This fanfic is sorta based on real events in my life in a real weird
way. Similar emotions flying around, that sort of thing. I dedicate it
to the one who inspired me to write it....his name will remain
anonymous.....mysterious, huh? ^_~ I hope you all enjoy it, though I warn
you it's a tad bit long and sad. Please give me your comments.
Puhhhhhhwease!
Never in a Million Years
I had always cared for James.
I was staring at him from a distance. I hardly ever get within talking range of him anymore. To hear him even speak to me now at all was a blessing. I never should have taken his friendship for granted. I did anyway, thus I made a mistake that I know I will regret for the rest of my life.
I watched him laugh wholeheartedly with his new partner, Miriam. My heart ached. He got along with her excellently. I felt the jealousy flow in my veins. Not only did she make James laugh, she was drop dead gorgeous as well. She had beautiful brown hair, and dark, brown eyes that penetrated your soul. She had a great figure, and a soft, mellow voice. It's no wonder James liked her so much better than me.
The TR waiter asked me for my order. I just ordered a drink and some caviar. Then Butch and Cassidy showed up.
"Well, if it isn't the loner Rocket," Cassidy sneered.
"Shut your trap, Cassidy," I snarled.
"Well, aren't we snappy today? You shouldn't take the things I say so personally. You aren't much of a Rocket member by yourself, are you? You don't have James anymore, so you're all by your lonesome. Not to mention in a cruddy mood worse than ever. Poor Jesse, I just feel so sorry for you! If you got yourself a good partner like Butch, you'd be successful just like us. Poor, poor Jesse."
"Look Cassidy, just leave me alone for once, okay? Please."
"At least you dumped a loser," she said, and she started to walk off. "Who knows where you would be now if you didn't." She laughed, and she exited the restaurant. My temper boiled, and I was trying to think of some way to get back at her. Then Butch gave me a warning sign not to lose it. I calmed down a bit. Butch sighed and followed along his partner's path.
The waiter brought me some lemonade, and I thanked him. I sipped through the red striped straw slowly. I started staring at James again. How I longed to hold him.....
**********************
"Jesse, we're gonna..." James stopped as he held me tightly. I hugged back in fear.
"Piiiiiikaaaa......CHUUUUU!!!" Ash's pikachu called as it used thunderbolt.
"Yeowwwwww!" We all cried, then we exploded out towards the sky.
"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaaiiin!"
A few minutes later...
I thudded onto the ground after falling through several branches. James and Meowth fell next to me. I was sick and tired of losing.
"Owwwwww.....my head hurts," James complained.
"My whole body hurts," Meowth joined in.
I said nothing. I was furious. It was always James's fault! If he wasn't so weak, we'd have had Pikachu long ago.
Meowth and James fear hugged. James always liked Meowth better than me, and I knew it. He didn't care about me anymore the way he used to. He always paid a lot attention to me, but he hardly does now. Well, I was going to show him someday that I really didn't need him. I would probably be better without him.
Meowth noticed my silence, and almost fearfully asked, "Are ya okay, Jesse?"
I stormed off without saying a word.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hung my head in overwhelming guilt. I had to have the worst temper on earth. James always cared. I know he did, otherwise he would have left me long time ago. And James being weak? Give me a break. He may be timid, but weak, absolutely not. I laughed quietly at myself in self-pity. You're the one who is weak, I thought. You just try to act tough.
Meowth walked into the TR Cafe finally and he came to sit with me. I thanked the Lord I still had him. He ordered some fish. Then he looked at me with concern on his face. "I don't know if ya've heard the news."
I looked at him blankly. "What news?"
Meowth nodded toward James and Miriam's direction. "Dey're getting promoted. It's only been three weeks and they've caught a dozen Pokemon for da boss. Some of dem ain't great, but hey, that's more than we ever got as a team."
I sighed. "Currently we've gotten zero."
"Have you found a new partner?"
"I was considering Mondo, but he's too pure of a guy for this work. He shouldn't really even be in this organization. I don't know what to do."
Meowth patted me on the back. "How about this? We'll be partners for a while until ya can find one. If we want to catch up to anybody we'd better get started now."
"Okay." I faked a smile, but I hated to lose sight of James. I finished my drink and gave the waiter my charge account, then we left the building. I was dragging my feet practically so as to see James for as long as possible. When I noticed Meowth looking my way I averted my gaze away from James. My heart ached badly. I still couldn't come to grips with what a bitch I had become, and what I destroyed. I destroyed something precious.....something that couldn't ever be revived. It was all my fault.....
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"James, Meowth, I'm going to the TRHQ to talk to the boss."
James and Meowth looked at me quizzically. "Why Jesse?" James asked.
"It's time for a change. You can come along if you'd like, but I must speak privately to him myself first. Got it?"
Meowth sighed and shook his head, knowing pretty much what was about to happen. James just followed, not sure what was going on. I called Giovanni and asked him to pick us up, and that it was a matter of great importance. He reluctantly sent one of his helicopters to take us to his new Viridian City Gym. When we arrived we were granted admittance, and we walked up to his office door. I motioned for James and Meowth to stay behind. I knocked. "Come in, Jesse."
I walked in. He was in his leather chair, his back facing me. "I hope you have a good reason that you're here."
I got right down to the point. "Sir, we haven't brought you Pikachu or any Pokemon for that matter in months. I believe it is because of my partner's inability to help efficiently, and that he gets in the way."
"I assume you are speaking of James," he said.
"Yes, sir," I replied.
He turned in his chair to face me, in deep thought. "Do you have any ideas for a new partner?"
I was taken by surprise. I hadn't even considered it. "I haven't given it much thought, boss."
"Jesse, you know the rules. Females need a male partner, and I haven't gotten any on hand that hadn't already specified wanting to work individually. Unless you want Mondo."
I knew Mondo wasn't the type of guy I wanted, as much as I appreciated his help in the past. "I don't know about that, boss. Can I stick with Meowth awhile until I can make up my mind?"
He didn't reply for the longest time. He finally spoke a minute later. "I'll tell you what you're going to do. You work with James and Meowth two more weeks, and if you are still dissatisfied, you may do as you wish. I already have a female partner on waiting, so if this doesn't work out then James will already have a partner. You are the concern."
I cursed the new rules. Men could work by themselves, but women couldn't. I would work by myself just like my mother did if Giovanni wasn't so sexist. "I could work by myself. My mother did so, and she was the best member of Team Rocket ever."
"I can't do that. You will have to prove yourself with a partner before I could ever consider that."
"But....."
"You are dismissed. I will not be seeing James and Meowth, as I have more important things to tend to."
I walked out. James and Meowth looked at me. "He will not see you today. He's busy. We're to report back to him in two weeks. We'd better catch a good Pokemon by then."
*************************
I stared at the ground for a while as Meowth and I trotted along. Then I heard a rustling.
"Did you hear that?" I asked.
