Natalia Adani's Book of Charms and Curses
(Well, it is my diary, moron)
Natalia is a minor character I created for a Harry Potter story I was writing for my cousins, but I've decided that she has too much potential to be restricted for a Cousins of Mary Sue piece. Plus, there are aspects of her character that no innocent little girls should know about.he he he.
Natalia is a feisty fifth year Italian American who was attending top-notch academy Hecate's in the United States, where she reigned as school Seeker. However due to an unfortunate incident involving you-know-who, the school nurse and a smoked sausage, the school was closed indefinitely. Several European schools offered to take the Hecatites in. Natalia has the fortune (she personally finds this debatable) to be placed in Hogwarts, the home of You-Guessed-It.
I stress this is NOT a Mary Sue. Natalia is a gorgeous, dark-haired athlete with a thing for Quidditch players; I am a short redhead who couldn't get a boy to look at her if I threw a Quaffle in his face.
So maybe we do have the Quidditch player thing in common.
This story take place when the three stooges are second years, but I haven't decided how closely it will follow JK Rowling's book (probably not that closely - given that I am going to give it an PG-13 rating, for reasons that will become clear while reading it).
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Entry One: Oh Joy, Hogwarts!
Natalia finds herself in a school in need of a good shake-up.
4:47 PM, September 1st
Spent the entire train ride shivering because of primitive British wizards who haven't figured out how to make central heating compatible with magic mechanics. I bet they don't get MTV (Magic Transmission Videos) here either.
Why couldn't I have gone to the Continent?
Was briefly interrupted by a dear little ("little" being a relative term) mite called Neville Frogbottom who had lost a toad. Is clearly not particularly bright because if I had a toad, I would try and lose it as quickly as possible by slipping it down the shirt of the snotty curly- haired prefect who walked by a few seconds ago. They are so nineteen- eighties. He had a pimple the size of a Hippogriff on his noise, so I used one of Mother's Cosmetology spells to banish it. Mother works in Hollywood but pretends to be a run-of-the-mill Muggle plastic surgeon to the stars, so she puts them to sleep and charges them outlandish fees for what is in actuality a simple procedure.
My idol.
Come to think of it, Frogbottom looked better with the Quaffle-sized ball of pus on the end of his honker. Less of his face was visible then.
Dear little mite.
6:31 PM
Well, well, the Sorting Ceremony has started, and I couldn't have come up with a better insomnia cure if I tried. Apparently this creaky old hat just plunks its arse down on a stool and recites the same poem year after year. Have included the original version of what it said, but I added my own touches so that I don't end up snoring away with a pile of drool gathering on the desk (But I'm sure I'm adorable even when I snore).
SH: Every Autumn, in they come,
NA: The first years, ugly, boring or dumb?
SH: So to take the worry from every face,
NA: McGonagall will moon the place.
SH: Four houses, each one special and unique,
NA: Flitwick's beard is full of ink.
SH: I'm the Sorting Hat, that's what I do,
NA: I'm going to throw my shoe at you.
SH: A house for you to call your own,
NA: There goes Creevey's dinner, down the throne.
SH: Bold, adventurous and true,
NA: Those Gryffindors make me spew.
SH: Or if you hungry for books and lore,
NA: I'd say you were a hopeless bore.
SH: Or if you are loyal and kind,
NA: To the real world, you are most definitely blind.
SH: But if you favor cunning and adversity,
NA: Woo Hoo, Slytherin is the place for me!
SH: Bold, clever, faithful or sly,
NA: Put me in Slytherin or I'll die!
SH: So step up when you hear your name,
NA: I hope I don't go through this again.
Mwahh haa ha haa.
One hour later
Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please times infinity put me in Slytherin.
One minute later
%$#$%@##****! Bloody Ravenclaw!
Goddamn it! I knew nothing good could ever come from getting top marks in my PreOWLS!
And could someone please invent a hot nerd?
One more minute later
Well, I guess pale blue does go well with my olive complexion.
Yet another minute later
Have just sat next to a luscious creature called Roger Davies. The world's first sighting of a hot nerd.
Thankyouthankyouthankyou.
8:01 PM
Roger has just been telling me all about Ravenclaw while running his hand up my thigh. Really very friendly guy. Am missing lack of central heating already.
Apparently we are meant to be one of the more "boring" houses.
