Quick author notes:
List of "important" characters: Piantas, Dark Pit, Lucina, Chrom, Male Robin, Female Robin, Henry, Shulk, Dunban, Link, Toon Link, Palutena, Pit, Red, Calem, Magnus, Pikmin, Samus Aran, Little Mac, someone else's original characters, MiisHave a crack-fic based upon the infamous "chucksters" of Super Mario Sunshine :V I just wanted something different for April Fools, and this was my best idea. Also, there is a slight crossover that will be worked into the this fic :D
Also, please pardon all swearing. It's a thing
Another lovely day at Smash Mansion, or that's what one could say if it wasn't April first. Every year Master Hand organizes some sort of random event for all Smashers to partake in. This year he has invited a bunch of Piantas from Delfino Island to toss the fighters as far as they can and see who flies the farthest. Really though, the only reason Desmond is doing this is to prevent the competitors from pranking each other to the point of explosions and exploiting fears. That, and he doesn't want anyone letting Metal Face and Ridley out into the manor for the sake of a prank, he doesn't need Shulk and Samus trying to murder them, or him for that matter.
Standing just outside the back courtyard in the colorful array of Piantas, with a couple small ones thrown in for the sake of the smaller Smashers, like Ness and Pikachu. All of them have their backs to the Mansion though, perhaps to see how close they can toss without hitting the walls. Surely today is going to be interesting.
Of course Mario and co. are the first to step up, as the Pianta's are from their world. Begrudgingly Mario steps up first to a blue Pianta with a giant mustache and fedora.
"Howdy! I'm a chuckster!" He proclaims before tossing the plumber away behind him.
Most of the Smasher's agreed that this idea didn't seem so terrible if it was a simple throw from these plants. Peach and Luigi were the next to be thrown, but nothing too out of the ordinary seemed to have happened with them. Yoshi flew a bit further than those two, but it makes sense considering the dinosaur is able to fly a little. Rosalina managed to not fly very far because she turned off her personal gravity pool and therefor was a little heavier, although Polari did get sent far away. So far it was easy to see how this activity could be considered fun. Unfortunately Bowser was too heavy to be tossed and he just ended up squishing the Pianta. Not fun for that guy to say the least!
Aside from Mario and his cohorts, most Smashers were tossed a relatively safe distance, like Marth, Olimar, Alph, and the Koopalings. It was the lighter fighters that got tossed a little farther than expected. Ness had agreed to be thrown with Lucas to help alleviate his fear, but even the smallest Pianta managed to send them flying into the Mr. Saturn hotspring. Thankfully the Mr. Saturn's all gathered together into a giant clump and managed to break their fall. The semi-squishy properties of their bodies was quite useful for once.
Wario has declined to take part in these shenanigans and is instead standing off to the side keeping track of who is getting tossed the farthest. He's promised an epic prize to whoever gets thrown the farthest.
Next to be tossed was all the "edgy" Smashers, or the ones that really didn't talk, or were too serious for their own well being.
Meta Knight slowly walked up to one of the smaller Piantas and waited for his fate.
"I'm a chuckster!" The Pianta laughed as he quickly picked up the star warrior and sent him flying high into the sky.
"Fuck you!" The swordsman declares as he attempts to flip the bird, and oddly fitting Spanish guitar music plays.
Dark Pit was the next to-be victim of this game of who-flies-farthest. Stepping up to the dark green plant being. He cracks his neck in anticipation. What he didn't expect though was to be tossed directly behind the Pianta and straight towards the fourth floor of the manor.
"MURDERER!" He shouts as he slams face first into the stone wall of the Mansion. Surely, that is going to leave a mark.
After successfully introducing his face to the wall the raven-winged angel fell and landed on the ground. Thankfully he wasn't hurt too bad, otherwise he'd have to deal with getting up and going to the infirmary. Explaining how he got tossed into the building is not exactly something he wanted to tell Nurse Joy.
Next in line to be tossed was Lucario, Mewtwo, Geninja and Shiek. The four were tossed in sync and gracefully they all managed to land in the zen garden of the Mansion near the south-east section. Just like they planned.
