Remus Lupin had spent so much time in Sirius' home over the last year that he could wander around blindly drunk and find his way to his room unscathed. Unfortunately for him, that night, he wanted a cup of cocoa to take the edge off. He stumbled down the stairs into the dank kitchen, grimacing at the dust that had piled up since the Weasleys had returned to the Burrow and told himself to remember to spend some time cleaning when the alcoholic haze cleared. He braced a hand against the counter to steady himself as his feet slid along the grimy linoleum floor and kept his eyes on the prize. His fingers had just closed around the lid to the cracked ceramic decanter that held his prized chocolate when the silence around him was broken.
"She dreams of you, you know," Sirius said, a harsh note to his usually easy-going voice. Remus spun as quickly as he could in his inebriated state, careful to keep his grip on the counter so he didn't fall on his ass as he turned to face his friend.
"What?" he growled, his eyes peering into the gloom at the far end of the room.
"I said, she dreams of you." Sirius rose from the chair he had tucked into the darkest corner of the kitchen and walked slowly towards his friend. His hand curved around the neck of the ale bottle he had been nursing for the last hour as he waited for Remus to return, and he resisted the urge to caress the smooth glass as he came to a stop.
"What do you want, Sirius?" Remus's voice was low and lilting, and if Sirius hadn't been so frustrated, he would have found the sound amusing.
He lips rose in a sneer as he glared at the man before him. He noted the red eyes and even redder nose, the pallor of his pale skin and the disheveled state of his too-long hair, the haphazard way Remus's shirt hung from his thin frame.
"What do you think you're playing at, mate?" he asked his voice holding a dangerous edge that Remus should have recognized.
"I'm not playing at anything, Sirius, piss off!" Remus replied before turning back to the canister he still clutched in one hand.
"Oh, ho, I don't think so, Remus," Sirius muttered to himself before setting his ale down on the counter. In one quick movement, he lunged and fisted one hand in Remus's shirt, then pulled so fiercely he heard a rip as the other man was jerked around to face him again. "Don't you turn your back on me, you bloody werewolf," he snarled as he leaned close to Remus's face. He felt a stab of satisfaction as he saw Remus's eyes narrow and the pupils contract. He had just brought his hands up to grip the front of his friend's shirt when he felt himself flying through the air.
He crashed against the dining room table, knocking an empty fruit bowl to the floor and spluttered as brown dust cascaded over him. His black hair flopped in his face and he choked as he drew in a cocoa flavored breath. His head had smacked soundly against the solid oak and for a moment, he saw stars. He had only seconds to recover; he heard Remus's footsteps coming towards him. It had been a long time since he had physically sparred with anyone, and suddenly, he was eager for the confrontation.
He pressed his hands against the table for leverage and surged forward, barreling into Remus and pushing him back against the cabinets. He wrapped his arms around Moony's waist and drove forward with his legs, twisting himself at the last second so Remus thudded to the floor. He popped to his feet and scrambled back, wary of any kind of retaliation as Remus shook his head and glared at his friend.
Sirius felt his muscles tense as he watched warily while Remus steadied himself. He shrugged his shoulders, trying to loosen the tightness he felt and swept a hand through his hair to brush it back from his eyes, clearing his vision. Remus finally stumbled to his feet, and Sirius felt his skin prickle as Remus's eyes locked onto him. They were still bloodshot, but there was something else glinting there, something Sirius hadn't seen in many years.
"Oh, shite," he thought to himself as his stomach dropped. "Well, not much for it now," he muttered as he lunged a fraction of a second before Moony. They crashed into each other in the center of the room, and the scuffle devolved into a flurry of flying fists, muttered curses and grunts as blows landed and bruises formed. Finally, after what seemed like ages, the two old friends rolled away from each other, panting and groaning. Sirius braced himself with his hands before struggling to his knees. He swept his hair back from his face again, cursing the lack of a band to tie it back with, and pursed his lips as the taste of iron filled his mouth.
He spat, flinching at the bright red blood mixed with saliva that trailed from his lips, and glanced at his friend. Remus was lying flat on his back, his arms thrown out to his sides, his chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath.
"Moony," Sirius muttered, and crawled a few feet towards the other man. "Moony," he said again, his voice hoarse. A hunk of hair fell forward and covered one eye, and he was surprised to realize he couldn't see out of the other one. "Remus," he tried again, reaching his friend and slapping a hand to his shoulder. Remus jumped and rolled his head to the side, and Sirius barked a laugh when he saw the lump forming above one eye and the trail of blood leaking from the other man's nose.
"What the bloody hell are you laughing at, Padfoot? You don't look so great yourself." Remus's voice quivered as he glared at his friend. He wiped a hand below his nose and snorted at the blood he saw on his skin, then sat up gingerly. He brought his knees up and leaned his head against them, and Sirius watched as the narrow shoulders drooped.
