"Gabrielle."

His voice was loud and firm, everything one would expect from the almighty creator. He sat on a raised platform, a golden throne that radiated with blinding light with his glorified presence.

Gabrielle approached him, bowing into the soft white cloudsoil at her feet. Her wings, bright like a reflective silver, stretched around her shoulders; wafting up the misty, cloud-like cloudsoil every time they moved.

The other angels, all three hundred and eighteen million, stood on divided sides of the meadow. Their decision had already been made. For the first beings to ever choose good or evil, they felt everything less than honor.

"We await your decision- you may assume your position beside me at the Throne, or you may exercise free will with Lucifer."

As soon as he spoke his name Gabrielle looked over her shoulder at him. His cockiness radiated to her as the corner of his mouth tilted up and he nodded reassuringly. He was dependent on her for everything to finally be in place. With her at his disposal, his plans were limitless. And he knew it.

"I shall make no decision, until my question is answered." The angel turned her attention back to the Throne, rising as she began to speak. "What is my purpose here? The gift you've given me has no reason if my sole duty here in Heaven is to worship you, and spend my days alone in sorrow until you return. So answer me this, why did you create me?"

The angels around fell silent as they, along with Gabrielle, awaited an answer from the Throne. The only sound was the awkward shifting of feathers as they awaited His answer.

He stared at the angel before him, who for the first time, glared at him with no admiration in her eyes. One of his greatest and most prized creations…was betraying him? Two of his highest angels were rejecting him all in the same day?

Gabrielle waited impatiently for his answer. He needed to say something, do anything other than look at her. His deep brown eyes stared into her soul, seemingly ripping her apart. The light around him didn't flicker with anger or dim with loss. When he finally did speak, it was without any emotion.

"Is Heaven not enough for you? The power and love I've given you is insufficient?"

"The love is not reciprocated. The only love expressed here is for you. That is our only duty here, is it not? Will our duties not be replaced by your new creations? I feel cheated that your feeble human creations are granted more freedom than glorious ones."

"You feel your only duty is to love me?" his laughed nearly shook heaven itself. "My daughter, you are more mistaken than your partner over there."

Lucifer stiffened; black began to overcome his golden wings. "I already told you his answer Gabrielle. He will not admit his mistake in front of those who are still ignorant enough to believe in him."

Sam looked at his blazing wings as he spoke, turning once more to the Throne when he finished. "Will you answer my question?"

"I need not to, for your decision has already been made," the Throne's voice echoed across the Meadow "You are a party to Lucifer, and will spend eternity alongside him. Until you find your true purpose Gabrielle, this is no place for you."

Within seconds, a bright light flashed before her eyes. The cloudsoil that was beneath her crumbled. The meadow already was becoming a distant memory as she was dragged down, down, down.

Sam shot up clutching the ground around her. She breathed a few deep breaths before running her hands through her thick mop of curls. The memory still haunts her, along with the punishment the Throne promised. It'd been a long time since she heard her real name. After the Fall, the other Fallen began to call her Sam, the name being an abbreviation for 'Satan's Anointed Monster'. Jokes on them; she liked it.

She lifted Shuhei's arm off her lap and stood up. It must've slipped off her chest when she shot up. It probably shouldn't have been there in the first place, mostly cause his other hand was clutching Rangiku's and the sight of her's alone was enough to put hers to shame. A part of her wanted to watch the look on her face when she woke up to find his hand there, hell; she wanted to see the look on his face when he realized that he finally got enough balls to make a move. But as soon as the thought popped into her mind, a squad member ran into the room.

"Daitenshi-fukutaichou," the short man bowed as soon as he entered the room. "I had a feeling you were-"

"Shh!" she brought a scarred finger to her lips and pointed to the drunken bodies around the room. He nodded and she tip-toed around them until she was next to him at the doorway. "And by the way, just call me Sam."

He nodded nervously, "Y-Yes…Sam."

"Bingo," she winked and took the steps by two, ignoring the slight dizziness that made her take the steps by two in the first place. Was she still drunk? She didn't even remember when they stopped drinking. Sam stopped at the edge of the stairs and waited for him to catch up, using the opportunity to pull her long curls into a messy bun on her head. "So what'd you need me for?"

"Unohana-taichou sent me to get you. There's a special guest in your office in need of medical attention."