The next to be unwillingly chucked was Lucina, not that Chrom wanted to see his daughter be tossed away like one of Diddy Kong's banana peels. She wasn't even aware she was going to be thrown so the princess had her back to the plant beings. Needless to say suddenly being airborne was quite the surprise to the blue haired lord. Even more surprising is how she landed belly first on top of Dark Pit.
A tomato colored blush covers his cheeks as he attempts to speak in a serious tone. "We need to stop meeting like this."
"Sorry...it happened so sudden...and what do you mean "stop meeting like this"? When was the last time I have fallen on you?"
Dark Pit could have brought up the multiple times she has fallen on his face in team battle when he attempted to break her fall. Every single time that happened, she would apologize and go back to fighting, and every time that happened, his face would turn red and he would feel all hot and bothered in his groin area for whatever reason and this time wasn't an exception. Again he was glad she didn't notice, but she wasn't going to move from that spot anytime soon since they weren't in battle.
While watching the strange encounter the Robin twins were waiting their turn. They both figured since they were so slow in battle and weighed a decent amount each that they wouldn't get tossed very far compared to an angel and the light-weight Lucina. Unfortunately, they were both extremely wrong. Without any warning two Piantas grab them both by the ankles and tossed them away.
Lucina and Kuro both look to the sky to see the twin tacticians flying far, far, and away into the sky. Who knows where they're going.
"WE'RE BLASTING OFF!" The two shout into the distance.
In another dimension parallel to this one there lies a place called the Golden Land that was the center of the universe. The ruler of this universe was a bratty young boy with blond hair, green eyes and dressed like someone who came out of Alice in Wonderland (AKA wearing a European outfit of the Victorian area with the only noticeable feature being that his attire had four buttons from top to bottom being the heart, diamond, clover and spade) currently beating his friends out in a game of strip poker. It should be noted that children of his age should not be playing a sexualized game. Then again, Prism wasn't losing too badly. The only thing he had to take off was his pants...all because his friend was obsessed with pants and shoes like the cross-dresser he was.
"And with this I win." Prism hummed as he snapped his fingers and opened up the hole below him to send his friend to be played with by his pet kraken Coil. "Hope you have fun down there!"
"NOOOOOO!"
The hole closes and Prism snickers to himself at how cruel he can be. While he was distracted though, he wouldn't expect something to crash into his window to attack him. One of the figures smacked him in the head causing Prism to fall on his back with his butt sticking out and the other figured ended up smacking his head against his ass and being thrown back like a billiard ball.
"Oww…"
The blond immediately panicked at the sudden attack in the head and rear and looked to see that it was only the Robin twins...but they sure as hell weren't the ones he knew.
"What the fuck?! How did you get here?! Aren't you two getting punched by Captain Falcon here now?!"
Robbi was still trying to recover from the throw, but it was probably best if she just fainted right there because Prism opened the hole below the floor again allowing a tentacle to pop up.
"Oh you two are going to pay for that!"
After seeing his wife being shot towards the heavens Henry lightly chuckles nervously, his eyes open in worry. "Well, they're not coming back anytime soon."
"M-Mother?" Morgan questions quietly as his father continues to let out nervous laughter.
After watching the two mages get thrown Red steps up to bat with Calem by his side. Knowing the physics of their own world, they have a good feeling they'll be sent flying quite a ways.
"We're chucksters!" Two Piantas shout in unison as they scoop up the two trainers and send them into the sky.
Everyone watches as Red cheers in the name of Lord Helix for some reason with a Helix fossil in his hands, as if recreating that one scene from the Lion King while Calem pulls a rose seemingly out of his ass and continues to fly in the 'paint me like one of your French girls' pose. No one understands anymore. It's starting to get crazy around here. Everyone did agree though, Calem is weird.
Eyes glowing brightly in anticipation Pit willingly bounces up to a Pianta and asks to be tossed. Figuring that everyone else was sent soaring, he could fly too! He has been waiting for this chance since he missed out on this event last year.
Scooping the angel captain into his hands, the Pianta shouts. "I'm a chuckSTER!"
"I believe I can fly~!" The brunette cheers as he feels the wind beneath his wings. Unfortunately he barely had enough time to notice he was barely going to hit the roof of the manor, and it was a critical hit to the balls. "He's still a murderer mommy!"
