Author's notes and disclaimers: I don't own the show Degrassi: The Next Generation or any of its characters. Special thanks to Maddie/Heart of the Lullaby for the beta job. This story is meant to take place between "What's It Feel Like to Be a Ghost? Part 1" and "Rock This Town". I felt that it rang somewhat false that JT and Liberty would have such a huge blowout, and then be back on friendly terms the next time they crossed paths, with no on-screen resolution to their fight. (Hence, the title of this story.) This fic is an attempt to fill in the blanks (since the writers couldn't be bothered).
JT stormed down the halls of Degrassi Community School toward his locker. He'd just had another fight with Liberty right in front of the school. She made him so angry. When JT reached his locker, he yanked open the door and began pulling out the books for his first class.
"Hi, JT," a familiar voice called. JT turned to see Mia, his new girlfriend, walking toward him with a big smile on her face. Her smile disappeared as she took in his mood. "What's the matter?"
"Just another pointless conversation with the Liberty 3000, what else?" JT shot back, glaring down the hall at Liberty, who was at her own locker.
Mia looked down the hall as well. "She still won't listen about the day care?"
"I hate her!" JT exclaimed. "She thinks I'm so immature and irresponsible, but whenever I try to do the right thing, she wants none of it. Last year, when she was pregnant, she wouldn't let me do anything. She said she couldn't trust me to deal with the pregnancy, but she's the one who couldn't deal. I did everything I could for her and she was totally ungrateful. She wouldn't even speak to me during the last month of her pregnancy. If it hadn't been for Toby, I wouldn't have known anything that was going on with her. I wouldn't even have known when she gave birth. She treated me like crap the entire time. It was enough to drive me to suicide. Oh, wait..." he finished with a smirk.
"She goes around pretending that she's so perfect, but she wouldn't even accept that she was pregnant for the first six months," JT continued. "I had to drag her to the doctor and then drag her to tell her parents. If it hadn't been for me, she probably wouldn't have gone to the doctor and she would have hidden the entire pregnancy. She probably would have even thrown our baby into a dumpster on her way to a science fair or something."
Mia gasped. "Are you serious? How could anyone do that to their own baby?"
JT shut his locker door. "She's a robot. Robots don't have emotions. And then, when he was born, she just tossed him over to some adoption lady and went right back to her overachiever life."
Liberty was still standing at her own locker, when she noticed JT and Mia watching her. She glared in their direction, then continued to poke around in her locker. To JT, it looked more like she was trashing it.
"Forget her. She's just jealous," Mia said sympathetically. "Jealous of us. She didn't want your son and now she's bitter that you have Isabella and me and she has nothing. She's pathetic."
JT smiled. "How did I get so lucky to end up with you?"
Mia smiled back and raised her face, as if expecting a kiss, but JT said, "Let's go, we don't want to be late for class." He threw his arm across her shoulders and walked down the hall together, toward Liberty's locker. She was still standing there.
JT felt that he should have kissed Mia, but for some reason, he felt uncomfortable kissing his current girlfriend in front of his ex-girlfriend. He and Mia walked past Liberty, but something urged him to look back. He did so, and saw Liberty watching him. She quickly looked away, slammed her locker door shut, and walked off in the other direction.
After the final period of the day, JT walked toward the room where student council meetings were held. As Degrassi's student body president, Liberty could often be found working there after school. He was going to try to speak to her about the day care center one last time, and this time he wouldn't lose his temper, no matter how stubborn and unreasonable she was. He had to do it quickly, though. He was supposed to meet Mia and Isabella at the park at 4:00 that afternoon. Isabella was feeling much better and Mia had already left to pick her up from the day care center.
The door to the student council room was open and JT could see Liberty inside, sitting at a table, engrossed in some work.
JT stepped into the room. "Liberty," he said. Liberty looked up. When she realized it was JT, her face broke into a sarcastic smile.
"JT. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? Is your new found happiness becoming too much for you and you thought you'd temper it with a bit of my misery?"
JT ignored the barb and said, "I'm going to talk to you about this one more time. Degrassi needs a day care center."
Liberty replied, "Talk until your face turns blue. I'm not changing my answer."
"Liberty, why are you doing this? Why did you go to Mia behind my back?"
With exaggerated innocence, Liberty said, "Children Isabella's age become emotionally attached to parental figures very quickly. I'd hate for her to become attached to you, only for you to kill yourself when things get rough. You do have a track record for that sort of thing. How was I to know that you were keeping that part of your life a secret from Mia?"
A flash of anger surged through JT and he completely forgot about the day care center. "You didn't tell Mia about that because you care about Bella--"
"Bella?" Liberty interrupted him, dropping the pen she was using. "She's 'Bella' now?"
