Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own interpretation and the following words to express them. Oh, and whatever mistakes I've made. Author's note at the end.
The moment she opened her front door, the first thing Maura's brain registered was the smell of food. More precisely, a home cooked meal in the making. There was no mistaking it. Ever since Angela moved into the guest house and were allowed to use Maura's kitchen as much as she liked, these smells were known to greet her at all times of the day. Always welcomed, but especially after a long day at work - like now. She allowed herself a moment to take in the smell as she closed the door behind her.
"Angela, it smells wonderful!" She exclaimed as she made her way into the kitchen. Angela however, was nowhere to be seen.
Making a quick sweep of her surroundings to make sure she hadn't missed anything, she proceeded to make sure nothing was out of the ordinary with the food itself. The oven revealed a lasagna, the counters were clean, there was garlic bread waiting to be eaten, just as she suspected. A freshly tossed salad in a ceramic bowl, two glasses, and a bottle of wine - not yet opened.
"Angela?" It was not like Angela to not busy herself around the kitchen even when things seemed to be ready. That woman always found something extra to add, or would at times enjoy just watching the meal ready itself. To Maura, something felt out of place.
"Hey! You're back early?" Maura turned at the sound of Jane's voice, clutching a hand to her chest.
"Oh! You scared me... Indeed I am." She smiled.
"How was your day?" Jane asked.
"Surprisingly slow."
"What, no murders once I'm off the street for a few days?"
"You know, one would think the rate would go up. That is, if people were aware that Boston's finest detective was off the streets. But, no... No autopsies of a suspicious nature today. Haven't had one of those in a while."
The compliment wasn't lost on Jane, and she allowed herself the satisfaction of a smirk to go with it. A self satisfied smirk that wasn't lost on Maura.
"Maybe word does get around." Jane quipped. "Or... we just jinxed it. Quick. Let's eat before you get called to a scene." She made her way to the kitchen.
"Where's Angela?"
Half-way to retrieving a the freshly made lasagna from the oven, Jane turned to her with a curious look. "Ma? She's spending the day with TJ remember. Wouldn't shut up about it last night?"
Maura's confusion grew. "Oh. Yes, I remember." Her eyes followed the lasagna as it was positioned on the counter, steam wafting into the air, spreading the smell around. She caught Jane's gaze, looking rather.. what was that?
She shook her head. "I just assumed." Gesturing to the tasty lasagna now just moments away from being consumed by her taste buds. "That."
Jane smiled at her expectantly. "You. Maura Isles, assumed that this home cooked meal came from the hands of Angela Rizzoli?"
"Uhm. Yes?" Maura felt her voice reach a higher pitch than usual, and didn't quite manage to stop it in time. Before she could get into the multitude of questions currently in her head, Jane started laughing. A truly genuine laughter that warmed Maura's heart.
"Wait." She held a hand up. "Are you saying this wonderfully smelling home cooked meal is not your mother's doing?"
"Uh-huh."
"But... Jane?"
"I can't cook?"
"Exactly!"
"And how exactly do you know that?" Jane tried schooling her features, not wanting to show exactly how much she was enjoying this.
Speechless for all of 5 seconds, Maura stepped towards the counter, bent over and allowed her nostrils to take in the smell of lasagna. Using her hands to direct the smell to prove her point, she inhaled while closing her eyes.
"This... this smells just like Angela's lasagna."
"You're deflecting."
Maura stood up straight, aiming an almost believable appalled look at Jane. "I am not!"
"And now you're flustered because you got caught assuming."
"I am not!" There was that higher pitch again. Damn.
Unable to contain her laughter any longer, Jane let it out. Maura joined in seconds later.
"Can we just eat?" Jane asked, sobering up.
"You actually made this?" Maura could no longer contain her bewilderment.
"Hey. Leave me alone hanging around here, being bored and frustrated for too long..."
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be acting so surprised that you are able to cook. It's just... I wasn't expecting this, Jane." She clutched both palms to her chest to show her sincerity.
"Ma's recipe. I just followed instructions. That surprised me too." Jane gestured towards the table, where everything was prepped for a home cooked meal to be enjoyed by two people. "Sit."