Palutena was enjoying the sight in unadulterated bliss with Ganondorf in her arms. She was fully aware of what just happened. Watching her angel captain fall backwards like his twin was just so amusing!
"I do believe your angel is calling, Goddess of Light." The King of Evil states simply. "And if anything… I feel bad about Dark Pit more than Pit."
Palutena was well aware of the redundant statement. She didn't care though. It was sort of amusing to see Pit so willing to do anything at an attempt to fly on his own. Even if she could see him trying to crawl from where he was in pain like a caterpillar and Dark Pit was crying from the same pain Pit was feeling, but hey at least his balls weren't actually hurt, and he had Lucina comforting him of the pain.
On an unrelated note the green-haired goddess decided to try out this art of 'chucking' for herself with Ganondorf in her arms yet. Unbeknownst to him she activated Lightweight just to be sure he would go flying with her. She wasn't quite aware though she accidentally used it on Magnus as well as he was standing so close. Apparently he has no sense of personal space.
Meanwhile during the encounter between Lucina and Kuro, Chrom attempted to march towards the building and get his precious daughter off the dark-haired angel. However this attempt was cut short when a nearby Pianta picked him up and chucked him into a hollow of a nearby tree.
As crazy it looks already, this is only the beginning of the insanity that is about to transpire. Next on the list of tossing was Fox, Falco, and Shadow of all people? Well, not much in the way of arguments at this point. The thing is though that the black and red hedgehog was only there because of Sonic throwing him into the fray and then running off to stand next to Wario for the bet.
A pianta lumbers over to Falco and throws his arms up. "I'm a chuckster!"
"I know!" The falcon harps as he's tossed into the air and sent flying towards a bush close to where Chrom landed. You know what they say, a bird in the hand is worth two in a bush.
Next on the throwing agenda was Shadow, he didn't really want to be there but Sonic made an agreement to not annoy him for the next week if he participated. He also just wants to try his hand at that cash prize Wario is offering up. He watched as a tall lumbering Pianta saunters up to him and tosses him over his shoulder and to the top of the manor. While he was in the air he could be heard sarcastically saying "I'm a fuckster."
After that dilemma ends another one of the walking plants walks up to Fox to toss him away as well. "I'm a chuckster, hyuk, hyuk, hyuk."
"No, really!? I haven't heard that one before! I've only been here for a good, ten, twelve, FOURTEEN minutes!" The leader of Star Fox shouts in anger as he's tossed in the general direction of the Mr. Saturn hot springs.
After watching that… spectacle, of a display of chucksterism the next to be tossed was going to be Shulk and Dunban. They were extremely prepared for this event! And by prepared, it means they're both standing proudly in their underwear. At this point in time, nobody asked any questions about why those two hate the concept of pants. Shulk has handed off the Monado to his friend Alvis so it doesn't have a chance of getting damaged. However, he wasn't quite expecting to be tossed over the manor when a green Pianta scooped him up.
Everything would have been fine and dandy with the Monado boy going over the roof of Smash Mansion if it wasn't for the fact a peculiar green haired Mii had been walking towards the manor with a large wooden crate in his nubby hands. At the sight of the blond swordsman coming down upon him made him panic and use the crate as a makeshift helmet. This caused the seer to crash groin first into the crate. Pain was evident in his expression as he landed on the ground and whined.
"W-who put that crate there!?" Shulk mumbles as he fades out of consciousness due to pain. Score one for the crate, zero for Monado boy.
Not even ten seconds after that… graceful display of aptitude, Dunban was up next to be thrown. He had a good feeling he was going to be alright. Though, his sarcasm was starting to come through though as he walked up to Don Pianta. Constantly hearing 'I'm a chuckster' was getting on his nerves.
"I'm a chuckster." He mocks. "I'm a chuckster. I'm a FUCKster!"
The sudden explicative was due to not being prepared for being thrown by the Mafia Pianta with enough force to send him over the building as well. Thankfully, unlike his ward he landed perfectly ok, if not a little clumsily. Needless to say though he was quite, quite, disappointed to see the young adult passed out, and sprawled out, on the ground. The Mii was still standing around as well with a dopey look on its face, as if incriminating him. Just as the war veteran stood up to give the green-haired being a what-for Magnus came flying over the roof as well and crashed right into the other male.
