If You Try Sometime…
Notes: So this one goes out to all of you out there trying to find your path, whatever that might be. It's a oneshot dedicated to an oft-forgotten character from the Ranma ½ manga, Konatsu. Konatsu never made it into the anime adaptation, which was cancelled before the kunoichi was introduced. As you might notice, there's a hint of another story in the margins of this one, which may be another oneshot someday.
Fanon usually treats Konatsu as a put-upon boy forcibly feminized by 'his' stepfamily, which isn't actually in the manga. If anything, they seem embarrassed by her acting feminine, and Konatsu herself shows no desire to present as anything but female. So this fic is just a little short and sweet one to give our precious ninja Cinderella transwoman a happy ending. I hope you enjoy. As always, I look forward to hearing from you in the reviews.
Ranma sauntered into Ucchan's soaked to the bone. After wringing out her now red hair, she found a stool at the bar. Playfully kicking her too short legs, she spun around on the stool while she waited. To her surprise, Ukyo's kunoichi understudy, Konatsu, came to take her order.
"Hey Konatsu, is Ucchan around?" chirped Ranma.
"Why, have you come to free-load off Lady Ukyo again?" said Konatsu, rolling his eyes.
"Oy, what she gives me is her business. Can't a guy visit his oldest friend without being dressed down?"
"I'll say it plainly," said the kunoichi, eyebrows twitching, "I do not know what my lady sees in you. I shall respect you as her friend. But I will not just hold my tongue when I know you're probably here, again, because you're having a fight with Akane." Konatsu smoothed the wrinkles in his kimono, turning back to his duties.
It was a slow night, at least by now. The only other patron had left when Ranma entered. The kitchen was ship-shape and Bristol-fashioned, something even a relative amateur like Ranma noticed. Part of her just wanted to let Konatsu sulk on his own. But her stomach was growling, and something in Konatsu's resigned look dampened the anger she'd normally feel.
"Konatsu…I know we've started off on the wrong foot. Honestly, all I came for was some of Ucchan's delicious okonomiyaki." It was a half-truth; okonomiyaki was her comfort food, and she needed some right now. "But I figure yours is the only stuff that's near as good." As a show of good faith, she pulled her wallet from the pocket of her baggy pants and set it on the counter.
Konatsu cocked an eyebrow. "Flatterer," he sighed, "So what'll it be."
"One of the super deluxes. No pork though, double up on something else." Konatsu stopped mid preparation, surprised that there was something Ranma wouldn't eat. "Um, wouldn't feel right eating that, what with Ryouga's curse."
"You'd rather get your pork straight from him then," joked Konatsu.
Ranma blushed furiously. "Oy, don't kid like that, I'm a guy!" she said all too forcefully.
"Not right now you're not."
"Only cuz of this stupid curse."
A ladle clattered on the floor. Konatsu stood motionless, his face impassive save for the minute twitching on one cheek. "It might not be so stupid to everyone," he muttered.
Ranma twiddled her fingers as the pregnant pause extended. Konatsu cleaned up like nothing happened and resumed preparing her okonomiyaki.
"Hey, 'Natsu…" said Ranma, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Ranma nodded, not believing him. It suddenly hit her like a freight train. It had been so obvious, why hadn't anyone said anything, she wondered. "That's a very pretty kimono," she offered, testing the waters. "Is it new?"
Konatsu's expression softened as he poured the batter. "Um, yeah. Lady Ukyo bought it for me recently. It is…a most cherished gift."
"Konatsu…this might sound dumb but hear me out. Are you a girl?"
"What? You know—"
"I said hear me out. I don't mean your body." Ranma placed her hand over her heart. "I meant in here."
"What would give you such a ridiculous idea?" Konatsu said, clearly not believing a word of it.
"Everyone just thought it was a quirk. I mean, Ukyo dresses as a boy most of the time, but she's quite clear that she mostly feels like a girl." Ranma took a big gulp of her ice water before continuing. "She might even believe it. But listen, don't go spreading this around or nothin'…but I think sometimes a I feel like a girl inside. I figured it might be the same for you, only all the time."
Konatsu froze like a deer in the headlights. The kunoichi shut off the griddle. "I think it's time for you to leave, Saotome-san."
"If you ever want to talk about it, I'm all ears," Ranma said mournfully as she left.
It was a week before Ranma spoke to Konatsu again. The original reason for moping over to Ucchan's had long since been forgotten. Ukyo expressed her concern about Konatsu being more withdrawn, and Ranma wondered if he'd made a mistake.
