I actually wanted to use watermelons at first but typing the word 'watermelon' twenty time or something like that is murder. Sooooo, you're stuck with *cue drumrolls* APPLES!
Disclaimer: Anything that does not involve Apples is J.K. Rowling's.
It started as seemingly ordinary day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...but not for long. "Attaaack!" Yelled the Apple Army that suddenly appeared in the Great Hall.
"What the bloody hell is happening?" Ron asked. The leader of the Apple Army came forward. "We, the Apple Army, have taken over Hogwarts." The leader declared. "All of you shall be replaced by Apples." And that was the last thing everyone heard before they vanished to somewhere. But who cares? Anyway, the Apples were the only ones remaining. "So, do we party now?" Asked a random Apple.
Voldemort decided that today was THE day. The day he would vanquish Harry Potter. So he and his Death Eaters went to Hogwarts School of Apples. Wait what?! Voldemort made a dramatic entrance into the Great Hall. "Behold, I have come to kill Harry Potter!" He announced. The entire hall erupted into laughter. That was when Voldemort realised that the hall was filled with Apples. I mean, seriously? Even the tables were filled with apple juice, apple pies, apple pancakes and apple everything else.
"What the fuck?" Spluttered Voldemort. The headmaster cleared his throat. Voldy turned towards him. "I am Appledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Apples," he said. " This Harry Potter you speak of is no longer here." Voldemort gaped. Appledore continued. "In fact, none of the former students are here."
"Instead, we have HarryApple, HermioneApple, RonApple, DracoApple, LunaApple, CedricApple and so on; each in their respective Houses - Appledor, Appleclaw, Applepuff and Applerin." The Appledors were all juicy red Apples. The Appleclaws were Apples dyed in blue food colouring. The Applepuffs were 'Golden Delicious(s)'. And the Applerins were 'Granny Smiths'.
"I don't understand? " cried Voldy. "Why apples?" "Neither do I," drawled Professor SnapeApple. "But who cares? I just teach students how to brew sparkling apple cider." "Isn't that cannibalism, consuming apples?" Voldy asked curiously. "Of course not, we are Apples not apples. See the difference? We have a capital letter 'A' and we are in bold which make us Apples far more superior than the lowly apples." "Oh okay," Voldemort said faintly. And then he passed out. "Sour apple drops, anyone?" Appledore asked in the awkward silence.
And that is why Voldy will never eat apples or anything apple-related. In fact, he had to see a therapist regarding Apple-phobia. Unfortunately, all his meds were apple-flavoured.
The HUMAN students and professors on the other hand were transported to the LAND OF LEMON DROPS. The only one happy about this was Dumbledore. But then again, he is senile. THE END
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