Today's Potential
By Kadi
Rated K
Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it on occasion.
A/N: Episode Addition for 4x07 "Targets of Opportunity". For my girls kate04, deenikn8, and RockinRobinB. They know why.
Special thanks to deenikn8 the always awesome beta! All remaining mistakes are mine.
By the time that they wrapped the paperwork and Sharon sent everyone home for the evening, she was utterly exhausted. It was the kind of fatigue that seeped into the bones, and left the body aching. She had intended to leave along with the others, but had lingered just a moment behind them. She wanted to see if Chief Taylor was still in his office. There was still that matter to discuss with him. He had, unfortunately, already gone by the time that she made her way down the hall. She decided it was probably best; the timing was just not on her side this time.
As she left the office, the only thing on Sharon's mind was finding her way into a hot shower and falling in to bed. Once she was off her feet and in her car, she let out a long, weary sigh. Her feet were aching and her back was stiff. She thought she might just forego the shower for a long soak in the tub, except that she was sure that she would probably fall asleep. In the past, that might not have been such a bad thing, but she didn't live alone anymore and it was a shared bathroom. Not for the first time she wondered why, when she decided that she was going to keep Rusty, she had not moved into a larger condo; one where they could at least have their own bathrooms. A small voice in the back of her mind was quick to remind her why that was; he would eventually leave home, just as the other two had done, and the space would feel too great for her alone.
Would she be alone?
Sharon took that thought and quickly shoved it aside. It was much too soon to be thinking in those terms, even if her heart had given a little flutter as it crossed her mind. She wasn't going to allow herself to get lost on that particular cloud; there was still far too much that needed to be done.
She would need to tell the chief, for one thing. Then they both needed to discuss the situation with their children. Although, she was fairly certain that what was happening between them now was a given as far as their kids were concerned. Rusty had already thought that they were dating, and Nicole seemed to be of the same mind. It didn't matter how many times she or Andy denied that, neither of them believed it. Then there was the fact that whatever Rusty knew, he was sure to have shared it with Ricky, who would undoubtedly tell his sister. On second thought, Sharon decided there was problem nothing to really tell the children. Not that she was apt to discuss her personal life with them anyway.
That was the part that she found to be the most unsettling about how her relationship with Andy was changing. People that she worked with would know about it. They would talk about it. Her personal life would be on display for so many, where it was previously something that she guarded closely. Now that they were on this side of dating, Sharon had to admit that it seemed inevitable that they would find there way to this place. She cared about him, deeply, and she knew that those emotions were reciprocated. She wanted to explore the potential that lay ahead of them.
In a choice between being with Andy and walking away from him, Sharon knew that she would choose him every time. It was just a matter of reconciling herself to that choice, and all of the consequences that went with it. There was such potential for disaster, both personally and professionally, but those were topics of conversation that had been discussed between them so many times by now. She didn't believe that it bore thinking about any further.
She wanted him. Right now that was enough for her.
Sharon wasn't at all surprised when her phone rang as she was driving away from downtown. She glanced at the console display, where the caller's name and number appeared as her phone synced to her car's Bluetooth system. She expected it to be Rusty, given the late hour, but a smile curved her lips upon seeing that it was Andy.
Without taking her eyes from the road again, she reached over and answered the call. "Didn't I just send you home," she teased, "don't tell me that you've already managed to find us another case?"
The quiet, rumbling sound of his laughter filled the interior of the car as it came from her speakers. "I'm almost tempted to say yes, but I can't see the look on your face. Where are you?"
She grinned as she pulled the car into a turn that would take her toward Los Feliz. "I had a little more paperwork to finish. I just left the office. That makes you very lucky for not saying yes. I can't promise the punishment wouldn't have been severe."
"Huh." Andy grunted thoughtfully. "Anger management or Diversity?" Her favorite form of punishment had always been to send him to some god-awful seminar or another. Of course, that was when she was still the Wicked Witch of FID and it was his job to ruffle her feathers. He always took a great deal of pleasure in his work too.
