This my retarded version of 358/2 days.

Disclaimer:i don't own.

Dearly Beloved plays as the player selects new game. Then you choose you difficulty level. Thinking they're up to the challenge, the player picks Proud level.

The Star Wars theme plays dramaticly as long credits of who is in this story play out.

"Alright enough!"

In the short span of 13 seconds, Utada Hikaru sings 'My Sanctuary', some guy in a black cloak starts talking, and a train kills three kittens.

"Heartless, collecting hearts.." The guy is singing like fucking elvis. To sum it up in a few words, 12 people and 1 werewolf are sitting on chairs at extremely unsafe heights in a room. One is sitting really low.

There is a window next to one that is sitting in a really low chair. A vampire appears in it.

"O . O" The Guy's eyes grow to the size of plates.

"Furries in a blender..." The Vampire says.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The Guy starts screaming and convulsing.

"Wez have a new member.." The guy on the tallest, most unsafe chair says.

On the floor, everyone sees a a black speck.

"Is it a ant?" A boy asked.

"No, retard. It's our new member. If you weren't all the way over there and the most important person, I'd jump on you like a spider monkey."

"Who is it!" The boy yelled.

"THAT'S IT!" The guy on the tallest chair leapt at the boy with his lightsabers. He proceeds to forget that he can't fly. And he falls.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"I'll get the stir-ups..."

"He's not having a baby!"

"Oh....I meant the concrete."

The new leader....INVADER ZIM!

"Meh peoplez!" ZIM yelled."Take off your hood, new human!"

The person took off its hood.

"WOW! It's Admiral Akbar!" A guy with a surfer accent shouted.

"Oh YEAH!" Admiral Akbar threw boxes of his cereal to evryone.

"It's Admiral Akbar cereal!"

"So Tasteful!"

"And Colorful!"

"Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this maginitude!" Admiral Akbar started doing the runningman.

"Roxas, are you sure you have no heart?"

"'...."

"Let's just go to another random scene that is sometime in the future, despite the fact that we have no idea what happened until that point.

"Okay."

Everything blacks out as the number 255 show up. They player sees to two guys, one with dangerously spikey red hair and a boy who's hair is wet and blond.

"What the hell!" He said."Why'd you give me a swirly?"

"Roxas, Do you know why the sun sets red?"

"Answer me, don't get off subject you porcupine!"

Axel stabs Roxas with his hair turning around.

"Say what?" Axel said.

"Good god..." Roxas moans.

"You're just like you were in the beginning. Aww, you couldn't even say a word." They laugh like maniacs.

"I'm dying...." Roxas coughed.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Inside Roxas' mind...

Elevator music plays.

"Hmm, I'm sometime in the future....Now let's go back to day 7!"

"Why not day 1?" Peter Griffin said.

'I was dead then..."

"Okay!"

They is a whoosh and the number 255 starts winding back. Now the player is back to day 7. The player is slightly confused.

DAY 7

Roxas wakes up. He starts wondering around his room until he runs into a wall. Everyhting goes black and the player is now in a room. A set of dumb instructions block Roxas' path and make him be forced to read them. They tell him how to talk to people.

"HELL, I KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!" Roxas screamed.

There are four peoples in the room. A red haired guy, a blond chick, a blue haired guy, and some guy with grey stripes.

Roxas walked up to the guy with grey stripes, who was sitting on a counch for no appearent reason.

"Are you a racoon?" Roxas asked.

There is no response.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Roxas summoned his keyblade and smacked the guy onto the floor.

"What the hell?" The guy stands up and looked at Roxas.

"Are you my daddy?"

"No, I'm not. I'm a Werewolf. Name's Xigbar. And if you hit me, I'm gonna eat you." Xigbar growled at Roxas and then bit the boy's shoulder.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!." Roxas kicked Xigbar in the crotch. Xigbar fell on the floor, holding his crotch in pain. Now he goes and talks to the blond-haired girl.

"Eww. You're awake?" The girl says.

"Eww, you're alive?" Roxas said.

"Roxas!" The red-haired guy walked up.

".............." Roxas goes distant and walked up to the blue-haired guy.

"Today's an important meeting.....I expect everyone to be on time." The guy says.

"Why? Isn't everyone here and being lazy." Roxas said.

"Sure......" the guy falls out and starts convulsing."OR DIEZ!"

"Heeeey Roxas!" the red head said.

"..............................." Roxas has a depressing look on his face suddenly.

"Chatter box, what do you need?" Axel asked.

"............" still no words, but he did fart.

"What the heck!"

"&*^GI&YG*&^&*F&*F" Roxas foamed at the mouth and his head starts spinning.

"Oh my god...O . O" Axel vomits on roxas.

They leave. The player wonders what in the hell in happened.

They are all sitting on top of chairs too high to feel anywhere near safe.

"Good tidings, Akbar is dead and we have a new member." One said.

"We do we need one?"

'Why are you talking like a 80s nerd?" Roxas asked.

"For no reason."

A girl appears on the floor.

"She has big boobs." Roxas said.

"IIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDD." They guy said.

"Cocks....Pussies....Privates.....I LOVE DEM!" A old guy yelled. He is in the lowest chair, which means he's lame.

"KILL IT!" A pair of imps drag the guy away.

In Roxas' mind...

After surviving the first seven days of retardation, I am alive. I'm slightly constipated and I think i'm a werewolf because a racoon-man bit me.

"I AIN'T NO FUCKING RACOON!" Xigbar shouted.

"Shut up, I'm thinking and I'm in my mindz!" Roxas shrieked.

As i was thinking, oh wait, i'm out of time.

DAY 8

We don't know what fuck happened but Roxas appeared and started walking into the room of laziness, where Saix was just standing in and walked up to him. "Roxas, your work begins today." Saix said. "I will tell you what to do, and you will do it."

"Why?" Roxas asks.

"Because I said so."

"Okay."

Saix talked for a few minutes about nothing.

"Okay, get the hell away from me." Saix finally said.

"FINE!" Roxas yelled.

"Axel will help you."

"I don't want to." Axel yells from across the large room.

"THE CEILING OF THIS ROOM IS TOO GODDAMN HIGH!" Roxas screamed.

Then another tutorial shows up and blocks roxas' path.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Roxas beats the thing down.

"STOP SCREAMING!" A purple haired dude screamed. Roxas suddenly flys into the wall. He gets back up like nothing happened and walks up to the girl with boobs.

"You've got big boobs." Roxas said.

"........" Nothing.

"SHUT UP!" Roxas smacked the girl and she vomited on him."Oh GOD! SAIX!"

"You go work, foo." Saix says.

And Roxas is dragged into a black hole by Axel and they appear in some city. A magic title appears on a flash of light before the camera goes to wher they are.

"It is too damn bright here!" roxas said.

"This be Twilight Town." Axel said.

They wander through town for no reason until Roxas falls down a tunnel and magically fucked up into where they needed to be in the first place.

"What the hell are we doing here?" Roxas asked.

"We are here to strip." Axel starts to unzip his coat.

"WHAT THE FUCK NO!" Roxas kicked Axel in the face.

"Ow." Axel jumps up some platforms."Get this!"

Roxas jumps up there.

"Damn you."

"Is this all?" Roxas said.

"Don't think all you have to do in a mission is run and jump like Mario."

"Damn."

"It's a me, MARIO." MArio says.

Then bear proceed to eat MArio.

"You have to BE AWARE!"

A tiny trains runs over Axel from behind.

"Be aware of that."

Now they walk around until Roxas sees boring colored lines. He trys to walk past but he runs into a force field.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Roxas starts bashing his head on the force field.

"No little boy, you go find the tresure chest."

"That's all?" Roxas said.

"Yeah, Don't hurt your brain now."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Roxas walked away.

10 fucking looooong hours later, Roxas finds the chest. The player is getting really bored.

"Now what." Roxas asked.

"What the hell do you think? Open it dumbass." Axel slapped Roxas.

Roxas stands in front of the treasure chest and kicks it wide open. Two exclamation marks appear above the chest. It grows teeth and jumps on Roxas' head.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Roxas screeched.

Roxas starts banging his head on the nearby wall.

"I HATE THIS MUSIC!"

"Shut up."

Due to Roxas' smaller brain, It takes them 40 minutes to find the portal.

They appear on the clock tower that is too dang high. They sit there and watch the sunset for god knows how long.

"Here." Axel hands Roxas some sea-salt icecream.

"I don't want it." Roxas smacks it out of Axel's hand. It falls and bashes some guy.

"OW!"

Three seconds later...

"Wanna leave?" Axel asked.

"Sure." And they leave.

Inside Roxas' Mind....

I have no idea what I'm doing. All I did was find a chest that ate my brain today. And I think the racoon-man is my father.

"I FUCKING TOLD YOu!" Xigbar shrieked.

And they got into a fight.

"Where's Xemnas?" Saix asked.

"In his office." Lexaeus said.

Xemnas is in his office playing with some ducks made out of yarn.

"(Talking for DUCK 1) I luv youuuu." Xemnas cooed."(Talking for DUCK 2) But I'm married...(DUCK 1) Then let's have sex-"

Lexaeus opened the door.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Xemnas screamed and flung the ducks into the wall.

WHAM! CRASH!

The ducks knock down a picture.

"Superior?"

"WHAT?" Xemnas screeched.

"Xigbar and Roxas are fighting."

"I DON'T CARE!" Xemnas threw a rock at Lexaeus.

By, now, Xigbar has turned into a werewolf and eaten Roxas.

"SHIT!" Saix screamed." YOU SPIT ROXAS OUT NOW!"

"MMMNNNN.."Xigbar shook his head.

"NOW!" Saix smacked Xigbar in the throat with his claymore.

Roxas flys out of Xigbar's mouth, covered in spit.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU, DADDY!" Roxas shrieked.

"I AIN't YOUR DADDY, RETARD!" Xigbar screamed.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Review please!