"And they sent you all the way over here just to get me?" she raised her eyebrows.

"It was their request that you be the one to heal him."

She sighed, "Okay okay whatever. Thanks." He bowed and walked away, leaving her to her thoughts as she flash-stepped to squad four.

Which, at the time, wasn't very good. The memory was a cruel reminder of the past she tried to get away from. After being dragged down to Hell with Lucifer and the other demons, she found herself become on of them. The amount of sins she committed while there was enough to eliminate any chances of getting back into Heaven. The price to get out was heavy, and now her body is practically painted in scars. Some were long and thick, while others were small and thin. Each had the same marbled, jagged look, and covered every inch of her skin.

"Good morning, Samantha-chan."

In her mental dilemma, she didn't even notice that she had flashed past the thirteenth division captain. She clumsily flashed backwards, nearly losing her balance in the process.

"I'm sorry Ukitake-taichou, good morning," she bowed quickly, using it to hide her loss of balance.

She had grown quite fond of the captain through her years. He always treated her with respect, despite the fact that the captain that had brought her to Soul Society would later betray them. Ukitake was the only captain to stick up for her when they doubted her own loyalty. Never once did he stare at her scars, or question why she was the lieutenant of the division devoted to healing when she couldn't even heal her own. She wanted nothing more than to tell them they weren't meant to be healed, but she bit her tongue every time.

"You seemed a bit flustered there," he gave her a slight nod as she straightened herself, "anything you'd like to talk about?"

She shook her head, making a few dark auburn curls fall and frame her face. "I couldn't possibly bother you with unimportant problems."

"Nothing bothering you is unimportant, Samantha-chan," he sent her a reassuring smile to account for his serious tone.

"I'm sorry Captain, but I've avoided my duties long enough this morning," she bowed again before beginning her trek back to her squad.

She pretended not to notice his eyes watching her as she left. They all thought she was a ticking time bomb after the Aizen incident, despite the fact that it was now almost two years ago. During the entire battle she stuck to her duties, healing the wounded and getting them to safety. Not only because it was her job, but because she wanted to avoid all possible confrontation with the traitor entirely. He was the only one who knew of her status as a fallen angel. He knew everything about her, from the meaning to her scars to the weakness of the ones on her back in the shape of an upside-down 'V'. And yet even after his capture, he never said a word.

After a few more steps, she was standing before the door to her office, fixing her shihakusho from the wind. The kimono was cut low, not quite Rangiku low but low enough for her to catch some lingering eyes every once in a while. It was bare at the top except for black and white cloth that draped on the edge of her shoulder and held it up. A mint green bow was tied at the waist, making it fit pretty tightly. The side by her right leg was cut all of the way up until her upper thigh. Many congratulated her on her confidence to wear something so open, despite the gruesome scars on her body. It was difficult to find a patch of skin that wasn't riddled with scars. They even littered her face; one starting at the top of her hairline and cutting across her right eye, crawling all the way down to her collarbone.

Sam slid open the screen door, awaiting someone rather important on the other side.

"Jeez, do you keep everyone waiting this long?" Renji asked, annoyingly banging his dangling legs against the cabinet that was placed under the bed.

Sam sighed, feeling like her hopes and dreams had just been crushed. "What're you doing in here, Renji?"

She had been friends with the red-head ever since their days at the Academy. He was more than shocked at the number of scars on her before she even became a shinigami, but never saw them as a weakness like the rest. They sparred often, even after she was put in squad four for her healing abilities. He was one of the only people to see her shikai.

"I got something for you to heal, why else would I be here?" he pointed to a cut on his forehead. Dried blood covered his nose and spread a little by his eyes.

"Aww, Renji's got a boo-boo?" she spoke in a baby voice as she squeezed his cheeks. He rolled his eyes and shoved her hand away. She laughed as she rummaged in a drawer for some gauze and antiseptic. The thought of any more alcohol made her hold back a gag. "Why're you in here for such a small cut anyway?"

"Kuchiki-taichou told me to come here after we got back from our mission," he held the edges of the bed as he leaned back.

"What'd you fight, a bee?" she grabbed a rag and ran it under some water.

"Actually, I'll have you know it was a Menos, and I defeated it single handedly," he leaned forward on the bed, making it creak.