"Hear what?"
I looked towards the area the sound came from, but no one was there. "I must have imagined it."
I continued walking, keeping an eye out for anything unusual, and unusual was what I got. I spotted a light brown pikachu. I gasped. I tapped Meowth on the shoulder. "Huh...?" he said, and looked the direction I was pointing towards. He gasped as well. It was the same pikachu. It had to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two weeks later.......
"Hey, youse twos, dere are da twerps! And what is that?!" Meowth exclaimed.
James and I looked over the bushes in which we were hiding. The twerp and his friends were there. When I spotted Pikachu I gasped. He was obviously in love with an odd colored girl Pikachu. She was light brown. I was excited. "I bet the boss would just love one of those!"
"Let's try to catch it den!" Meowth shouted.
Pikachu's ears perked up. James and I glared at Meowth. "You've blown it Meowth!" I hissed. Then Pikachu ran the opposite direction of where we were hiding. We all sighed in relief. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Jesse? I think we should just concentrate on catching Pikachu. Catching the other would be too much of a hassle," James whispered to me.
"What do you mean? We're going to try to capture both!"
"Jesse, it would be a much better idea if we stuck to the one. Two pikachus in love work together."
"And two pikachus apart are going to try to stick together. They'll help the other out."
"Don't you remember the Nidorans? We failed horribly. I think we'd be more successful if we kept our goals low for once. We are going to have a hard enough time catching the one. Going for the next level up would be a mistake!"
It was the first time James even looked mad at me. What in the world has gotten into him? He even sounded disappointed in my idea. Unfortunately for him, I was madder. "When did you start making suggestions?" I snapped.
James grew quiet for a moment. Finally he said, "I'm just trying to do my job of being a partner, giving input, because I know I haven't much in the past."
I was stunned for a few moments by his comment, but I re-focused on the subject. "Well, thanks for your input, but no thanks. We stick to the plan."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Ya know, we could try and capture it," Meowth suggested.
"I'm not so sure. I have bad memories of that pikachu and what followed."
*************************************
"Pikachu, what's the matter?" Ash called out as Pikachu ran into the bushes. The light brown Pikachu followed. I got the binoculars out, and I almost laughed out loud at what I saw. Those pikachu were in love all right, but weren't too good at hiding it. Yet again the twerp may be too dense to realize it. "Why are they rubbing their faces like that?" Ash asked.
Misty looked over the bush. "Awwww, they are in love!" she exclaimed as she clasped her hands together.
Ash looked confused. "They are?"
Brock attempted to clear things up. "Pikachu like.....ummmmm.....expressing there love in bushes. It's typical, but you don't have to worry about mating if there are people around. They just rub cheeks until they have privacy." Brock sweatdropped.
Ash saddened a little, and I figured it was now or never. I started to prepare the balloon, but I did something totally out of character. I slipped somehow, and my foot started to hurt badly. I cried out a little in pain.
"Jesse, you're foot isn't in the boot right. You have it stuck somehow. Let me help you," James volunteered. He help my foot relocate in the boot, and lifted it out of the groove in which it was caught in. I had no idea how I could be so ungraceful and clumsy. That was James's thing. It shook me up, and I started to become fidgety. What if James is right? Maybe this is crazy. Maybe we should just stick to the one pikachu.....
I snapped out of my daydream, and I decided to take my gloves off so I would have some grip on the edge of the gondola, afraid that I would slip again.
"Here, somebody hold these for me," I said, and I threw the gloves onto the ground. I didn't pay attention to who picked them up.
I finally found the electricity-proof net I was looking for. We threw our electricity-proof net over the pikachus and reeled them in. They cried out in anguish. Ash yelled. "Hey, that's my pikachu you got there!"
"We're well aware of that boy, so prepare for trouble!" I started the motto.
"We got a pair of lovy dovy pikachus, so you'd better make it double!"
We recited the rest of our motto and struck a classy pose. I had danced with him throughout the motto, and I was in his left arm in the end. We each had an arm extended out, and I supported myself by holding onto his neck. Meowth said his line, and landed gracefully in front of us. It was the last motto we ever recited together.
"My pikachu and that special brown pikachu are in love! All you're doing is disrupting that!" Ash shouted, tears filling his eyes.
"We figured since Pikachu would be leaving you anyway, why not give him and his girlfriend to us?" I suggested.
"Never! They deserve the greatest happiness on this earth, even if I can't be there for it! I'll never let you have them!
Misty looked at Brock. For the first time Ash began to understand a little about how love worked, or at least between Pokemon.
"I always hoped someday that Pikachu would find someone to have some little Pichu with, even if it meant in the end it meant us going our separate ways. I have been so grateful for the time we've had together, and our friendship will always remain strong, no matter how far away from each other we may be. Pikachu would never serve another!"
"Shut your trap, twerp! We're taking the pikachu, and there is nothing you can do about it!" I said, and I pulled my lower eyelid down and stuck my tongue out at him.
Ash grabbed a pokeball and called Chikorita. "Chikorita, razor leaf the net!"
Chikorita thrust the leaves, but succeeded to no avail. The net was too tough. "James, step up the gas,." I commanded.
"No."
I turned to face him. "What did you say?!" I demanded.
"I said no, Jesse. This isn't right. We're criminals, but this is just flat-out unjust!"
I smacked him on the head, then James and I argued until Meowth cut in. "Look, let's take the Pokemon for now, then we can decide what to do."
"It will be too late by then!" James cried.
I hit him on the head again. "Stop being so lame and start paying attention to what's important! Even if Pikachu didn't listen to the boss we'd still get credit for trying! That means we'll be eating some decent meals for a change!"
"Look, I agree with Jesse. I don't want to be half starvin' all da time," Meowth said, with his arms crossed.
"That is being selfish Meowth! I don't want to be half starving either, but there are better ways!" James yelled.
The twerps just looked back and forth as we all argued. Eventually the twerps came up with a plan. Ash sent out Cyndaquil to burn the rope, and Brock sent out Onix to catch the net and cushion it as it fell.
"Noooo!" I cried reaching my hand out, shaking very violently. Ash freed the pikachu and then commanded them to thunderbolt the balloon. We blasted off one last time.
A few moments later we fell. I was pissed more than ever. I was tired of being miserable. This misery had to come to an end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Come on Jesse! Let's catch it!" Meowth said.
"Let's not and say we did," I replied sardonically.
"What da hell's gotten into you? We've got a big opportunity here, and you're trying to blow it just like James did!"
I pointed a finger at Meowth angrily. "James did NOT blow it. He was the only brains of the team!"
Meowth laughed. "Him? Give me a break. Don't tell me you regret the decision."
"As a matter of fact, I do. It was obvious when I started crying, hearing how you broke the news to him."
Meowth was taken aback for a moment. "I didn't know you cried."
"I was hiding it."
"Den how do you expect it to be obvious?"
