Memories

Lyrics by Within Temptation

Story by Obsessed


In this world you tried,
Not leaving me alone behind.

"No," Natalia cried as she ran through that scene. Her mind was screaming this couldn't be happening. There had been a gun shot inside the house. Ryan was alone inside, taking evidence from the crime scene while she talked to witnesses outside.

She ran up those stairs and barreled through the front door, her gun drawn. She made her way to the second floor, her feet skipping steps to find Ryan on the floor, a puddle of blood gathering around his unnaturally pale body.

"Oh, please, god no," she cried as she fell to her knees beside his body. She didn't think as she checked his neck for a pulse. He gasped at her touch and his eyes opened, turning to look at her.

"Nat," he whispered weakly.

"Don't speak Ry, save your strength. Whatever it is, it can wait," she said grabbing his hand and kissing the back.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"No, don't talk like that Ryan. Don't you dare talk like that. You have nothing to apologize for," Natalia said sternly. Tears were in her eyes as she applied pressure to his wounds which were bleeding profusely.


There's no other way,
I pray to the gods let him stay.

"I don't think I'm going to make it this time," Ryan whispered before his body was racked by a sudden coughing fit.

"Don't talk like that, please," she all but begged and Ryan gave her a sympathetic smile as he touched her face.


The memories ease the pain inside,
And now I know why.

It was a touch familiar in every way. He'd touched her face gently like that many times since they'd begun dating a year and a half ago. Of course no one knew about their relationship due to rules and regulations – which she'd just blown in this public display of affection. Right now that didn't matter to her.


All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagine you being here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears

"Don't cry," he whispered as he rubbed his thumb against her cheek, wiping away her freshly shed tears. "Don't you dare cry for me, Nat."

"Ryan, please, stop talking like you're going to die. You won't, just hold on. Do you hear me, you keep holding on," Natalia said and he smiled.

"You always have been rather bossy, you know that don't you?" he asked and she wanted to cry. He was mentioning their second date, the one where she'd told him what to do the entire date. It had been fun but he'd made that exact same comment at the end of it right before kissing her. She'd been in shock that shy Ryan Wolfe had gotten up enough courage to kiss her at all let alone like the kiss he'd given her that night.


Made me promise I'd try,
To find my way back in this life.

"I know Ry," she said crying. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pale, except for the blood now coming out with his spit. Her hands weren't stopping the blood which was now all over her 'famous' white pants as he often put it.

"Promise me you'll try and move on after I'm gone," he said and she closed her eyes, not wanting to think about that.

"Ryan, you won't be going anywhere so I won't have to move on," she said as she tried to hold her voice together. However, her tears were obvious. She noticed some of the patrol agents were standing at the bottom of the stairs watching for the ambulance while silently eavesdropping on them.

"Natalia, please. I need you to promise me, if I don't make it through this one that you will find some way to move on from my death. I can't be the reason for you to give up being who you are. Please, promise me you'll find a way back," Ryan said and she could see the pain in his eyes. She did what she had to.

"I promise Ryan, I promise you, I will find a way to go on if you don't make it through this," Natalia cried as he nodded. He was obviously struggling to breathe now. It was a wet, disgusting sound. He almost sounded like he was gurgling slightly.

"Thank you, my love," he whispered right before his eyes closed.

"Ryan, wake up, you can't fall asleep," Natalia said touching his face with hers. He didn't respond. That's when she noticed his chest was no longer rising and falling, his heart no longer beat within his chest. She sat there sobbing.

It was that moment the sound of the ambulance could be heard but it was already too late. Ryan had already passed away in Natalia's arms.


Hope there is a way,
To give me a sign you're okay.
Reminds me again it's worth it all,
So I can go home.

Five days after his death Natalia stood at his grave side where they just lowered his body. She felt numb. She'd just lost her best friend and lover in one careless moment. Now her life was over. She'd promised him she'd try to move on.

She didn't know if that was possible. She honestly couldn't imagine moving on from the pain she felt at that moment. Tears and mascara ran down her cheeks. Then someone touched her arm and she turned to see Horatio standing behind her.

"Come here," he said sympathetically, holding his arms out for her. She stepped into them and sobbed. He comforted her. When she'd stopped enough to talk normal she stepped away, only a few strays left to fall now.

"I'm sorry," she apologized and he smiled.

"Loosing someone you love is hard," he said as he played with his left ring finger reminding her of Marisol. He knew what she was feeling better than anyone would.

"How do you get over it?" she asked and he shook his head.

"You don't, you just try to live life. Now, I suggest you go home and get some rest," Horatio said sternly and she did just that.


All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagine you being here.

All of my memories keep you near.
In silent whispers, silent tears.

Natalia arrived home and stood in her door listening to the silence of the apartment she and Ryan had unofficially been sharing for the past year. Closing her eyes she could almost hear him in the kitchen fixing dinner. She could almost hear the TV on while he watched the latest game so he'd have something to talk to Eric about.

She could almost see him standing there looking at her with that smile that always told her she was home… that she was safe and loved.

Silent tears began to fall as she stepped into the darkness and closed the door. She glanced around the room, then glanced at the table where she and Ryan had sat three weeks ago. He'd been planning on switching shifts due to the fact they'd decided to try and get pregnant.

Now it was too late. She was suppose to go off the pill after this period but now that child they'd planned on having would never be born. They'd never be that family they'd talked about being. She walked to the bed she had been sharing with Ryan and crawled in.

The sheets still smelled like him yet they were lonely. He wasn't there, he wasn't in them with her. Her queen sized mattress felt lonely, hollow. She cried herself to sleep.


Together in all these memories,
I see your smile.
All of the memories I hold dear.
Darling you know I'll love you,
'Til the end of time.

Days passed and she still found her mind wandering back to him. She'd walk through the lab and expected to see his smiling face walking past teasing her. In the lounge she'd arrive and expect him to be waiting with her favorite lunch like always. As she left each night for the home they'd shared she expect to find his car parked next to hers, him standing there so they could joke some before they headed home.

In every memory she'd see his face. They were memories she'd always hold dear to her. It had been a month since Ryan's death and she stopped by his grave. She found his grave marker had arrived and on it was his smiling face.

A picture she'd taken was on it. Written below it was one simple saying, 'In memories we'll keep you near.' Memories, that's all any of them had anymore.


All of my memories keep you near
In silent moments,
Imagine you being here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears.

All of my memories