"I don't know about this," Sam said. "How do we know it's really them?"

Joe narrowed his eyes. "Don't ruin this for me. If there's a chance that it really was Sonic the Hedgehog e-mailing me, then we're going through with this."

Sam closed his eyes and nodded, wondering why he'd agreed to accompany Joseph Birdsong on this strange endeavor. It had always been Joe's most private dream to be fucked senseless by Sonic the Hedgehog. Sam knew that, of course. But neither of them thought it would ever actually happen.

But here they were, in Mobius, standing outside of an elegant mansion. The uber had just dropped them off, and Sam was forced to pay the fee since Joe was so excited about meeting Sonic, he'd forgotten his Hello Kitty™ wallet in Arkansas.

Joe walked up to the mansion door and knocked. It opened almost immediately. And there he was. Sonic the Hedgehog. Green eyes sparkling, spiky blue body covered in a thin robe.

"I've been waiting for you, my love," the hedgehog whispered, staring up into Joe's eyes.

"Oh my fucking god," Joseph murmured. "It's really you."

Sonic opened the door wide and gestured for Sam and Joe to enter.

Sam felt a flutter of indecision in his stomach, but entered after Joe and allowed the door to close behind him.

The interior of the mansion was decorated lavishly. A diamond chandelier hung from the ceiling of the reception hall, and here and there along the walls were the trophies of Sonic's defeated enemies.

"What do you think?" Sonic asked, running a hand through his spiky blue hair.

Joe put a hand to his breast. "Totes fetch," he replied, tears glistening in his eyes. "I didn't know you'd be rich."

"I haven't been collecting gold rings for twenty-three years for nothing." Sonic reached for Joe's hand and Joseph took it without hesitation, allowing himself to be led by the tiny blue hedgehog up a spiraling staircase.

Out of the corner of Sam's eye, he saw Knuckles enter the room. The red echidna ran one of his spiked gloves against the wall, walking slowly towards the staircase. Sam blushed and followed after Joe, shaking off the distraction.

"Did you say you have a sex swing?" Joe asked, and Sonic shook his cobalt head.

"A sex wing."

"Like an entire wing of this mansion?" Joseph exclaimed,

The hedgehog laughed and disrobed in a flash, running up the rest of the staircase with Joseph close behind.

Sam felt something poke him in the butt, and turned around, startled, to find Knuckles flexing one of his spiked gloves. He hurried after Joe and Sonic but by the time he found the couple, they were lying in bed, already finished with each other.

"You came so… fast," Joseph exclaimed, a look of disappointment etched on his face. "I knew you were quick, but that was…"

Sonic smirked as he lit a cigar and puffed on it a few times.

"At least he's rich," Joseph thought to himself, watching his best friend Sam enter the sex wing. Knuckles entered the room behind Sam and Joe gasped. The red echidna was… sexy. Even sexier than Sonic.

Jealousy ran through Joe as he watched Knuckles take Sam's hand. At first Sam was reluctant, and then he followed Knuckles willingly.

Joe debated whether or not to look away as the echidna undressed his best friend, but decided against it and watched the whole thing.

"Oh my god," Sam muttered as the red echidna mounted him. "Oh my fucking god."

And then Knuckles fucked Sam.

"Scream my name!" Sam yelled as the echidna pounded his asshole. "Scream my name!"

"Ravioli!" the echidna growled.

"Louder!" Sam screeched.

"RAVIOLI. RAVIOLI." Knuckles bellowed, and then he came.

Nine months later, Joseph and Sonic were somewhat-happily married, and Sam gave birth to a baby boy.

"Let's call him Ravioli," Sam said, holding his child for the first time. "After our first meeting."

Knuckles chuckled and kissed Sam sensually.