Not knowing what to say, Maura simply followed instructions and approached the dining room table dutifully. Noticing the missing glasses, and suddenly remembering where she'd seen such glasses she made to turn around back towards the kitchen.
"Got it!" Jane exclaimed behind her. She turned around to see Jane approaching with two glasses filled with red wine. She sat them down at their designated places, and shuffled straight back to the kitchen. Not wanting to interfere in Jane's obvious control of things, Maura took a seat in the chair that gave her a clear view of how Jane seemed to be just that. In control. The mood felt light, something which she hadn't expected to come home to on a day like today.
As the lasagna was put in place, salad bowl brought over, and Jane approaching with the bread - Maura allowed her shoulders to drop. Thoughts of glaring similarities between mother and daughter was at the forefront of her mind, but she chose to keep them to herself. Instead she smiled expectantly and fondly at Jane as she took her seat at the other side of the table.
"You haven't tasted it yet, so keep the surprise under wraps, okay?" Jane chuckled uncomfortably.
"There is no way something that smells this exquisite tastes less than that." was Maura's reply, which seemed to loosen Jane up slightly.
"We're about to find out if that hypothesis is correct Doctor Isles. So dig in."
"Mmm. That was delicious." Dabbing the corners of her mouth with a napkin, Maura was no longer surprised. She was in awe.
"I'm glad. More wine?" Jane was about to stand.
"Wait." Maura put a hand to Jane's forearm which prompted her to sit back down. She directed a questioning look toward her friend.
"You're supposed to be resting, Jane. Let me get it."
As Maura went to get more wine, Jane was transported back to reality. It didn't go unnoticed when Maura returned. Topping up Jane's glass, then her own, she sat back down.
"So, how was your day? I mean... besides this." She gestured to the table.
Jane sighed. "Boring."
"If this is what happens when you're bored, I certainly don't mind." Maura laughed, but in solitude.
The room suddenly felt too quiet for Maura, so she kept on. "I really didn't expect this, and as much as I'm thrilled and very well fed..." Another brief laugh. "What I really need is for you to be okay."
Jane glanced up at Maura. "It was terrible."
Maura assessed the situation. "No. This was wonderful, Jane!"
"Not the meal.. Just.. Today." She sighed. "Terrible."
"What did you do?"
Jane turned her attention towards the couch in the living room. "I sat here. Staring at the wall, at the TV, at some of the magazines on your desk." She looked back at Maura, and whispered "Magazines that are not easy to digest." out of the corner of her mouth.
"I don't know. I'm not made for this, sitting around doing nothing." She picked at some remaining lettuce on her plate. "At one point I actually considered watching some of the stuff you have on your DVR."
Maura knew what that meant. Hours of documentaries or obscure movies that were not at all to Jane's standards of a good time. If not that, then she herself would have to endure hours of teasing due to some of the less than obscure choices that had made their way to her DVR over time.
"Anything to stop thinking." Jane's voice sounded hollow in the otherwise quiet room. Maura felt the need for a change of scenery.
"Let me clear the table. You go sit down, make yourself comfortable. I have some frozen yogurt in the freezer?" She looked for approval in Jane's eyes.
"Thanks." Jane muttered, and emptied her wine glass before making her way to the couch. She turned the TV off mute, and got situated. The sound of cheery commercials filled the room.
With everything cleared away, and with two bowls of frozen yogurt in hand, Maura got situated next to Jane. She handed one bowl over to Jane, who seemed startled at first, clearly engrossed in the screen before her.
"What are we watching?"
"Uhm." Jane, took a moment to think while taking the first scoop of her dessert. "Another re-run of Two and a Half Men."
"Seen a lot of those today?" Maura asked.
"Yeah."
"Say what you will about Charlie Sheen, but the show isn't the same without him." Maura stated.
"Yeah."
They sat in silence, eating their dessert and watching seemingly humorous moments appear before them on TV. The only laughter was from an audience no one could see.
With half of her bowl remaining, Jane set it on the table and dropped her head back, stretching her long legs to rest on the coffee table. She reached for the remote situated between them on the couch, and muted the TV. Maura straightened her posture.
"I just wanted to do something nice for you." Jane started.
