AN: Hello, everyone! As a huge fan of Ed Edd n Eddy (an in no way do I own any part of it) I give you a fanfiction that my friend and I came up with one night when we were too damn tired to think of anything else. A warning though: This contains heavy drug usage (aka lots of smoking weed), an Eddy/Brother brolationship, and some crazy weird shit that goes down between Kevin and Double D, eventually leading up to them being total gay lovers because who doesn't need more KevEdd in their lives? Anywho, here you go!
Click. Click-click. Click. He blinked. At one point or another, he put a triangular shaped chip in his mouth; not quite Doritos but not quite something else. It was off brand, as his mother would have it. In fact, it wasn't until recently that she was fine with him putting chips on the grocery list at all.
"Fuck you, man!" the redhead shouted. He pulled the cap from his head and wiped the beating sweat where the plastic band had set on his forehead.
"You must think faster, Kevin.." They sat their controllers down and picked up two different glass objects. Double D perched his lips around a small hole, placed his thumb on another and lit a small fire into a pack of green and orange nature. He inhaled slowly at first, making sure not to burn himself but just as the fire began to recede, he pulled his thumb off its hole and held in the smoke.
Kevin, on the other hand, stuck a long glass tube against his mouth and lit the identical nature as a few bubbles formed. From earth to air from fired through water. He pulled off the bowl and sucked in faster, letting the smoke hit the ice on the way up, cooling his throat. "Fuck," he muttered, holding his breath.
"It's good, isn't it?" Double D let all of the smoke from his lungs and sat back, feeling his eyes grow heavier and heavier. He couldn't help but smile as he stared back over at his best friend.
"Where do you find shit like this anyway?" Kevin released his breath.
"Eddy has some great connections. His brother really pulled through after that trip to Cali." Double D stood from the couch. The whole living room reeked of smoke and teenage boy musk. It was like a heaven for any loser burnout.
"Well, it's fucking spectacular," Kevin muttered as he picked up his controller again. "Oh, hey, can you snag me a Mountain Dew?"
"Not a problem," Double D said as he made his way to the adjacent kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled one out of the door pocket, bringing the other boy his drink.
"Thanks," he said, smashing some buttons again.
Double D grabbed a glass and pressed it to the freezer door ice dispenser. He began to pour water over the glass and slowly sipped, leaning against the kitchen counter. Things had been strange these past couple of years. A lot had changed, and he wasn't sure if it was him or Kevin that had changed the most. Growing up being bullied by someone doesn't usually make for a close friendship.
It all started back in middle school. The summer just before eighth grade, Eddy showed up to the park where they all played Yu-Gi-Oh on a picnic table with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face.
"What is it now, Eddy? Another scam?" Double D rolled his eyes. It had been a while since Eddy had actually tried to pull one on the neighborhood kids, as his scams seemed to be decreasing with time. Eddy shook his head, still keeping that smirk on his face.
"Are we going to Six Flags, Eddy?!" Ed smiled wholeheartedly.
"No, fuck face. Even better..." Double D had never approved of curse words being used, but ever since Eddy had gotten an internet connection in his house, there was no stopping his disgusting habit. The sock head decided to humor him, though.
"What might you have in your pockets?" Double D asked, noticing Eddy as he shuffled his hands around.
"I can't show you here," he said, the same grin still taped to his cheeks. "You'll have to come to my house and see for yourself," he said as he turned around. Double D raised one eyebrow as he looked over at Ed, whose cards were all already exposed and there was no hope for him to begin with. He began to pick up all of his cards from his mat and stacked them carefully into his deck box.
"Fine, Eddy. We will be there in just a few minutes." Double D helped his friend put his own cards up, since he always stacked them unevenly and some backwards or upside down.
"Take your time, ladies," Eddy's voice called as he continued walking towards his house.
A moment passed. "I have a weird feeling about this, my friend," Double D said as he looked over at the boy scratching his belly button.
"My tummy always has weird feelings, Double D!" he said excitedly. Ed stood from the bench and shoved the deck box into his oversized pants pocket.
"That cannot be healthy..." Edd muttered as he walked with the other boy to their friends' house.
They made their way up to Eddy's room and knocked on the door. "Come in," the voice inside had called.
"Eddy, if you do not have clothes on again, we are staying out here," the sock head huffed. "You can't just do that to a boy," he said as he shuddered from the last memory of him and Ed walking in to find Eddy's red butt cheeks mooning them.
"No, just come in before I strangle you morons," Eddy grunted as he kicked something strewn about in his room.
The door slid open to reveal a fully clothed Eddy standing exactly the same way from the park: hands in his pockets, a large grin and shoulders hunched up.