"A Menos Grande?" she squeezed the rag in the sink and turned around, raising an eyebrow. "You want me to believe you defeated a captain level hollow and only got a scratch like that?"

"Impressive, right?" he smiled cockily, folding his muscled arms over his chest.

"Unbelievable actually." She really was impressed, though the tone of her voice was laced with sarcasm. Ever since the incident with Aizen he's been training non-stop; and it showed. He was muscled before, but now even his muscles had muscles. His hair had gotten considerably longer, to the point where they argued over whose was longer. She had to admit; she was attracted to him even more now than she was before. Not only did he have the muscled stature that girls only dream about, but he also had the heart to go with it.

She walked up to him and grabbed his chin. "Close your eyes."

He hesitated for a moment before obliging, blinking his beady brown eyes in confusion. She gently whipped the blood from his face and he continued. Despite his strong features, his face looked gentle with his eyes closed. "Fighting the Arrancar actually proved useful. Their cero was similar to the Menos', so it wasn't as overwhelming."

"Lucky me then. I would've had to clean up a hell ova lot bigger mess than this," she said as she threw the rag in the garbage.

Renji fixed the black headband on his forehead. "I broke another pair of sunglasses though."

"You broke another pair of sunglasses?" Sam chuckled as she poured some antiseptic on a cotton ball. "You really need to stop wearing those when you go on missions."

"What other use do they have?"

"Picking up chicks," she gave him a quick wink, "Girls love a badass man, especially one that's a lieutenant."

"Tsk," he blushed and looked away. He always got so shy whenever she brought up girls and flirting. It was kindof cute seeing his demeanor change like that.

"Aw come on, I'm only trying to help you," she grabbed his chin again and held the cotton ball to his forehead.

"I don't need it. Girls aren't what's on my mind right now," he crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "Why're you the one giving me advice anyway? I don't see you with a guy."

"Maybe I'm working on it," she said nonchalantly and took the cotton ball off. "Maybe I don't see any guys here that are my type." She strolled back to the counter to dispose of the used utensils. "Maybe I'm convinced that Byakuya is the only guy here that's not gay."

"Which one is it?!" Renji yelled, flustered with her beating around the question.

Sam shrugged, "A girl never reveals her secrets."

He scoffed, "Well we're not gay I can tell ya that."

"Oh I'm sure of it. There's too much lotion and tissues around here for you guys to not be straight."

"What's that supposed to-"

"Samantha-chan," third seat Chobiru walked into the room and bowed, realizing she had interrupted something. "I'm sorry, but there are patients waiting that need your abilities."

"No worries," she grabbed a small white bandage and smacked it on Renji's head. "He's all done."

"Ow you idiot," Renji rubbed his head as he jumped off the bed. "Do you treat all your patients like that?"

"Nah, just you. But you just keep on comin' back," she quickly shushed him out the door. As soon as she saw the line of low ranking squad members winding around the wall, her shoulders sagged.

"Damn," Renji chuckled and waved over his shoulder as he pushed his way through, "See ya."

"Do you see what you did?" she yelled to him as she grabbed the first shinigami by his shoulder and threw him into the room, "You lowered my standards!" He only responded with another chuckle as he left the compound.

…

Fifteen small cuts later, she sighed in relief and slid her office door shut. Word must've spread that small cuts from training were now serious enough to be sent to our squad for healing. Man was she gonna kill whoever started that.

Sam snuck a peak in Unohaha-taichou's office, sizing up the stack of paperwork she should be doing right now. "Eh, I'll do it tomorrow."

She backed out of her office slowly, and slid down to the door that leads outside. She slid it open and stepped out, breathing in the fresh air as if I'd been locked inside for years. Within a few flash steps, she was sliding open the door to her personal apartment. Stripping off her uniform, she put on a sports bra from the world of the living and bottoms of a shihakusho that she cut into shorts.

Then she pulled out her bun and let her long auburn curls fall out. Though she pulled her hair up into a high ponytail, the curls still fell past her shoulder blades. She grabbed the iPod that Shuhei found when he was on a mission and put in the headphones.

She slid her door open again and began running to the blaring rock music in her ears. Should she be training? Probably. But this is what she considered training, staying in shape and keeping up her speed. Back at the academy, they discovered her unusual healing abilities, and immediately threw her into squad four.