Maura allowed the remainder of the taste of chocolate make it's way down her throat before setting her bowl next to Jane's. She kept her eyes on the quiet TV.
"It was very nice. You really are full of surprises."
Aiming the remote at the TV, Jane once again let the sound of laughter float through the speakers before muting it again.
The absurdity of it all hit Maura, and she couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. When the silence hit her again, she turned on the couch, propping her left leg beneath her. She graced her fingertips over the couch cushion next to Jane's shoulder.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She attempted.
Jane sighed, and unmuted the TV again to have another piece of perfected laughter hit the speakers.
"Jane."
The laughter died out and was replaced by dialogue that was meant to create more laughter. Jane muted the TV instantly. She dropped the remote on the couch, and closed her eyes.
"I wish I could talk about it." Jane's voice sounded meek. "Truth is, I don't even know where to begin."
"Just say whatever comes to mind. There's no right or wrong." Maura attempted to reassure.
Jane kept her eyes closed, brows furrowed. "It hadn't hit me yet, you know? I hadn't seen it yet, hadn't really felt it yet - except the nausea."
"Which was an inconvenience." Maura added.
"Yeah." Jane rubbed her palms together, feeling how clammy they were.
"I feel..." She cleared her throat. "I feel guilty."
Maura sat up straighter, and put her palm on Jane's thigh for comfort. "Jane. You saved Tasha."
Jane shook her head. "No. Not that. I know I did what I'm trained to do, and I know what happened was a result of that."
"Then what?" Maura asked, attempting to keep Jane going.
"You were all so excited. You, Ma, Frankie, Tommy, Korsak... You were all so excited for this. For ME." Jane croaked.
Maura put her palm on top of Jane's hands. Hands that were closed together, guarding her. To stop her, or assure her - she wasn't sure. Jane noticed, and let out a sigh of frustration. She opened her eyes, and angled her head to peer up at Maura's expecting gaze.
"I wasn't excited about it yet. And now..." She bit her lower lip, trying to stop it from trembling. "Now it's gone." Jane let out a puff of air, clearly frustrated of not being able to control the tears that were gathering in her eyes. She looked to the ceiling. Not wanting to draw attention to it, she allowed the tears to trickle freely down the side of her face, towards her ears. Maura felt a sudden urge to stop them in their path, but grasped Jane's hands instead.
"That's not something feel guilty about, Jane. It's normal. Why do you think humans have nine months to prepare themselves?"
"I dunno." came the whispered reply.
Maura kept a firm hold on Jane's closed hands, while tracing her fingers gently across Jane's shoulder. Soothing patterns, that with every stroke allowed tears to flow more freely from Jane's eyes. Gently trickling down towards her ears, finding their paths towards the couch beneath that soaked them up. One by one. Jane didn't make a sound, except the gentle subdued sound of breathing. Maura was mesmerized by the peace of it all. The quiet grief, the body's ability to rid itself of pain in such a beautiful way. The ability to watch it up close like this made her own eyes fill up with moisture.
Then two eyes were peering up at her. Seeing her tears as they started their own path, slowly down her left cheek, then her right. When Jane freed her right hand to brush away her own tears, Maura could have sworn she felt something swipe her own cheeks. She smiled, and let her head fall to the back of the couch, keeping her eyes locked with Jane's.
"I didn't mean to make you cry." Jane said. Her voice stronger.
"You didn't. I'm more than capable of doing that myself." Maura kept smiling. She got a sad smile in return.
"You were excited about it weren't you?" There was pity in Jane's eyes.
"Of course." Maura allowed a lone finger to redirect the freshest tears, keep them from trickling down her cheeks. She blinked to squeeze out as much as possible. ".. but it wasn't happening to me, so it was easier. To be excited."
Jane turned her head towards the ceiling again. "Yeah."
Maura took a chance. "You didn't let anyone down."
Jane chuckled, as if she somehow knew that was coming. She felt Maura's fingertips on her shoulder, her own clammy palms rubbing against each other in her lap. Maura grasped them to still them, and she acquiesced. Another puff of air came from her lungs, to signal that it was understood. In it's void was a numbness that felt welcoming.
They didn't exchange another word for at least 5 minutes. Both content to just sit there, and allow thoughts to flow freely. Thoughts that, to Jane, were starting to at least organize themselves in clusters.