Sharon's lips pursed. She was fighting the urge to laugh. She shook her head, despite the fact that he couldn't see it, but kept her eyes on the streets that she was traveling and the other drivers around her. The hour was late, by her standards of having just left the office, but it was still early enough that traffic had not yet started to thin from the dinner and entertainment crowds. "Oh no, Lieutenant," she cooed dangerously, "I said severe. Leadership Etiquette and Time Management," she paused for a moment and then added, "to start."
"Ouch!" Andy sighed loudly. "You are feeling mean aren't you? Note to self, poking the bear is still a bad idea."
She hummed quietly, but the laughter came. Sharon shook her head again. "Yes it is. Finally, you've learned your lesson. How many years did that take?"
"More than I'll ever admit to," he said drily.
She laughed again. "That makes two of us. What are you doing?"
"Thinking about dinner." He was sitting in his car outside their favorite deli. It was on his way home. He wasn't hungry until he passed it. Andy leaned his head against the seat rest and glanced down at his phone. "I was wondering if I should order for one or two. I'm at Marty's. How about swinging around my way for a little while?"
"Hm." She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. That was certainly appealing, but so was going home and getting absolutely comfortable. She wanted to pin her hair back, scrub her face clean, and find her favorite beige cardigan. That was nothing that he needed to see at this early in the game. At the same time those thoughts crossed her mind, she also had to acknowledge that as badly as she wanted to crawl into bed and forget the last few horrible days, her mind was not going to shut off quite as easily as her body was ready to do. She would be alone, and left with her thoughts; they would keep her up half of the night. In the end, she would end up wanting to talk to him anyway, and wishing that she hadn't left it so late. Sharon also realized that if Andy was reaching out, he had the same need. She tapped her fingers against the steering wheel and nodded slowly. "That actually sounds wonderful," she replied. Her tone had warmed, loosing the earlier hint of amusement, and lilted softly.
"Good." A grin tugged at his lips. "You'll probably beat me there." She sounded tired and there was enough hesitation before she answered to tell him that she had debated on it. "Tell you what, go home. I'll bring dinner to you. I'll grab something for the kid too."
She almost moaned out loud because the idea was so wonderful she didn't think she could help it. Somehow, she managed to refrain. "Andy, I don't mind stopping in Echo Park. It's not out of my way." She would only have to detour a few blocks. His home was between the office and her condo. Now he had her imagining just how good her shower was going to feel when she stepped into it, and if she went home, that was exactly the first place she was going.
"Yeah," He replied. "I know that. I also know that you're as worn out as I am. I don't want you driving later. Go home and I'll see you there," he said again, only this time he wasn't giving her much of an option.
Sharon smiled. "We should do something about your ego, you're becoming awfully bossy." She groaned quietly as she conceded. "Oh alright. I'm going home. I'm going to warn you, Rusty is going to have to let you in while I'm getting comfortable. If it gets awkward, you have only yourself to blame."
"I can handle the kid." He smirked. "I'll bring him a burger. He'll be happy. I know how to bribe that little comedian. I've been bribing that kid since before you decided he was going to be your kid. You leave Rusty to me."
"Ha!" Sharon snickered happily. "Okay then. Don't say that I didn't warn you. Good luck!" She reached over and ended the call. He knew what she would want to eat at this hour and with the case that they'd had. Despite her earlier reluctance, she was now looking forward to seeing just how well he would fair with the Rusty Beck inquisition. "Bribing." Sharon sniffed. "I should toss in the Office Ergonomics Seminar too," she mumbled. A bright, happy smile curved her lips. There was just a hint of mischief to it. Perhaps it was time to remind Andrew Flynn exactly whom it was that he was that he was so eager to date.
Those pleasantly devious thoughts occupied her mind as she made the drive across town. It kept her mind from going to the much deeper, far darker thoughts that lay in wait provoked by this most recent case. No death was ever easy, and certainly not that of a fellow police officer. It made them take a look at their own mortality, to see just how close to the line they walked each and every day. It was terrifying, but it was also heartbreaking. Both officers had left behind families. Parents, children, siblings, a spouse. There would be hard days ahead as their fallen were celebrated, remembered, and mourned.