"Yes, she's 'Bella' now," JT snapped, refusing to be deterred from making his point. "And you don't care about her emotional attachments. You just wanted to turn Mia against me."
Liberty scoffed, "And why would I want to turn Mia against you?"
"Because you're jealous."
"Jealous?" Liberty laughed.
"Jealous!" JT said firmly. "You're jealous that I'm with Mia now."
JT said something flash in Liberty's hazel eyes, but she said sarcastically, "That's exactly right, James Tiberius. I'm jealous that Mia is dating an irresponsible, immature imbecile." She picked her pen back up and began writing again.
JT was furious. He stormed over to the table where Liberty sat, grabbed her pen from her hand and began, "Let me tell you about Mia. She is an amazing girl. She's sweet and caring, not someone who thinks she's better than everyone else and loves to lecture everyone else on how stupid they are. That's why everyone at Degrassi actually likes her. And that's why you're so jealous of her. Bella's father took off the minute he found out that Mia was pregnant. I stood by you the entire time and you couldn't have cared less about me or what I wanted."
Liberty swallowed hard. In a voice of controlled calm, she said, "Please give me back my pen." JT had struck a nerve and he knew it. Satisfied, JT decided to go for the jugular. Still holding Liberty's pen, he walked back across the room and said, "Or are you jealous that I found a girl who is a good mother, who loves her kid enough to not throw her away? You could take lessons from her." With a smirk, JT added, "You know, if anyone else is stupid enough to get stuck having a kid with a battle-ax like you."
In the space of a second, Liberty jumped out of her seat, came around the table, crossed the room, and slapped JT hard across his face. JT staggered and put his hand to his cheek. His head was spinning, but he still noticed that there were tears in Liberty's eyes.
"I'm not the one who tried to abandon our son!" she shouted. "How dare you say you stood by me the entire time when you tried to commit suicide and leave me to deal with it alone? You knew I couldn't do it without you! You promised you wouldn't abandon us!" The tears were rolling down Liberty's cheeks now. "You promised me, and you lied!"
JT could only stand there in shock, but Liberty wasn't finished.
"What is so special about Mia Jones that makes you want to play daddy now? You didn't even want to stay alive for our child, but you want a day care for her child and you're screaming to the rafters about how happy you are. Why? Is it because Mia is popular? Because you think she's prettier than I am? Do you hate me that much? Am I really that horrible? Just tell me why!" Liberty was now sobbing uncontrollably. She turned and walked back to the table where she had been sitting. With her back still facing JT, she leaned over and gripped the edge of the table, her head hanging down.
JT stood, his mouth hanging open. In all the time he'd known Liberty Van Zandt, he had never seen her so upset. It hadn't occurred to him until that moment that Liberty's feelings were due to anything besides mere jealousy. He desperately wanted to comfort her, but he had no idea what to do or say. He couldn't think of anything that wouldn't seem like a superficial gesture. He felt completely helpless.
Instead, he stayed where he was. After a full minute passed, he searched for words. "Liberty...I...I'm sor--"
"Don't," she interrupted. "Please, just leave me alone and go back to your perfect little family."
JT remained in the same spot as he attempted to think of something that would make up for his cruel words, but nothing came. He lowered his head and noticed that he was still holding her pen. He set it on a nearby table, then turned and slowly left the room.
At the park, JT pulled his black Volkswagen into a parking space and turned off the ignition, but he didn't get out. He couldn't get the sight of a crying Liberty out of his mind. The worse part was that JT had be unable to say or do anything to make her feel better. Deep down, he knew it wouldn't have helped because he knew that it had been his actions that had led her to put their son up for adoption.
Liberty's question "Am I really that horrible?" kept playing over and over in his mind. It wasn't the first time Liberty had asked him that question. She had asked him in Grade 7 after learning that he had pretended to be gay in reaction to her crush on him. JT had watched Liberty walk away sadly with her head hanging and felt like a monster. That was nothing compared to the way he felt now.
He glanced through the windshield and saw Mia pushing Isabella in a stroller and hurrying toward him. He got out of the car.
When Mia reached JT, she asked, "Did you talk to her? What did she say?"
JT didn't have the heart to tell her that they had barely discussed the day care idea, so he just shook his head.
"I don't believe her!" Mia exploded. "She is the most selfish, vindictive--"
"Look, it doesn't matter right now," JT said wearily.
Mia pushed on, "It does matter! She is being so unfair! Listen, we can go over her head. We can talk to Ms. Hatzilakos. She'll--"
"Mia!" JT interrupted her. "I really don't want to talk about this right now." He assumed a happy disposition for Isabella's benefit. "I mean, Bella's been sick the past few days. I bet she's ready to play now."
