One Shot

As Buffy finished dusting the last of the suck-house vamps, Xander stepped out of the shadows and into the alley, an unwanted reminder of bleached hair and balls-y attitude from a similar encounter, what felt like a lifetime ago.

Thinking about Spike was a bad idea; Buffy knew that. She didn't have enough brainpower for it, especially not now – not on top of everything else. She was just so conflicted, not sure if she wanted to kill him or send him a gift basket for showing her what she should have been able to see herself. I mean, turtlenecks in Sunnydale? Riley might as well have been wearing a neon 'I'm hiding a vampire bite' sign around his stupid neck.

Xander cut through her thoughts and to the heart of her frustration. "So how'd that work out for you? Make you feel better?"

Buffy shook her head. Better was on the other side of the continent from what she felt. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you might need to talk, then I saw you get into this skirmish. I was going to lend a hand, but you seemed to grow a few extra ones."

And look, here's something else I don't need – a guilt trip for doing my job. What was I, too enthusiastic? It's not like I'm Faith. Buffy rolled her eyes. "Go home, Xander."

"Wait," he said.

"No," she replied, going to move past him. "I'm serious. I can't right now, okay?"

Xander stepped aside but, despite the warning in her voice, followed after Buffy. "Not okay. I'm serious too. You need to talk to me."

She turned to face her friend. "You know what? Maybe I'm sick of everyone always telling me what I need."

"So you're just gonna let Riley go? Because if so, it's obvious that you need people to around to tell you that's a bad idea. And you're in luck, 'cause I'm gonna."

Buffy gaped. "You know about this? About what's been happening?"

He shrugged. "Well, sure. It doesn't take a genius."

She fixed him with a stare and the shrug wilted into a hangdog expression when Xander dropped his eyes. "Okay, so Riley might have said something."

"Riley said something to you about us – about me – and you didn't tell me?"

Xander raised his hands in surrender. "Hey, trying to talk to you now."

Buffy walked back to the delivery door of the Magic Box and stepped inside. "I think it's a little late for that."

Clearly, Xander didn't agree with that either, because he came in the door after her and shut it behind him. Buffy clenched her fists and whirled to face him. "What do you want from me, huh?"

"To talk."

Buffy scoffed. "Yeah, you keep saying that. So talk."

He paused, seemingly put off by the invitation, and she used the opportunity to add, "When you're done, will you please just give me some space?"

"Fine," he allowed, "Just hear me out." She waved him on, and he continued, "This thing with Riley – I don't know much, just that you're imploding."

"We're past imploding. I'd say we imploded a while ago, and people are only telling me now," Buffy griped.

Xander, to his credit, did flash a sympathetic look. "So there's been a lot going on," he summarized. "Things haven't been easy, fine. But when are they ever? You can't use this as an excuse to just walk away from one of the few good things in your life."

Buffy frowned. "Was he?"

"What?"

"Riley," she clarified, speaking as the thoughts occurred to her; the truth of them sinking in. "Everybody's like, 'Oh, he's the good guy.' He's the 'so good for Buffy' guy. But was he really?"

Xander visibly floundered. "We're already using the past tense? Buffy, you're acting like a crazy person. Of course Riley was – is – good for you!"

"Why?" Buffy challenged, her hands going to her hips. "How?"

Again, Xander opened and closed his mouth like a fish a few times, thrown by the unexpected turn in the conversation. It didn't matter, though. Buffy was just hitting her flow.

"I mean, was he being a good guy when he was flaking out on patrol, or when he was slipping out of bed to go get willingly bitten by some vamps? When he was making me feel guilty for not spending enough time with him when my world was imploding – my mom in the hospital, and Dawn going through–" she broke off, the mounting anger in her voice threatening to become tears.

Xander stood in silence a moment longer before asking, "Did he really do that?"

Buffy closed her eyes and could still see the image tattooed on her brain. "He really did."

"God," he exclaimed, his shoulders slumping. "I'm sorry, Buff."

She sighed. "Yeah, me too."

"So, what? He came here to apologize?"

Buffy snorted. "Not even. He came to tell me he's been offered some special mission, and I should either get over this now or that's it, he's gone."

"God," Xander said again.

"Yeah," said Buffy, all of the fight finally gone from her. "Look, Xander, I really am tired…"

"Hey, no worries," he replied, forcing his voice to sound cheerful before catching himself. "I mean, well, you have some worries, but…"

Buffy smiled at his awkward handling of it and squeezed his shoulder, just thankful that he was letting whatever speech he prepared go.

"Do you want me to give you a ride home?"

She considered it for a second, then said, "No, I could probably use the fresh air."

Xander bobbed his head in understanding. "Just don't hang around too long out there. Some lurk-y vamp might see ya and try annoying you to death."

She smiled a little despite herself. "Honestly? I could probably use the distraction."