"What, Eddy? What do you want us to be looking at exactly?" Double D looked around to find nothing different about the room. Ed ran directly to one of Eddy's model cars and cooed at its beauty.
"Hold on..." Eddy said, walking behind his friend. He pulled out a key and locked the door from the inside, stuffing it into the crotch of his underwear.
"No, no, Eddy wait... Please don't shoot us with pee filled water guns again..! Mother made me take eight baths just to-" Double D said, interrupted.
"Relax, sock head. I'm not doing that. Today, boys, we are becoming men." Eddy pulled a small plastic bag from his pocket and held it between his fingers, holding that same, shit eating grin. Double D leaned forward to look at the bag and noticed the shape of the object inside to resemble broccoli without a trunk, dried and covered with what looked like frost or tiny sugars.
"Oh.. Oh, my goodness, is that... Is that DRUGS?!" he shouted under a whisper. His eyebrows furrowed and he shoved Eddy's hand down as he tried to get it away from his sight.
"No, you dumbass, it's just weed." Eddy picked it back up and smelled it. The smell was strong for such a small plant.
"Eddy, how did you- How did you even get that?! Eddy, put it back, we could get caught! We could- we could go to jail! Oh goodness, I can't fend well in jail! I'll be eaten in minutes!" He ran towards the door and shook the handle as he tried to turn it but failed to escape.
"Dude, it's okay. Remember when my brother came back last week for his birthday? He totally left this in his drawer for me to find! It's like he wants me to become a man!" Eddy rubbed the bag against his cheek as the quieter boy looked over at it.
"Do we eat it, Eddy?" Ed grunted apishly as he tried to lick the bag.
"No, you idiot, you smoke it," he said as he shoved Ed's face out of the way.
"Eddy, your brother is a deranged drug addict who treats you like dirt and everyone around him! You said it yourself, the only reason he even came back is because he thought that your parents would have gotten him a new stereo system for his stupid trailer for his birthday!" Double D shouted above his whispers.
"Yeah, well, maybe this is what he wanted to do too, sock head. Don't ruin it and just smoke it." Eddy pulled the small nug out from the baggy and smelled it again. It had such a unique smell but still reminded him of something he couldn't quite place his finger on.
"There is no way that I will ever smoke anything with you. You must think I'm some kind of idiot if you think I'm just gonna give into your ridiculous display of what you call 'manhood'. I can become a man my own way and I'd rather it be that than your idiocy." Double D crossed his arms and placed his foot firmly on the ground.
"Oh, you'll smoke it, Double D. And you'll love it." Eddy stood in front of his defiant friend.
"And what makes you say that?" Double D closed his eyes in spite.
"I've been waiting to use this on you for some time..." He leaned closer to the other boys' ear. "There's something I know about you that you don't know that I know but I can tell everyone and it'll ruin you..."
"Yeah, right," the taller boy said, rolling his eyes.
"Yeah. I know that you..." he began whispering as Ed watched.
"What is it, guys?" He jumped towards them and tried to listen. "Are you telling Double D how to beat the last level in Space Monkeys: Justice? C'mon, Eddy, I wanna know..!" he whined.
"..So if you don't smoke this with me, I'll tell everyone." Eddy grinned triumphantly.
Double D's eyes were wide and he bit his lip. "How did you.. How.. You... Wh-what..?" He gulped and took a breath as he tried to stand his ground. "N-no one will believe you, Eddy." He nodded even though his ankles were weak.
"Really, though, Double D? I'm your best friend... I could tell them that you think shit is a good disinfectant and you rub yourself with it every night before bed and they'd believe me." Eddy laughed slightly as he sat on his bed.
He had a point. And he had done things like that many times before, both growing up and recently. It was easy to spread lies about Double D. He didn't share a lot of information about himself with others so for all they knew, everything Eddy had ever said about Double D could be true.
"F... Fine. But just this one time, because I'll never trust you again after this, Eddy. Ever. And when it's done, I'm leaving..." Double D sat next to Eddy quietly. Ed hopped onto the round bed and began to make snow angels with the covers, laughing to himself.
"Good," Eddy said as he raised the nug to Double D's nose.
"Ugh, it smells disgusting... Are you sure it's not just some rotten vegetable? It wouldn't be the first time you found something like that in your brothers disgusting room…" He rolled his eyes as he watched Eddy look at the plant in his hand.
"Shut up," he said as he observed. He paused a moment. "..How the fuck are we gonna smoke this?"
Thank you so much for reading. I'm not sure how long this fic will last but hopefully a while, because my friend and I plan on stretching it out until their college years. This one is for you, Haylee! hahah. Please R&R!