Disclaimer: I don't own Toph and Zuko. I don't own TLC. And there's no such thing is … unless there really is, I don't own it.
TOPH TRIES TO BE A DJ
Zuko has a sideline job. He wasn't only a hot actor playing prince, he was also a DJ. A late night Dj which girls and some guys would call for at night and ask for love advice. Yes, he's a love consultant DJ.
One time, Toph stopped by to see how he was going. And the producer was so proud he asked Toph to be on air with Zuko for just one night! And she said yes!
Zuko: Good evening folks this is your Blue Spirit signing in. Before I receive any calls, I want to inform everyone that my co-star, Toph Bei Fong is here with me. And she's going to give advice for our callers as well.
Toph: Is this thing on? Hello? Hello?
Zuko: (away from the mike, but can still be heard on air) shh! Toph you can't say that.
Toph: Oh, sorry. Hello everyone! It's me! Melon Lord! Muwahahahaha!
There was applause as sound effects.
Zuko: Okay, before we're taking calls; here's a song for everyone.
Zuko played a song. And afterwards, they received a call.
Zuko: Our first caller for the night is a female. Hello, this is the Blue Spirit. And this is?
Purple: Ahem, you can call me Ms. Purple.
Zuko: You're voice seems familiar.
Purple: Oh really? But this is the first time I've called your program, Blue Spirit. (nervous)
Zuko: No…I think I heard it somewhere before….
Toph: Yeah me too….
Purple: Uhm… so, about the advice….
Zuko: Oh yeah. I almost forgot. So tell me, uh… us, Ms. Purple, what seems to be the problem?
Purple: Oh… well you see, I have this boy friend. We've been going out for sometime now. And… well, whenever, we'd argue, I just can't help seeing him watch the moon.
Zuko: The…moon?
Purple: Yes, the moon.
Zuko: What's up with the moon?
Toph: The Stars!
There was a laughing sound effects, they guy with the technical staff pressed the button.
Zuko: ….okay… I mean. What's bothering you about it?
Purple: Well, you see. His ex girl friend (putting pressure on it) is quite symbolized by the moon.
Toph: So you're feeling insecure because you think he's thinking of his ex girl friend, am I right?
Purple: …uhm… I think so…
Zuko: Purple, you shouldn't think of it that way. Maybe he's just -
Toph: Well, I say you punch him on his left cheek, followed by the right. Then tell him to look straight in your eyes and your eyes alone!
Zuko: Toph!
Purple: You're right… I never tried that. Maybe if I did, maybe he'd stop.
Zuko: …uh, Purple?
Toph: You bet he's gonna! So you better tell him now 'cause I know there a full moon outside. So you better tell him not to look to the moon EVER again or I will send him to the moon myself! YA HEAR!
Zuko: calm down, Toph…
Purple: You're right! I'm going to tell him right now!
Toph: That's the spirit!
Purple: Oh my gosh, thank you! I'm going to give him a piece of my mind right now! (She hung up)
Zuko: She's gone…
Toph: Girls should be more superior in the relationship rather than boys.
Zuko: Looks like you're got plans for your future relationship right now. (calming down..)
Toph: I'm not saying that! (throws random stuff nearby, but Zuko evades)
Zuko: Uh huh. I'm glad we were able to help out with Purple's problem. Before we get a next caller, here's another song.
So when the song ended, they received another call.
Toph: HELLOOO! Welcome to…. What program is this again?
Zuko: This is TLC. True Love Conversations. This is the Blue Spirit, and Ms. Toph Bei Fong. And our second caller for the night is…?
Caller: Ugh… hellooo? (male voice groaning)
Zuko: Are you okay?
Caller: Not really…no.
Toph: What's your name then?
Boomer: Call me boomer.
Zuko: Well, good evening Boomer.
Toph: Boomer's a weird name.
Zuko: (away from the mike) Toph!
Boomer: Well, I'm a boomerang collector, and there's this game where I love throwing Molotov cocktails at the enemy whose name is Boomer.
Toph: What's a cocktail?
Zuko: a-ahem. Anyway. So Boomer, you called us because you happen to be having a problem in your relationship right now. How can we be of service?
Boomer: Well, my girlfriend's a total paranoid.
Toph: That sucks.
Boomer: She's jealous of my ex girl friend.
Toph: almost every girl is.
Zuko: Toph…
Boomer: But she's already gone.
Zuko: Gone? What? Is that a gone-gone? Or just gone?
Boomer: She's gone-gone.
Toph: Shot-gun!(trying to rhyme with the two)
Zuko: Dude, I'm sorry about it. So…when did you last talk?
