This week I heard a new song, and of course the first thing I thought of was Rookie Blue. So I thought I'd try my hand at a Songfic; I hope you like it.
The song is I Can't Love You Back by Easton Corbin and I own no part of it or Rookie Blue.
Sam woke up and groaned when he heard the music; it was definitely Saturday morning. Every time they had a Saturday off, Andy would get up early, turn on her country music and start cleaning.
They kept things fairly neat so it never took long. But she liked to take the time when she could and she enjoyed the chance to listen to 'her' music without the grumbling. The best part for Sam was that she did it in her tank top and shorts, and sometimes he would stand quietly in the hallway watching her until she noticed him.
But when Sam got up, she always stopped so they could make and have breakfast together, then they would both finish up whatever she had left so they had the rest of the day to themselves. This Saturday was no different.
Sam wasn't a big country fan – he loved his classic rock. However, he found that it was starting to grow on him. A lot of the stuff wasn't too bad; some of it he even enjoyed – the more upbeat ones anyway. But he was always leery of the slow songs. If they were about love, they generally made him smile as he thought about the love of his life, up early cleaning in the next room just so she could spend the rest of the day with him.
But if the songs were sad, he did not enjoy them. They generally made him think about his family – the death of his mother, his sister's all consuming fear and sadness, or the abandonment from his father. These were memories he'd just as soon forget.
But he had never heard this song before so he listened closely, his mind shifting immediately to Andy.
I can love you in the morning
I can love you all day
I can love you even more when I get home
I can love you every second
to the ends of the earth
Where needing you's the only thing that's on
my broken one track mind
Sam definitely loved her. When she finally gave up on her futile attempt at a relationship with Callahan, Sam was there to show her what the real thing was supposed to feel like. It didn't take long for both of them to realize this was it for them. And if Sam had his way he would love her in the morning, all day…for the rest of his life.
And there was no time like the present. He pulled the covers back, planning to go out there and drag her back into the bedroom they now shared. He was stopped in his tracks though, when the chorus pulled his thoughts in a completely different direction.
Girl, I love you crazy
It comes so easy, after all we had
I could love you with all my heart
But the hardest part is
I just can't love you back
Sam was not one to show his emotions – well other than anger…and of course jealousy if another man put so much as a hand on Andy. But he couldn't help the tears that started to cloud his eyes. He thought about how close he had come to losing Andy last week, and how hard it would have been if he couldn't "love her back".
Flashback
As soon as it became public knowledge that Sam and Andy were a couple, their days of riding together were over. Although they weren't counting on it, they still tried to make their case to Frank but he had said it was out of his hands – department rules. From then on, Sam rode mainly alone while Andy was paired with Diaz.
That afternoon, a disturbance call had come in from a housing project that was well known to the division. Sam had heard Chris and Andy take the call on the radio but to his dismay, he wasn't close enough for backup. He was relieved when he heard that Shaw, along with Epstein, was on his way too. He knew Andy was a good cop, but his stomach always tied up in knots when he heard her voice on the radio heading to a scene where weapons were involved.
Sam was uneasy, and he wasn't busy at the moment so he unconsciously made his way towards the location. About 10 minutes went by before he heard Diaz shout "Officer Down" into the radio; Sam's gut was churning again. He flipped on the lights and raced to the scene.
By the time he got there, two subjects had been taken down and were being led away by Shaw and Epstein. Sam didn't even have to say anything, he just looked at Oliver who motioned him around the back.
The minute Chris saw Sam's face, he felt even worse. When Sam rounded the corner, his eyes were moving around like a caged animal trying to find its only escape. He needed to see Andy – the only thing that would free him from the trappings of his own mind. He locked eyes with Chris and Sam could see the apology in them.
Chris felt like he let Sam down; he was Andy's partner and was being counted on to have Andy's back. It was his duty because of the code they all lived by, but he felt even more pressure to do it for Sam, the man who loved Andy.
Sam just waved him away. He couldn't worry about that right now, but he wasn't holding it against Chris and Chris knew that. Sometimes things just went sideways.
Chris continued putting pressure on Andy's wound, as Sam grasped her hand and yelled into the radio. "Where's EMS?"
Not two minutes later, they rounded the corner to load Andy up on the stretcher. Sam walked along side as they moved to the ambulance. He threw his keys at Oliver and climbed into the back with Andy. "Someone has to take my car." He ordered.
Andy's eyes finally opened at the panic she could hear clearly in Sam's voice and she put her hand to his face trying to calm him. "Sam."
"Shhh…Andy, please just save your strength." He pulled her hand from his face but held onto it for dear life. He was terrified that if he let her go, he wouldn't get her back.
