Disclaimer: Both Iron Man and Warehouse 13 belong to their respective owners; I'm just borrowing. No copyright infringement intended!

Author's Note: Inspired (not surprisingly) by IuvenesCor (AO3) and a crossover 'verse we were working on. This doesn't take place in that particular AU, but the ship started there and it was too good not to carry over and play with independently.

Disregarding the relative timelines between Iron Man and Warehouse 13, this takes place...before Avengers for Tony, and early to mid season 4 for Helena. But, y'know, is obviously AU.

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Tony first met Helena Wells at a gala.

It wad a classic tale; he was there to get over an embarrassing spat with Pepper (she'd kicked him out of his own house), she was there to grab a high-profile artifact and replace it with a convincing fake. Somehow, Tony's slightly drunken wanderings and her need to find an alternate escape route brought them together.

Tipsy as he was, Tony recognized the item in her hand instantly, and the guilty expression which she quickly smothered was one that he had worn quite often. "You know," he said, gesturing with his half-empty martini, "that's a pretty expensive piece of jewelry. It would be a shame if somehow that disappeared."

She turned smoothly to face him, every inch of her screaming grace and danger. "Yes, I suppose it would," she agreed, too easily. "Which is why I had the foresight to replace it." She tipped her head toward the display case, and Tony saw an identical necklace sitting there, exactly as it should be.

He grinned, suitably impressed. "Yeah, it does seem that way, doesn't it? But if that one is real, then why are you still holding it?" He wasn't positive if that made sense, but with the amount of alcohol he'd consumed already, it was impressive that he wasn't slurring beyond comprehension at this point (He hoped he wasn't. But she hadn't run screaming yet). She studied him carefully for a minute, and Tony wondered if he could distract her until the security guards made their rounds and could take her into custody. Maybe if he acted as drunk as he felt.

"Because it's dangerous," she answered finally. Her eyes were surprisingly serious in her pale face. She looked...honest.

It wasn't often that people were honest with Tony Stark, anymore. "Okay, then why do you have it?" he pushed. "You, specifically?"

She blinked. "It's my job. I tale care of these things." And suddenly she was kissing him, her coat shed and her mouth demanding. Shocked sober, Tony found himself kissing her back, and it wasn't Pepper but it felt so good...

"Excuse me." They both jumped and looked around guiltily. The security guard standing in the doorway rolled his eyes at them. "The area is off-limits," he droned, "even for you, Mr. Stark. I'm going to have to ask you and your friend to go back to the party."

The woman swayed and smiled drunkenly, and since when had Tony's martini ended up in her hand? "Maybe you'd better just bring me home, dear," she slurred with a giggle. "The mood is rather ruined, now."

"Um, yeah..." Tony scooped up her coat off the floor and rescued his drink from her fluttering hand. He briefly debated turning her in, but he'd had a terrible day and he didn't feel like being the hero tonight. Besides, he sort of believed her story, and at least she'd left a replacement. That was courteous for a thief, right? She could keep her prize.

Under the security guard's bored scrutiny, he led her out of the room and outside. "So am I really taking you home, dear?" he asked once they'd left the guard behind in the building. "I still have business here, you know."

"Oh that's right, drowning your sorrows. How thoughtless of me to forget." Perfectly steady now, she stole his drink back and downed it in one swallow. "No, you can just get me a cab, darling; I think I can manage pretty well from there."

Tony regarded her with raised eyebrows and a smirk. "Nice act back there," he commented. "So did you actually hear him coming, or were you just looking for an excuse to kiss me?"

She laughed, light and airy. "I heard him, but I thank you for your expert aid in his distraction. Also..." She slipped her hand into his pocket and withdrew the necklace. It shouldn't have surprised him that she'd passed it off. "I will be needing this back."

"Yeah about that, what does it do? Really, I'm fascinated."

"Oh please, no questions, darling. Life is so much less complicated that way." She pecked a quick kiss to his lips and slid into a waiting cab.

Tony caught the door before it closed. "I'm not gonna see you again, am I?" he asked, surprised to find himself feeling disappointed. She wasn't even a rebound (he didn't think).

The woman shrugged a slim shoulder. "I'm afraid that's not really up to me. Perils of the job."

"Can I at least get your name?"

A secret smile. "Wells. Helena Wells."

"...Okay fine, don't tell me."

She laughed at him again and patted his cheek. "Goodbye, Mr. Stark."

Tony stepped back onto the curb as she pulled the door closed, waving as the cab pull away. He watched until it turned a corner and disappeared from view. "Wells, huh?" he muttered to himself as he headed back inside. "Interesting.

He would look into it.

Note: And thus a cracky crossover ship was born! This may turn into a Thing, if the muse agrees. Thoughts?