always depend on
My mother
That's who I mean
I've taken for granted
The seeds that she planted
She's always behind everything
A teacher, a seeker
A both-arms-out reacher
My mother
That's who I mean
Wish I could slow down the hands of time
Keep things the way they are
If she said so, I would give her the world
If I could, I would
"My love and my laughter
From here ever after,"
Is all that she says that she means
A friend and companion
I can always depend on
My mother
That's who I mean
My mother
That's who I mean
That's who I mean…
"My Mother" ~ as sung by the Chipettes (from The Chipmunk Adventure)