"Do you think Tasha will be okay?" Jane's voice broke through the silence, almost startling Maura who lifted her head from its resting place on the back of the couch.
"I think her chances have greatly improved. She's clearly a very bright and capable girl, who now has a support system put in place to help her. You made sure of that."
Jane cast a quick glance towards Maura, then redirected her gaze towards the ceiling.
"I'm going to have lunch with her when she's gotten situated at Gwen's."
Maura smiled at that. "I'm sure she'd be thrilled to see you again, Jane."
"Not half as thrilled as I'm gonna be." Maura could actually hear the thrill in Jane's voice.
"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. She seems quite fond of you. I think you've gotten yourself a new fan." Maura chuckled.
Jane turned her head, catching the joy in Maura's eyes.
"You mean gotten myself a fan." Jane quipped, smiling to show she was at least half joking.
"No. One of many, I'm sure. With Tasha there's at least more than one. That I know of. Anything outside of that requires more research, you know that." To accentuate her point, Maura poked Jane's shoulder.
"Aww. Is one of my fans a doctor?"
"Yes, she is." Maura beamed.
Jane laughed, and sobered up within seconds. She sat up, and took her feet off the coffee table. Maura watched her back hunch forward when she brought her elbows to her knees. She cleared her throat.
"I guess I'm all set then. A doctor and a future doctor as my fans."
"You'd be well taken care of, that's for sure." Maura attempted to lighten the mood as she felt it shifting again.
"Lord knows I'll probably need it." With that Jane rose, reached for her half empty bowl, and trudged off to the kitchen. Maura chose to stay put, although she knew the last statement was something she ought to address. Having spent hours in the hospital with Angela, having felt her worry as well as her own, she knew that Jane's tendency to be put in life threatening situations was a source of guilt on both sides. Not one that Jane would ever admit to having, but Maura knew it was there. The memories of her conversations with Angela had been on her mind frequently since Jane woke up.
Moments later she felt more than heard Jane's presence behind the couch.
"I think I'm going to bed." Jane's voice sounded weak in the otherwise silent room. It somehow fitted. Maura turned around to address her, but felt herself unable to form a simple reply when she saw Jane's posture. Slouching her shoulders as if to protect herself, long arms hanging loosely at her sides. Maura noticed that sleep was needed, but doubted it would be enough.
"Are you okay?"
Jane looked at her, trying to muster up a sincere smile. "Yeah, just tired." She gestured in the direction of the guest room. "So I'm gonna..."
Maura rose from the couch. "Of course." She smiled at Jane. "Thank you for a wonderful night. The meal, the wine, the company. It was lovely." She wanted to add how unnecessary it was, and how she shouldn't have overexerted herself, but stopped at the last minute.
Jane nodded. "Sure. Good night." She turned on her heel, starting towards the guest room.
Almost out of sight, Maura made one last attempt. "Jane?"
"Yeah?" Jane hesitated, but didn't turn around. Judging by the tightness of her voice she was fighting tears. A lump formed in her own throat.
"If you need anything, anything at all... Please come find me." It hadn't meant to come out as a plea, but there it was.
She watched as Jane lifted her arm in an awkward sort of wave, somehow signalling that the message was received.
"Good night, Jane." Maura muttered to herself when Jane was out of sight. She slumped back down to the couch, suddenly feeling completely drained. She mindlessly reached for the half empty bowl on the coffee table, but decided against it. It could wait. She leaned back and closed her eyes, attempting to take deep steadying breaths to center herself. She tried to force her mind upon images of sea breeze, waves crashing against rocks, long green fields, endless roads, but nothing stuck. All she could see clearly for more than ten seconds was an image of her friend, curled together in a ball on the far left side of her own king sized guest bed. Shaking. Alone.
In an attempt to distract herself, she gathered the bowl from the coffee table and brought it to the kitchen. Instead of rinsing it, she simply left it sitting in the sink filled with water. Taking a look around she noticed everything else was as it should be. Clean, and organized, except the throw blanket draped crookedly over the back of the couch. The sight of it made her feel empty. Deciding not to dwell on that particular thought, Maura climbed the stairs towards her bedroom. She doubted she would be getting any sleep, especially this early, but she could at least lie down. Perhaps read a book, force her mind to focus on something.