He felt a twinge of guilt at the sight, knowing that Remus abhorred physical violence. He nearly apologized, but then he remembered the sad whimpers and tear-streaked face of his sleeping, love-sick cousin and strengthened his resolve. He sat back on his heels and turned to see the damage their tussle had wrought. He snorted out a laugh at the sight behind him.
His mother's hideous green fruit bowl had crashed to the floor and shattered, the table had been shoved to one side, and there was brown cocoa powder covering every surface. He turned back to face Remus, a smirk playing about his lips. It widened to a grin when he saw the damage he had inflicted upon the already scarred face.
"Unless you want me to knock that stupid smirk of your face, Sirius, help me up." Remus groaned as he tried to push himself up, then fell back on his ass.
Sirius forced himself to his feet and made his way to his friend, then reached down a hand to haul him up. Once Remus had regained his feet, he let go and scooped his wand up off the counter where'd he left it. He flicked it at the mess on the floor and muttered the word "scourgify" before striding across the room and kicking a chair away from the table. He sat and crossed an ankle over his knee, set his wand to the side and gave Remus a pointed look.
Remus groaned, then slid his hand along the counter for balance as he made his way to the chair opposite. He sat down gingerly, a soft grunt escaping his lips and causing Sirius to feel guilty all over again. When he was finally settled, he looked up at his friend, their eyes meeting.
Sirius was pleased to see that Remus's eyes were clear. "Nothing like a good brawl to sober you up," he thought to himself, biting the inside of his lip to keep the grin from spreading. Remus snorted, and Sirius thought he heard a muttered "arsehole," but chose to keep quiet for the moment. As he watched his friend, he thought that this conversation might go easier with a bit of liquid fortitude, so he summoned a bottle of fire whisky from his liquor cabinet. Two chipped shot glasses came with it, and for a few moments, silence reigned as he poured out the shots and set one in front of Moony.
"Cheers, mate," he said before downing his shot and pouring another. Remus glanced down at the whisky then back at his friend, his hand not moving to take it. "Drink it, Remus," Sirius said, before downing his second. "This is happening."
Remus glared at his friend, studying the lines of the face he knew so well. He grunted, knowing that Sirius was, well, serious, and threw the shot back before slamming the glass to the table top.
"You want to tell me what the bloody hell that was about, Sirius?" Remus's voice came out in a growl, and he was pleased to see that Sirius was not unaffected by it.
"You know what it was about, Moony," Sirius replied, before pouring a third shot.
"Don't." Remus's voice stayed his hand, and Sirius looked up at his friend.
"You're not my father, Remus," he murmured, glancing down at the amber liquid before locking his eyes on Remus's.
"I'm not, no. I'm your friend, mate, and I'm pretty bloody confused. Last I knew, you didn't beat your friends to an absolute pulp for stumbling in drunk."
"Now you're just being stupid, Moony," Sirius snarled.
"Stupid? Stupid, is it? What, exactly, is stupid about it, Pads?"
Sirius scooped up the glass and downed it in one gulp before throwing it aside and dropping his foot to the floor. He braced his hands on the table and leaned forward, his eyes nearly black as they bored into the man before him.
"I'll tell you what's stupid, you great, bloody, git! That girl loves you! You know it, I know it, she knows it! And I'll tell you what else- you love her too. I'm trapped in this house, Moony. I see everything. And I'm not bloody stupid! I know, I know you're got your reasons, but Merlin's beard, Remus. I wish you would just open your damn eyes and see what's in front of you."
He reached across the table and gripped Remus's arm, squeezing as he stared at him. "Do you have any idea," he whispered, "what I would give to even have the chance of flirting with a woman, let alone allowing myself to be wrapped up in her? Remus. Merlin, Remus. Twelve years I rotted in that prison, another year spent hiding in a bloody cave on good nights, shivering in the woods on bad. A year after that spent wandering alone around the bloody continent, only to come back here and suffer imprisonment in a house that I hate, a house that is sucking the soul from me, mate. You have no idea how lucky you could be, if you would just let yourself be lucky."
Remus had trained his gaze on Sirius's hand the moment it closed on his arm, too afraid to look up and see the pain etched on his friend's face. The words pierced him, and he felt hot tears prick at his eyes. A wave of shame washed over him, and his stomach clenched as the whiskey and beer he had drowned his liver in threatened to come back up.
"Sirius," he began.
"No, Moony. Don't. Just fucking don't, a'right?"
Remus sighed, then pulled his arm away. He reached for the firewhiskey and tipped his head back, chugging several mouthfuls before setting the bottle down and meeting Sirius's gaze. His mouth opened, but nothing came out. He swallowed, then tipped his head back and closed his eyes, eager to escape the brown orbs that seemed to peer into his soul.
"What am I supposed to do, Sirius? I have nothing to offer her. She's beautiful and vibrant and fun. She's kind, sweet and so strong. She's stronger than she should have to be. I can't ask her to be even stronger." He tipped his head forward again and opened his eyes, knowing that Sirius was still watching him. "You know what it would mean for her to be with me. She'd be an outcast."