We will see about that.
Natalia is a minor character I created for a Harry Potter story I was writing for my cousins, but I've decided that she has too much potential to be restricted for a Cousins of Mary Sue piece. Plus, there are aspects of her character that no innocent little girls should know about.he he he.
Natalia is a feisty fifth year Italian American who was attending top-notch academy Hecate's in the United States, where she reigned as school Seeker. However due to an unfortunate incident involving you-know-who, the school nurse and a smoked sausage, the school was closed indefinitely. Several European schools offered to take the Hecatites in. Natalia has the fortune (she personally finds this debatable) to be placed in Hogwarts, the home of You-Guessed-It.
I stress this is NOT a Mary Sue. Natalia is a gorgeous, dark-haired athlete with a thing for Quidditch players; I am a short redhead who couldn't get a boy to look at her if I threw a Quaffle in his face.
So maybe we do have the Quidditch player thing in common.
This story take place when the three stooges are second years, but I haven't decided how closely it will follow JK Rowling's book (probably not that closely - given that I am going to give it an PG-13 rating, for reasons that will become clear while reading it).
# # # # # # # # #
Entry One: Oh Joy, Hogwarts!
Natalia finds herself in a school in need of a good shake-up.
4:47 PM, September 1st
Spent the entire train ride shivering because of primitive British wizards who haven't figured out how to make central heating compatible with magic mechanics. I bet they don't get MTV (Magic Transmission Videos) here either.
Why couldn't I have gone to the Continent?
Was briefly interrupted by a dear little ("little" being a relative term) mite called Neville Frogbottom who had lost a toad. Is clearly not particularly bright because if I had a toad, I would try and lose it as quickly as possible by slipping it down the shirt of the snotty curly- haired prefect who walked by a few seconds ago. They are so nineteen- eighties. He had a pimple the size of a Hippogriff on his noise, so I used one of Mother's Cosmetology spells to banish it. Mother works in Hollywood but pretends to be a run-of-the-mill Muggle plastic surgeon to the stars, so she puts them to sleep and charges them outlandish fees for what is in actuality a simple procedure.
My idol.
Come to think of it, Frogbottom looked better with the Quaffle-sized ball of pus on the end of his honker. Less of his face was visible then.
Dear little mite.
6:31 PM
Well, well, the Sorting Ceremony has started, and I couldn't have come up with a better insomnia cure if I tried. Apparently this creaky old hat just plunks its arse down on a stool and recites the same poem year after year. Have included the original version of what it said, but I added my own touches so that I don't end up snoring away with a pile of drool gathering on the desk (But I'm sure I'm adorable even when I snore).
SH: Every Autumn, in they come,
NA: The first years, ugly, boring or dumb?
SH: So to take the worry from every face,
NA: McGonagall will moon the place.
SH: Four houses, each one special and unique,
NA: Flitwick's beard is full of ink.
SH: I'm the Sorting Hat, that's what I do,
NA: I'm going to throw my shoe at you.
SH: A house for you to call your own,
NA: There goes Creevey's dinner, down the throne.
SH: Bold, adventurous and true,
NA: Those Gryffindors make me spew.
SH: Or if you hungry for books and lore,
NA: I'd say you were a hopeless bore.
SH: Or if you are loyal and kind,
NA: To the real world, you are most definitely blind.
SH: But if you favor cunning and adversity,
NA: Woo Hoo, Slytherin is the place for me!
SH: Bold, clever, faithful or sly,
NA: Put me in Slytherin or I'll die!
SH: So step up when you hear your name,
NA: I hope I don't go through this again.
Mwahh haa ha haa.
One hour later
Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please times infinity put me in Slytherin.
One minute later
%$#$%@##****! Bloody Ravenclaw!
Goddamn it! I knew nothing good could ever come from getting top marks in my PreOWLS!
And could someone please invent a hot nerd?
One more minute later
Well, I guess pale blue does go well with my olive complexion.
Yet another minute later
Have just sat next to a luscious creature called Roger Davies. The world's first sighting of a hot nerd.
Thankyouthankyouthankyou.
8:01 PM
Roger has just been telling me all about Ravenclaw while running his hand up my thigh. Really very friendly guy. Am missing lack of central heating already.
Apparently we are meant to be one of the more "boring" houses.
We will see about that.