"I don't know. It was a stupid thing to say."
Meowth sighed. "Are we catching it or not?"
I shrugged. "Let's give it a try."
It turned out Ash owned her, and had nicknamed her Vivian. Vivian and Pikachu agreed to stay with Ash apparently, and in the meantime Vivian was pregnant, so Pikachu was EXTREMELY protective of her. Meowth and I got thunder-cooked real good before we blasted off. Then we thudded on the ground a few miles away. "That's the last time we're messing with that pikachu," I said plain and clear.
"What do ya mean? What else can we do?" Meowth asked.
"Chasing that pikachu has been pointless and unrewarding. We should try catching Pokemon normally. We'd probably be so much better at it."
"But dat's boring!"
"You have any better ideas? After all, it seems firing James was a great idea, because we are so much more successful now," I said sarcastically.
Meowth scratched my face. "Cut da crap, Jesse!"
"No, I won't! I can do what the hell I want! You know, James was right. We were selfish, and you still are. Even if I'm even more miserable than I was, at least I learned some good lessons off of it!"
Meowth said nothing. I had admitted my guilt. I wanted to say more, but I decided it was a better idea to stop, but only after one more thing was said. "I was too hard on James," I finished.
Meowth sat in deep thought for the longest time. He looked at me, as if he were trying to study all the sadness that laid behind the blue eyes of mine, which had dulled in color since losing James. Finally he spoke. "You're too hard on yaself, Jesse. You need to forgive yaself. You have just taught me what a big mistake I've made, but dere is nothing we can do about it now. Sometimes ya just have to accept dat we're human. Well, I'm not, but ya know what I mean. We make mistakes."
Way too many of them, I thought. "I can't forgive myself until James does."
"Jesse, chances are he forgave ya long ago. He is too sweet to demean anyone, even you."
"I need to hear it from him."
"Den what's stoppin' ya from telling him da way ya feel?"
"I'm afraid of what he wouldn't say."
Meowth looked at me quizzically. "What do ya mean?"
"I mean that....well.....that he just wouldn't say anything about it, no 'that's very sweet of you,' or hearing him say something like, 'I don't know what to say.' I'm afraid he'll look at me as if I came from another planet if I talk to him about this."
"Jesse, listen to me. James is not one for demeaning people. Really. What is da worse dat could happen? He says something like, 'Oh, I hate you for what you did to me, and my life is ruined because of you?' What are da chances that he'll say anything remotely like dat?"
I laughed, realizing how stupid my fears were. Who could ever imagine James saying such a thing? Just the idea was hilarious. Yet inside I was still scared, still ashamed, of how much I hurt someone I truly loved.....I sighed sadly, then I remembered something totally out of the blue.
"Hey, Meowth, can I have my other pair of gloves back?"
"What gloves?"
"The ones I threw on the ground on.....our last mission."
"I don't have dem," Meowth said and looked at me blankly, then realized what happened. "James must have taken dem. I wonder if he'll ever get da guts to give dem back to ya. The way you've been acting all so awkward towards him I wouldn't blame him for bein' just as awkward back."
I looked at Meowth, and realized that he had noticed the way that I avoided looking at James at all whenever he looked my way. I was scared of going near him, for fear of accidentally doing something stupid like bumping into him. I cursed myself silently for being so pathetic. "I wouldn't be too surprised if he didn't ever say hi to me again. I shouldn't have let someone else do the firing for me," I said, and I dropped my head, not looking Meowth in the eye.
"Jesse, I wanted to fire him too, ya know. We are both equally guilty," he said.
"No we're not.......I'm the one who came up with the stupid idea in the first place."
Meowth studied my eyes again. "You really do love him, don't ya?"
"Yes." I couldn't deny that.
"At least dis taught ya how much ya really did care 'bout him."
"More than I would have ever liked."
Meowth sighed.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
"It's time to report to the boss," I said quietly.
"James, I want to talk to Jesse for a sec," Meowth said.
"Okay," he said sadly.
Meowth pulled me aside. "I guess we'd better tell da boss da news."
"What news?" I asked blankly.
"Don't pretend like ya don't know Jesse. Remember, I've got cat ears. I can hear pretty well."
It dawned on me that Meowth had heard everything that was conversed between the boss and I. "Oh.....yeah." I felt a chill crawl up my spine. Something was not right....I couldn't quite place the feeling, besides it was dread. Of what though?
We all reported to headquarters. The boss lectured us about how unreliable we were, then Meowth asked to talk to him personally. I figured he was going to give a good report about James being incompetent. James and I waited a minute, without a word said between us. James patted me on the back as I was called in. I smiled weakly at him, then entered Giovanni's office. The boss looked at me. "Things are going to change now, and you'll start hitting some success now. Once you get a new partner everything will be fine," Giovanni said. I just stood there, frozen by the words. Something was totally not right.
Giovanni whispered something in Meowth's ear, and Meowth left the room. We talked some more about how we were failing all the time, and how things were "going to change." After fifteen minutes I started to wonder where Meowth was. "Where's Meowth?" I asked.
"He's telling James that he would be transferred to another partner." If I wasn't frozen before, I sure was then. A voice screamed inside of me, Stop Meowth, Jesse! You need some more time. Tell him to give you more time! But I figured with fifteen minutes passed that Meowth was already talking to him. It was too late.
Fifteen minutes later Meowth walked in. "It took me forevah to find him, because he had to go and grab somethin' to eat, and afterwards he had to go to da bathroom. I didn't get to talk to him till two minutes ago."
I couldn't believe myself. I could have stopped him......the Lord had given me the chance, I was sure of it. I didn't trust in Him enough to let Him guide me. I felt like hitting my head on the wall time and time again, but I remained stationary.
Meowth told how he broke the news to James. Meowth was so nice and business like. So nice.... I stared at the ceiling, and I began to cry lightly as Giovanni listened to Meowth. Neither saw me as the tears gently rolled down my face. The moment only lasted a few seconds, and I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and face before Giovanni and Meowth saw them. I still cried inside though. I knew I had made the stupidest and worst mistake of my life.
********************************
Meowth and I just sat there, in the middle of nowhere, for the longest time. Finally, I spoke.
"I love him so much."
Meowth looked at me sadly. "I do too, but only as a friend."
"I keep thinking we're just in a bad dream that will never wake up. I wish things could be the same way they used to be, but Miriam......" I trailed off.
"I know. You can't hurt her, you're friends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three days later.....
I saw Miriam for the first time in months. We waved to each other excitedly, and we embraced. "How are you doing, Jess?" she said, and she smiled.
"I'm doing okay, now that you're here! It's been a long time."
"Yeah.....Jesse, I need to talk to you."
I grew serious. Miriam doesn't say that unless she means it. "What is it?"
Miriam pulled me aside. "I'm James's new partner."