Honestly, she was glad she was in that division. When she first came to the Soul Society, fighting was like breathing for her. It was instinctual, and sometimes she didn't like the person she became when engaged in it.

Sure, people may not think they're an actual division; she was with them on that when she first joined. But the longer she stayed, the more she realized it was the perfect place for her. It gave her a chance to flee from the monster that always trailed her.

…

"No, widen your stance. You're too off balance, see if I strike you like this," Renji lunged, swiping the wooden sword at the legs of the squad member before him, knocking the man backwards onto the ground. "You can't counter and you'll wind up either dead or crippled- if you're lucky."

"Y-Yes Abarai fukutaichou. Thank you."

Renji nodded and helped the man up. "Go and spar with the others."

The sun beat down on him, and he really began to miss is sunglasses. He dragged an arm across his forehead, wiping off the sweat that threatened to run into his eyes. As his men fought each other, he walked over to the steps leading into the squad's barracks, sitting down under the shade.

Girls love a badass man, especially one that's a lieutenant.

Her smile flashed into his mind as he remembered her words. She had such a beautiful smile; it lit up her face, and distracted you from the scars that covered it.

Renji shook his head. Lieutenants can't be distracted by thoughts like that. All emotions that could be considered a burden were supposed to be whipped out during the years at the Academy. If she was here, she would've slapped him upside the head for even thinking about her that way.

But that was the problem. He couldn't get her out of his head. Even during his mission, he felt himself longing for her sarcasm and her laugh. She was always different from Rukia and all the other girls in the Seireitei, but that was both a good and bad thing. Sam's always open and carefree but at times, he'll catch her smile fading and something else surfacing. She's definitely like Rukia when it comes to hiding her real feelings.

"Hey Renji!"

Hinamori Momo and Kira Izuru waved as they approached.

"We were passing by and we heard the-Abarai are you blushing?" Kira smiled cheekily.

"W-What?! No I'm not!" Renji turned away from them, cursing under his breath.

"Aww Abarai-san that's so cute!" Momo clapped her hands together.

"I guess we take blushing two totally different ways," Kira rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

"Who're you thinking of, Abarai-san?" Momo eagerly sat down next to him, but the red-head faced foreword and sagged his head between his knees.

"I'm not blushing! I just got done training and my body's warm, alright?" he leaned back against the steps and closed his eyes.

"Dang…I thought something happened between you and Kuchiki-san," Momo slumped her shoulders.

Renji smirked, "That's a good joke."

Sure he can laugh at it now but it took him a while to get to this point. She was his first love, and he waited for her for over forty years. But he waited too long, and that stupid orange haired brat had her before he could even brag about his promotion. He was naïve for thinking something as small as that would win her back but he was more than desperate for any excuse to talk to her again. He still had hope, it was slim but still there, until after the battle with Aizen. The way she looked at Ichigo…with such utter awe and hope. She never looked at him like that.

"Well it wouldn't be surprising, after all, you two were friends when you were younger. And at times, I see the similarities between you and Ichigo in your will to fight." Izuru took a seat on Renji's other side.

"Are you comparing me to a fifteen year old?" Renji questioned, peeping one eye open.

"That fifteen year old saved the Seireitei and Karakura Town, mind you," Izuru's eyes met Renji's, making the red-head groan and close them again.

"And saved Rukia-chan!" Hinamori added.

"What is this, an Ichigo fan club?" Renji snarled.

"You know Renji, you should stop trying to compete with him. He has remarkable strength and abilities for a human, and is a special case. If you continue to contend against him, you'll just end up living in his shadow," despite his harsh yet true words, Izuru's eyes softened. "Rukia already respects you and all the hard work you've done, yet you still try to show off for her."

"What're you-" Renji began.

"I'm just saying you should open your eyes and appreciate the ones who were by your side when you were nothing, instead of searching for someone's approval now that you're something."

Renji stared at Izuru, letting his words run through his head and sink in. He then grinned and closed his eyes once more, understanding what he was hinting at. "Geez, when did you become a preacher?"

So there ya have it. The first chapter of Sam's super effed up life. If you're confused about anything don't worry, it'll get explained later in another chapter or you can message me and I'll explain it.

Also, the title of each chapter is going to be a name of a song that I either love or feel describes Sam and her story. This song is Lost It All by Black Veil Brides.