He blinked at her. "You actually wanna talk to Spike? Wow, things really must be bad."

"Hey!" Buffy chided, and they laughed.

Xander raised his hands in a placating gesture. "Just calling it how I see it."

A smile dusted her lips once more. The talk really had helped, but she had a feeling it would go even better with Spike. She'd never tell Xander, or anyone, really, but he was a surprisingly good listener. It was mega weird, especially considering he never actually shut up. "Gift basket," she said out loud, as something clicked in her brain.

"Huh?"

Buffy shrugged. "Nothing, I just…" she trailed off, hoping she wasn't blushing at her thoughts having gone off on a Spike-tangent. Why was that a bad idea again?

"Conversation tease!" Xander joked, poking a finger at Buffy's temple. "Come on, I haven't earned a little gossip?"

"It's not gossip, Xander. It's just…"

"Yeah?" he pressed.

"Okay, don't call me crazy, but…" Buffy swallowed, then decided to try something out. "Give me the speech," she said.

Xander frowned, another 'huh?' left unspoken between them.

"The speech you came here to give me," said Buffy. "I wanna hear it."

"Umm, sure," said Xander. "I don't know where you're going with this, but I'll follow." His eyes glazed over slightly as he paused, and Buffy could imagine him rewinding the conversation back to where it had diverted from his plan. "Right," he said after a minute, "See, this is where I feel bad, because I didn't know any of the stuff you were gonna say, so this part makes me sound like a jackass without the context, but I was gonna say that you treat – uh, treated – Riley like he was convenient."

Buffy swallowed down her irritation and gave Xander a nod, encouraging him to continue. At least he knew now, with context, what a jerk he was being – or going to be. She couldn't be mad at him for saying it now when she'd told him to. Plus, it maybe was what she needed to hear.

"I thought you took it for granted that he was gonna show up when you wanted him to and take off when you didn't. What I really think – and I'll stand by this part – is that you got burned with Angel and it's made you shut down since. Now, I'm not saying that's not a valid reason, or anything, but…" he shrugged, "Maybe next time around, you could put yourself more into it?"

Buffy nodded again, pretending that the words didn't pierce her. "What else?"

Xander turned a fresh shade of uncomfortable. "Why are we doing this again – going over an argument that didn't happen?"

"Because you're right," said Buffy.

"Wait," said Xander, putting a hand to his forehead. "What? How can I be right? Buffy, you set me straight about all this stuff before I even put it out there."

Buffy blew out a breath, hoping she could explain her thoughts out loud half as well as they sounded in her head. "You were wrong about Riley," she amended. "There was more going on there. But…" she sucked a fresh breath in, filling her lungs to capacity so she could get the next part out all in one go. "I think you were maybe right about me. I have been treating someone like that, I've just been too blind to see – too scared, I guess. And there was the stuff with Riley, and everything else. It wasn't even something I could consider, you know?"

Xander stared blankly at her. After a minute he said, "Should we start from the beginning?"

Buffy gave him a sympathetic smile. "Later," she said, "I think I need to process. My head's a little too…" she made a gesture with her hand to express the word that wouldn't unstick from the back of her brain.

"Check," said Xander, "Leaving you alone now. You'll be okay?"

"Yeah," said Buffy, actually feeling like she really might be. "I'll take that walk."

Back outside, the walk Buffy had planned quickly became a run. As trees whizzed past her and the sound of a helicopter taking off sounded in the distance, she bolted through Restfield and into Spike's crypt before she had a chance to give a second thought to what she was doing.

Inside, she gasped as she caught sight of Spike. He was sitting in his beat-up old armchair with his T-shirt in his lap, the pale skin of his chest shining in the candlelight as he sewed the torn garment.

He looked up and she stood there staring back at him, transfixed. It was a stake wound over his heart, she'd know it anywhere, just as surely as she knew who'd done it.

"Buffy?" Spike questioned, his tone a little ragged. She wasn't sure if it was from her surprise entrance or damage to his lungs.

"How?" she said, stepping closer; needing to be near him to make sure he wasn't going to vanish into dust.

Spike floundered, opening his mouth to speak a couple of times before finally closing it and shifting to leave room for Buffy on the arm of the chair.

She took up the offered space and reached for him, her fingers going out to lightly touch beside the wound as if to check it was real.

"Riley," said Spike. It was an answer to the 'how' question, as well as a question in itself.

"He's gone," said Buffy, catching Spike's eyes again. There was enough heat there to sear them both to a crisp. She had to look away again.

Just as she thought, 'What am I doing? This is crazy!' Spike caught her up in a kiss.

"This is it," said Buffy when she returned to herself, a moment and another lifetime later.

Spike gave her a sideways grin. "What's that then?"

After a second she said, "A fresh start, you and me."

He kissed her again for that, the T-shirt falling forgotten to the floor.

Buffy made a mental note to be careful with his heart.