He was busy with yet another round of hijinks when Konatsu came to him. While he followed after Shampoo and Akane, suspiciously watching the two girls walk hand in hand, wondering what foul play was occurring, the kunoichi snuck into the bush he was hiding in. Konatsu chose to greet by tapping him on the shoulder and saying "I'm ready to talk now, Ranma."
This caused Ranma to jump with fright and ended up taking a dunk in the canal. She tightened the drawstring on her pants as she clambered out. But Konatsu was looking cute enough that she couldn't stay mad at that face for long. "Okay, let's talk. I know a good tea shop that keeps towels on hand for me."
The kunoichi nodded eagerly and followed. By the time they were seated in the cozy café, Ranma had completely forgotten her earlier ambitions. This would cause Shampoo and Akane to spend the entirety of their date looking over their shoulders for the expected hijinks for no reason, but that is another story.
Instead, after ordering Ranma just waited patiently for Konatsu to start.
"I wanted to apologize acting so rudely to you," said the kunoichi.
"Ah, don't think nothing of it," said Ranma, rubbing the back of her head.
"But you're right though. It seems absurd, living as I have for so long, that I've never been able to come out and say it to anyone. But you're right…in my heart I'm a woman. I think I always have been."
Ranma grinned, feeling a weight she didn't even know existed lift from her heart. "I'm not alone," she blurted. "You're not alone. Oh my gawd, this is great!" She took the other girl's hand, squeezing tightly.
"It's not great though. What if Lady Ukyo finds out? It could be a disaster!"
"Hon, Ukyo has spent half her life cross-dressing over a childhood grudge. If there's anyone who could relate, trust me, it's her."
"Okay. But I have an even more terrible secret!"
"Uh-huh," said Ranma, already guessing where this was going.
"You mustn't tell anyone."
"I won't, promise. I swear on my honor as part of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts."
"No good."
Ranma shrugged. Between his father and Happosai, there wasn't much of a good name to swear on, and she couldn't judge anyone for that. "Fine, I'll pinkie promise you."
"Are you sure? This is a very serious oath, Ranma."
Ranma rolled her eyes. She offered her pinkie, which Konatsu accepted with trepidation.
"Okay…my terrible secret is…I'm in love with Lady Ukyo."
A bead of sweat dripped on Ranma's forehead. "Natsu-chan…everyone already knows."
The poor girl was aghast. "Impossible…I've trained in the arts for years to hide such emotion!"
"You act like a lovesick puppy around her. I'm fairly certain even Ukyo knows."
"Ahh, that just makes it worse!"
Ranma took the other girl's hand, squeezing with reassurance. "Whatever happens will happen. But I'll be there to help. I'll help you woo Ukyo! I've already done it, so you should be able to as well!"
Konatsu was not convinced, but she decided to go along with Ranma's plans. Ranma was quite enthusiastic about this, and it proved to be infectious. That feeling in her heart of hearts, so long hidden, no longer felt heavy and shameful. It felt freeing to let another person know, even if it was the rival for Ukyo's affections.
But like so many past rivals, it proved impossible for Konatsu stay mad with Ranma. She had an ally in this quest, and with luck that would make all the difference. Ranma spent the rest of their talk focused on helping with the wooing, and not the feelings of inadequacy she was feeling. From this she learned a few things: Ranma was stunningly oblivious. And Ukyo had left out a few things about her shared history with Ranma.
Unfortunately, all her confidence evaporated the moment she crossed the threshold in Ucchan's. Lady Ukyo was preparing to open for the dinner rush, hard at work at the griddle. She beamed at Konatsu when she entered. The indecision welled up in her heart. She worried endlessly about telling the truth to Ukyo, whether about being a girl or about being in love with her. And some traitorous part of her said that beautiful, smiling Ukyo might be able to love her as a man, but never as a woman.
She spent the dinner rush being unusually quiet, burying herself in her work. It didn't go unnoticed. After they closed up at around ten and sat down for their own meal, Ukyo broached the topic.
"Has everything been alright?" said Ukyo. "I heard that you got in a fight with Ran-chan while I was away? I'm not going to throw you out because of something stupid like that."
"No, Lady Ukyo, it's not that. In fact, I'd say she and I are friends now. It's just that there's something that's been weighing on me."
"Oh, what's that sugar?"
Thinking back on how Ranma said she'd ended Ukyo's grudge and ended up acquiring another fiancé in the mix, Konatsu decided that as stupid as it was, it was the best chance she had. "Um, you're very cute, Lady Ukyo."