I stiffened. God no. She was in love with him. We've stayed up hours talking about him on our secret sleepover parties. I always snuck into her room after I was sure James was asleep, and we'd stay up all night talking and giggling about him.
She saw my pained expression. "You don't feel too good about this, do you?"
"That would be a yes," I replied, and I pressed my lips together.
She put her hands on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. "Look. You can always hook back up with him. Maybe you just need a little time away from each other. Then things can be the way they used to be."
"He'd never agree to it. Besides, what would Meowth and the other members say?"
"I don't know, Jesse. I can't answer for them. Besides, this is your decision. I just know that James wouldn't mind too much. Stuff like this is a part of the business."
"I'm too scared of what he might say. I can't Miriam.....I can't."
"Jesse, James is a nice guy. I think he would understand."
"I don't know....."
"Well, I've told ya the facts girl. The rest is up to you."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Yeah. I think they kinda make a good couple. I could never hurt Miriam."
"Maybe it's time we get some trainin' in. We haven't gotten much of dat ever, and it's not like the HQ doesn't have a center for dat."
"Yeah. That's a good idea." I looked up at the sky. My darling.....please forgive me.
Meowth and I arrived at the training center, and I started to work out some. James, Miriam, Cassidy, and Butch were all there. I heard Cassidy snicker in the background, but I ignored her. So what if this was my first time. There's a first time for everything. I was grateful when she didn't approach me on it. After Meowth and I had a real good work out, we went to the locker room, and I started to pack my water bottles and the such to go home. Then James walked up to where Miriam and I were sitting.
I had almost bumped into him entering the building earlier, because I was heading straight towards him, and we both tried to dodge the same way. I couldn't help but smile a little at the time, and I shyly said hi. He said hi back and I let him by. I knew he was smiling himself at the irony of it as he walked to the other gym. I felt a little better that we had a least said something to each other.
My thoughts were interrupted when James spoke to me. I assumed he was going to talk to Miriam, so I didn't look his way at first when he approached us. He held out my dark, leather gloves. I was almost surprised he was addressing me, but he couldn't be addressing anyone else with those gloves in his hand. I forced myself to look him straight into his eyes. I realized how gorgeously green they were.
"Here are your gloves," he said quietly. "You left them after that last mission."
I took the gloves gently from his hand. "Oh.....thank you," I said lamely, still staring into his eyes. I quickly looked away so I wouldn't just stare at him all day. Then he walked away to pack his things, and he got ready to leave himself. I packed the gloves inside my bag, then I walked slowly towards the exit. I looked back at James, and saw that he was talking with Miriam and Butch, who had walked up in the meantime. Then I left, his words of the last few minutes and of the past dancing around in my head.
You really do care!
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go!
I like pouncing.
My tummy needs a yummy.
I am the flame that burns brightest!
It's Botch!
Owwwwww.....my head hurts.
Jesse, you're foot isn't in the boot right. You have it stuck somehow. Let me help you.
I said no, Jesse. This isn't right. We're criminals, but this is just flat-out unjust!
Here are your gloves. You left them after that last mission.
That last mission would never be anything less than a nightmare implanted eternally into my memory. The only comfort or justification I had was that I loved him. That helped heal the incredible guilt some, though the guilt always remained. I went through the next few months thinking, trying to figure out what went wrong. I eventually rebuilt myself to the point where I could function normally again. Even so there wasn't one day I didn't think of James. I daydreamed about him often. I saw him a lot actually, mainly in the training center. I sometimes purposely changed my schedule to go to a session that he was in. It felt nice to at least have his presence, his company. From time to time he'd look my way to see what I was doing, just like any other person would. I'd sometimes show off a little when he was close, and practice the things that I wasn't so good at when he was far away. Rarely we spoke to each other. My love continued to grow and grow for him. I never imagined that one day I would be separated from his presence entirely. Then that day came......
A year later.....
"You are transferred to the Andes Mountains." These were the words Giovanni spoke. Meowth and I would be going far from where James and Miriam would be. My new partner was there, waiting for me. His name was Jack. We were to get ready to go in a month. In the past year, Meowth and I have become the best of friends. Miriam and I have also become even better friends. We do lots of things together, we even talk on the internet often, whenever I manage to have a connection. Meowth and I have succeeded at catching a few Pokemon, but it wasn't anything in comparison to what everyone else was doing, especially James and Miriam. We've hit a huge plateau, and the boss has now transferred us. I wish I could convince him that I could stay and work effectively, but I knew better. I was doomed.
I sent little notes to a few people, including James, letting everybody that mattered to me know that I was moving. I mentioned personally to each what they meant to me. I told James basically of what I do up there once I got there, and that he was one of the greatest people I've ever met, and that I'd keep in touch. Hopefully that broke the ice some, so that we at least write each other on occasion. I prayed so.
The week before our move, everyone had a small going away dinner for Meowth and I, and James, Miriam, Butch, and even Cassidy were invited. Cassidy nicely wished me good luck, even though I could tell she was jealous. I just wish I could switch places with her. Then we'd both be happy.
The next day, I went to the trainer center one last time. After thirty minutes everyone left and said
good-bye. The music was turned off, so I decided to put a CD on. There was only one CD by Laura Branigan in the stereo player, so I popped it in. I looked at the song titles, and one caught my eye. Number 3..... "Never in a Million Years." I programmed the player to play #3 only. I listened as the song melted my heart. It reminded so much of how I felt about James........
Oh, if I could touch you
It'd be a once in a life-time dream come true
And oh, if I could have you,
Just one night, just one time
But I know I'll never get the chance
I'll never get a second glance
Never in a million years
Never in a thousand tears
If I could ever hold you
I'd never let go
Never in a million years
Oh, I need you
If you could only see inside my heart
Oh, to be near you
Close enough to reach and touch
And I thought it over in my mind
If I could walk across the bridge of time
Never in a million years
Never in a thousand tears
If I could ever hold you
I'd never let go
Never in a million years
But I know I'll never never never get the chance
I'll never get a second glance
Never.....in a million years
Never in a thousand tears
If I could ever hold you
I'd never let go
Never
Never in a million years
Never in a thousand tears
If I could ever hold you
I'd never let go
Never in a million years......
Leaning against the wall, I cried as I listened to the beautiful yet sad words. The guilt began to well up inside of me, and I sobbed uncontrollably. Oh James, I am so sorry. I've wanted to tell you that for the longest time now, but I don't know how. I want you to forgive me for being such a brat and a coward. It is because of my cowardice that I can't bring myself to tell you this. I wish I could tell you how much I love you, and that you would take me in your arms and never let go. That we could hold on for eternity. But that will never happen.......never in a million years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Okay, I know I got a bit religious in a few spots. So what, I'm a Christian believer. Maybe I made a grammatical error here and there, and I'm pretty sure James was pretty out of character. Anything else? Is it good, awesome, sucky, horrible, disgusting, depressing, repulsive, what? Tell me!
