Kirk walked into the diner, narrowly avoiding closing the door on his shirt.
"Hey Kirk," Luke muttered, walking by
"Hey Luke," Kirk sat down quickly, "Can I have a star-shaped grilled cheese?"
"Be here in a minute," Luke replied, heading behind the counter
"Actually, could you make it half star-shaped and half..."
Kirk stopped mid-sentence. He felt something.
"I'll be back in a minute," Kirk got up
/
Kirk stormed outside, in a state of seriousness.
"Hey Kirk, I need you to..." Taylor began
"Not now!" Kirk growled, shoving him aside
"Well excuse me!" Taylor threw his hands up in protest
Kirk walked to the town square, where the disturbance was coming from. Standing in the gazebo was a man who was out of place in Stars Hollow. He wore a custom-made Armani suit, and was on his cell phone. His expensive sunglasses only highlighted his wealth and distance from society. And he was leaning against his sword.
"Yeah, uh huh, shred that one," the man said, "No, keep that one."
"Ahem," Kirk cleared his throat, "I am Kirk Gleason, of Stars Hollow. I am a century-and-a-half old. Prepare to..."
The man held up his hand, signalling for Kirk to shut up.
"Just a sec," the man said, "Yeah? No, it's just some guy. Anyway..."
From his jacket, Kirk produced his saber, and swiped it through the air, slicing the man's hand.
"Ow!" he yelled
"I'm not waiting around for you!" Kirk informed
"Okay!" the man hung up his cell phone, "I'm Ansell Carson, I'm thirty-two years old. Prepare to duel. And make it quick, I'm playing racquetball in half an hour."
Kirk did nothing.
"What?" Ansell asked
"Your sword!" Kirk prompted
"Oh, right," Ansell face-palmed
Ansell lifted out his sword, a Katana.
"There can be only one!" Kirk said
At once, the two of them crossed swords. Kirk's was a finely-tuned swipe, designed for speed over strength, for accuracy. Ansell's was a strong, professionally-instructed sway, but with no real feeling.
/
"Are you seeing this?" Miss Patty asked
"Seeing what?" Luke muttered, pouring coffee
"Kirk's fighting someone!"
Luke looked up, and his eyes shot wide open. Everyone else in the diner saw it, and ran to the window.
"Is he mad?" Luke exclaimed, "Kirk's the finest swordsman in the tri-county area!"
"I wager ten dollars on the other guy!" Gypsy called
"That's insane!" Babette said
"I'll take some of that action," Sookie said
"Lorelei, Luke, can't you help him?" Jackson asked
"You know the rules," Lorelei said, "One-on-one only."
/
Kirk swiped at Ansell, slicing off his tie.
"That was a thirty-dollar Hugo Boss tie!" Ansell exclaimed
Furiously, he swiped at Kirk, but he was too fast, blocking it with the dull blade of his sword. Ansell then kicked Kirk in the leg, knocking him down. He dropped his sword.
"Dirty fighter!" Kirk accused
Kirk attempted to grab his sword, but Ansell kicked it away.
"Prepare to die..." Ansell grinned, swishing his sword around
Ansell slashed at Kirk, but the man was too fast. He jumped out of the gazebo, rolling underneath it. Ansell looked beneath him, attempting to determine where Kirk was.
/
"What's he doing now?" Rory asked, attempting to see over the crowd of people
"I don't know," Lorelei said, "I think he's hiding."
"Where's his sword?" Dean asked
"It's right next to the stairs," Miss Patty pointed out
"Hey, if Kirk loses, then who's going to do all his jobs?" Rory asked
"I guess we'll have to go without..." Luke began, "Wow. We'll have to go without a lot."
/
Kirk looked through the crack in the boards; Ansell was preparing to strike at him with his sword.
"Oh no!" Kirk exclaimed
The sword came crashing down, piercing Kirk's stomach and pinning him to the ground.
"Ah!" he groaned
Ansell leapt down to Kirk's level, and picked up Kirk's sword.
"My first real Quickening," he grinned, "I'm gonna enjoy this!"
He made his way towards Kirk, as Kirk tried to free himself. The sword was jammed between the wooden boards, his stomach, and the ground. He hastily punched away the boards, trying to get them to budge.
"Gleason!" Ansell called
Kirk turned his head to his left, seeing that Ansell was already there, holding a sword over Kirk's throat.
"Any last words?" Ansell taunted
Kirk's life flashed before his eyes. Growing up at the turn of the century, his thirteen brothers and sisters. He remembered growing up in Stars Hollow, he remembered dying there (many times), all the jobs he had taken. Telegraph operator, deputy sheriff, assistant to the town blacksmith, candlestick maker...he had even helped build the gazebo. It had changed so much, almost all of the support beams had been replaced. Except for the one...oh yes. Kirk lashed his foot out at the last original beam, kicking it clean in half.
"Son of a...!" Ansell began
The gazebo collapsed onto them.
/
Sometime later...
/
Kirk's fist punched through the wreckage, and he climbed out, pulling the sword from his stomach.
"Oh, that's going to hurt tomorrow..." he winced
Kirk ignored the pain, and began to dig through the wreckage. He saw a hand, and pulled at it, dragging Ansell up.
"Thanks," Ansell said, "Look, what's say we just..."
He attempted a sneak attack, slashing at Kirk with a knife hidden up his sleeve. It missed Kirk by an inch.
"Nice try," Kirk said
And with one swift flick of his wrist, Kirk decapitated Ansell. The man's head went falling to the ground.
/
"Did he get him?" Miss Patty squinted
"Yep," Luke nodded, closing the blinds, "Look away, everyone. It's gonna get flashy."
/
The Quickening started; there was a blast of electricity emanating from Ansell's body. Kirk dropped his sword, and extended his arms. Lightning zapped him, repeatedly.
"Aaaaaaaah!" Kirk yelled
The electricity overwhelmed him, he was lifted several feet into the air. Then it was over.
"Phew," Kirk wiped the sweat from his brow, "These things don't get any easier."
/
Kirk walked back into the diner.
"Good quickening?" Luke asked
"It was alright," Kirk shrugged, "Can I have that grilled cheese now?"
"Comin' right up."
"Hey Kirk, how old was that guy?" Rory asked
"Only thirty," Kirk replied, "Another one of those newbie immortals, thinks he can take on everyone in The Game."
"Did you take his sword?" Lorelei suddenly appeared next to Kirk
"What, this?" Kirk asked, "Oh, yeah. I don't normally do this, but..."
He slid the sword out of his jacket, and placed it on the table.
"It's a Katana," Kirk said, pronouncing it wrong
"Katana," Rory corrected
"Yeah," Kirk nodded, "Japanese. Do you want my old sword?"
"Sure," Rory smiled
Kirk pulled it out of his other pocket.
"It's a Union sword," Kirk explained, "From the Confederate War. Man, that was a weird few years. First time I got lynched."
"Cool," Rory gave the sword a little wave, "Thanks Kirk."
"Hey!" Luke warned
He pointed to the sign on the wall, saying 'no swords or cell phones'.
"Sorry," Rory reluctantly tucked it away