Ukyo blushed faintly. "Um, thanks sugar. Please don't tell me that's what you were worried about."
Konatsu twiddled her fingers indecisively. "Well, it was, in a way. There's something that might be obvious, but I've never been able to say to anyone. Not until recently anyway. Ukyo…I need to know if you could ever love me as a woman."
Ukyo blinked and dropped her chopsticks. "Love you as a woman? What on earth do you mean?"
"In my heart…I'm not a man. I've never been a man. I dress like I feel in my heart. Ukyo, I may have been born a boy, but I'm a woman."
The room was so silent one could hear a pin drop. Ukyo didn't answer as the seconds ticked away agonizingly. Tears began flowing down Konatsu's cheeks. Here it was, the end. She'd made a terrible mistake, and cursed herself for believing in Ranma's insufferable optimism. "I'm sorry, I should go," she said, "Forgive my impudence, Lady Ukyo."
She turned to leave, holding back the sobs. But a pair of strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her tight. "Don't." Ukyo ordered.
Kontatsu didn't dare to hope. But she ceased her struggle and listened.
"Cut this 'Lady Ukyo' crap out, okay. And just listen to me as a friend. I…I don't want you to leave. And while I can't promise that I'll ever love you the way you want…whether you're a boy or a girl isn't an obstacle."
Konatsu felt tears wet her kimono. She gently patted the hands the held her.
"You're my friend, my partner, and I don't want you to go. I haven't built this alone, you've helped make it. So just stay, okay? Stay, and we'll figure things out."
Truthfully, it hurt to stay. But it would have hurt more to leave. Konatsu didn't know if they'd ever figure things out, or if Ukyo would ever hold her in her arms as a lover. But for the first time, the future was unwritten. So she stayed.
Once upon a time, the only reason Ranma ever believed he would return to Jusenkyo would be to find a cure. As the sun shone brightly on the Cursed Springs, he laughed at the sweet irony. He had made this pilgrimage, not to remove a curse, but to give one. A blessed curse.
He hadn't liked the idea initially. When Ukyo and Konatsu first approached him with the idea, he was struck with a terrible sense of foreboding. Since his fateful conversation with the Kunoichi, the fears and doubts hadn't gone away. They'd been better, but he hadn't the courage to tell anyone else what he was really feeling.
Akane had been worried when he talked about the idea with her. For all they knew, the magic of Jusenkyo had a life of its own and wouldn't take kindly to being used willfully. It certainly would have fit, given the inopportune times he ended up being splashed.
Shampoo was more willing to help. The Amazon loved to complicate things, and it seemed she wasn't done with that even after the strange truce she'd made with Akane…which turned out to be less of a truce and more of an engagement proposal. A devious stratagem she no doubt thought would allow her to secure her precious airen, but such things have a way of going horribly right.
Ranma agreed reluctantly, wondering whether to tell them both the real reason for her reluctance. Giving Konatsu the nyannichaun curse would mean there could be no going back, no more hiding.
They were a few short hours away from Jusenkyo when they camped for one last night. Ukyo and Konatsu shared a tent, though they were very adamant it was entirely chaste. Shampoo and Akane turned in, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He sat out under the stars, tending the dying embers of the campfire.
His thoughts turned to Konatsu's anguish. Being open and accepted as a woman hadn't fixed the problem. It still gnawed at her, something that the kunoichi could not put into words, something Ranma had no way of understanding. His fists unconsciously tightened. Whatever demons haunted his friend…it was more important than saving face or his own pride.
He felt someone sit on the log on either side of him. A sleepy Amazon cuddled up on his left, nestling her head on his shoulder. Akane pressed up on his right, wrapping her arm around his back.
"Airen should come sleep," said Shampoo. "Big day tomorrow."
"Not my big day."
"Ranma, you can tell us the truth," Akane whispered.
Maybe. It hurt to think of the alternative. He had a lot of doubts about this. Always wondering whether Shampoo and Akane were in a strange honeymoon period. Worried they only wanted one half of him. Whether they could survive Cologne's machinations, or taking the next big step in their relationship.
"I've been keeping a secret from both of you."
"Oh? What's that?" said Akane, leaning her head on his other shoulder.
"My curse…it's not a curse," he said quietly. "Not to me. I've been afraid to say it. When I have, I've laughed it off. But I really mean it."
Akane laughed gently. "That's good. I've been afraid you were coming here jump into the Spring of Drowned Boy and rid yourself of it."