"Get off me you wanker." Dunban complains as he tries to get his hair out of his face.
Magnus rests his head on his hand. "Why don't you make me, eh Dunbun?"
A ruby colored blush covers the swordsmans cheeks as the swordsman attempts an angry glare. "I thought we agreed you'd never call me that again."
"Keep calling me wanker, and I'll keep going with the pet name."
While the the were conversing they were able to hear Riki nyooming overhead after being tossed. Perhaps the Heropon following in the Homs' footsteps in attempting a 'naked Nopon strategy' approach decided to backfire and the Piantas had overshot the furball.
"So… are you getting off of me any time soon?" The Homs adult inquires as he watches the mercenary begin to fiddle with his hair.
No direct answer as given as Magnus continued to mess with Dunban's long, black hair. It was easy to assume the older male had plans that didn't involve him getting up from his current position.
Back with the chucksters, the next to go flying was the star warrior Kirby. Though… the Pianta's weren't the ones to send him away, instead it was King DDD. The Dreamland king decided to use his mallet to send the pink puffball flying in the same general direction Riki was sent. Except, it's easy to assume Kirby is going to get more air time and he is able to reach the speed of nyoom faster than a furball. No one's sure though, this isn't rocket science and no one present is a scientist. It sure is fun to see a pink puffball flying into the sunset though!
After successfully launching the star warrior into the Nth dimension, the next up was Waluigi. No one invited him, but he showed up anyway because he heard something about 'prize' and 'competition'. Due to his lankiness he was easily picked up by one of the medium sized Piantas. Though, he was sent blasting off like Red and Calem. In fact, he was being blasted so far, he saw Jessie and James in their hot air balloon on his way to his landing pad, wherever it is. And by 'saw', it means he went right through the hot air balloon nose first and popped it.
After watching the Waluigi missile launch, the next up was Samus and Little Mac. The amount of people left to be tossed was dwindling rather quickly as the Piantas dispatched the Smashers. First up was Samus, Little Mac was going to be after that.
"I'm a chuckster!" The large Pianta says.
Samus is pretty irritated already by hearing that so many times today. "Ahahaha, you're gonna die."
With fear in his eyes, the Pianta tosses the bounty hunter over his tree and she gracefully soars through the air. Very shortly after she landed perfectly on top of Marth, her knee right in his gut. That is more than likely leave a mark.
Casually walking up to a smaller Pianta Mac finishes a tootsie roll. "Oh. Are you a chuckstar too?"
Happily the plant being throws up his arms and tosses the boxer with all of his might. Due to being the most human in all of the Smash realm, the Italian-American was obviously not thrown very far, or very gracefully. Thankfully he wasn't hurt by the impact because he landed safely on Samus' boobs. She had been walking back to watch the rest of the chaos and ended up getting landed on as a result.
Laughing at the scenes as they ensue is Lucina's brother Inigo. He had accompanied Olivia to visit Chrom this week and managed to stumble upon this event while his mother was away practicing in private. He wasn't completely sure why, but the entire situation between Kuro and his sister was quite amusing to say the least. Unfortunately he wasn't aware there was another Pianta behind him.
"I'm a chuckster!" She shouts as she throws the prince the same direction as his father.
Either it runs in the family, or Inigo has terrible luck, but the male dancer managed to land in another hollow of the same tree as his father. It's easy to assume this is the first time the blunette has taken the virginity of anything living. That poor tree.
After the great showmanship that is the Exalted line, Marth unfortunately succumbed to the way of the chucksters and was tossed again. He fortunately didn't get stuck in numerous hollows like his descendents, but the prince certainly did hit his head on the trunk. Not sure though if that poor abused tree or the Hero King took more damage that time. Both seem pretty delicate after all. However; the impact managed to knock down a whole slew of fifty yellow pikmin that just happened to land right on Inigo and Chrom, electrically shocking the both of them.
