Well That was Certainly Unfortunate
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns All.
Except the title, that was prompted by ParticularlyChimerical.
Written for the August 2014 Title Swap Challenge by Twin Exchange.
This is the first time I have written on prompt and I'm having renovations at home so I haven't given it my best. R&R.
Ron Weasley read the front page article in the Prophet a few times to take it in. Declining birth rates had been expected considering the deaths during the War, but it hadn't seemed that bad that the Ministry need to reinstate the Marriage Law. He looked up at his brothers sitting around the table, their glum faces mirroring his own. Since birth things had been expected of him, his three eldest brothers had been prefects or on the Gryffindor Quidditch team at Hogwarts. Although the twins hadn't bothered to complete their education, founded and ran one of the top three businesses in Diagon Alley. Then after befriending The-Boy-Who-Lived, the expectations grew, it took a toll on him, but he came through with flying colours, if he could say so himself. And now the Ministry was expecting this from him? An arranged marriage at twenty two with a person he may not even know. 'Bloody effing hell', he though sardonically. 'Let's fulfill this wish too.'
"So, is there a way out of this?", asked Charlie incredulously. Everyone at the table knew about Charlie's secret relationship with Adrian Pucey.
"Apparently not", replied Percy, "But I have been trying to push the Equal Love Act bill through the Ministry. Kingsley is on board, but some of the older pureblood officials are against it. I shall have yours and Adrian's name registered as soon as they pass the bill."
Ron spoke finally, "Say Percy, do you know by when shall we expect the letters from the Ministry?"
He nodded in reply "First thing tomorrow morning."
"Okay then. Good night everyone, I shall see you at breakfast tomorrow.", Everyone just stared at him as pushed his chair back into place and walked up the crooked staircase to his room.
"What's gotten into him?", asked George
"Something is certainly wrong", sighed Hermione looking at where he disappeared from "I was expecting him to blow up and yell about how unfair it is."
"Me too", piped in Harry. Conversation continued among the Weasley children and their two friends about what kind of spouse they'd want and what families they would hope to avoid till early hours of the morning.
"Well, chipper up you all, It won't be that bad", chirped Molly Weasley as she walked into the room full of sleepy children, no, adults. Adults that would all be married within a year.
"You're just happy because you'll get grandbabies. God knows you've been nagging Bill and Fleur over it for long enough.", grumbled Fred rubbing his eyes with his hands.
"Frederick Gideon Weasley, I most certainly have not!", scolded the matriarch and then mumbled softly, "but it would be nice to have a few children running around the house."
There were faint pops of apparition and the couple in conversation walked into the Weasley home behind Percy.
"Well here they are!", Molly said in a sing-song voice, "Charlie, Fred, George, Ginny, Oh Harry, yours is here too, so is yours Hermione, Percy and finally Ron. There's no hurry, but please let the rest of us know." She distributed the letters to their respective recipients and went to her place by the her husband, looking from one child to another, tapping her foot against the floorboards Each took a while to inspect their envelopes, Harry being the first one to tear open his, quickly being followed by all the Weasleys.
"Alright, Daphne Greengrass", announced Harry.
"Natasha Hopkirk", Charlie stated, "Poor girl, I'll go fix an appointment with her as soon as possible" Next it was Percy's turn
"Cecelia Hooch"
"Amerinia Parkinson", added George scrunching up his nose as if disgusted.
"Liam Halliwell", added Ginny, a cheer apparent in her tone. Not everyday did you get arranged in a marriage with one of the best looking professional chasers in all of Europe. A round of congratulations were said, hugs given and then the table fell back into its silence, it was Fred's turn.
"aminehangr", he mumbled.
"Who dear?"