Boomer: Just a few minutes ago. Actually, I wasn't able to speak because she just punched me on the face! Two times! TWO TIMES!
Zuko: Did you just say she punched you?
Boomer: Yes! I can't believe she did that! She was talking to the phone a moment ago, so I was waiting for her to stop, so I waited outside, in the balcony. Then she went out, shouted at my face, punched me, and left. I bet one of her friends told her to do so.
Toph: gulp…
Zuko: …. Oh…. I see. Well, did she say she was jealous of your ex girl friend?
Boomer: Well she did shout: "IF ALL YOU'LL DO IS STARE AT YOUR EX THE WHOLE NIGHT, I SWEAR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS UP THERE WITH HER!" and that was it.
Zuko: Uh, Boomer, no harsh words please. We're on air.
Toph: Well, your girl friend has issues.
Boomer: I know!
Toph: You should make her realize that she's wrong and she's being such a paranoid. So If I'm gonna give you some advice, here it is. SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS! Men are the stronger specie! Make her realize she's over reacting over a dead girl.
Boomer: What must I do?
Toph: Drop on your knees and ask her to marry you! She'll be shocked at the moment, she will forget she's even mad at you.
Boomer: But… We're still teenagers.
Toph: So what? Run away if you want! Post pone your marriage for a few more years, It could wait, but she'll love you more each day.
Boomer: But…
Toph: Do you love her or not!
Boomer: I DO!
Toph: Then do as you're told, soldier!
Boomer: Ma'am, yes. Ma'am! (then he hangs up)
Zuko: …
Toph: Whew. That was tough. I didn't know you work like this everyday Zuko. You must be tired all of those callers. Everyone has a problem, but they won't even try to solve it on their own. Buncha' losers.
Zuko: Uh…. I'm glad you're here to help with the advice and stuff.
Toph: His voice was awfully damn familiar.
Zuko: By saying so, I think you're right. Anyway, before we answer any more calls and play some music, I'm going to read a few text messages we received. Here are some…
Zuko: Blue Spirit, Toph is the Best! Glad you have her with you right now. –by XiaoXiao
Zuko: Blue Spirit, TLC has gotten more interesting with the Champ around. You should make her your co-DJ. –MeLoW
Zuko: Blue Spirit, call me Chopper. I have this problem. To tell you the truth, I'm a celebrity such as yourselves. I came across a fan based site, where there are written stories. And you wouldn't believe what they think of me! Almost all of them portray me as a rapist doing whatsoever bad things to anyone, hurting the heroine or being so inconsiderate! It hurts! I have a life too! And I don't want this! I don't want them to think of me like that! What must I do?
Toph: People are choosing nasty names to hide themselves nowadays… Chopper? What next? Harrier? Jet? Wait a minute…(realizes something)
Zuko: Chopper… I don't know what that has something to do with your love life… but if it does… Word of advice, don't let what they write bother you. Every writer has the right to write what they want to write. Okay, that was confusing. Anyway. What I mean to say is, it is fan based, illegal or not, they're just writing what they want to write. They are letting out their talents or skill. So don't let it get to you.
Toph: That's the same as quitting! If I were you, make an account and publish a story! Use their names and bash them with your stories! Make them look like good-for-nuthin' characters while yours is on top and the greatest! You got that! End of conversation.
Zuko immediately played a song, not wanting her to say anything more. Then he put another song, not wanting to receive any more calls or Toph giving advices anymore. But Toph complained so the consulting went on.
Zuko: Everyone... We're waiting for our last caller…(he says uncertainly)
Toph: Last caller already?
Zuko: Uh yes. (Because I still want my job, thank you very much)
Toph: Oh, I can't wait. Why isn't anyone calling yet?
Zuko: uh…
Actually, Zuko turned the phone off so it wouldn't ring. But the inconsiderate Technical staff turned it back again. So it rang a few times.
Toph: Yes! Another caller!
Zuko: Good bye, salary…
Caller#3: hello? (female voice)
Toph: Yo! What up?
Zuko: Hi. Good evening.
Caller#3: Hello, Blue Spirit. Oh, I'm so excited! I listen to your program every night! You really have such a sweet and romantic voice.
Zuko: Why thank you.
Toph: Yeah, yeah. But he already has a girl friend so hands off lady. You don't want a certain someone sending you flying darts out of nowhere.
Zuko: Anyway…. So, what might be your name, mademoiselle?
Honey: Aww… I really love your voice. Please call me Honey!
Zuko: Okay, Honey. You called, seeking for advice. What –
Toph: HAHAHA! Sure, and I'll call you darling! HAHA!
