I do not, and never will own Miraculous Ladybug
He wasn't hers to miss, but she missed him. Wasn't hers to love, but she loved him. Wasn't hers to long for, but she longed for him. He wasn't hers, and it hurt. It hurt in the way that made her cry alone in her room, silently, so no one would hear her. It hurt in the way that started eating away at her hope, as she was fighting tooth and nail against the despair that tried to fill her. Hurt in the way that she didn't want to love, because she didn't want to feel that way anymore. Hurt in the way she couldn't explain. Hurt in the way where she wasn't even sure her heart was beating half the time. And still, he wasn't hers to love in that way.
And, of course, he didn't know. It wasn't because she didn't love him enough. Wasn't because they didn't talk. They did. More than they had when she first met him. She had gained confidence, from being ladybug. Confidence enough that she could tell him, if she wanted to. Or at least, that was what she thought. Until she tried to tell him one day, and completely failed to say the right words. Leaving him with the impression that she just wanted to tell him how good a friend he was.
There was a reason, as well, that she didn't tell him. She knew he wasn't dating, didn't want to date currently. He had told her such. She thought it was silly, but she had wanted to know. So she had told him of a friend of hers that really liked him… He knew, he knew already, and it terrified her because she thought that he could see through to know she liked him too. Maybe he did know, she wasn't sure. And then Juleka spoke up, telling Marinette how Luka wasn't dating, how a lot of her friends who know him had already confessed to love him. How Luka wanted to finish University before he even began to date. He wanted to focus on school, and Marinette couldn't blame him for that.
It had been a year, since that day. A year since she felt her hope seep away, because she knew she couldn't tell him she loved him, after hearing that. A year, and she loved him more each and every day. He was her good friend. He was the person she felt like she could talk to, about everything. He was the person who she loved, but who didn't love her. It had been a year since that day, and she realized that she loved him even more.
She had never meant to love him, really. It had started as an accident, or maybe fate. She wasn't sure. She loved Adrien, at least that's what she thought. She had been pinning after Adrien, missing him, wanting to be close to him, when bam, she met Luka. And though she thought she loved Adrien, she felt drawn to Luka. Maybe it was his eyes, or his smile, or the way he made her feel comfortable in her own skin. Maybe it was the tone of his voice, or his immediate kindness, of just his calming presence. She felt drawn to him. And so they started talking. Started getting to know each other. All the while, if anyone asked, she loved Adrien. She had wanted a life with Adrien. She had wanted to have children with Adrien. She had dreamed of marrying Adrien. But now, now Luka started to take Adrien's place in her heart, before she had even noticed. She denied having a crush on Luka, because of course she loved Adrien. And she couldn't have a crush on both of them at the same time.
She had known Luka for five months, before she finally admitted she loved him. It happened when she was walking down the street, listening to a song. Just a normal song, a normal song about love, and that was it, she realized her heart was gone. And had been gone in a while.
Marinette had never believed in love at first sight. But now she was starting to wonder. Because it never felt like she fell in love, it more felt like she had always been in love with him. So she was starting to think love at first sight might be real. It wasn't like she fell, and it wasn't like it was a choice she made. It had just always been that way. So maybe she was starting to believe in love at first sight, or maybe it was fate that she loved him, maybe she loved him before she even met him.
She felt silly, with missing him. After all, when she looked at their text conversations, she had talked to him just the day before. They shared numbers just a month after meeting each other, and had been texting each other constantly since then. But still, she missed him. The last time she saw him, had been about two weeks before. She had invited him to a game day, where they were playing the newest Ultimate Mecha Strike game. And though he wasn't the biggest Ultimate Mecha Strike fan, he had come. And it had been so fun playing the game with him.
She loved him, but she couldn't tell him. She missed him, but she couldn't be with him. She didn't know what to do, but she knew that even if she loved him, she didn't want to ruin their friendship. That was the biggest reason she didn't tell him how she felt. She couldn't risk losing him, she realized. She didn't want to live without him. And she knew, even if he never loved her, she would always love him.
That's why she lived with the pain of unrequited love. That's why she went silent, when she really wanted to tell him. That's why everything she saw, everything she felt, was overshadowed with him. She could see the color of his eyes everywhere. Every day, there were constant reminders of him everywhere. Even when they hadn't talked in a while, even if she hadn't seen him in days, everything stayed him. She loved him. She knew it for certain. Even if he didn't love her, even if she could never tell him how she really felt, even if he wasn't hers to miss, even if he wasn't hers to love, she still loved him. Forever.
So, I know I should update "Wheeled into My heart", but I've had some bad writers block recently. So, to clear up my writers block, I decided to write this. Basically, I'm just writing my feelings out here. It's a way to finally say what I want to say, just using these characters. The reason why I chose it to be Lukanette, is because the guy I love fits Luka better than Adrien. He also has a younger sister, like Luka. So that was who they became. I hope you all like it. Love you all - Alice