I have not been active since summer. This is procrastination on an extreme level. Words cannot express how sorry I am to all of you, my faithful readers and fangirl friends. I let you down, and I shall try and compensate you with a crack fic I wrote mostly at two in the morning a couple weeks ago. Enjoy the butts.
You should've known better
Than to mess with me, honey
I'm gonna love ya, I'm gonna love ya
Gonna love ya, gonna love ya
Like a black widow, baby
Tony snapped his head up, now paying attention to the radio on his lab table. While he had been concentrating on his latest project, the song playing on the radio has changed, which he had tuned out until he heard the words black and widow and immediately thought of a former Russian spy upstairs.
"JARVIS, what's the name of this song?"
JARVIS' robotic, accented voice responded immediately, "The name of the song currently playing is Black Widow by Iggy Azalea, featuring Rita Ora."
Tony chuckled to himself, imagining Natasha's reaction when she heard it. An eye roll and exasperated sigh at the most, he thought. Still, there hadn't been much activity going on at Avengers Tower recently, and pissing off everyone else was a good way to pass time in between missions. He rolled away from his invention on his favorite chair and scooted toward the elevator.
"You're going to love this." Steve looked up from his book (which he despised but couldn't stop reading) and saw Tony, who had just burst out of the elevator, nearly knocking Natasha over as she rushed out the door to complete a mission.
Steve sighed. "Stark, if this is about testing anything of yours again, forget it. Do remember the last time we tried doing that."
Tony put up his hands in mock surrender. "I did warn you about the dangers of robotic exoskeletons... Didn't I? Anyways, I have an idea. One that isn't quite so dangerous. Well, depends on your definition of dangerous."
At that moment, Thor barreled through the doorway. Noticing Steve and Tony, he grinned, saying, as usual, loudly, "Friends! I am very glad to see you, for I have run out of activities to fill my boredom!"
"Now that you mention it, I'm bored out of my skull, too." Added Steve, finally shutting his book to reveal the cover.
Tony glanced at the cover and immediately snatched the book up. Disgusted, he looked at him. "Cap, I thought you had so much better taste than this. You were reading Twilight?"
"It was in the popular section at the bookstore. And it isn't exactly great works of fiction."
"It's a good thing you didn't buy Fifty Shades of Grey instead." muttered Tony.
"Son of Stark, I have ordered the volume you are discussing and had plans to peruse it. Why do you speak of it in this unfavorable way?" questioned the Asgardian.
"Never mind, Blondie. It isn't literature. It would be something called shiterature. Now, have either of you heard this song?"
Tony clapped once and pop music started blaring from hidden speakers. Turning his head towards the other two Avengers, he saw the beginnings of an I hate the 21st Century face on Captain America, while Thor listened intently, curious about the Midgardian music.
After listening for a few minutes, Tony stopped the music. Grinning, he asked, "Remind you of anyone?"
"Does Natasha know about the song?" asked Steve.
"That's the beauty of it." Replied Tony. "She doesn't, so my plan will work out perfectly!"
"What is this plan you created, and why do you need the star-spangled one and I ?" Said Thor.
Tony smiled even wider. "Fellas, have you ever heard of something called twerking?"
Three hours later, Natasha opened the door to Stark tower and stepped into the private elevator, done with her short mission early and ready to crash. This particular assignment had been even more exasperating than the last one, and the Russian spy was on her last nerve.
"She's coming! Quick! Get into your positions." Whisper-yelled Tony, fully clad in his Iron Man suit.
"Stark, we don't have to whisper. She can't hear us inside the elevator." Steve said, rolling his eyes as he pressed his shield against the wall.
Ms few seconds later, a small ding announced the arrival of Natasha. Right away, Black Widow started playing.
Tony was twerking in the most ridiculous way possible, his butt undulating at a seemingly unnatural speed, right in front of Natasha, whose eyes went to him first.
Meanwhile, Captain America had his shield against the wall, using it as support as he moved his tush forward and back, earning an eye roll and an exasperated sigh.
Meanwhile, The God of Lightning was downright working it. Tony had convinced him to leave off his shirt but keep the cape so he could laugh about Thor the Male Stripper later. It turned out, Thor had a seemingly magical ability to twerk as he flexed his gluteus maximus in time to the music. When Natasha's eyes landed on Thor, she couldn't help but smile a tiny bit from the sheer idiocy of it all.
In the corner, Bruce was chuckling to himself as he watched the chaos unfold. Although the self-dubbed Avengers Twerk Team had approached him to join them and tick off Natasha, he was smarter than that. However, he still tapped his foot a little bit.
Stepping out from behind Natasha Romanoff, Nick Fury turned to her and questioned, "So this is what Earth's Mightiest Heroes do in their spare time?"
Black Widow shook her head. "I have absolutely no idea."
So what do you guys think? Good? Weird? OOC?
Seriously, the first time I heard this song, this was all I could think of. Iggy likes it... I think?
Iggy: -man-bird whale sounds of hysteria-
Now, I present to you, in true Marvel fashion, A post AN scene!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRR FILLER SPACE!
you're still here? Good. Keep reading.
Clint switched his earpiece back on as he heard the elevator move up. After spending two hours rigging a bug next to the elevator, he was ready to laugh his ass off.
And it was worth it. Fury's lecture on maturity and explanation of what a stripper was to Thor made his day. And truth be told, he twerked too, alone on a lower floor.
-Some and an Iggy Who Should Probably Be Taken To A Hospital