Forgive Me
By S.J. Kohl
Summary: Zack has a task to perform in Nibelheim.
Disclaimer: Zack belongs to Sephiroth. Everyone knows that.
Rating: PG-13
Zack lifted his face to the sky, his violet eyes shot through with red and leaking damning tears. He didn't want to do this. He drew in a deep breath of the Nibelheim air, the sweat and leather smell of his armor a soothing balm against his restless spirit. There was promise here. There was goodness here. He knew now, though he hadn't known when he'd first joined SOLDIER—had it only been four years? only a few days to span a lifetime—that Shin-Ra was not working for the benefit of the planet. Shin-Ra was working for the benefit of Shin-Ra. But that didn't mean there weren't good men, with good hearts, lurking in SOLDIER, waiting to make a positive impact on the world around them. Sephiroth, Angeal, and Strife, so young but so earnest—they were amazing men. Even a few of the Turks—Reno, Tseng, Elena—they were dedicated to Rufus, so different than his father. Yes, Rufus was the hope of SOLDIER, even if the others didn't know it.
Zack only wished he would be able to be there when the President finally fell.
But no. That was not his place. No, Zack knew what it was he had to do. An angel had visited him in his sleep—an Ancient. It was Aerith, he knew, though it was not the Aerith he knew and loved. It was Aerith grown, matured...dead. She had shown him what would happen if Shin-Ra Corporation continued to control the planet. Ashes. Dust and ruins. The Lifestream, twisted and used up, leaving Gaia a wasteland. People dead. Everyone dead. Sephiroth, Cloud, Aerith, Shinra--everyone. A lifeless planet. A world of corpses. Zack shuddered. He could not allow that to happen.
"But you can change that future," She had whispered to him, her voice low with hope and despair. "You can change it."
What do I have to do? But Zack knew now; he knew what he had to do. He choked back a rough sob, grimacing as a hot tear spilled down his cheek. People would suffer. The angel had told him that. Sephiroth...insane, broken, an unwilling enemy. Dying again and again. Angeal dead. Spike...tortured, twisted, alone. Aerith dead. Children dying. The planet rupturing, the Lifestream poisoned. Dying, hurting...so much pain. So many lives lost, friends gone. And it'll be my fault. All of it. And me... Zack swallowed. I'll be dead.
Zack straightened, forcing his tears to dry. He would be dead, but Rufus Shinra would live on. Cloud would live—weary, tormented, lonely, and faded, but he would live. And President Shinra would burn. Shin-Ra Corporation would fall, and the world would be rebuilt. His pain, his life—too much pain, too many lives—would bring the planet hope. A chance to survive.
Turning slowly, Zack stared up at Shinra Mansion where it loomed over the hillside, dark, cold, and forbidding. He shook the lingering slide of death from his limbs and scrubbed the evidence of his grief from his face. Then, determinedly, he headed up the hill, toward the front door. He would do as the angel had told him, would do what only he could do.
Reaching the door, he threw it open and grinned—his wide, characteristic grin—at the startled secretary. He closed the door and leaned back against it, crossing his arms over his chest, the fingers of his right hand locked around a manila folder. "Hey, Shea. I just need to get into the file room for a second. Got some stuff to deliver for Dr. Hojo. Personal delivery." He winked. "It's confidential."
She cast him a half-suspicious look, tucking a long strand of brown hair behind one pale, rounded ear. "I don't know, Zack. Those rooms are off limits…"
He stepped closer, dropping the file carelessly onto Shea's desk and leaning down, propping his elbows on the smooth wood. He cocked his head to the side and smiled. "I know. That's why Hojo sent me over with them. I'm Sepiroth's Second, remember?"
"Yeah, but…Zack…"
Zack reached out and twirled a lock of her hair around his finger, just barely allowing his skin to brush against hers. He grinned wider, his heart breaking against his teeth. "But nothing, honey. You know I wouldn't be in this dump if I hadn't been ordered over…except to see you, of course."
Shea smiled, her brown eyes softening slightly.
Zack leaned closer, moving until their faces were bare inches away from one another. "Hey, you got a break coming up soon? Maybe, once I drop these where they go, I can take you out for lunch."
Her eyes flashed with liquid heat. She licked her lips. "Well…I guess you'd better hurry up then."
Zack nodded slowly, a teasing glint lurking in his eyes. He didn't show the pain, the turmoil that lurked beneath the surface he presented. He always had been good at crafting masks. He leaned back and grabbed the folders, grinning triumphantly as he seized the keycard Shea held out to him and strolled down the hall, whistling cheerfully as he walked. It was time to get to work.
Zack took a deep breath, grinning even as he broke inside. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Seph. I had no choice.
Forgive me?
He heard a damning shot ring out in the distance, felt the pain of death ripping through him. He saw Cloud's empty blue eyes fade away, and a pang of guilt, of sorrow rippled through him. His fault. It was all his fault. Spike…I'll take care of you. For as long as I can, I'll take care of you.
Zack closed his eyes as he swiped the keycard through the slot. The file room door slid open. Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the room. He opened the drawer the angel had showed him and pulled out Sephiroth's files, switching the folder with the one in his hand. He would take these. He would set them out where the angel—Aerith—had told him to put them, where Sephiroth would find them.
And then Nibelheim would burn.
Green eyes gone cold and feral. Sephiroth's sword plunging through Aerith's slim back. Cloud, green flickering behind the blue of his eyes, tortured and twisted, falling closer to death—to the green—every day. Rufus Shinra's body, broken and bleeding, the victim of an explosion.
My fault. All my fault.
Zack took Sephiroth's files and slid them into a large pocket sewn into the liner of the jacket he was wearing. He would put them where they belonged later. He left the room, wincing as the door slid shut behind him with a soft click that echoed in his mind like a gunshot. He strode back down the hall, bowing gallantly as he handed the keycard back to Shea. He smiled up at her, his eyes bright and gleaming. "Ready to go?"
As she nodded, Zack could hear Cloud screaming, his voice thick with agony. He swallowed down the bile that threatened to rise in his throat.
All Zack could think, as he walked out the door with the weight of Sephiroth's damnation pulling at his side, as he grinned at the woman clinging to his arm, was, Please, Aerith. Please be right. Don't let them die for nothing. Don't let me kill them without a reason.
Blue eyes rose up in his mind. Innocent eyes. Too young eyes.
"We're friends, right?" Zack's voice. A damning shot. Long expected. Long awaited. Long deserved. Cloud…please…
Forgive me.