Big Words are Evil
Summary: Remus uses a big word to pick on Sirius, then James uses another big word to describe Sirius. Sirius gets pissed because he has no idea what they're talking about. And the fact that their laughing their heads off is pissing him off.
Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter
Rated M for (cough) morbid jokes.
Remus sat on one of the cushioned chairs by the fire in the Gryffindor common. A book sat on his lap, but he wasn't reading it. He there trying to relax. Key word being tried.
"I'm bored."
Remus didn't even turn his head toward the voice to acknowledge the person. "That's not new Sirius." Sirius was the reason he couldn't relax.
Sirius pouted at Remus. "Put down the book and pay attention to me."
A smile wanted to pull at Remus lips, but he denied it. "Can't do that." He stared at the book just to annoy Sirius.
"Why not."
Remus finally looked away from his book to look at Sirius. Sirius was laying on the couch on his stomach with his head resting on his hand. "Sirius, the world doesn't revolve around you."
"Hmph." Sirius rolled onto his back and crossed his arms. "Where's James? I want to prank someone."
Remus closed his eyes so he could ignore Sirius, but it was kind of hard because Sirius keep grunting. Remus opened one of his eyes to see what the caveman was grunting about. Seeing the smile on Sirius face he knew Sirius was just doing it to get a raise out of Remus. Sometimes he hated when Sirius was bored. "Shut up you caveman." When Sirius lifted an eyebrow Remus continued. "Only caveman grunt."
Sirius watched as a group of girls walked by the couch he was sitting at. "I thought horny men grunted." The girls giggled when he said that.
Remus shook his head. A smile pulled at Remus lips as a thought popped into his head that would annoy Sirius. "Sirius your a nymphomaniac." Oh Remus was so evil.
"I know," Sirius said watching the girls leave through the portrait hole. Then he frowned, "What?" He looked at Remus with a stupid expression. He never heard of that word before.
"A nymphomaniac." Remus badly wanted to laugh. But he thought he was doing a good job acting normal.
Sirius was still confused. "Care to explain."
Thinking fast Remus said, "The word describes you very well." He paused to take a breath and make sure he didn't laugh. "Think how you are and that's what the word is." Oh revenge is sweet.
Sirius shrugged his shoulder thinking nothing about it and laid down on the couch again. He didn't think it was anything important.
"You sure he's not a necrophiliac?"
Remus had to bit his tongue to stop a laugh from exploding. That word was even better than the one he used.
"What's that," Sirius asked James.
Getting a hold of himself Remus asked James, "You know what those words mean."
James glanced at Sirius, then gave Remus an evil smirk. "A corse. Sometimes it's a good idea to know big word." James looked pointy at Sirius at that. Still looking at Sirius, James said to Remus, "Don't you think Sirius is a nymphomaniac on some days and necrophiliac on others?" James face was completely serious as he said it.
Remus nodded his head, "True." He loved this. James word was priceless and the fact that Sirius didn't know what the words meant made it even better. Sirius deserved it after all the crap he pulled. "True. He does have that type of personality," he said rubbing his chin.
Sirius eyed James as James took a seat on the arm of the couch. He was starting to think that the two of them were playing at something. Also he was beginning to believe that the words weren't the nicest thing to be called. And it was killing him that James knew what the words meant. He wanted to hit the smirk off of James face.
"What type of personality do you think he has right now," James said nodded his head toward Sirius.
Remus studied Sirius for a bit. He noticed that Sirius was starting to ketch on. "Well the way he was acting a minute ago I say he's a nymphomaniac at the moment."
"But he'll be a necrophiliac tonight," James said with a small laugh.
Laughing himself, Remus added, "He'll be a necrophiliac if any of his professors give him detention."
Sirius narrowed his eyes at the two of them as they exchanged what he could only guess as insults. "Okay, what's so funny?" They only laughed more. Sirius growled really wishing he had his wand so he could hex them into next week.
"What are you three planning?"
"Nothing my sweet," James said to Lily. He couldn't help think how cute she was when she had her hands on her hips and scowl on her face.
"Lily your smart," Sirius said looking behind the couch at lily.
"Excuse me," Lily said wondering was her intelligence had to do with anything.
Sirius gave a shrug meaning he didn't mean to insult her or anything. "What does nymphomaniac mean."
Gasp. "How dare you!" Lily proclaimer. She slapped Sirius face, then stomped over to the girls dorm.
James want to laugh and cry at the same time. Laugh because Lily smacked Sirius silly. Cry because Lily was going to punish him. Pause. Wait punish. Sweat. He hoped.
Sirius rubbed at his sore cheek. "Tell me what the words mean or I'll kick your arses." His eyes promised pain.
Remus put his book down on the floor and looked at Sirius. "A nymphomaniac is uncontrollable or excessive desire in a woman."
Sirius shrugged, "That don't sound to bad."
"It's an insult," James said with a smile. "He's calling you a girl."
"What!" Sirius shoot up glaring daggers at Remus.
Remus didn't even react to Sirius threat. "I may have, but James what does your word mean."
James eyes went wide realizing that he was in danger and that Sirius was going to kill him. "I forget what it means." He slowly walked backwards to get away.
"Stop moving," Sirius said to James. He stared at him to make sure he didn't get away. Sirius pointing at Remus and asked, "What does the bloody word mean."
Remus rested his head on his hand. This was great he was getting to hit two birds with one stone. "You dug your own grave, now lay in it." Remus looked away from James to look at Sirius. "The word means..."
"Have pity," James said putting his hands together.
Sirius narrowed his eyes, "No pity. What's the words meaning?"
Remus keep his eyes off James because he knew if he looked at him he would feel guilty. "Necrophiliac means an erotic attraction toward," he paused to annoy them. He smirked at James panicked face and Sirius smile. "A corpse." Sirius eyebrows shot into his hair line and James turned very white. "Intercourse with a corpse."
"WHAT!" Sirius stared at Remus in shook. A moment James took to his advantage to get away. Sirius noticed and yelled, "You're so died!" Sirius ran after James as James ran out the portrait hole.
Remus sighed, then picked up his book. "Peace."
The End
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