It was a harsh reality that the colleagues left behind were forced to face. No, she thought, as her mind brushed against that darkness, she definitely did not want to be alone on this night.
When Sharon stepped into the condo a short while later she found Rusty on the sofa with his computer in his lap. His earphones were in, and that could only mean that he was working on the VLOG. Actually, that seemed to be all that he was working on these days. She smiled warmly at him as she put away her keys and purse. "Hey you."
"Hi." Rusty pulled his earphones out and held them in one hand. "I wasn't sure how late you would be. If I knew you were coming home, I would have ordered a pizza or something. Are you hungry? I can still call something in."
"Dinner will be here in a few minutes." She walked toward the sofa and stood there for a moment. "How is it coming?" Sharon nodded toward the computer in his lap. She couldn't watch it, but that had not lessened her interest in his research, or her pride in him.
"Really good." Rusty glanced down for a minute. He shrugged while he toyed with the earphones in his hand. "It's really getting there I think. I just… I'm getting close. I can feel it." He swallowed hard and pushed down the guilt that he was feeling at having deceived her earlier. She would be angry with him when she found out, and disappointed. Rusty just hoped that he could hold off on that long enough for the things that he was having to do to find out who Alice was to really matter. When he did finally look up again, he saw the worry in her gaze. "So, dinner," he said, hoping to distract her. "What is that about? Did you order something?"
"In a round about sort of way." She looked away as a smile curved her lips. "I'm going to take a shower. When Andy gets here, would you let him in please?" Sharon paused at the entry to the hall and shot a pointed look at her son. "And be nice."
"What?" Rusty made a face at her. "I'm always nice." His nose wrinkled. "I mean, it's kind of late in the evening for a date, but hey, who am I to…" He trailed off because she wasn't listening anymore. She was walking away from him. Rusty grinned. His smile slowly faded when she disappeared from view. His shoulders slumped. He leaned back on the sofa with a sigh. He really did feel badly for sneaking around like he had. He just wished that doing it hadn't been so important.
Rusty sighed as he replaced one of the ear buds and began working on his story again. He would have to listen for Lieutenant Flynn to arrive, and really, it was kind of late for them to be having a date wasn't it? He couldn't help but think that it was closer for the Lieutenant to go home than to drive all the way out to Los Feliz. Rusty rolled his eyes. He really didn't understand the dating habits of the older people in his life. They were all just entirely too weird.
Once she was away from her son the pull to the shower was even stronger than Sharon thought it would be. She let the water run as hot as she could stand it, and while steam filled the bathroom she pinned her hair up. She was more relieved than she could say to finally be out of her heels. As she peeled out of her clothes, she did something that she rarely allowed herself to indulge in. She let them fall to the floor and lay there in a trail from the vanity to the shower. She decided that they could most definitely wait.
The water stung as she stepped beneath the spray. She hissed quietly, and then groaned softly when the heat began to chase away the tension in her muscles. She stood in the glass encased shower with her head bowed and let it beat down on her back for several long minutes. A thick plume of steam had filled the room before she bothered to move again. It was only the thought that it would be rude to keep Andy waiting longer than she really needed to that provoked her into movement.
Her skin was flushed by the time she finally stepped out of the shower. The hot sting of the water had left her looking freshly scrubbed and rosy. It didn't surprise her that while she was in her bedroom dressing she heard voices in the outer rooms. Sharon hastily pulled on a comfortable pair of leggings and a loose, soft cotton shirt. Then in spite of the shower she wrapped herself in her favorite cardigan and stepped back into the bathroom to let down her hair and pick up her things.
The air in the hall was a cool contrast to the steam that had filled the bathroom and warmed her bedroom. Sharon pulled her cardigan more tightly around herself as she made her way down the hall. The steam had also caused her hair to begin to curl, so she left it twisted back in a clip, but damp and curling tendrils still framed her face and neck.
She smiled brightly upon entering the living room. Rusty and Andy were standing at the bar, emptying the takeout bags that he brought. "Sorry about that, I tried to hurry."