"Never in a Million Years"
Performed by Laura Branigan
(((Copyright 1990 Warner Tamerlane Publishing Corp/WB Music Corp.)))
Great, so now I don't get sued. ^_^
Never in a Million Years
I had always cared for James.
I was staring at him from a distance. I hardly ever get within talking range of him anymore. To hear him even speak to me now at all was a blessing. I never should have taken his friendship for granted. I did anyway, thus I made a mistake that I know I will regret for the rest of my life.
I watched him laugh wholeheartedly with his new partner, Miriam. My heart ached. He got along with her excellently. I felt the jealousy flow in my veins. Not only did she make James laugh, she was drop dead gorgeous as well. She had beautiful brown hair, and dark, brown eyes that penetrated your soul. She had a great figure, and a soft, mellow voice. It's no wonder James liked her so much better than me.
The TR waiter asked me for my order. I just ordered a drink and some caviar. Then Butch and Cassidy showed up.
"Well, if it isn't the loner Rocket," Cassidy sneered.
"Shut your trap, Cassidy," I snarled.
"Well, aren't we snappy today? You shouldn't take the things I say so personally. You aren't much of a Rocket member by yourself, are you? You don't have James anymore, so you're all by your lonesome. Not to mention in a cruddy mood worse than ever. Poor Jesse, I just feel so sorry for you! If you got yourself a good partner like Butch, you'd be successful just like us. Poor, poor Jesse."
"Look Cassidy, just leave me alone for once, okay? Please."
"At least you dumped a loser," she said, and she started to walk off. "Who knows where you would be now if you didn't." She laughed, and she exited the restaurant. My temper boiled, and I was trying to think of some way to get back at her. Then Butch gave me a warning sign not to lose it. I calmed down a bit. Butch sighed and followed along his partner's path.
The waiter brought me some lemonade, and I thanked him. I sipped through the red striped straw slowly. I started staring at James again. How I longed to hold him.....
**********************
"Jesse, we're gonna..." James stopped as he held me tightly. I hugged back in fear.
"Piiiiiikaaaa......CHUUUUU!!!" Ash's pikachu called as it used thunderbolt.
"Yeowwwwww!" We all cried, then we exploded out towards the sky.
"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaaiiin!"
A few minutes later...
I thudded onto the ground after falling through several branches. James and Meowth fell next to me. I was sick and tired of losing.
"Owwwwww.....my head hurts," James complained.
"My whole body hurts," Meowth joined in.
I said nothing. I was furious. It was always James's fault! If he wasn't so weak, we'd have had Pikachu long ago.
Meowth and James fear hugged. James always liked Meowth better than me, and I knew it. He didn't care about me anymore the way he used to. He always paid a lot attention to me, but he hardly does now. Well, I was going to show him someday that I really didn't need him. I would probably be better without him.
Meowth noticed my silence, and almost fearfully asked, "Are ya okay, Jesse?"
I stormed off without saying a word.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hung my head in overwhelming guilt. I had to have the worst temper on earth. James always cared. I know he did, otherwise he would have left me long time ago. And James being weak? Give me a break. He may be timid, but weak, absolutely not. I laughed quietly at myself in self-pity. You're the one who is weak, I thought. You just try to act tough.
Meowth walked into the TR Cafe finally and he came to sit with me. I thanked the Lord I still had him. He ordered some fish. Then he looked at me with concern on his face. "I don't know if ya've heard the news."
I looked at him blankly. "What news?"
Meowth nodded toward James and Miriam's direction. "Dey're getting promoted. It's only been three weeks and they've caught a dozen Pokemon for da boss. Some of dem ain't great, but hey, that's more than we ever got as a team."
I sighed. "Currently we've gotten zero."
"Have you found a new partner?"
"I was considering Mondo, but he's too pure of a guy for this work. He shouldn't really even be in this organization. I don't know what to do."
Meowth patted me on the back. "How about this? We'll be partners for a while until ya can find one. If we want to catch up to anybody we'd better get started now."
"Okay." I faked a smile, but I hated to lose sight of James. I finished my drink and gave the waiter my charge account, then we left the building. I was dragging my feet practically so as to see James for as long as possible. When I noticed Meowth looking my way I averted my gaze away from James. My heart ached badly. I still couldn't come to grips with what a bitch I had become, and what I destroyed. I destroyed something precious.....something that couldn't ever be revived. It was all my fault.....
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"James, Meowth, I'm going to the TRHQ to talk to the boss."
James and Meowth looked at me quizzically. "Why Jesse?" James asked.
"It's time for a change. You can come along if you'd like, but I must speak privately to him myself first. Got it?"
Meowth sighed and shook his head, knowing pretty much what was about to happen. James just followed, not sure what was going on. I called Giovanni and asked him to pick us up, and that it was a matter of great importance. He reluctantly sent one of his helicopters to take us to his new Viridian City Gym. When we arrived we were granted admittance, and we walked up to his office door. I motioned for James and Meowth to stay behind. I knocked. "Come in, Jesse."
I walked in. He was in his leather chair, his back facing me. "I hope you have a good reason that you're here."
I got right down to the point. "Sir, we haven't brought you Pikachu or any Pokemon for that matter in months. I believe it is because of my partner's inability to help efficiently, and that he gets in the way."
"I assume you are speaking of James," he said.
"Yes, sir," I replied.
He turned in his chair to face me, in deep thought. "Do you have any ideas for a new partner?"
I was taken by surprise. I hadn't even considered it. "I haven't given it much thought, boss."
"Jesse, you know the rules. Females need a male partner, and I haven't gotten any on hand that hadn't already specified wanting to work individually. Unless you want Mondo."
I knew Mondo wasn't the type of guy I wanted, as much as I appreciated his help in the past. "I don't know about that, boss. Can I stick with Meowth awhile until I can make up my mind?"
He didn't reply for the longest time. He finally spoke a minute later. "I'll tell you what you're going to do. You work with James and Meowth two more weeks, and if you are still dissatisfied, you may do as you wish. I already have a female partner on waiting, so if this doesn't work out then James will already have a partner. You are the concern."
I cursed the new rules. Men could work by themselves, but women couldn't. I would work by myself just like my mother did if Giovanni wasn't so sexist. "I could work by myself. My mother did so, and she was the best member of Team Rocket ever."
"I can't do that. You will have to prove yourself with a partner before I could ever consider that."
"But....."
"You are dismissed. I will not be seeing James and Meowth, as I have more important things to tend to."
I walked out. James and Meowth looked at me. "He will not see you today. He's busy. We're to report back to him in two weeks. We'd better catch a good Pokemon by then."
*************************
I stared at the ground for a while as Meowth and I trotted along. Then I heard a rustling.
"Did you hear that?" I asked.
"Hear what?"
I looked towards the area the sound came from, but no one was there. "I must have imagined it."
