When I Was Ten
AN: This is a sequel to Option A. Please read Option A BEFORE reading this one; otherwise, it'll make no sense whatsoever.
Tosh watched Owen from her computer, hoping that he wouldn't catch her staring. Gwen and Jack were out catching a Weevil (and God knows probably doing plenty else) and Ianto was down in the archives, leaving Owen and Tosh alone together for the first time in two weeks.
For the first time since Owen had said "When I was ten…"
It was practically the only thing on her mind. She tried, tried so hard, day by day, to forget it, to push it aside, to focus on work, but it rang in her head, over and over. When I was ten, when I was ten, when I was ten…
It pained her, knowing that Owen had been hurt as a child. An image played over and over again in her head, an image of a ten-year-old Owen, his little face contorted in pain and misery, an angry adult voice shouting at him, and each time she imagined it, she felt her heart breaking in her chest, shattering even. What kind of horrible person could hurt someone as kind and innocent as Owen? Okay, he was hardly innocent now, with his mind almost as perpetually in the gutter as Jack's, but surely as a kid he hadn't been like that. He'd have been just a child, a sweet, innocent, maybe a little bit stupid, child, and she had half a mind to track down his parents and make their lives hell in a way that only Toshiko Sato, computer mastermind of Torchwood, could.
For a few days, she had explained it away in her head, telling herself all abuse is wrong, no parent should treat their child that way, et cetera. It wasn't personal. It wasn't.
Except it was.
Of course it was.
Nobody hurts my Owen, she silently raged, and once again her mind wandered, the same way it did each night when she lay awake, thinking up every single possible way to get revenge on the terrible evil people who had hurt Owen Harper, her Owen Harper, the man she loved and had since… it felt like forever.
"Tosh? Tosh, what's going on?" She turned to see Owen, standing right next to her.
"Oh… hi," she stammered.
"What's going on? You've been… something's up."
"It's nothing, I'm fine," she muttered.
"No, you're really not," Owen retorted. "Please, just tell me…"
And then something happened that Tosh really didn't want to happen.
She started crying.
No! No, don't cry, she chastised herself, but it was too much, the anger and pain over those four little one-syllable, two-week-old words, and the tears kept streaming down her cheeks.
"Tosh, talk to me," Owen said gently.
"I'm angry!" She tried to keep the tears from her voice, but she couldn't. "I'm furious, Owen!"
"At me? Tosh, what-"
"No, you idiot, at your parents!" She hadn't meant for it to come out that way, but it was too late.
"Oh, God…" Owen sighed. "I had no idea that… that… had… upset you…"
"Of course it upset me!" Tosh at this point had lost control and was seething and in tears. "You're my teammate and my friend and-and it's wrong!" She was able to hold herself together just enough to not just reveal her love for Owen.
"It's fine… I'm fine, honestly," Owen said quickly, but Tosh knew better, knew that look in his eyes that told her that the memories still pained him. She wiped the tears from her eyes and took a breath to steady herself. She had to help him.
"Have you ever… talked about it?" she asked shakily.
"Never… I didn't mean for you and the others to find out; it just… slipped out." His face flushed slightly.
"It's a good thing you did, though," Tosh said with a soft smile. "Had you not, we might have never found out about what was going on with Gwen."
"Yeah… Except now it's in my head and I just don't want to think about it, because now I'm remembering it…" His face fell, and one single tear fell from his eyes.
"Maybe… maybe it'll help if you do," Tosh suggested. "You shouldn't have to hold that in. It can't make things any easier, can it?"
Owen shrugged and made his way to the couch. Tosh thought that the conversation was over, when suddenly he said, "I had an older brother." Noticing Tosh's surprised look, he said, "You want to talk about it, right?"
"I… okay," she stammered, and she went to bring her chair over, but he patted the space next to him and moved so she could join him.
"I had an older brother," Owen repeated as Tosh sat down. "And he was perfect. Way smarter, athletic, everything my parents could want in a son. They didn't want to have another kid; Brian was the only one they ever wanted. But then all of a sudden my mum ended up pregnant, and they didn't believe in abortion, so I was born. She and Dad liked rubbing that in my face, that they had done me such a kindness in allowing me to live."
"Oh, God," Tosh said softly.
"They always compared me to Brian and how amazing he was, and how worthless I was, that I was a mistake, that I should have never been born, and I started thinking it was true… I never had many friends in school, and I thought that everyone thought I was worthless as my parents did. My teachers liked me, but that was it. They told me that I was smart, and that I should be proud of myself, and that's what got me to go to university and get my degree and all of that… but I never thought I was any good. And sometimes… sometimes even now…" He broke off, tears streaming down his cheeks as his pain demanded to be felt. "Sometimes, I still think that the world… would be… would be better off without me."