The EMT's worked on her the whole way there, while Sam's face paled with each block. Andy could see how worried he was and she squeezed his hand. When he looked at her, she winked – a silent promise that she was going to fight for them both.
Sam started to smile until her eyes started to close. He looked up in fear at the attendant.
End Flashback
He would be lost without her. And as much as he loved her, he knew it wouldn't have been enough to save her. The thought almost made him sob out loud. Now that they were finally together, his feelings had grown even stronger and he couldn't imagine his life without Andy – his mind refused to go there.
He thought he had a full life before – good job, good friends. He never lacked for something to do, but it wasn't the same anymore. Now he shared all those times with Andy too. Even when she was away just for a night, he felt the loss. He would hang out with the guys and she had her ladies nights, but he always found himself unconsciously reaching for her or turning to say something to her before realizing that she wasn't there. If he had to spend the rest of his life like that, he couldn't do it.
I could write a thousand letters
Call a hundred times a day
Or try to drown my sorrow at the bar
I could go down to the church
Get on my knees and pray
But it still won't change the way things really are
Won't bring you back again
He would have too. Maybe not the letters, but he definitely would have become a fixture at the Penny. If he was being honest, he could actually see himself broken beyond repair – relying on the alcohol to get him through just like Andy's dad used to. Andy would have hated that, but Sam knew it wouldn't have stopped him. He just wouldn't be able to cope on his own.
And he actually did pray that day. Harder than he ever had before and thankfully his prayers were answered. She stayed with him and he wasn't forced to spend the rest of his life wishing he had her back.
Flashback
Andy was unconscious when they reached the hospital but the attendant assured Sam that she was still alive.
They rushed her in immediately, and all Sam could do was wait for news. He sat quietly with his head resting in his hands, begging God to please keep her safe.
Chris came to wait with Sam, sharing only the condensed version of what happened. They had subdued the first subject when a second subject came from out of nowhere and knifed Andy before trying to escape. She went down and Chris stayed with her as Oliver and Dov gave chase. Sam was in no condition to discuss any further details.
The doctor came out after a couple of hours to let them know that she'd lost a lot of blood and there was some minor damage to her liver. But they were able to repair everything and she would be fine. If the knife wound had been any higher, the damage would have been more extensive. She was lucky.
End Flashback
Girl, I love you crazy
It comes so easy, after all we had
I could love you with all my heart
But the hardest part is
I just can't love you back
I can love you for all I'm worth
To the ends of the earth
But I just can't love you back
That had been the worst two hours of Sam's entire life, but he was the lucky one. He could still love her every day and he wasn't going to waste another second. He walked out to the living room and startled her as he grabbed her hand. But it was a pleasant surprise when he spun her around sweeping her up in a kiss.
"What was that for?" She said, her smile weakening when she saw that his eyes were glassy.
"Sam" she said gently as she placed a hand on his cheek.
"God, I love you." He said.
She smiled again. "I love you too"
They kissed again before she leaned away. "Are you ready for breakfast?"
"No." And he started leading her back to the bedroom.
She wasn't sure where all this was coming from so she tugged on his hand to stop him for a moment. "Is everything OK, Sam?"
"Yes…but only because you're here."
She realized what this was about. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You better not." And he tried to smile, but it wasn't happening. He was still working too hard to suppress all the other emotions that had made their way to the surface. "Come on. I need to hold you."
This time she followed him without hesitation. He climbed onto the bed pulling her body against his, and they just held on for what seemed like hours. They hadn't really talked about it much, but it looked like the time had come.
"It was a really close call." He said weakly.
"I know." She returned quietly.
"I can't lose you, Andy. Not now." Sam replied hoarsely.
"I'm sorry I scared you."
Sam loosened his grip so he could lean back; he needed her to see his face. "Andy, I wasn't just scared; I was terrified. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."
"Sam, you're the best part of my life too." She returned.
"Well, I'm glad we finally agree on something."
They both chuckled at Sam's attempt to lighten the mood.
"So are you just going to hold me or are you going to show me how much you love me." She said teasingly.
"Oh I'm going to show you." Sam said, but instead of reaching for her body he took only her hand as he pulled out a ring and smiled.
"Andy McNally, will you marry me?"
Tears were streaming down her face. "Yes," was all she could manage as he slid it on her finger.
Sam couldn't help the tear that escaped his eye before Andy grabbed him and hugged him tight.
"So are you just going to hold me or are you going to show me how much you love me." He teased back.
"Oh I'm going to show you." Andy said as she grabbed Sam and rolled him onto his back.
She quickly removed her tank top before sliding back down to him bare chest meeting bare chest. Sam moaned at the contact before she captured his lips, caught in the bliss that was now their life.
She was going to love him for all she was worth and he was so thankful to be able to love her back.
A.N. Probably the perfect song for character death, but I just can't go there.