"I haven't been here that long." Andy glanced at her and a brow arched; a corner of his mouth quirked upward into a crooked grin. "Rusty was actually just telling me that you'd probably be in the shower for a while. That's just not fair." Whether it was the shower itself, or the images it painted in his mind, or some combination of the two he wasn't saying. He would let her draw her own conclusions.
There was too much mischief in his gaze for that statement to have been altogether innocent. Sharon smirked at him. "When have you ever known me to play fair?" If she let her tone dip and become just a little husky, well he deserved that.
"Right." Rusty picked up the container that held his burger and fries. "I think I'll just be in my room. Thanks for dinner." He moved quickly, stopping only to pick up his computer before fleeing down the hall.
"Wow." Andy watched him go. His lips pursed. "He used to actually play better than that."
"Mmhm." She leaned against the end of the bar near him. "Well, things have changed just a bit."
"Really?" His brows rose. Andy inclined his head and pretended to think about it. "I can't imagine what…" He grinned as he leaned over to kiss her. The soft brush of his lips against hers lingered for just a moment. He felt her lips curve into a smile. "Oh, that."
"Hm." She looked up at him through her lashes. "Yes, that."
He took a moment to study her. He wasn't sure that he had ever seen her before without being completely put together; at least in some fashion or another. Well, perhaps that wasn't entirely true. On a couple of occasions she had been in his bed and he wouldn't call her entirely put together then. She wasn't at all self conscious as she stared back at him. He decided that he liked that most of all. Andy leaned in to kiss her again. "Hi," he said against her mouth.
She moved around the edge of the bar to get closer to him. When his arm circled her waist and drew her closer, Sharon let both of hers slide around his middle. She tipped her head back to look up at him. "Hi." The greeting was murmured quietly. She leaned into the warmth that he provided and sighed softly. "Andy, I'm not really all that hungry."
"No." He glanced at the food, still in the bag, and offered her a slight grin. "Neither am I." But it had provided a convenient excuse for seeing her again. Yes, they were going out in a couple of days, if their next case didn't derail their plans, but he hadn't wanted to wait a couple of days.
"I didn't think so." She smiled again as she leaned closer. Her lips brushed the curve of his jaw before she let go of him. Sharon reached past him for the takeout and placed it in the refrigerator.
She moved quietly around the kitchen while he watched. She made coffee for him, already knowing that he would much prefer that to the tea that she made for herself. Afterward, with their cups in hand, Sharon led him to the sofa. As was becoming their habit, he settled on the end and turned so that he was tucked into the corner of the arm and back cushions. When Sharon joined him, she sat with her back resting against his chest. A soft sigh was drawn from her when his arm draped loosely around her waist.
A smile curved her lips when she realized that he had set his coffee aside. His free hand swept a lock of hair away from her neck. She hummed quietly when his fingers lingered against her skin. She settled back more comfortably against him and drew her legs up. Her knees were bent and resting against the back of the couch. She tucked her bare feet beneath his leg and could feel the last of the tension that had been knotting her muscles flow away.
"Did you call Nicole tonight?" She kept her voice low. Sharon was sure that Rusty had his earphones back in at this point, but regardless, this was a conversation that she would want him to overhear.
"Yeah," his thumb traced the line of her neck again before his hand moved to her shoulder. When she tipped her head back he pressed a kiss into her hair. "I called her as soon as I left PAB." Cases like these were always hard on their kids. It reminded them of the danger their parents could face every day. "Has Rusty said anything?"
They had lost officers before, but this was the first time that it had been thrust so fully in front of him. "No, actually." She leaned her head against his so that her forehead rested against the curve of his jaw. "That surprised me a little. I think helping out with the tip line was his way of dealing with it. I'm a little thankful for that, honestly. Emily and Ricky were always so full of questions. They would cling for days, and when they felt secure again, life would go back to normal... until the next time that they were reminded that I don't exactly have a normal desk job." The tea wasn't really holding her interest so she sat forward for a moment and placed it on the coffee table. When Sharon sat back again she pulled his arms around her. He was warm, and he was comfortable, and there was something comforting about the simple act of just being held. This was one of the things she had missed most about being in a relationship, she thought.