Sirius sighed, knowing that Remus's words were true. He watched his friend, and wasn't surprised to see the emotions flitting across his face. He had known Remus since they were boys, they had been through hell and back together. He understood Remus better than anyone alive, and he knew that Remus's fears were deeply rooted. He remembered the night in their second year at Hogwarts when James, Peter and himself had confronted Moony about his monthly absences. His heart twisted inside his chest when twelve-year-old Remus's face swam into memory.
"Moony, I know how you feel about not putting her, or anyone for that matter, in danger. I know how closely you guard yourself, and I accept my share of the blame for that. I left you alone for twelve years-" he held up a hand as Remus began to protest, then continued. "No, let me say this, dammit. I left you alone when you needed me the most. You've lost everyone you have ever cared about, I know that. And I know you haven't had a lot of luck with the ladies," he smirked when Remus shot him a glare, then stood to pace the kitchen.
"But Remus, Nymphadora Tonks isn't just some silly girl, mate. She's a grown bloody woman, and a fucking Auror to boot. And she has her own challenges too. You think it's easy being a half-blood Black? A half-blood, shape-shifting Black? You don't think she understands, just a little bit, how you're feeling? I know being a metamorphagus isn't quite the same thing as being a werewolf; she isn't bloody likely to rend someone limb from limb when she morphs into Granny Hilda or Bonnie the Street Walker."
Remus snorted at that, whether in exasperation or amusement, Sirius didn't know, but he refused to be deterred. "My cousin is a strong woman. She's stubborn, quick and all those other things you listed. She's also in love with you, you git. She has been for a while. I see how she is around you, even if you don't. You think she's bright? Mate, you should see her face when you walk into a room after being gone on some mission. Or hell, even if you've gone to the loo. She radiates joy when she looks at you, and you'd know that if you weren't so damn stubborn and pitiful!" By the time he was done, Sirius was feeling angry again. He stomped over to where Remus was still sitting and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he glared down at Moony.
"What do you want me to do, Sirius?" Remus's voice was so pitiful when he finally spoke that Sirius's anger vanished as quickly as it had come. He sighed then reached out a hand and gripped his friend's shoulder. He leaned forward and butted his forehead against Remus's, as he had done when they were younger and Remus had hurt himself, and closed his eyes.
"I want you to be happy, Remus. I want you to take a chance. Just one chance, mate. Look at me," he murmured, pulling back and squatting so their faces were level. Remus slowly raised his gaze, and Sirius flinched at the sight of tears rolling down his friend's face. "Look at me and tell me you don't love her. You're an honest man, Remus Lupin, you always have been, to everyone around you. For once, be honest with yourself. Do you love her?"
Remus's eyes never wavered, although his breathing quickened and Sirius could see his pulse begin to race where it jumped in his throat. He could see the emotional struggle on Remus's face, and felt heartbroken all over again for the pain he had caused. He waited, keeping his eyes on Remus's, his hand gripping Remus's knee, offering his support, as he watched the battle between right and reason war within him. He saw the moment Remus reached a decision, and had to bite back the grin that wanted to spread across his face.
Something in his friend's eyes changed. The tears had stopped, but his eyes still glistened with dampness as they had before he had come to a decision. Once he had, however, the tears dried and his eyes cleared. His shoulders straightened and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Sirius felt a rush of joy spread over himself and grinned broadly before patting Remus's cheek with one hand and rising to his feet. He stuck a hand out to pull Remus to his feet and then threw his arms around him in a hug.
"Moony, you've been such a fucking git, you know that? I want you to remember something, though," he said as he pulled back, his face serious for once. "She is my cousin, mate. You're my brother, you always will be, but I swear to Merlin, if you hurt that girl or cause her one moment of sadness, you'll wish that your transformations were the worst pain you had ever felt."
Remus stared his old friend, a swift rush of anger pulling at him as the implication of his words sunk in. For several moments, the two men stared at each other, each silently daring the other to press. Finally, he sighed and nodded his head, then offered a small smile when Sirius's face relaxed. He grunted when Sirius thumped him on the shoulder with one fist then glanced around the kitchen. His eyes settled on the old clock above the stove and he groaned.
"For Merlin's sake, Sirius, its three bloody am!"
"Well, yeah, you dolt, you went on a bender after the meeting ended, Remus." Sirius grinned roguishly then spun away. "It's a good thing we don't have to be up early in the morning, innit?" He made his way to the stairs then glanced back once more at his friend.
"Oh, by the way," he said, a laugh threatening to explode when Remus's wary gaze lifted. "Dumbledore said he'd be here at seven to go over your next mission." A look of frustrated annoyance crossed Remus's face, and the laughter broke free as Sirius dashed up the stairs.
He grinned all the way up the two flights of stairs to his room, his smile softening as he stepped quietly past the room that Tonks had claimed as her own. He resisted the urge to peak in on her, knowing she had had a rough night and not wanting to disturb her after she had finally found sleep. He did, however, kiss his fingertips and press them to the door before whispering "I think I got through to him, darling," before continuing his way.