Chapter 1: Sofía
He caresses his hands around the small of my back, while he pulls me closer. His lips only inches away from mine.
"Alex," I murmur, "please don't do this."
"Too late," he says as his mouth turns upward into a small smile. I bite my bottom lip.
He wants feminism; I'll give him feminism, I think.
Just as he leans into my lips I put one of my black painted finger nails between our lips and whisper, "You wanna tell me why you're selling drugs for pendejos like Chuy or will I ask him myself?"
"Sofía, I can explain."
I roll my eyes and blow a piece of hair out of my face. "Try me."
He sighs and looks up at the night sky as if it has an explanation why he's been dealing with crack addicts and potheads. I love Alex, but I hate the Latino Blood gang member he's morphed into. Or loved him.
"Can we talk somewhere else?" Alex still has his hand caressed around my back. I shove him off me.
"Whatever." I say and walk to his Toyota motorcycle. Out of the corner of my eye I see him glance over at me. I can tell he's pissed, but so am I. It's hard to accept that my boyfriend of only three months has already become distant to me.
Alex straddles the seat of his motorcycle as I slide in behind him. He revs the engine and starts off into the dead of the night. I feel my ponytail whip around in the wind as cold winter air bites my nose and cheeks. Nights in El Paso, Texas are the best type of nights. When I was younger, my twin Carmela and I would walk to a small hill behind our house and star gaze; those were some of the best memories I had as a niña.
But tonight feels different. The air feels unsettling and the sky has a disappointing grey overcast. And that's exactly how I'm feeling inside.
The wind dies down when we pull up to Alex's house. I glance at my watch. 9:14. Mi Abuela is going to be pissed when she finds out I was late and with Alex.
Alex opens the door to the small pale, blue house and walks inside. Alex's Máma catches a glimpse of us and glares at him.
"Alejandro," she scolds, calling Alex by his Spanish name, "you're late. And what is your novía doing here?"
"Lo siento Máma. Sofía needed to talk,"
"Talk outside," she says, motioning to the front yard. Alex sighs and opens the door.
"And Alejandro, the next time you decide to bring Sofía in after 9, you will be
sleeping outside. Comprende?"
"Bueno, Máma,"
Alex's Máma is one tough cookie. She's overprotective like mi Abuela and hard as nails as mi Máma, that was before she was shot.
I cross my arms over my chest and raise my eyebrows at him.
"I didn't want to do it," Alex begins.
"Don't give me that bullshit," I snap at him. Anger fills me and I clench my fists.
"Sofía, you don't understand,"
"Yes I do, dammit! I understand that you would rather sell drugs and get wasted and show your friends that you're "so fucking cool" than be with me or be in school or with your familia for God's sakes!" I don't realize I'm shouting until Alex grabs my wrists.
"I'm in the Blood to keep you and mi familia safe," he lets go of my wrists but glares at me.
"Mierda! Mi papa was in the Blood after he abandoned me and my sisters and he did it for the money and the glory! You're all the same." I'm struggling to blink back tears. This is the first time I've cried or even came close to crying in years. Alex's eyes look emotionless.
"Adíos, muchacho. We're through" I say and turn to start walking the few blocks to my house
"Sofía," he begins but I keep walking.
Don't turn around, I tell myself
"I love you," he says. I want to turn around and look into his brown eyes but I know that would make things worse.
"You love the Latino Blood, not me," and with that I start sprinting away. I'm running in the opposite direction of my house but I don't care. I just need to run away. Away from Alex and the Latino Blood and the harsh reality I'm living in.
Halfway down the street I hear him call my name. I'm tempted to turn around and run back to Alex.
He doesn't love you, I tell myself.
And so I just kept running.