JT lifted Isabella out of her stroller and Mia said, "Mom let me bring her camera. I want to make a video of you two playing together."
The three of them walked across the park toward the playground.
The next morning, JT pulled into his usual parking spot at Degrassi. When JT and Mia got out of the black Volkswagen, they were both surprised to see none other than Danny Van Zandt, Liberty's brother, standing in front of them.
Two years earlier, JT and Danny had been close friends, but their friendship had become rocky when JT had began dating Liberty, and soured quite a lot when Liberty became pregnant.
A wave of apprehension rose in JT when he saw Danny's folded arms and the serious expression on his face. He and Danny had come to blows more than once over his relationship with Liberty. Had Liberty told him about their conversation?
Danny said, "I need to talk to you, JT."
JT and Mia came to a stop in front of Danny. Danny pointedly stared at Mia until she said, "Um...I need to talk to Mr. Simpson before class," and hurried off.
Danny turned his attention back to JT. "My sister came home crying yesterday. She and Mom spent most of last night locked up in her bedroom talking about God knows what. I tried to listen, but the acoustics suck. From the part I heard, your name kept coming up. So what's the deal?"
JT felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. Liberty was obviously still very upset. JT knew he had to tread carefully in his reply to Danny. Danny often teased and ridiculed Liberty, but JT had learned the hard way that he didn't take well to others mistreating his big sister.
"Liberty and I have had a couple of tiffs over the past few days, that's all," JT said, hoping that Danny would accept that answer and move on.
He didn't. "Over the day care thing? Yeah, I heard about that.
"You know what? Before you came along, the only time Liberty ever cried was when someone was dead. Now every time I turn around, she's crying, and it's always about you or the baby. You think it was easy for her to give him up, but it wasn't."
JT knew that. Despite what he had told Mia, the memory was clear in his mind: at the hospital, Liberty had gently handed their baby over to the adoption counselor, watched as the adoption counselor walked out of the room, and out of their lives, with their baby -- their son, and then broken down into her mother's arms. The day after she'd learned that the adoptive family was moving away, she'd handed in a blank chemistry exam. He knew it hadn't been easy for her.
JT said, "Look, I know Liberty is really hurt--"
"Oh, yeah?" Danny cut in. "When she found out that his new family was moving to Seattle, she chugged an entire bottle of Dad's whiskey. In about an hour. Oh...and her relationship with Dad is totally shot."
"It is?" That was news to JT.
"Yeah, he can't stand that she's not his mini-me golden child anymore," Danny said. "He wants her to pretend that there was never a baby and she won't. And you know what else? Dad gave her an ultimatum. She could stay at home and they would help her with the baby as long as she broke up with you and didn't let you be part of the baby's life or he was kicking her out. She said she wasn't going to deny her baby a father, so Dad said she had to get out. She picked you over him, and then you became a drug dealer and tried to off yourself."
JT was silent as he vaguely remembered Mr. Van Zandt shouting that he never wanted to see JT again. That had been the day he and Liberty had informed her parents of their own impending parenthood. Or rather, JT had informed them. Liberty had told her mother and father that she planned to move in with JT but been unable to form the words telling them that it was because she was pregnant, prompting JT to jump in and tell them himself.
Danny continued, "Dad throws her mistake in her face every chance he gets. She could become Prime Minister and he'd still see her as a slut who got herself knocked up and made him look bad in front of all of his important friends, the ones he used to brag about her to."
"Like the mayor?" JT remember Liberty mentioning that the mayor of Toronto was a friend of her father's.
"Yeah," Danny said. "He's always saying that it took him twenty years to build up his image and she completely destroyed it in one shot. You know, your dad cut out on your mom. You always said he was rotten and even he didn't immediately get himself a new wife and kid to replace you and your mom."
A jolt of guilt shot through JT. "I'm not trying to replace Liberty or my son, and I didn't know that about your dad. I'm just trying to help Isabella the way I couldn't help my son and...." he trailed off.
Danny gave JT a thoughtful look. He seemed to understand. "If that's true, don't tell me, tell Liberty," he said, then turned and walked away.
JT walked through the halls of Degrassi searching for Liberty. He had an apology to make. He reached her locker, but Liberty was nowhere to be seen. JT decided to wait for her and leaned against her locker. His mind soon wandered to the afternoon before.
He'd had fun playing with Isabella at the park, but deep down, he'd wished it had his own son who sat on his lap as he slid down a slide, and that it had been Liberty behind the camera he waved to.
JT's thoughts were interrupted by the sight of Liberty walking in his direction. When she spotted JT standing at her locker she stopped, then slowly walked the rest of the way to where he stood.