I continued walking, keeping an eye out for anything unusual, and unusual was what I got. I spotted a light brown pikachu. I gasped. I tapped Meowth on the shoulder. "Huh...?" he said, and looked the direction I was pointing towards. He gasped as well. It was the same pikachu. It had to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two weeks later.......
"Hey, youse twos, dere are da twerps! And what is that?!" Meowth exclaimed.
James and I looked over the bushes in which we were hiding. The twerp and his friends were there. When I spotted Pikachu I gasped. He was obviously in love with an odd colored girl Pikachu. She was light brown. I was excited. "I bet the boss would just love one of those!"
"Let's try to catch it den!" Meowth shouted.
Pikachu's ears perked up. James and I glared at Meowth. "You've blown it Meowth!" I hissed. Then Pikachu ran the opposite direction of where we were hiding. We all sighed in relief. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Jesse? I think we should just concentrate on catching Pikachu. Catching the other would be too much of a hassle," James whispered to me.
"What do you mean? We're going to try to capture both!"
"Jesse, it would be a much better idea if we stuck to the one. Two pikachus in love work together."
"And two pikachus apart are going to try to stick together. They'll help the other out."
"Don't you remember the Nidorans? We failed horribly. I think we'd be more successful if we kept our goals low for once. We are going to have a hard enough time catching the one. Going for the next level up would be a mistake!"
It was the first time James even looked mad at me. What in the world has gotten into him? He even sounded disappointed in my idea. Unfortunately for him, I was madder. "When did you start making suggestions?" I snapped.
James grew quiet for a moment. Finally he said, "I'm just trying to do my job of being a partner, giving input, because I know I haven't much in the past."
I was stunned for a few moments by his comment, but I re-focused on the subject. "Well, thanks for your input, but no thanks. We stick to the plan."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Ya know, we could try and capture it," Meowth suggested.
"I'm not so sure. I have bad memories of that pikachu and what followed."
*************************************
"Pikachu, what's the matter?" Ash called out as Pikachu ran into the bushes. The light brown Pikachu followed. I got the binoculars out, and I almost laughed out loud at what I saw. Those pikachu were in love all right, but weren't too good at hiding it. Yet again the twerp may be too dense to realize it. "Why are they rubbing their faces like that?" Ash asked.
Misty looked over the bush. "Awwww, they are in love!" she exclaimed as she clasped her hands together.
Ash looked confused. "They are?"
Brock attempted to clear things up. "Pikachu like.....ummmmm.....expressing there love in bushes. It's typical, but you don't have to worry about mating if there are people around. They just rub cheeks until they have privacy." Brock sweatdropped.
Ash saddened a little, and I figured it was now or never. I started to prepare the balloon, but I did something totally out of character. I slipped somehow, and my foot started to hurt badly. I cried out a little in pain.
"Jesse, you're foot isn't in the boot right. You have it stuck somehow. Let me help you," James volunteered. He help my foot relocate in the boot, and lifted it out of the groove in which it was caught in. I had no idea how I could be so ungraceful and clumsy. That was James's thing. It shook me up, and I started to become fidgety. What if James is right? Maybe this is crazy. Maybe we should just stick to the one pikachu.....
I snapped out of my daydream, and I decided to take my gloves off so I would have some grip on the edge of the gondola, afraid that I would slip again.
"Here, somebody hold these for me," I said, and I threw the gloves onto the ground. I didn't pay attention to who picked them up.
I finally found the electricity-proof net I was looking for. We threw our electricity-proof net over the pikachus and reeled them in. They cried out in anguish. Ash yelled. "Hey, that's my pikachu you got there!"
"We're well aware of that boy, so prepare for trouble!" I started the motto.
"We got a pair of lovy dovy pikachus, so you'd better make it double!"
We recited the rest of our motto and struck a classy pose. I had danced with him throughout the motto, and I was in his left arm in the end. We each had an arm extended out, and I supported myself by holding onto his neck. Meowth said his line, and landed gracefully in front of us. It was the last motto we ever recited together.
"My pikachu and that special brown pikachu are in love! All you're doing is disrupting that!" Ash shouted, tears filling his eyes.
"We figured since Pikachu would be leaving you anyway, why not give him and his girlfriend to us?" I suggested.
"Never! They deserve the greatest happiness on this earth, even if I can't be there for it! I'll never let you have them!
Misty looked at Brock. For the first time Ash began to understand a little about how love worked, or at least between Pokemon.
"I always hoped someday that Pikachu would find someone to have some little Pichu with, even if it meant in the end it meant us going our separate ways. I have been so grateful for the time we've had together, and our friendship will always remain strong, no matter how far away from each other we may be. Pikachu would never serve another!"
"Shut your trap, twerp! We're taking the pikachu, and there is nothing you can do about it!" I said, and I pulled my lower eyelid down and stuck my tongue out at him.
Ash grabbed a pokeball and called Chikorita. "Chikorita, razor leaf the net!"
Chikorita thrust the leaves, but succeeded to no avail. The net was too tough. "James, step up the gas,." I commanded.
"No."
I turned to face him. "What did you say?!" I demanded.
"I said no, Jesse. This isn't right. We're criminals, but this is just flat-out unjust!"
I smacked him on the head, then James and I argued until Meowth cut in. "Look, let's take the Pokemon for now, then we can decide what to do."
"It will be too late by then!" James cried.
I hit him on the head again. "Stop being so lame and start paying attention to what's important! Even if Pikachu didn't listen to the boss we'd still get credit for trying! That means we'll be eating some decent meals for a change!"
"Look, I agree with Jesse. I don't want to be half starvin' all da time," Meowth said, with his arms crossed.
"That is being selfish Meowth! I don't want to be half starving either, but there are better ways!" James yelled.
The twerps just looked back and forth as we all argued. Eventually the twerps came up with a plan. Ash sent out Cyndaquil to burn the rope, and Brock sent out Onix to catch the net and cushion it as it fell.
"Noooo!" I cried reaching my hand out, shaking very violently. Ash freed the pikachu and then commanded them to thunderbolt the balloon. We blasted off one last time.
A few moments later we fell. I was pissed more than ever. I was tired of being miserable. This misery had to come to an end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Come on Jesse! Let's catch it!" Meowth said.
"Let's not and say we did," I replied sardonically.
"What da hell's gotten into you? We've got a big opportunity here, and you're trying to blow it just like James did!"
I pointed a finger at Meowth angrily. "James did NOT blow it. He was the only brains of the team!"
Meowth laughed. "Him? Give me a break. Don't tell me you regret the decision."
"As a matter of fact, I do. It was obvious when I started crying, hearing how you broke the news to him."
Meowth was taken aback for a moment. "I didn't know you cried."
"I was hiding it."
"Den how do you expect it to be obvious?"
"I don't know. It was a stupid thing to say."
Meowth sighed. "Are we catching it or not?"
I shrugged. "Let's give it a try."