"No you don't." Coming to terms with that was proving to be more difficult than he thought it would be. His instinct was to protect her, but Andy had been dealing with that for a while now. Most days he managed to push it aside, stamp down on it and remind himself that she could easily kick his ass for even thinking that she needed someone to take care of her like that. On other days, it was much harder. He wanted to step in front of her and be the one to keep all of the bad things from hurting her. That wasn't possible. She wouldn't thank him for it either. As she had said once, she could take care of herself, she had been doing it for a very long time.
There was something pensive in his tone. Sharon lifted her head and looked at him. "Neither do you," she reminded him. Her head inclined and her brows arched. He was not sending her to her possible death each time she stepped into the field. He didn't have to live with the thought that his order could mean never seeing her again. There were so many things to consider when it came to dating a colleague, and a member of her team; professionalism was so important now, more than ever. She could not be seen to be favoring him, not that she ever had. At least she tried very hard not to let that be the case. This, however, the reality of their jobs and what could lie before them was something that she had struggled with. It was a possibility that she had to accept.
Andy reached up and tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. "Not as easy as we thought it would be, huh?" When he thought of losing her it left him feeling cold. It sent an ache through his chest that, for just a moment, made it hard to breathe.
"When did we think that?" Her lips curved into a smile. Sharon leaned her head against his shoulder again. "I seem to remember us agreeing that this was going to be hard." Most things worth having were. They had talked, at length, about what a romance would mean for them and the difficulties they would face. They agreed to work through them.
"Is that what we said?" His hand stroked the length of her arm, while his other settled against her stomach. "Well, I'm old. I can't remember these things." He found the edge of her shirt and pushed it up. His thumb stroked bare skin. He grinned when her stomach muscles danced.
"I see." Her head tilted. Sharon's eyes closed when his lips began trailing a path along the length of her neck. She hummed quietly. "I thought you were old?" She drew a thin breath when the fingers sliding a long her arm brushed the side of her breast. "Andy..."
"Never too old for that," he mumbled, "or too tired." He left a trail of kisses to her jaw, while his hand moved slowly upward, beneath her shirt.
"Okay." Sharon placed a hand over his and stilled his explorations before they could go any farther. She pushed out of his arms and stood up. When she turned, she held out a hand. "Let's go."
Andy sighed as he stood up. He pouted at her, but placed his hand in hers. No, he honestly had not expected to get very far with Rusty home. As she drew him across the living room, he was prepared to say goodnight. There was just one difference. Sharon pulled him down the hall rather than showing him to the door. His brows rose and a smile played at his lips. "Are you putting me in the corner," he teased. "New method of time out?"
She tossed a look at him from over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at him. "Dare to dream, Flynn. Actually, you might not be that tired, but I am. I was just thinking about how great it would be to fall asleep right there on the sofa."
His bottom lip jutted out. Andy scowled at her. "Damn. There goes my ego. Thanks a lot, Sharon."
She snorted a quiet laugh and pushed her bedroom door open. Sharon maneuvered him inside and if she gave him a light push, well, he deserved that. "Shh!" She jerked her head toward Rusty's room. "Your ego is fine. Actually, it probably needed a little pruning." She pushed the door closed behind her and before she could turn she was pulled against his chest, circled by a pair of strong arms. She could only manage a low, throaty hum when his mouth covered hers.
The arm that circled her waist lifted her so that she was pressed flush against him. His other hand slid into her hair and cupped the back of her head. The clip that had been holding her hair up fell away and the dark, waving tresses fell around her shoulders. When her arms moved around his neck he turned them toward the bed. He did not set her on her feet again until they were standing beside it.
It was with some amount of reluctance that he lifted his head. She looked up at him through her lashes, eyes dark and lips swollen, and his jaw clenched to keep from kissing her again. He knew that if he did he was going to take her clothes off, and she was right, they were both too damned tired for that. He really didn't want to start something that he doubted either of them really felt like finishing.
Instead Andy reached past her and caught hold of the duvet. With a flick of his wrist he turned it back and then reached up to sweep her sweater off her shoulders. He tossed the cardigan onto the bench at the foot of her bed. She sank down on the mattress and scooted toward the middle of the bed. Then she gave his wrist a tug.
