So… This is what Rose meant by feeling the darkness. I sat in a bathroom stall at Amberwood, gripping my head between my hands. I tried to rub my temples but the mental pressure was too great and I bit my lower lip. If what Rose had uncomfortably brushed over, trying to keep my exposure to Spirit limited, no doubt, was true, I could take the pain away from Adrian. After Sydney had been taken, he had spiraled out of control and as the days passed with no news I knew that it was only getting worse for him.
I had barely been able to slip out of class before his feelings took over and I knew that my absence would be noted eventually. What would happen if I took in some of the darkness? Everyone had seemed to think that it would be a bad idea to tell me what happened when Rose had done it for Lissa though I had fragmented bits of overheard words that Rose's typical violence multiplied after taking the darkness.
My chest cramped as another wave of sorrow swept through Adrian. It had been only a few days since Sydney had been taken and my heart ached, too. Not only did I have Adrian's feelings and thoughts but I also had my own to manage. I still did not fully understand how much exactly his emotions played on how I viewed her but I still loved and appreciated Sydney for being there and helping me transition into Amberwood.
I didn't realize that I was crying until a tear splattered on my knee. I frowned and tried to pull myself together. Everyone, well, besides my "family", thought that Zoe and Sydney had left to study abroad. Sure, they expected us to miss them but not "crying-in-a-bathroom-stall" miss them. Plus, my complexion still stood out to my classmates and I didn't want a blotchy face to draw more attention than missing class already had.
Come on… What would Mom say in a situation like this? My mom had no idea where I was, nor that I was Shadow-kissed, but I still kept wishing that I could get some advice from her. I could almost hear her voice telling me, "Oh, Jilly-Bean, the least you can do for the poor man is take away some of his pain. He is the reason why you didn't die, after all."
With that, I convinced myself that it wouldn't hurt to at least try to take some of Adrian's darkness. I closed my eyes and awkwardly stuck out my hand, thinking that maybe if I focused it would be like physically reaching for and grabbing the pain that swelled around the bond. Almost instantaneously I gasped as a fury of emotions overwhelmed me and settled in my core. During my psychology class we had gone over the different, more common, mental illnesses and I felt bits of, well, all of them as the darkness covered me. I longed for a drink to dispel the overwhelming anguish and almost wished to break the promise to Sydney and take a shot and smoke a pack of cloves.
I rocked back and forth on the toilet, snarling as I pulled at my hair and tears flowed freely down my cheeks. No. We are stronger than this. I challenged the pain, grounding myself in the moment, drawing my attention to the sound of the leaky faucet right outside of the stall. A few moments later I was able to stand up and risk a look into Adrian's mind. I still found it hard to believe that I could intentionally peer into it now since it had only been a few months after he brought me back to life, but at times like this I appreciated the fact that I could do it.
He was munching on cashews on his couch, his eyes wet with tears and his hand curled around Hopper in his crystal form. Though he was still shaking I knew that the Spirit episode was over and that he was calming down. I sighed in relief and exited the stall, thankful that no one else had been in the bathroom to witness my own episode.
At the sink I checked myself in the mirror. In less than a year I had gone through far more than my little Mastrano heart ever dreamed of. Yes, I was no longer as klutzy and socially awkward as I was when I first met Rose Hathaway. In fact, though I still had no control over my own love life, let alone everything I'd been subject to because of Adrian, at least I had much better control over my hair and even magic. Though I had thought that Air had been my specialization during middle school I was far more content, though surprised, when my skills in Water took control.
Looking at myself in the mirror though I knew that I still had a lot of growing left to do. It was hard to believe that Moroi, living vampires that used magic, could use more than just physical, elemental, magic. Growing up we only learned about Air, Earth, Fire, and Water but now, new Spirit users seemed to be popping up every other day. Before, Spirit users just thought they never specialized and maintained a steady control over all of the elements. Adrian was one of them and after being in his head, mentally that is, I did not envy them one bit, especially right now after taking some of the nasty side effects from him. However, Spirit was the only reason why I was alive today.
Though, if my life hadn't been drastically changed in the past year I never would have needed Spirit in the first place. I brushed my hair out of my eyes and tried to smile at my reflection, sighing when I realized that it was pointless. Queen Vasilisa, er, my sister Lissa, would have been able to compose herself quickly. I pressed my nails into my palms then shook my head. Lissa is older than you and has had more time to get use to Spirit, stop beating yourself up. Lissa also knew she was a royal from birth, you haven't even had a minute to sit down and come to terms with being a Dragomir.