Last of the blue-haired fighters to be tossed was Ike. It would take a very large Pianta to get him into the air, but it worked nonetheless. Although, it would be safe to assume the the Radiant Hero was the last thing Falco wanted to land on his back. Either way, it seems that somehow almost all the bluenette's managed to land by that same tree. Like the saying goes, 'the blue-haired apples don't fall far from the tree'. The only exception being Lucina, who is still sitting on Kuro over on the other side of the courtyard. Chrom is not going to be happy about this once he wakes up from his tree-to-the-face induced nap.
Even though Inigo seemed to have been hit with a lot of bad luck already, all the deities of all the realms decided to throw one last thing at Chrom's child. Specifically, Diddy Kong was thrown by a nearby small Pianta and the monkey landed right on the male dancer's ass before climbing up the rest of the tree to enjoy a banana. Honestly, fate just doesn't like anyone today considering all the injuries and bad luck being tossed about. Or it's just because the Piantas are bad at aiming.
Next up to the chucksters was both Links. Zelda had been oddly absent today, but no one seemed to notice that. The adult link was tossed by a large green Pianta and landed in the most uncoordinated way possible next to Pit. Said angel had only managed to caterpillar about three feet away from where he landed initially. The Hylian landing next to him perfectly ok didn't exactly make him happy. Call him mean-spirited, but he really wanted the Hero of Twilight to feel his current pain.
While the older Link was attempting to get off the ground, Toon Link was slowly gliding down from the air using his Deku Leaf. Unfortunately this little flight was not exactly peaceful because right after he was thrown, all eight of the Villagers were right after him. They all formed a tower with Rosie at the top and she grabbed onto the Hero of Wind's ankles. The little pink-haired child desperately wanted his pants to complete her set of Hero's clothes that the fortune cookie was just not giving her. Though, this entire plan wasn't helping anyone as the magic in the leaf is running out quickly and all nine of the Smasher's will go plummeting when that happens.
The last person to be tossed is Captain Falcon. He volunteered to go last just for the fact that he just wanted to watch everyone else fly away. Finally it is time for Douglas to be thrown by these odd plant beings!
"Captain Falcon is ready for action!" He declares as he waits for a big lumbering Pianta to grab him.
The orange Pianta chuckles. "I'm a chuckster!"
After yelling that familiar phrase, the plant being throws the F-Zero racer into the air. Much like Calem, the bounty hunter is also in the 'paint me like one your French girls' pose as he flies through the sky. Thankfully he doesn't fly very far and skids to a stop completely unharmed.
"Captain Falcon is parallel parking." Douglas states as he doesn't move from his relative position.
Two hours have passed since the last fighter was tossed by the chucksters. Desmond has sent all of them home as well as Wario sorts out who 'won'. Since Red, Calem, and Waluigi weren't present when the head of the competition was determining the winners so they were disqualified. Shulk would have been the next choice, but he passed out so therefore his distance didn't count. So everyone had to wait for Riki to waddle back and claim his prize. There is the fact that Kirby actually beat him, but because the star warrior isn't good at talking, the Heropon managed to cheat-talk his way into victory.
It wasn't until another hour passed before the Robin twins returned from where they had been tossed. Clearly something was off with them when they crashed into the courtyard. Both were naked and covered in something slimy, and the younger twin had a baby kraken lovingly stuck to his head.
"You… you two ok?" Chrom asks worriedly.
"Yes." Robbi says as she spits some slime out.
"No!" Rob shouts at the same time as his sister as he shivers. "I nearly had my first time be with a tentacle monster! And now I have one stuck to my head that thinks I'm it's daddy!"
Aside from the stoic Red, and perverted Calem, everyone hearing this thankfully was considered an adult. It worried many to hear this. Some of the others wanted to pry a little more since no one knew where the twin tacticians ended up.
Henry walks up and hugs his lovely wife. "Where did you get sent? And can I hex whoever did this to you?"
"We… sort of got tossed into another universe. I don't think you can hex them love."
"At least tell me you're not having tentacle babies."
"Uh…"
Neither mage had an exact answer to that question considering they really didn't know how to react to this. The younger twin quickly clung to Shulk and whined that his friend needs to help him get to the shower and get the baby kraken off his head. On the other hand the older decided to question a puddle of pink on the ground.