JT started in before Liberty could say anything. "Lib, we really need to talk."
"What more is there to talk about? You've already told me how you feel," Liberty said, stepping around JT and opening her locker.
"It's about yesterday--"
Liberty cut him off. "You know what? If you want your day care center that badly, then you can have it. You don't have to rub in your relationship with Mia anymore." She looked at him and he saw that underneath her glasses, she had dark circles under her eyes. "I just don't want to fight with you anymore, JT."
She closed her locker and walked away. As she walked down the hall, Heather Sinclair, who was making her rounds insulting various Degrassi students, blocked Liberty's way. JT ducked down a side hallway before Heather caught sight of him.
At lunchtime, JT again walked the halls of Degrassi searching for Liberty. He had originally planned to spend lunch with Mia, as usual, but he had told Mia that he had to do some make-up work for Ms. Kwan's class and if he had time left, he would join her.
JT was determined to tell Liberty how he felt. He hadn't been trying to rub it in by wanting a day care. He just wanted to prove to Mia that he could be a worthy model for Isabella...the way he hadn't been for his own son.
He spotted Liberty sitting on a window ledge. She held a sandwich in one hand, and a book in the other. When she saw JT approaching, she threw down her sandwich, slammed her book shut, and stood up, preparing to storm off.
JT stood in front of her. "Liberty, don't leave. Just listen to what I have to say, all right?"
Liberty slowly sat back down and folded her arms. "Fine. You have ten seconds."
JT took a deep breath and said, "First of all, I'm sorry for all the mean things I said yesterday. I didn't mean any of it and I said it because I was angry. Secondly, I didn't think about how dating Mia would look. I would never try to replace you and the baby."
He looked at Liberty. She hadn't moved or said anything, so JT took it as a cue to continue.
"The truth is that I messed up. I messed up really badly. When my grandmother and your parents said they wouldn't help us with the baby, I panicked. And then I ran into Jay Hogart and he told me that dealing Oxycodone would get me a ton of money really quickly and it seemed like a perfect plan. By the time I realized it was a bad idea, I was stuck and I thought there was nothing I could do to fix it. The dealer wanted to kill me, not to mention your mom and dad. Grandma was ashamed of me, I had lost my job at the pharmacy, I was on my way to jail, and worst of all, you hated me. I was already at the ravine so I figured I might as well go ahead and get drunk. Then swallowing all the pills I had seemed like a good idea."
JT sat down on the window ledge next to Liberty. She didn't object.
He continued, "The next thing I knew I was in the hospital having my stomach pumped and being put on suicide watch. And then when you told me that you were putting the baby up for adoption, it confirmed that I was a complete failure as a dad. Then I met Mia and I found out she had a little girl, and it was like a second chance to prove that I could be a good father to someone," JT finished.
"I never hated you," Liberty said. "I was furious, and hurt, but I never hated you. I especially never wanted to get rid of our baby. It took me a long time to accept that I was pregnant, but I wanted to keep him. I loved him more than anything. I still do. When he was born, all I wanted to do was hold him in my arms forever. But there's no way I could have ever raised him alone. The two of us together couldn't even do it without help. He was the one innocent party in all of this and it just wouldn't have been fair to him to try to raise him with either drug money or none at all."
Liberty looked at JT and said, "I know how hard I was on you from the beginning. When I realized I was pregnant, I panicked myself. I've had thousands of dreams of my future, and none of them involved trying to finish high school with a baby. In my family, not going to university is out of the question. You're so fun-loving and playful that I couldn't imagine you settling down enough to raise a child. Face it, we both know you don't make the best grades."
They both laughed, and Liberty continued, "I was so scared the entire time. I wouldn't even have been able to tell my parents that I was pregnant without you. I don't know what I would have done. To be honest, things are still pretty unpleasant at home."
JT replied, "Danny said that your dad has been giving you a hard time."
Liberty's eyes watered. "I don't think my father will ever forgive me," she said softly.
JT rubbed her shoulder and said, "He's crazy if he doesn't." Liberty looked at him and their eyes held for a few moments.
Liberty began, "JT, I--" then stopped herself.
"What?"
"Nothing." Liberty shook her head. "It's nothing."
JT nodded, then said, "Well, I have to get going now. I promised Mia I'd meet her for lunch."
Liberty also nodded. "Thanks for telling me how you felt."
"No problem." JT hopped off the ledge and started down the hall. As he walked away, something again urged him to look back. He looked over his shoulder to see Liberty watching him. When she saw him look back, she gave him a little smile. JT smiled back, then turned and continued down the hall.
His stomach hurt a little.
