A/N:Story 4/5 for andthearrowflies' prompt challenge. The prompt was 'shield'.
Shield
Sirius
I knew I was secretive. I knew I shielded myself from everyone; shut them all out. But, then again, I knew the reasons why I had to.
James didn't get this. He didn't understand why I couldn't tell him everything and anything about me. He didn't understand that I sometimes needed space. That, just sometimes, I needed to think about my estranged parents, my death-eater turned brother, my crumbled, tattered family tree.
He didn't understand what it felt like to have so much going on. To have so many people pulling you in so many different directions. He didn't understand that once you let someone it, it was hard to hide anything from them. The only people I'd ever fully trusted – and they were just my immediate family – had used all they knew to twist my arm, to convince me to do things I didn't want to do. To make me cross to their side.
He didn't understand how hard it was to tear yourself away from the people who raised you.
But he didn't need to. He gave me space; let me adjust to having people who cared about me. He was there every step of the way, and I'm so grateful for his friendship. James Potter is a special kind of guy, and I am so lucky to know him.
Lily
She'd abandoned me. That was the reason for my shield. My own sister had turned her back on me when we found out I was a witch, separated me from any memories she had as a child. She just tried to forget everything. The only person I had ever trusted completely – trusted her with everything I knew, everything I had – had pushed me away and thrown away everything we had.
She shut me out. She emptied my bedroom of everything I had that reminded her of our childhood. That was summer number one – when I returned home to find my room completely empty, save for essentials. I couldn't believe it.
Summer number two was when I came home to a silent sister. She never spoke when I was in the room, and she kept it up the entire summer. She never looked at me; never spoke to me unless she absolutely had to. It drove me insane. What had I done to make her so mad? It wasn't something I could control.
This was the way the summer's continued. She hated me more and more each year, the treatment got worse and worse. I couldn't wait until I moved out for good. She did all she could to erase our childhood together, to erase me as her sister. She was ashamed of me, and she didn't want anyone to know she even had a sister.
So that was why I had shut him out. I knew it wasn't particularly fair, but I thought I wouldn't be able to face it if I let him in and lost him again, just like I had with Petunia. James had always been too special to me to lose. Maybe, in time, I'd be able to trust him unconditionally, but back then, I was waiting for him to prove I could trust him. The first month of our relationship had gone so incredibly well I wondered when it would all come crashing down, when he would demand my trust.
Little did I know back then I would end up marrying him, the boy I always used to hate. He never demanded trust; he gave me my time. He earned it, and he totally deserves it. I couldn't be happier. He's the kind of man I always wished I married, the man of my dreams, the man who loves me just the way I am. The kind of man I love just as much as he loves me.