"Why would you be afraid of that?" he said, blinking.
"Cuz Akane no like boys."
"Shampoo, what did I say about language?" scolded Akane.
Shampoo recited. "'Either speak Japanese correctly, or stick with Mandarin.' Fine, sue me if I like the old shtick. Point is, Akane isn't attracted to your boy side."
He fell off the log, taking them with him.
"You didn't have to be that dramatic," cried Akane.
"Sorry…I just. Damn. What about all those times we made out?" said Ranma.
"Idiot…I love you whatever form you take. That will never change. I'm surprised you didn't notice all the times there just happened to be cold water nearby."
"We've all been learning new things about ourselves," Shampoo said, kissing his cheek. "Sham—I'd miss your girl half too. But I'm rather fond of both."
The fateful morning came. Konatsu hadn't slept a wink. Ukyo had promised to stay awake with her, but she'd nodded off around the witching hour. The kunoichi didn't care; watching Ukyo sleep cuddled up close to her had given her something to focus on.
Ranma roused them just after first light. It hadn't escaped Konatsu's notice that Ranma was in her girl form. The cool morning air helped with the drowsiness, but did little to quell the nausea in her belly. She skipped out on the delicious breakfast Shampoo was preparing, not sure if she could keep it down. The Amazon didn't seem offended.
When they finished breaking camp, Ranma took her hand and led her down the path. Before she knew it, the fabled land cursed springs were upon them. It didn't look as majestic or ominous as her gut seemed to think it would be.
It was a bunch of shallow pools with bamboo poles sticking out of them to trap idiots who thought the place had mystical properties for balance training. Other than that, it looked like the rest of Western China: rolling hills and tall mountains dotted with pine trees.
Ranma found Nyannichuan without the guides help. The redhead turned to smile at her as she stripped off her outer layer, down to her boxers and a-shirt. "Konatsu…I'll be with you every step of the way."
The kunoichi nodded, and with some reluctance began to remove her kunoichi garb. Stripped down to her fundoshi, exposing her mismatched body to the world, she shivered with fear. Her feet wouldn't move, no matter how much her heart knew she needed this. She felt horrified, being seen like this, especially by Ukyo. The chef looked at her, worry in her brown eyes.
Ranma suddenly scooped her up into a bridal carry. "Like I said, I'll be there with you," she said with a smile.
Ranma was good at hiding it, but Konatsu could feel the pounding of Ranma's heart and the tense coils of anxiety in her muscles. Still, she took one baby step after another, stopping only to test the chilly spring waters. Before she knew it, her body was hovering mere inches above the waters of the spring.
"Are you ready?" Ranma whispered.
The air was still. The warm sun glowed on her. Her trembling stopped. She looked over at Ukyo, waiting at the spring's edge. The chef clutched at her chest, tears in her eyes. Ukyo nodded, and Konatsu remembered her last words before nodding off: "I love you."
Konatsu looked back up at Ranma. Her friend, someone to guide her down this path. It struck her how much she used to loathe Ranma, and how blessed she felt to count her as a friend. Especially now that she was taking this plunge. She nodded and unwrapped her arms from Ranma's neck. She closed her eyes, arms spread on either side.
The cold water drove the breath from her lungs. She only felt the shock of the plunge, and in a panic worried that nothing had changed. She kicked violently in the water, but Ranma held on. She gasped for breath as she was pulled from the water.
"It's okay, I've got you!" cried Ranma.
In truth, she didn't feel much different. She had felt like shit before, and now she felt like cold, wet shit. But Ranma was crying tears of joy as she climbed the embankment and set Konatsu down on unsteady legs. Ranma held her up as Ukyo wrapped a rough wool blanket around her, and when Ranma let her go she fell boneless into the chef's arms.
She noticed something that wasn't there before squishing into Ukyo's chest. Her hand trembled as it went up to her chest. She cried out when she found the fleshy mound of her breast, the size of an orange in her hand. "Did it…it really worked?" she said.
"It did, sugar. It did," said Ukyo before pulling her into a kiss. It wasn't like how she'd dreamed their first kiss might be. It was rather colder, soggier, and so much more rushed than she would have liked. There were no candles, no fine linen tablecloths, no bouquet of roses, but she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Konatsu kissed back sloppily, her heart soaring.
Akane offered her a mirror when she found the strength to stand on her own. Her face looked back at her for the first time. She supposed that while it was a bit more refined and elfin, most people would have a hard time telling much of a difference. But all the things that mattered, like the thin stubble she had to shave off every morning, had been set right.