The bell rang and I ran out of the bathroom, trying to get back to my classroom before the next one started. Though I was taller than most of the girls and even some of the boys in the hallway none of them seemed wary of me anymore. When I first came to Amberwood, still shellshock from my assassination attempt and, well, of being a crown princess, I had had trouble fitting in and making friends. I had eyed Sydney and even Eddie almost jealously, wishing that I had the ability to adjust as well as them. It was only after a flirty, though short-lived, relationship with a human that I had been able to finally feel comfortable. Micah had been incredible but I could never tell him that I, as a Moroi, had fangs and needed blood to survive. Even just kissing him had come too close to exposing my secrets.
I grabbed my bag from my history class and ran into Angeline on the way to one of the few courses that we managed to share: a sewing class. Though I had been in the sewing club the semester before there was actually a sewing class offered at Amberwood. Angeline loved it and sewing was honestly the one course, besides the swimming class we also took together, that she was acing. Since she had been raised by the Keepers, it wasn't surprising that she would know how to sew. However, the fact that she had the patience to learn how to use a sewing machine and not destroy it or anything else in the room was pretty impressive.
"You look terrible," she said and I wished that she had thought to whisper when a few people looked over at us.
"Angeline," I sighed, having to look down because she was shorter than me, "that isn't exactly a socially acceptable greeting."
"Well, Princess," I cringed at the use of my title. Between her and the others I was surprised that no one asked questions. "I am just looking out for your wellbeing. Do I need to wrestle anyone for you? That new person they sent in is an easy-"
I clamped my hand over her mouth to silence her. Between the headache that had started to settle after taking Adrian's darkness along with the buzz from all the voices in the hallway I knew that I couldn't adjust the conversation to avoid anything that the general public shouldn't hear. She glared at me until she understood what I was doing.
"I'm sorry, Jill, I'm working on it," she said after I retracted my hand.
Her upraising had caused her social issues and I nodded my head, "I know, you're doing a lot better, too."
I had seen it firsthand. When I first came to Amberwood with just Sydney and Eddie I had roomed with Sydney. Angeline showed up later as extra security and though I certainly felt safer with her around it had taken a lot of getting used to, for both of us, to be around each other. It was crazy to think that before finding out I was a Dragomir I would only have one dhampir guardian, if I was lucky, after graduating from the guardian-rich Academy. Currently, since I had to leave Saint Vladimir's when I became a target, I have three. Angeline, Eddie, and a second man, Neil, were all half-Moroi, half-human. I knew that Eddie and Neil had a dhampir parent as well as a Moroi but Angeline had a human parent: her mother. The reproduction of dhampirs was strange but created great body guards. They had the immune system and other goodies of vampires with the hardiness of humans; the only issue? Two dhampirs couldn't reproduce with each other.
Angeline was the first Keeper I had ever met and honestly I don't think I'll ever want to go to their camps or even meet others. They lived in camps that were almost like Communes in a way: free love, no technology. Embracing interspecies relationships as well as polygamy, ignoring the outside world to continue their taboo practices. Dhampirs and Moroi married there and even humans joined the fray. And by fray, I mean the legitimate fray. When Angeline mentioned wrestling she was honestly excited at the thought. Fighting was used by the Keepers for everything, including but not limited to: celebrating, testing one's worth, and just, well, a fight could break out over anything, really.
To the rest of the supernatural world, only Moroi married Moroi while humans, willing and consenting humans, were only present to give blood. The Keepers, however, also let their mates draw blood during sex, something made even more kinky if dhampirs did it. Bloodwhores. They had their own Communes that housed dhampirs selling their bodies and blood to Moroi for the high of vampire saliva when they feed from them. Dhampirs marrying in general was scandalous, they just couldn't get a break marrying any species. Marrying a Moroi was shameful, marrying another dhampir, with guardian numbers dropping, was scandalous, and marrying humans was unheard of.
My thoughts began to focus though when the teacher starting talking about the final project. Though it was still two months away I was excited to start thinking about ideas for the fashion expo that the class, in addition to the sewing club, would be hosting.
Angeline seemed to notice the change in my mood and a smile came over her lips. I knew that it wasn't for the expo and I smiled back at her. Yes, Angeline had grown a lot in the short time that she had been away from the Keepers.
~x~X~x~
When the school day was over and after stopping by the dorms quickly to change out of our uniforms, I was excited to walk with Angeline to the spot where Neil and Eddie were waiting for us. We had picked up on physical training after Sydney left to every day, except for feeding days, instead of twice a week as a way to fill our time and try to distract us from her absence. Though I was happy that Angeline didn't hold back as much from me as Eddie did it still wasn't quite enough for any of us not to miss our blonde leader.
