Part 1

Kelly rolled onto her side and closed her eyes for the umpteenth time that night. She couldn't sleep…every time she closed her eyes, she saw Estelle's face…every time she heard someone pass her door, she jumped out of bed, frightened that Estelle was back to "punish her".

Maybe this was what her father had meant by the "down side" of policing.

The only thing Kelly could really count on at that time was Matt. It seemed as though every time she needed him, he would walk through the door to comfort her. It seemed as though he understood every part of her…perhaps better than she did herself.

Joss was good too, but he was too…overwhelming. He was becoming her human shield, and Kelly wasn't so sure that she liked it. Sure, it had been nice for him to come and sleep outside her door, but she didn't like him fussing over her like she was some sort of invalid. At least Matt seemed to respect that she wanted to still be an individual.

She gave up on sleep once again and rolled onto her back. Kelly stared blindly at the ceiling, and tried to imagine something comforting. Finally, she settled on the feeling of having Matt right next door if she ever needed him…his promise that he wasn't going anywhere…

Next door, Kelly was sure that she could hear Matt moving around. She climbed out of bed and walked over to the wall that separated them. Sure enough, he was mumbling to himself in some kind of prayer. It sounded as if he was talking to himself.

She rested her hands on the wall and let her head lean against it. Kelly found it easy to take comfort in the fact that she could rely on Matt if anything bad happened to her.

Kelly slumped down against the wall and curled into a ball. Resting her head against the wall, she finally dozed off.

Kelly awoke groggily the next morning to the sound of cars outside. Knowing full well of her early shift that morning, she jumped out of bed, only to find herself in the arms of Matt Graham.

"It's okay, go back to bed, Sunshine." Matt said as he laughed kindly. Kelly blushed slightly and sat back down. She looked around, wondering what on earth Matt was doing in her room. "I was wondering why you didn't come down to breakfast, so I came up and you were asleep against the wall. Don't worry about work…Alex will cover for you with the Boss."

Kelly met Matt's eyes with confusion. She was still half-asleep. She looked around her room and noticed a plate with a couple of slices of toast on it sitting on the end of her bed.

She was instantly reminded of when Estelle had brought her toast, and kicked it onto the floor out of instinct. Matt followed the toast with his eyes and cast Kelly a concerned glance.

"You are not seriously going to tell me that you're alright…are you?" Matt said as he narrowed his eyes. Kelly flopped back onto her bed, letting her long blonde hair hang down the side.

"I'm not alright," Kelly whispered softly under her breath. "I can feel it…something needs to change…I need to change."

Matt said down beside Kelly and placed his arm around her shoulders. He enveloped her in a hug, leading Kelly to dissolve into tears.

"This is so stupid!" Kelly cried as she clutched at Matt's uniform. "I mean, she's gone, I'm alive…what more do I want?"

Matt held Kelly as she sobbed relentlessly into his uniform, once again letting the tears flow as she had that night a week ago. Matt worried about Kelly; she had been coming in late for work every day, and Alex or Tom had to send her home most times. It was almost as though she was trying to hide how she felt.

"It's okay…it's okay…" Matt said as rested his chin on Kelly's shoulder. He ran through his own thoughts. The closer he got to Kelly, the harder it was getting to hide. Sure, Amy and Jonesy had exposed what had happened in East Timor, but there was more…more than Matt wanted to say…

Kelly finally rose her head from Matt's shirt and wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked awful. The constant sleepless nights were certainly taking their toll, and so was the stress. She was so used to being strong and capable, that now she wasn't so tough…she couldn't cope.

"Maybe it's time for a change," Kelly suggested, mostly to herself but partly to Matt. He watched her with intense interest as she broke away from him and his tear-soaked shirt and paced her room. "Maybe I could give this room a make over."

"You could," Matt admitted as he continued to follow Kelly with his eyes.

Kelly and Matt locked eyes for several moments, before Kelly's resolve once again crumpled and she raced back to his arms and sobbed once more.

"Or you could just cry for a little bit more…either way's good…" Matt said, taken aback by Kelly's actions. Finally, he wrapped his arms around her again and let his own thoughts be driven back by the concern he felt for his colleague.