"What happened here?" Robbi asks. "Did Kirby melt or something?"
Douglas proudly thumps a fist to his chest. "I falcon punched another version of you so hard the pink flew out of her hair!"
No one denied the statement but it was so odd and out of this world that if it wasn't for the fact that the female tactician and her brother had been sent to another universe themselves, she would have argued with Captain Falcon about that statement. Either way, the first priority is to find out and hope she didn't bring back any more… souvenirs from that mysterious 'Golden Land'...
End notes:
1. List of LPers quoted in order based on what the Smashers said when they were thrown
1. RabbidLuigi
2. Chuggaaconroy
3. PurpleRodri
4. Chuggaaconroy, again
5. GransStarYoshi
6. LiamSixxLP
7. BrainScratchComms (The Pianta laughing at Fox)
8. TheSampleMan
9. BrendanGaming
10. BillPzc
11. ProtonJon (Everything that came out of Falcon's mouth [aside from the punching alternate Robin]. Not connected to the Chucksters, it's just Jon being Jon)
2. The section with the Golden Land was provided by GintaxAlvissForever, go check her stuff out if you want more Golden Land/Prism shenanigans (Hint, hint, that means more tentacles) :D
Ginta: For some inside jokes, Prism has a nasty habit of playing strip poker with Samarium and Pop. Shown in one story Prophet near the end, it is clear that every time they play, Samarium tends to lose and is thrown to Prism's pet kraken Coil as a result. Another joke is that the only way to get the jump scare on Prism is to crash the top window of the main room. Higanbana in the Red Moon showed that there is a secret butterfly path that allows you to take this route instead of going straight for the door (which is dangerous anyway) to get the scare on him. Finally, a story I have yet to write yet is called Pink Isn't Your Color featuring Captain Falcon as the main color. More to come in April. (And one more thing, Ari asked for the Golden Land to be in the story, not me trying to shove it up everyone's ass again.)
This has been your moment of Ginta.
3. The thing that happened where Shulk "died" due to taking a wooden crate to the nether regions is a reference to something that ACTUALLY happened when I was playing Xenoblade where I was running around doing stuff in Valak Mountain while playing Shulk with Dunban and Riki in my party, and I managed to screw up the ice slide SO BAD, I took more fall damage than I should have, and mistimed my second jump so Shulk's chin hit the ledge I was trying to land on, and I kept flying until I hit a wooden crate next to a Nopon merchant GROIN FIRST and was killed instantly due to 'fall damage' calculations. Dunban lived through that endeavor, walked up to Shulk's corpse and looked down as if he was disappointed in me. This was only made worse by the fact I had Shulk wearing torso armor that looked identical to his standard sweater and vest, but his pants armor left him in his underwear.
4. The 'Dunbun' thing is a joke Ginta and I came up with after I searched through the Monado archives and found out that Dunban's Japanese name IS "Dunbun", so since Magnus gives most people nicknames, he would eventually call him that after working out of 'samurai'. So far I haven't given an exact reason why Magnus started calling him that, it's just a thing at the moment for my stuff.
5. Don't ask why Kirby and Riki are able to nyoom, or what the speed of nyoom is (According to tumblr it's about three noots an hour, whatever that translates to). It just is a thing that happens to exist for this story. I doubt I'll bring out that word ever again.
6. The Jessie and James thing is a joke as to the fact people keep "blasting off", but felt it would be funny. And I can throw them into the thing because of Pokemon Yellow :V
7. According to the Punch-Out wiki, Mac is Italian-American. I'm just rolling with it until further notice. Also, excuse the fail of an accent I try to convey with him, I don't know anything about the Bronx.
8. My interpretation of Kirby is based more on the anime where he is described as a baby. He can talk, but only in simple sentences and words. Riki on the other hand likes to make himself into a winner, and is a master of sweet-talking, he can sway everyone except Reyn and Dunban [at least anyone outside Frontier Village since everyone and their pollen orb knows he's an idiot].
9. That last bit about the punching color out of the alternate Robbi's hair is a Scott Pilgrim joke because Knives once got punched so hard the highlights flew out of her hair.