"Don't you dare say that, Owen," Tosh said firmly. "You are not worthless and the world does need you. Torchwood needs you. Without you, we'd never be able to figure out what half the weird shit we find is, or get to places on time-"
"-Jack said that that was Ianto's job, when Gwen first came-"
"-and she'd never have come if you hadn't ordered a pizza under 'Torchwood-'"
"-which was a security breach-"
"-that can be forgiven since it gained us a valuable team member and helped us figure out that Suzie was killing people for us-"
"-but-"
"You're the life of the team," Tosh continued right over him. "You keep us from getting bored. And then there's what you did two weeks ago. Gwen could've been being hurt to this day, maybe until it was too late, but you managed to save her. That was you, Owen. Even Jack admits it, and you know Jack. He'd love to say that he saved Gwen, but he and all the rest of us know it was you. We need you, Owen."
But there was still that look in Owen's eyes, that look that told Tosh that he still wasn't convinced.
She had to convince him.
Screw it all, she thought.
"Owen," she said softly. "Owen, I need you." And she kissed him, knowing that this was probably the stupidest thing she had ever done and would ever do, but casting that aside because she needed him, loved him, and couldn't ever let him think otherwise.
"Tosh," he whispered as she pulled away, her face flushing deep red. There was a pause, and Tosh was sure he would get up and go to the autopsy bay, and that this would be the end of their friendship, that they'd never be close again… and then he crashed his lips against hers, all of his pent-up emotions breaking through, and they kissed, passionately, fervently, almost desperately, until Tosh had to pull away for air.
"That worth living for?" she asked breathlessly, a cheeky smile playing on her face. He responded by pushing her down onto the sofa and flinging himself upon her.
"You have no idea," he murmured, his hands in her hair and cupping her cheeks. "I love you," he declared, and he once again captured her lips with his own, kissing her possessively, claiming her as his Tosh, the way he had wanted to for ages.
"I love you too," she whispered as he finally pulled away. "I don't love the fact that you're suffocating me, though," and she poked his stomach.
"Ah!" he squealed and he fell off the sofa in a show of utter grace. Well, as much grace as one can achieve while falling off of a sofa. "I will get you for that."
"Oh, so you are ticklish," Tosh grinned broadly. "Good to know."
"I'll be keeping that in mind." They looked up to see Ianto, his arms folded as he leaned against the stairwell, a smirk on his face. "Whose house will be gloriously empty tonight?"
"Mine," Owen and Tosh said at the same time, and then all three of them burst out laughing.
"Looks like we missed something interesting," Jack said as he and Gwen came up from the Vault. "Ianto, what's gone on here?"
"These two are trying to figure out which of their houses is going to be unoccupied," Ianto explained. "Perhaps you two can alternate?" he suggested.
"Yeah, but who goes first?" Tosh crossed her arms over her chest. "Personally, I'd like it if…" but she trailed off, realizing that relaying her preferred location of her and Owen's first night together was not the best idea.
Jack grinned and said, "Well, once you do figure it out, just go. I'm exhausted."
"Exhausted?" Ianto asked. "Or inspired?" Gwen and Jack shared a look, and with that just left the room, heading downstairs to Jack's bedroom. "Inspired it is," he chuckled. "Get the hell out of here, you two."
"Can't argue with that," Owen grinned, and he got up from the floor and led Tosh to the cog door, Ianto walking to the lift and leaving the main room of the Hub as empty as Tosh's, or perhaps Owen's, bedroom would be that night.
Hey guys! Here's When I Was Ten! I'd had this idea ever since I wrote Option A, and I was going to wait on it, but then the urge to write Towen fluff took over!
As always, love and ducks to TLS, hugs to supporters, thanks to Eleonora, Noe, Hanul, and Kizzie, and cookies for all.
Love,
Ofelia xxxx
P.S. There were a whole bunch of references in Option A... here they are!
The checking-for-a-gun thing is a reference to Sherlock, s2e1 "A Scandal in Belgravia." Congrats to BrambleTheArcher for catching it!
"When the time comes, I'll flip you for it" is a reference to Mockingjay (aka the third book in The Hunger Games).
"You never tell a girl you like her; it makes you look like an idiot" is a reference to A Very Potter Musical.
"He wanted to draw out the moment before the moment, because as good as kissing feels, nothing feels as good as the anticipation of it" as well as "a smile that could end wars and cure cancer" are references to John Green's An Abundance of Katherines.