It turned out Ash owned her, and had nicknamed her Vivian. Vivian and Pikachu agreed to stay with Ash apparently, and in the meantime Vivian was pregnant, so Pikachu was EXTREMELY protective of her. Meowth and I got thunder-cooked real good before we blasted off. Then we thudded on the ground a few miles away. "That's the last time we're messing with that pikachu," I said plain and clear.
"What do ya mean? What else can we do?" Meowth asked.
"Chasing that pikachu has been pointless and unrewarding. We should try catching Pokemon normally. We'd probably be so much better at it."
"But dat's boring!"
"You have any better ideas? After all, it seems firing James was a great idea, because we are so much more successful now," I said sarcastically.
Meowth scratched my face. "Cut da crap, Jesse!"
"No, I won't! I can do what the hell I want! You know, James was right. We were selfish, and you still are. Even if I'm even more miserable than I was, at least I learned some good lessons off of it!"
Meowth said nothing. I had admitted my guilt. I wanted to say more, but I decided it was a better idea to stop, but only after one more thing was said. "I was too hard on James," I finished.
Meowth sat in deep thought for the longest time. He looked at me, as if he were trying to study all the sadness that laid behind the blue eyes of mine, which had dulled in color since losing James. Finally he spoke. "You're too hard on yaself, Jesse. You need to forgive yaself. You have just taught me what a big mistake I've made, but dere is nothing we can do about it now. Sometimes ya just have to accept dat we're human. Well, I'm not, but ya know what I mean. We make mistakes."
Way too many of them, I thought. "I can't forgive myself until James does."
"Jesse, chances are he forgave ya long ago. He is too sweet to demean anyone, even you."
"I need to hear it from him."
"Den what's stoppin' ya from telling him da way ya feel?"
"I'm afraid of what he wouldn't say."
Meowth looked at me quizzically. "What do ya mean?"
"I mean that....well.....that he just wouldn't say anything about it, no 'that's very sweet of you,' or hearing him say something like, 'I don't know what to say.' I'm afraid he'll look at me as if I came from another planet if I talk to him about this."
"Jesse, listen to me. James is not one for demeaning people. Really. What is da worse dat could happen? He says something like, 'Oh, I hate you for what you did to me, and my life is ruined because of you?' What are da chances that he'll say anything remotely like dat?"
I laughed, realizing how stupid my fears were. Who could ever imagine James saying such a thing? Just the idea was hilarious. Yet inside I was still scared, still ashamed, of how much I hurt someone I truly loved.....I sighed sadly, then I remembered something totally out of the blue.
"Hey, Meowth, can I have my other pair of gloves back?"
"What gloves?"
"The ones I threw on the ground on.....our last mission."
"I don't have dem," Meowth said and looked at me blankly, then realized what happened. "James must have taken dem. I wonder if he'll ever get da guts to give dem back to ya. The way you've been acting all so awkward towards him I wouldn't blame him for bein' just as awkward back."
I looked at Meowth, and realized that he had noticed the way that I avoided looking at James at all whenever he looked my way. I was scared of going near him, for fear of accidentally doing something stupid like bumping into him. I cursed myself silently for being so pathetic. "I wouldn't be too surprised if he didn't ever say hi to me again. I shouldn't have let someone else do the firing for me," I said, and I dropped my head, not looking Meowth in the eye.
"Jesse, I wanted to fire him too, ya know. We are both equally guilty," he said.
"No we're not.......I'm the one who came up with the stupid idea in the first place."
Meowth studied my eyes again. "You really do love him, don't ya?"
"Yes." I couldn't deny that.
"At least dis taught ya how much ya really did care 'bout him."
"More than I would have ever liked."
Meowth sighed.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
"It's time to report to the boss," I said quietly.
"James, I want to talk to Jesse for a sec," Meowth said.
"Okay," he said sadly.
Meowth pulled me aside. "I guess we'd better tell da boss da news."
"What news?" I asked blankly.
"Don't pretend like ya don't know Jesse. Remember, I've got cat ears. I can hear pretty well."
It dawned on me that Meowth had heard everything that was conversed between the boss and I. "Oh.....yeah." I felt a chill crawl up my spine. Something was not right....I couldn't quite place the feeling, besides it was dread. Of what though?
We all reported to headquarters. The boss lectured us about how unreliable we were, then Meowth asked to talk to him personally. I figured he was going to give a good report about James being incompetent. James and I waited a minute, without a word said between us. James patted me on the back as I was called in. I smiled weakly at him, then entered Giovanni's office. The boss looked at me. "Things are going to change now, and you'll start hitting some success now. Once you get a new partner everything will be fine," Giovanni said. I just stood there, frozen by the words. Something was totally not right.
Giovanni whispered something in Meowth's ear, and Meowth left the room. We talked some more about how we were failing all the time, and how things were "going to change." After fifteen minutes I started to wonder where Meowth was. "Where's Meowth?" I asked.
"He's telling James that he would be transferred to another partner." If I wasn't frozen before, I sure was then. A voice screamed inside of me, Stop Meowth, Jesse! You need some more time. Tell him to give you more time! But I figured with fifteen minutes passed that Meowth was already talking to him. It was too late.
Fifteen minutes later Meowth walked in. "It took me forevah to find him, because he had to go and grab somethin' to eat, and afterwards he had to go to da bathroom. I didn't get to talk to him till two minutes ago."
I couldn't believe myself. I could have stopped him......the Lord had given me the chance, I was sure of it. I didn't trust in Him enough to let Him guide me. I felt like hitting my head on the wall time and time again, but I remained stationary.
Meowth told how he broke the news to James. Meowth was so nice and business like. So nice.... I stared at the ceiling, and I began to cry lightly as Giovanni listened to Meowth. Neither saw me as the tears gently rolled down my face. The moment only lasted a few seconds, and I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and face before Giovanni and Meowth saw them. I still cried inside though. I knew I had made the stupidest and worst mistake of my life.
********************************
Meowth and I just sat there, in the middle of nowhere, for the longest time. Finally, I spoke.
"I love him so much."
Meowth looked at me sadly. "I do too, but only as a friend."
"I keep thinking we're just in a bad dream that will never wake up. I wish things could be the same way they used to be, but Miriam......" I trailed off.
"I know. You can't hurt her, you're friends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three days later.....
I saw Miriam for the first time in months. We waved to each other excitedly, and we embraced. "How are you doing, Jess?" she said, and she smiled.
"I'm doing okay, now that you're here! It's been a long time."
"Yeah.....Jesse, I need to talk to you."
I grew serious. Miriam doesn't say that unless she means it. "What is it?"
Miriam pulled me aside. "I'm James's new partner."
I stiffened. God no. She was in love with him. We've stayed up hours talking about him on our secret sleepover parties. I always snuck into her room after I was sure James was asleep, and we'd stay up all night talking and giggling about him.
She saw my pained expression. "You don't feel too good about this, do you?"