She drew her bottom lip between her teeth while she waited for him to join her. When he toed out of his shoes and shrugged out of his jacket she smiled at him. She watched him toss the jacket and the tie across the chair in the corner of her room. His belt joined them, and then his dress shirt. He was left in his t-shirt and trousers. Her eyes dropped to his pants before lifting slowly back to his face. She tilted her head and arched a brow at him. "You'll be more comfortable," was all that she said.
After another minute the pants joined the rest of his clothes and then he moved into the bed beside her. When she moved close and curled into his side, they both sighed. She draped an arm across his middle and curled a leg around his before resting her head against his shoulder. Andy shook his head as his arm moved around her shoulders. "I changed my mind," he muttered. "Definitely too tired for that." The muscles in his back were already loosening and he thought that he could fall asleep with no problem, despite having a beautiful woman draped across him. Or maybe because of it, he doubted that he would have slept all that well left to his own thoughts.
Sharon laughed. She knew that he was joking, at least for the most part. She had a rule, and one that she knew that he respected. Not while Rusty was home. It might be a bit old fashioned, but she simply wasn't comfortable with the idea of their making love while Rusty was on the other side of the wall. Inviting him in to her bed just to sleep was another thing. It was simply a matter of companionship and comfort, and she didn't feel odd about that. She wanted her children to understand that relationships were not built on sex. It was nice. Heaven only knew the man made her toes curl, and the few times that they had been together since this relationship started were definitely more than worth the many long months it had taken to arrive at this point. That wasn't all that she wanted him for, though, and she knew that the same was true for him.
Romance and passion should not fade over time, and they should not become unimportant, but an individual should be able to look at their lover and find a partner and a friend as well. Perhaps they had gone about it a little backwards. They'd found those things first. Whatever they had done it was right, at least for them. It was working. They were making it work. Sharon worried sometimes that they were pushing themselves too far, too fast. Then she thought of how long they had known one another and how close they had become. The rest just felt natural.
His hand was moving in lazy circles along the length of her spine. The change in his breathing told her that he was already starting to doze. "Andy," she spoke his name quietly. When he grunted at her in response, she lifted her head from his shoulder. "You would take care of Rusty?"
His eyes opened and he looked at her. He didn't have to question what she meant. That ache in his chest was back. He nodded once and reached up to push her hair behind her ear again. "We all would." That went without saying. The kid was part of them now, all of them, the whole team. "But yeah," he managed to get out, voice rasping with emotion, "I would." His thumb stroked the curve of her cheek. "You'd be there for Nicole." It wasn't a question. His son didn't know her, at least not well. Nicole did.
"Yes," she said softly. "I would."
They had chosen this life, but their children had not. Ricky and Emily would grieve, but they would have each other and the rest of the family. They would be no less devastated, but it was Rusty that she worried about the most now. He had only just come to her, and he had been through so much. Maybe it was selfish of her to keep him, to want him so badly, when she could offer no guarantees that she would be in his life in five years or even ten. They were dark and terrifying thoughts, grief provoking. An ache had risen in her throat. She leaned forward and her lips were soft against the corner of his mouth. Sharon lay back down and tucked her face against his neck. She drew a thin breath and let it out slowly. They both had more of their careers behind them than in front, but if cases like this taught them anything, it was that the end could come at any moment and without warning.
His hand settled against her hip and he drew her just a little closer. In a couple of days they would be putting those cops in the ground. Someday it could be one of them. For now, he was going to hold her for as long as he could. "It would be okay," he said. It wouldn't. It would hurt like hell, but they would make it through. It's what the other would expect of them. He didn't like disappointing her, and she had never disappointed him.
"Hm." She hummed again and nuzzled his neck. "I know." It was what they needed to get them through, beyond this darkness and to the other side, where hope and light remained, and reality was just a thought. They couldn't live their lives expecting the worst. They wouldn't do that; they never had before. They would cherish what they had today, each other, their children, their families and their friends. They would love, and they would laugh. They would cry and they would hurt. They would fight with each other and for each other. They would work, and they would play. But they would not forget that tomorrow could be all too fleeting.
~FIN