"Hermione..Hermione Granger.", he repeated, slightly louder stunning everyone in the room. Hermione looked up from the envelope she was still staring daggers into. "What?", she asked softly. Getting up from his chair, Fred walked around the table to Hermione and got down on one knee. "Hermione Jean Granger, would you give me the honor of being husband to one of the brightest witches there has ever been, to love and to hold, till eternity?" A crimson blush rose across her cheeks and Hermione threw her arms around him. The whole room broke into applause, well everyone except Ron. 'Not only do I have to watch the first love of my life get married to someone else, I have to see her with my brother. This is absolutely amazing', he thought. 'Nothing could be more unfortunate than this, I'm bloody sure.' His thoughts were interrupted when one of his older brothers joked about Molly not having to wait much longer for a grandchild.
Coughing loudly he alerted the occupants of the room of his presence. "Elvira Selwyn. Now I'd like to go and get acquainted to her, excuse me." he said simply.
"Good, good.", replied Molly and everyone turned their attention back to Fred and Hermione.
Stomping up to his room, Ron quickly scribbled a small letter to the girl and sent it to her with her address mentioned on his ministry letter. He didn't have to wait for long, as his owl returned within the hour, bearing a reply.
Elvira was almost two years older than him, an entry level accountant at the Ministry, lived in Cornwall and seemed to love flowers, or that is what he understood from her curly feminine handwriting and floral scented parchment. They agreed to meet the next day at noon for lunch.
Dressed in one of his finer dress robes, a clean shaven Ron Weasley stood at the ministry atrium with fresh lilies in his hands. He was five minutes early, and he'd been waiting for almost twenty. "Mr. Weasley, Ron?", called a voice behind him. He turned around to find a short pale woman, with mousy brown hair, large eyes and rather thin lips that had been colored a violently bright red.
"Sorry, I'm late, I told the other girls in my department that I", she said emphasizing the last word, "was officially selected as a partner for Ron Weasley, the Strategist of the Golden Trio. Well, you know what happened then, all these questions, I just lost track of time. I hope you don't mind"
Taking in her appearance, Ron immediately nodded, he didn't care what she said, but he just wanted to run as far as possible from the woman in front of him. She reeked like jasmine oil, something that was too sweet for his extraordinary nasal abilities. Elvira wore overly fitted lilac dress robes, which evidently gave away her figure, or lack there of and he could easily make out that she was wearing at least two products from the twins shop, Everlasting eyelashes and a Pimple vanisher, since it was already running out.
"and then I told her 'Of course he's giving me a ring, what well brought up man wouldn't?', right?"
"uhh, yes." replied Ron thinking about the most appropriate answer in such a situation. "Umm, I thought you'd like to pick one yourself, we could go over the weekend or something?"
"Oh Yes!", she shrieked unpleasantly, "that'd be great!"
Over lunch they discussed things like their family, likes, dislikes and so on. Ron found out she was an only child who lived with her aunt since her parents had passed away but she too was away for a while, that she wasn't particularly a fan of quidditch, but she could tolerate it and that she loved cooking. He could live with that. The couple met for a few more dates which were, much to Ron's disdain uneventful. Elvira was getting annoying and possibly more snottier. All she wanted to know was Ron Weasley, the War Hero, not Ron Weasley, the person. She wanted him to shower her with presents and demanded more attention than little Teddy on a sugar rush.
"My aunt is back from her little holiday." Elvira mentioned casually one evening during dinner. "I'd like you to meet her."
"'Course El."
"How about dinner at my place?"
"Sure, owl me the details as soon as you have decided, yeah?"
"Okay, now what do you think about the green dress in the store display next to the restaurant." Ron sighed, what had been thrown into?
Ron apparated outside the gates of the cottage that looked like someone had vomited candy floss all over. Elvira had been watching from the window and came to answer the door.
"Okay, now remember, my aunt is like a mother to me and I really need you to impress her.", she whispered urgently, rushing him inside. The walls in the hallway were soft pink with ornamental kitten and bunny plates lined up on the wall. A wave of nostalgia hit him he took in the fragrance of scented tea coming from the living room, and he was back in his fifth year Defence classroom with a wand prickling into his neck.
"Elvira, Is you betrothed here then?", called out the high pitched, childish voice of his soon to be mother in law, as she came into sight.
Freshly out of Azkaban, Dolores Umbridge stood in front of him in all her might and in that moment Ron Weasley knew that he was doomed.