Our meeting spot was on one of the fields Amberwood didn't use as much. After being around Dimitri and Rose, Eddie based a lot of his training methods on what he saw Dimitri using. So, as the sun began to set we started with running laps. I had to set the pace and Angeline ran next to me with the two guys behind us. I knew that having me at the front was the best way to make the workout fair but I still felt bad about how slow I ran compared to what the dhampirs were capable of. Yes, and they've been running laps since they were six, you've been training for only a few weeks I chastised myself, trying to press harder as I rounded the corner. It was tough though trying not to compare myself to them.
Eddie didn't really care how far we run, he always stopped us after the fifteen minute mark. I was proud that I could run further with every passing day and wind up less out of breath, too. Angeline gave me a light shove when Eddie congratulated me on completing two miles. I didn't really notice her, though, because his smile was so… affectionate? My eyes widened in shock. I thought he hadn't been interested anymore. Neil stood to the side drinking some of his water but I think that he, too, noticed the look Eddie was giving me.
My legs were tender, but not as weak as the first training session had been. When we moved to squats next I was pleased that I managed two sets of thirty. Angeline clapped for me, too, throughout my two minute plank. My body was getting stronger and stronger. Angeline helped me stand and suddenly, I felt a blow to my lower back.
Against my knees desire to fall, I ducked low to the ground and spun on my heels, my ears and eyes alert for an attacker. I saw Eddie's shoulder a moment before it would have crashed into my stomach. Just as he was about to hit me, I slid underneath him, taking a knee, before standing up again, catching his abdomen with my own shoulder. His "oomph" of surprise was cut short before he, too, began watching me to see what I would do next.
Typically against the dhampirs I was put on the defensive. However, after seeing that I had been able to surprise Eddie, I wanted to see how well I could attack. We circled each other and I tried to focus on everything that I had been taught though I knew to beat Eddie I also had to rely on things they hadn't taught me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Angeline and Neil sitting in the grass watching us intently.
I saw Eddie's eyes brighten when he decided to take the offensive. No. I wouldn't let him win again, I didn't want to wind up on my butt. As he shot forward I closed my eyes and kicked up, going nearly horizontal, as I drop-kicked him. My foot connected with his stomach, though I had been hoping for his chest, and he fell back. On his butt. Granted, I landed far less graciously on my hip and I yelped from the pain. The dhampirs were all on their feet before I could blink but I, too, managed to stand. Before they could ask if I was ok I screamed out a battlecry and jumped on Eddie.
He was too surprised to stop me and ended up landing on his back, this time with me on top of him. Eddie noticed our proximity first and I blushed when I realized that I was straddling him. "Pinned you," I said weakly, trying to distract us both from the warmth.
Eddie smiled and shifted, pushing me onto my back. I glared and used all of my strength, surprising both of us when I flipped us back over, "P-pinned you again."
Stoic Neil at that moment started singing Can You Feel the Love Tonight which caused Eddie and I to both jump up from the ground, brushing the dirt and grass from our clothes. Angeline burst out laughing and I looked at her, horrified, when I realized that my tanktop had been ripped down the front from mine and Eddie's "fight".
"Please, wear this," I was too in shock and trying to hold together the pieces of ripped fabric to process was Eddie was doing. That is, until he was pulling his own shirt over my heard. "Practice is over for today, the pupil has surpassed the master."
Neil and Angeline murmured that they were heading off to dinner while I stood, stuck, to the same spot. Eddie seem just as baffled as me. After Angeline had left him for Trey I was hesitant to try for anything, though that stolen kiss I gave him still lingered in my mind.
"A-are you hungry? I mean, we should join them. That is, if you're hungry. We don't have to go." I stuttered, blushing madly. Eddie was looking over my body though, taking in the way his t-shirt looked covering me. Eddie was only a few inches taller than me but his shirt went to my thighs, covering up shorts that I had thought were longer.
I swallowed when I realized that it looked as though I wasn't wearing anything but his shirt. It also didn't help that he was now topless and standing extremely close to me. I was breathing heavily, the area buzzing with electricity. I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted to melt in his arms and forget about Adrian and Sydney, I wanted to get rid of the anxiety that had been eating away at me.
Closing my eyes I leaned towards Eddie, praying that his lips would reach mine. Instead, his hand gently held my shoulder. "We should get you back to the dorms," he said gruffly.
"But… Eddie…" I whispered, disappointed.
"I'm sorry, Princess," I winced at the title, "but you know that I… can't."
As we walked I noticed my cheeks were wet again with tears. Highschool sucks.
~x~X~x~
A/N~ Hello, Loves! Welcome to my baby, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I haven't written a fanfic since highschool so I hope that this one is off to a good start. Chapters should be out at least once a week, hopefully more depending on classwork. Check my page for any news and whatnot! See you next chapter, stay safe!
PS~ Sorry for the EXTREMELLY cheesy title, trust me, it fits very well!