"That would be a yes," I replied, and I pressed my lips together.
She put her hands on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. "Look. You can always hook back up with him. Maybe you just need a little time away from each other. Then things can be the way they used to be."
"He'd never agree to it. Besides, what would Meowth and the other members say?"
"I don't know, Jesse. I can't answer for them. Besides, this is your decision. I just know that James wouldn't mind too much. Stuff like this is a part of the business."
"I'm too scared of what he might say. I can't Miriam.....I can't."
"Jesse, James is a nice guy. I think he would understand."
"I don't know....."
"Well, I've told ya the facts girl. The rest is up to you."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Yeah. I think they kinda make a good couple. I could never hurt Miriam."
"Maybe it's time we get some trainin' in. We haven't gotten much of dat ever, and it's not like the HQ doesn't have a center for dat."
"Yeah. That's a good idea." I looked up at the sky. My darling.....please forgive me.
Meowth and I arrived at the training center, and I started to work out some. James, Miriam, Cassidy, and Butch were all there. I heard Cassidy snicker in the background, but I ignored her. So what if this was my first time. There's a first time for everything. I was grateful when she didn't approach me on it. After Meowth and I had a real good work out, we went to the locker room, and I started to pack my water bottles and the such to go home. Then James walked up to where Miriam and I were sitting.
I had almost bumped into him entering the building earlier, because I was heading straight towards him, and we both tried to dodge the same way. I couldn't help but smile a little at the time, and I shyly said hi. He said hi back and I let him by. I knew he was smiling himself at the irony of it as he walked to the other gym. I felt a little better that we had a least said something to each other.
My thoughts were interrupted when James spoke to me. I assumed he was going to talk to Miriam, so I didn't look his way at first when he approached us. He held out my dark, leather gloves. I was almost surprised he was addressing me, but he couldn't be addressing anyone else with those gloves in his hand. I forced myself to look him straight into his eyes. I realized how gorgeously green they were.
"Here are your gloves," he said quietly. "You left them after that last mission."
I took the gloves gently from his hand. "Oh.....thank you," I said lamely, still staring into his eyes. I quickly looked away so I wouldn't just stare at him all day. Then he walked away to pack his things, and he got ready to leave himself. I packed the gloves inside my bag, then I walked slowly towards the exit. I looked back at James, and saw that he was talking with Miriam and Butch, who had walked up in the meantime. Then I left, his words of the last few minutes and of the past dancing around in my head.
You really do care!
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go!
I like pouncing.
My tummy needs a yummy.
I am the flame that burns brightest!
It's Botch!
Owwwwww.....my head hurts.
Jesse, you're foot isn't in the boot right. You have it stuck somehow. Let me help you.
I said no, Jesse. This isn't right. We're criminals, but this is just flat-out unjust!
Here are your gloves. You left them after that last mission.
That last mission would never be anything less than a nightmare implanted eternally into my memory. The only comfort or justification I had was that I loved him. That helped heal the incredible guilt some, though the guilt always remained. I went through the next few months thinking, trying to figure out what went wrong. I eventually rebuilt myself to the point where I could function normally again. Even so there wasn't one day I didn't think of James. I daydreamed about him often. I saw him a lot actually, mainly in the training center. I sometimes purposely changed my schedule to go to a session that he was in. It felt nice to at least have his presence, his company. From time to time he'd look my way to see what I was doing, just like any other person would. I'd sometimes show off a little when he was close, and practice the things that I wasn't so good at when he was far away. Rarely we spoke to each other. My love continued to grow and grow for him. I never imagined that one day I would be separated from his presence entirely. Then that day came......
A year later.....
"You are transferred to the Andes Mountains." These were the words Giovanni spoke. Meowth and I would be going far from where James and Miriam would be. My new partner was there, waiting for me. His name was Jack. We were to get ready to go in a month. In the past year, Meowth and I have become the best of friends. Miriam and I have also become even better friends. We do lots of things together, we even talk on the internet often, whenever I manage to have a connection. Meowth and I have succeeded at catching a few Pokemon, but it wasn't anything in comparison to what everyone else was doing, especially James and Miriam. We've hit a huge plateau, and the boss has now transferred us. I wish I could convince him that I could stay and work effectively, but I knew better. I was doomed.
I sent little notes to a few people, including James, letting everybody that mattered to me know that I was moving. I mentioned personally to each what they meant to me. I told James basically of what I do up there once I got there, and that he was one of the greatest people I've ever met, and that I'd keep in touch. Hopefully that broke the ice some, so that we at least write each other on occasion. I prayed so.
The week before our move, everyone had a small going away dinner for Meowth and I, and James, Miriam, Butch, and even Cassidy were invited. Cassidy nicely wished me good luck, even though I could tell she was jealous. I just wish I could switch places with her. Then we'd both be happy.
The next day, I went to the trainer center one last time. After thirty minutes everyone left and said
good-bye. The music was turned off, so I decided to put a CD on. There was only one CD by Laura Branigan in the stereo player, so I popped it in. I looked at the song titles, and one caught my eye. Number 3..... "Never in a Million Years." I programmed the player to play #3 only. I listened as the song melted my heart. It reminded so much of how I felt about James........
Oh, if I could touch you
It'd be a once in a life-time dream come true
And oh, if I could have you,
Just one night, just one time
But I know I'll never get the chance
I'll never get a second glance
Never in a million years
Never in a thousand tears
If I could ever hold you
I'd never let go
Never in a million years
Oh, I need you
If you could only see inside my heart
Oh, to be near you
Close enough to reach and touch
And I thought it over in my mind
If I could walk across the bridge of time
Never in a million years
Never in a thousand tears
If I could ever hold you
I'd never let go
Never in a million years
But I know I'll never never never get the chance
I'll never get a second glance
Never.....in a million years
Never in a thousand tears
If I could ever hold you
I'd never let go
Never
Never in a million years
Never in a thousand tears
If I could ever hold you
I'd never let go
Never in a million years......
Leaning against the wall, I cried as I listened to the beautiful yet sad words. The guilt began to well up inside of me, and I sobbed uncontrollably. Oh James, I am so sorry. I've wanted to tell you that for the longest time now, but I don't know how. I want you to forgive me for being such a brat and a coward. It is because of my cowardice that I can't bring myself to tell you this. I wish I could tell you how much I love you, and that you would take me in your arms and never let go. That we could hold on for eternity. But that will never happen.......never in a million years.
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Okay, I know I got a bit religious in a few spots. So what, I'm a Christian believer. Maybe I made a grammatical error here and there, and I'm pretty sure James was pretty out of character. Anything else? Is it good, awesome, sucky, horrible, disgusting, depressing, repulsive, what? Tell me!
"Never in a Million Years"
Performed by Laura Branigan
(((Copyright 1990 Warner Tamerlane Publishing Corp/WB Music Corp.)))
Great, so now I don't get sued. ^_^