Zuko: Toph… stop it.
Toph: Do your thing, Z-man.
Zuko: So, Honey. (he shudders) What seems to be the problem?
Honey: Well, you see. I have boy problems.
Toph: Figures.
Honey: You see, there's this kid. He's in love with me, I can tell. But he's just a kid.
Zuko: Uh-huh.
Honey: There's also this hottie. But he's very self-centered. And I think he's homosexual since he's known chasing after this boy all over the world.
Zuko: ….what on earth…
Toph: Sush! This is getting interesting.
Honey: In fact, I'm not even in love with him. Everyone just tells me we look good together, like yin and yang. Well, I admit he's cute and hot. But I don't like his one track mind.
Toph: Go on.
Honey: There's also this traitor. He's a smooth talker and a charmer, problem is: I have no idea where he is. Last time I saw him, he's on the floor singing 'I'm a Barbie Girl' before we left him with his friends.
Toph: Totally weird.
Honey: Everyone wants me to choose from them. If I choose the kid, everyone will be like, "You're not suited at all! You're like his mother!" and when I choose the hottie, a war will start. And if I choose the traitor, well, who knows where he is! And I'm not even looking for him.
Zuko: What seems to be the problem in that?
Honey: You don't understand! I have to pick someone because I don't want my fans- ehm, friends to continue bickering like that.
Toph: Tough spot, girlie.
Honey: I know, right?
Zuko: I just noticed, one of your 'suitors' is oddly familiar. And I know someone with the same woes. Truth be told, you also sound like her.
Honey: Huh? Ahahaha… my friends all say that I sound someone they knew. Hehehe… (nervous)
Toph: Well, have you ever considering becoming a nun?
Honey: Yes. Once…oh, twice. But I can't. I have a heart ready to love. I can't be a nun.
Toph: Have you ever tried being a lesbian?
Honey: No… not yet.
Zuko: Oh no… don't tell me, you haven't thought of it and it's a great idea?
Honey: No, actually, I did. I'm just waiting for someone to give me permission to do so!
Zuko: Oh, heaven help me…
Honey: That is a great advice Toph. Now I wouldn't worry about boys.
Toph: I know. What else can I do, than being great?
Honey: I'll totally take that suggestion. Girls! Here I come! (hangs up)
Zuko: Well, will you look at the time!
Toph: I can't see…
Zuko: It's almost midnight. My, how time flies. We're going to have to stop here.
Toph: ALREADY?
Zuko: Uh yes…
Toph: That sucks. Hmm… I'm planning on going back tomorrow.
Zuko: What?
Toph: Of course! Why not? Hey, everyone! Text all your answers right now. Whether I'm coming back tomorrow or not. I'm counting on ya.
Suddenly the message center kept beeping and Zuko paled.
Toph: By the way, have you noticed the callers seem too damn familiar?
Zuko: Huh? Really? Well, I noticed, but they don't apparently ring a bell.
Toph: You're right. Like the first caller can't be Suki just because her boy friend have issues with the moon.
Zuko: You're right. It's purely coincidental. And our second caller, who happened to be the boy friend of the first caller can't be Sokka right? I mean, a lot of boys like boomerangs nowadays. Because unlike a boomerang, when you throw the girl away, she's definitely not coming back.
Toph: cough Mai cough.
Zuko: What?
Toph: Nuthin. Isn't Chopper weird too?
Zuko: Yes, a funny nick name, I admit.
Toph: What about the last caller? Does she really sound like the same girl you were referring to?
Zuko: Yes. A lot. But it was purely a coincidence. I mean it's not like she's Katara.
Toph: Yeah, Katara's stubborn and paranoid. But the last caller's totally different.
Zuko: Well, Toph, say good bye to everyone out there.
Toph: Thanks. I really had fun. I hope to do it again.
Zuko: gulp…yeah…me too. (Eyes twitching, smiling nervously…)
Toph: Oh, I have some news before I go. I made, technically, forced Teo to make me a website. So everyone who wants to talk to me and talk about random stuff, you can visit me there. We'll start a thread and make a conversation.
Zuko: What's the site address?
Toph: its ! Be sure to visit or I'll kick your asses to the moon!
Zuko: But, aren't you blind, Toph?
Toph: Well, yeah. So Teo installed me a narrator. But it can't read shortcut words though. Like: OMG! U R SO QT, M8!
Zuko: What?
Toph: Be sure to leave a review too!
Madness ends here….
Disclaimer: I don't own Toph's site. I don't own any characters, well, probably except for their incognitos. I also don't own Avatar School Shipping and Bending Battles.