Deciding to give herself some comfort, she ran herself a soothing bath first. Before getting in, she purposely left the door to both the bathroom and bedroom slightly ajar, should Jane come looking for her. Trying to relax by inhaling the scents filling the room, she closed her eyes and rested her head at the back of the tub. Tonight though, the operative word was definitely trying, and Maura sighed. She gave it a couple of minutes more, but decided that tonight was not one of those nights where soaking in the bathtub served as a stress reliever.
Dried, moisturized, and dressed in her finest silk pajamas, Maura sat at the edge of her bed contemplating going downstairs to at least check on Jane. She ran her feet in circles on the carpet, suddenly aware of how cold they were. She briefly wondered if Jane wore her socks to bed tonight, to at least ensure that part of her was comfortable. Shaking her head at herself she got up and padded towards the dresser, looking for a pair of socks. Preferably the plush, thick, and warm kind. Opening the drawer, she froze.
Partly covered by a silk scarf that wasn't meant to be there at all - clearly she had forgotten to hang it in its designated place - was a rectangular box. Flat, with a green ribbon indicating its gifting purpose. Her mind flashed back to that day last week, where her late afternoon impromptu shopping adventure brought her into contact with something she couldn't say no to. She took the scarf out of the drawer and draped it over a nearby chair, mentally reminding herself to hang it where it belonged tomorrow. It looked perfect. The lady at the store had asked her who it was for, and after Maura had told her the story, she had insisted that the wrapping should match the contents. So the ribbon was not only green, but had a silver lining, in perfect contrast to the otherwise plain white box. A box that was clearly of high quality.
She lifted the box, looked at it from all angles, and gently put it on the bed. She sat beside it for a minute, taking it in. Thinking about how she, the woman who was always afraid to plan events down to details in fear of being let down, had spent the ten minute drive from the store to her house thinking about when the perfect opportunity would be. She sighed, put a hand to her chest to verify that her heart was indeed beating more rapidly than normal, and gently lifted the lid. The first thing that caught her eyes was a small envelope, in which she knew there was a small card she hadn't yet written anything on. The fact that she hadn't found the right thing to write, and had put it on hold until she would, suddenly made her chest tighten.
Pulling the envelope between two fingers, she lifted it, and made sure it was placed neatly beside her on the bed. When she caught sight of a simple embroidered letter in a silvery kind of grey, she felt the tears coming. Hastily wiping them away with the back of her hand, she took a deep breath and lifted the item from the box, holding it out in front of her. Before her was the blurry sight of a tiny green onesie, with the words "Mommy loves me" embroidered inside a heart in a darker shade of green. Swallowing hard to prevent an eruption of emotions she wasn't prepared for, she laid the small item down on the bed, stroking her palms across it to get rid of any wrinkles that had formed during its confinement in a box. She traced the letters with the pad of her index finger, allowing tears to flow freely to clear her vision. She had taken one look at it back at the store, and immediately her mind was made up. She had reminded herself at the time, that although it was probably too early, she simply could not let it get away from her. She smiled through her tears when she realized that she was still happy about that decision.
Fetching a tissue from the nearby nightstand, she rid herself of any tears that might fall down and ruin the item before her. She folded the onesie back into a rectangular shape, and laid it gently back in the box. It appeared untouched. Satisfied, she did the same with the envelope. Before laying the lid back on the box, she peered inside and whispered "I'm sorry. Your time has yet to arrive, but don't worry - you are timeless."
Moments later she was standing on a step ladder in the walk-in closet, placing the gift box on a top shelf surrounded by other timeless items with significant value. Whether or not it would ever be touched by the hands of someone else or even worn, she didn't know.
Whatever happened in the future, Maura vowed that it would always serve as a reminder of the significant investment she had made, both financially, but most of all emotionally.
Author's note: 5x09 was one of those episodes that served up a myriad of settings/scenes/situations/emotions between the lines. I wanted to expand upon it. Instead of forcing them to have a lengthy emotional talk simply to get it done, I wanted it to happen according to how I see these characters on my TV. Feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated.