Did you ever love her? Do you know?
Or did you never want to be alone?
And she was singing "Baby, come home"
I remember, "Baby, come home"
- Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy
Varric remembers the first time he saw Hawke cry.
Hawke was his closest friend and he would fully admit that he loved her. Hawke was the only reason he kept telling stories, kept writing and kept fighting.
He really needed to find other reasons.
The first time he saw her cry was after Fenris left her. She appeared in his room in the Hanged Man and he knew something was wrong. It was very late, and looking back he was glad he had been having trouble sleeping. She looked disheveled, a mess, and Varric patted the seat next to him.
Hawke didn't say anything for a long time. She sniffed, but no tears fell and finally she spoke,
"He just stood up and walked away."
Varric furrowed his brow; he knew Fenris had some issues, but to just leave someone like Hawke – he found that impossible. He tried to think of a joke but nothing came out, instead he slowly placed his large hand on hers. Her blue eyes met his and she practically threw herself at him. Hawke held him close, her face buried in his chest (he wondered if the hair tickled). She clawed at his back and let out a quiet sob.
He was in shock at first; Hawke was never one to cry, never one to show any signs of weakness. But it was at this closeness that Varric realized just to what extent Fenris had hurt her – she smelled strongly of after-sex. This revelation was even more reeling; he made love to her just to walk out? (he ignored the twitch of his member at her smell and he bit his lip.)
They lapsed into another silence, so strange for the both of them. He didn't know what he could say to ease the pain that had etched itself onto her face so she just held her and inhaled her scent – trying to ignore the smell of sex that clung to her.
Hawke moved then. Her warm breath on his throat as her hands ghosted across his chest. She whispered,
"Help me forget, Varric."
He inhaled sharply but he wanted to help. Andraste did he want to help. He pulled her chin up with his hand and stared into her eyes. She's beautiful. Varric kissed her, softly at first and she deepened it. His heart pounded so hard he swore she could hear it. He sucked at her lips until they were swollen and red and she was still so beautiful.
"Damn it, Hawke..." he breathed as her hands found their way under his vest. He would need a drink after this.
She was warm against him, removing his top with no hesitation and touching him almost desperately. Varric groaned and there was no way he's going to let her take control. If she wanted his help, he would give it but it would be about her. He would make her feel good in a way Fenris never could.
The dwarf gathered her wrists in his big hand and pulled them away from his skin. Hawke looked up at him and pouted. He cursed her and bit at her lower lip.
"If you want this, Hawke, I'll give it to you, but you're gonna let me do it my way," Varric growled, still holding her hands back, but taking her hip with his other hand and guiding her to the bed. She looked at him with hooded eyes and smirked, the pain already beginning to be smoothed from her face.
"Deal," she said breathlessly, attempting to lean down to kiss him again.
He didn't break the kiss until he has Hawke pinned to his bed, still holding her hands above her head. He straddled her waist so he can reach her neck. There were faint marks already left there so he left bigger ones — more visible ones and he hoped Fenris realized they weren't there when he left. With the deftness only a rogue has, Varric removed her shirt. He held his breath and just stared at her, then slowly, he leaned in and placed bites and kisses down her chest and across her collarbone.
Hawke hissed and moaned, wiggling under him but he held her down with a strength that surprised her. He finally got to her breasts and showered them the same attention. Her dark nipples were hard and taunt and he took them into his mouth, using his free hand to twist the other. He left marks where there were none (Fenris clearly didn't know the best places to leave such forget-me-nots).
She was panting by the time he got to the hem of her pants. He had released her wrists for now and slipped his thumbs under her waistband. He winked at her as he jerked them from her hips. She gasped but before she could say anymore, the dwarf pulled her legs over his broad shoulders and sighed against her inner thigh. She shuddered.
"Tell me if you change your mind, beautiful," Varric said, meeting her eyes from across her toned stomach. He was desperate to taste her and he didn't even know if he could stop at this point but it was just such an awkward and hurried incident that he felt he needed to ask.
Hawke reached down and cupped his cheek, smiling at him. Her face was still red and she still hadn't caught her breath.
"Please," she whispered and Varric cursed her under his breath.
He gave her center a kiss, a lick and then a nip. She rolled her hips and groaned loudly. He chucked at her eagerness and at the same time felt the need to punch that elf square in the jaw for never doing this to her. He pushed a finger into her and curled it. Her hips jerked in response and he smirked. She was so tight and so wet already it made him dizzy.
And her smell. Andraste help him. It was just Hawke – only Hawke. Varric felt like he was drowning and he remembers thinking that if this was it, he would love to die between her legs. She was shuddering and shaking and then suddenly she was trying to pull him away. He looked up at her.
"I...you don't need too..." she panted.
Varric shook his head, "Nope. Not gonna happen, beautiful. You're gonna let me make you cum," he winked at her again and she threw he head back against the pillows in defeat.
Hawke was clawing at him now, pulling at his hair and scratching his scalp as he sucked and licked. Her wetness dripped down his chin and his fingers, but he kept thrusting. He added another thick finger and then when he curled the both of them together she nearly screamed. He felt her spasm around his fingers and it made his cock throb. Her legs fell slack and she laid there, panting. He pulled back and sat kneeling between her legs.
"Feeling better?" he asked huskily.
She nodded, still trying to catch her breath. "That was incredible," she mumbled.
He wiped his face on the back of his hand and moved to give her privacy – attempting to hide his painful erection from her. Varric didn't want Hawke to think she had to do anything for him. This was about her. About making her feel better. Not him.
"Varric," she nearly hissed, grabbing his shirt and pulling him back towards her. "Where are you going?" she whispered.
"Ah, well, I was gonna leave while you cleaned up?" It was said like a question and he shifted awkwardly to hide the bulge in his trousers.
"No."
"Excuse me?" his voice was slightly high pitched and he scratched the back of his head.
"Don't you dare leave me like he did."
Varric realized his mistake.
"Oh, shit, I'm sorry," he moved back to her, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her and tried to think of something to make his erection die down. But Hawke was still naked, and she was still sitting just behind him, laying in his bed. He squeezed his eyes shut. He really just wanted to take care of himself. Rub one out while growling out her name and thinking about how tight she had been.
Not helping.
He opened his eyes when he heard her move and before he could say anything she was between his legs on the floor.
"Hawke—" he started but it was drowned out with his own strangled groan as she palmed his member through his trousers. He couldn't think, couldn't remember what he been trying to say as she smiled up at him, slowly undoing his pants. She freed him quickly and then it was skin on skin and he was melting at her touch. Her breath was hot and sticky on his cock and he swallowed hard. Her breath was replaced by her mouth and he tossed his head back.
"Andraste's tits..." he ground out roughly, his hands curling into her hair.
She pulled back, winding out of grip like a serpent. Varric wanted to scream. He had been so close. Then she was kissing him and he grabbed her hips.
"Woman, you better know I'm going to have to fuck you know," he growled.
She crawled on top of him, the heat of her core this close to his member making him hiss.
"Are you sure it isn't me who is going to fuck you?" she grinned deviously and at this point he didn't care who is doing the fucking so long as someone is.
He kissed her – hard, tightening his grip on her hips; leaving more of his little forget-me-nots. She held his head, pulled at his hair and without a warning, sinks herself onto him. He groaned loudly and it's almost a scream. She was tighter than he had ever imagined and, oh Andraste, the heat.
How could Fenris ever leave this?
It was awkward at first, she was a human after all and she stretched above him slightly. But once Varric grabbed her around the waist and buried his face into her breasts, it was perfect. He thrust his hips to meet hers as she rolled them forward. He felt like he was on fire and she was beautifully loud. He squeezed her ass as they moved and bit her breasts.
"Varric, I'm close," she hissed and he could feel her quivering. He praised the Maker that she was about to cum because truth be told he had been holding his own climax since nearly the beginning.
"Cum for me, beautiful," he growled.
And Andraste, did she ever.
Hawke threw her head back, her pale neck glistening with sweat and marked with bruises. Her chest heaved and she shuddered all around him. It was like all the exaggerated scenes in those cheesy romance novels, but this was real and his breath caught in his throat.
He came harder than he ever had before.
After, she curled up under his blanket and reached out for him.
"Don't leave," she whispered sleepily. It was near dawn, he noticed, but nodded and held her close, tucking her head under his chin.
"I wouldn't even dream of a time without you."
Varric wakes up as Hawke is getting ready to leave. He watches her with lidded eyes as she redresses. She doesn't notice he is awake until her hand is on the door and she takes one last look around the room. Her eyes meet his and she gives an awkward, forced smile.
"Oh, uh, Varric. I...about last night..."
He frowns and hold up his hand to interrupt her.
"It's what friends are for."
It's not a lie, he loves her and she loves him. They are close friends and sometimes friends need to let off some steam. Hawke smirks at him, in Ernest this time. It warms his heart and he's glad they both understand.
"Thank you, Varric."
"No problem, Hawke."
Later when he sees Hawke with bruises on her neck and can't help but smile. Especially after he notices the strange look Fenris gives the marks. He just winks at the elf. Hawke answers no questions and gives up no evidence of what happened but the air around her and Fenris is filled with pain and anger. Varric doesn't even spin stories about it.
Varric hoped that Fenris would realize what he was missing.
He knew Hawke loved him in a way she couldn't love anyone else. For Hawke, there was friendship and then their was love. For Varric, it was blurry and confusing. He didn't care, it's just how it had always been. He loved everyone with his whole heart, but sometimes it hurt his head because others, people like Hawke, didn't love their friends with quite such an intensity. It made writing hard because his emotions were tangled and messy. He was a people watcher because of this and truly that's what made him such an excellent novelist.
But Hawke deserved to be happy and in love and even though Fenris didn't deserve her; he thought that maybe even Broody deserved some sort of happily-ever-after.
So Varric made use of his rouge-ly stealth and took to watching them. He swore that if Fenris continued to refuse Hawke's advantages, he would kick down his fancy mansion door and break the elf's jaw.
A lot of the first few conversations were agreements with tears and yelling and Hawke would often get violent. Varric silently cheered her on from his hiding place when she would take a swing at him and often Fenris wouldn't even try to dodge. But as the time stretched on, the fighting matches sometimes ended in wall-pins with panting and blushing.
Varric could read both of them well enough to know their closure was coming close because both of them were frustrated. Sometimes Varric even wanted to offer his services to Hawke again just because the frustration was so obvious. But he didn't because this was about her. She knew she could come to him if the throbbing between her legs got too bad but she didn't. Varric didn't mind. Of course that didn't mean she didn't take it into her own hands.
Varric had become an expert on sneaking and the places Hawke went to hide. Hawke, though, was extraordinary and he knew she knew he was there. She always knew but never said anything, never complained. He thought maybe she liked being watched.
And Varric would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the show.
It was often in her bed and he would be pressed against the wall outside her window, breathing shallow while listening to her. It was dark enough that he could peak through the windows without being seen. There was usually just one candle lit to illuminate her sweat covered skin, but it was enough to make him bite his lip.
Usually she would end with a shudder, her knees pulling tight together as she moaned out Fenris's name. This particular night, though, she opened her curtains a bit wider and spread her legs as if to invite him to show himself.
She started by teasing herself slowly, running her hands over his skin without actually touching anywhere too sensitive. She had been drinking, he noticed, and her skin was flustered. She ran her nails down the column of her neck and her chest hard enough to leave marks. Then, slowly, her hands found her nipples and she squeezed and flicked them. Her hips shuddered in response and she showed no interest in being quiet this night.
He could feel himself getting hard and usually he could hold in until he got back to his own room. But something was different tonight. He cursed Andraste silently and pressed his back against the cold wall, just far enough that he couldn't be seen but close enough he could turn his head to watch her.
Her voice was sinful and he touched himself timidly at first through his trousers. Then he heard it. He thought he was imagining it at first so he craned his neck to look inside. Hawke had her legs spread wide towards the window, her head thrown back and her fingers pumping in and out with more vigor than he had seen before. He was mesmerized as he watched her drip onto the bedding under her and he knew she was close. He wanted to taste her. Varric licked his lips – touched himself a bit harder.
Then he heard it again.
"Varric..." Her voice was strained and it was like a hiss on the wind. So easy to imagine and so easy to miss. But it was there and it definitely wasn't Fenris she was thinking of.
He freed his aching member from his pants almost instantly, gripping himself tightly. That dirty vixen, he cussed, maybe a bit too loudly. She opened her eyes to the window and stared directly into him even though he knows she can't actually see him. Her fingers have slowed and he matches her pace with his fist.
She was shuddering, still so close, but she managed to speak,
"Do me a favor and don't keep me waiting," it was a command and her voice was labored and harsh.
He held his breath, stilled his hand against his painfully hard cock.
"Hawke?" he whispered, experimentally.
"Open the damned window, Varric," she hissed, still touching herself.
It creaked distressingly loud when he opened it and he stumbled in awkwardly.
"I...uh...Hey, Hawke," he rubbed the back of his head, his cock still poking out of his pants.
She chuckled deep in her throat, teasing her clit lazily. She reached out for him and he left Bianca at the window. When he was within range, she curled her fingers into the fabric of his vest and tugged him roughly against her. He reached to touch her, but she grabbed his wrist.
"You have to follow the rules, Varric."
"Oh?" he quirked an eyebrow at her with a playful smile, "And just what are the rules?"
She shifted to sit up, her lips barely touching his, "We can only touch ourselves below the waist," her lips moved to his ear and she nipped at it, "Leave lots of marks," her breath was hot and she tugged off his vest and threw it to the side, "First one to cum loses."
He growled deep in his throat. He didn't know what the prize was or what the punishment for a loss may be but Varric loved to take chances. Varric loved to gamble.
Hawke wiggled back into her pillows, slightly propped up by them, and he moved to sit just above her waist. His were knees on either side of her chest so he could bend over and reach her pale and unmarked neck. He felt her twist her arm around him so that she could reach her hot center between her legs. He grabbed his own erect member with one hand, his other tense around her shoulder to keep his balance. He could feel her start to move her fingers inside of herself and he clenched his jaw. He slowly moved his own hand in time with hers.
It was an clumsy position but he didn't care because he could watch her breasts heave with each panting breath and at the same time he could lean in and bite her neck. He didn't know why she wanted him to leave big forget-me-nots but he didn't argue. He just tasted her sweat and skin. She smelled strongly like ale but it was still so Hawke. He realized he wouldn't last that long and tried to slow his pumps that had become fast and erratic.
She smirked at him, moving her fingers faster and she was close too. He could practically smell it. He leaned and kissed that smirk off her face. It was teeth and tongue and he sucked at her bottom lip. She moaned into his mouth and he felt her stomach quiver under him. He kissed down her jaw, leaving marks along the way and moved his hand from her shoulder to her nipple. He twisted and then softly rubbed it until it was red and angry. She titled her hips and he tightened his grip on his cock.
"You know you wanna cum, beautiful. Just let it go," he purred against her neck but he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. His precum dripped onto her chest and she moaned at the feeling.
"Varric..." she growled from her clenched jaw. He whole body was shuddering.
Hearing her voice moan his name was just too much and he groaned in defeat. He bit into her neck harder than he had before and released his seed across her breasts. She gasped and then she was coming too in a wave of convulsions. Panting, Varric leaned back and admired her, covered in his cum. She lay slack, catching her breath and, Andraste's ass, she was beautiful. She reached up, pulled his hair and kissed him.
He chuckled, helping her clean herself up and then tucking her in.
"You should get some sleep now. It's been a wild night."
She grinned at him and his heart fluttered.
A few days later, Varric got a letter.
Even though you lost our game, I thought you deserved a reward. Come to my place after dark. Stay hidden. You'll enjoy the show.
Hawke
When he arrived he thought maybe she had been playing a joke on him. He took his place on the ledge outside her window, but her bedroom and dark and empty. He waited. He heard the front door downstairs slam and he tried to look down the alleyway to see who had arrived. There was a commotion and yelling. He picked up Hawke's voice and then he picked up Fenris growling back at her.
This would be interesting.
He heard her start to come up the stairs and Fenris stomped heavily behind her.
"What are those bruises, Hawke?" the elf's voice dripped with venom and Varric didn't dare peek in the room.
"Battle wounds of course. You know those cave spiders..." Hawke said nonchalantly. Varric almost laughed.
"Hawke..." his voice was dangerous, a challenge.
"It's been over a year, Fenris. You don't have a say anymore," Hawke loved challenges and she was fighting right back. But her voice wasn't exactly angry, more playful, daring.
"Who?" It was a demand. Varric chanced a look and he was right up to her face. Her breasts where almost touching his chest.
Hawke didn't like to be bossed around, "Someone who is good with their hands and mouth," he could almost hear her wink. Fenris was red with anger. She stepped closer to him. He took a step back.
"You are mine," he growled and Varric suddenly understood the game.
"You left!" Hawke snapped back. She was right up against him now and she had backed him into the wall.
An array of emotions flashed through Fenris's eyes and his shoulders slumped briefly. Hawke wasn't done yet.
"You left me like I was some cheap whore! Of course I found companionship elsewhere. And maybe they were better in bed than you," Hawke added dangerously.
Fenris snarled like a trapped animal. Comparing one man to another aloud is a low blow and Hawke knew it. He grabbed her wrist and flipped her so she was pinned to the wall.
"Not a day as gone by that I don't think about you. Think about your sultry hands and dirty lips. You are a dangerous woman, Hawke. I have missed your taste and your smell, it is all is so addicting. And if you take me again, I don't think I will be able to ever walk away again. That scares me. You scare me."
She was kissing him then, hard, winding her hands into his hair and scratching his scalp with her nails. She shoved him to the bed. Fenris groaned and grabbed her hips, pulling her against him fully. Hawke is already pulling off his tight armor, already tracing his scars and Lyrium markings with her tongue. He shuddered and tugged at her clothes. It was a storm of emotions and the air was heavy with the smell of sex.
Varric found himself growing hard.
"Fenris," she groaned his name and he grew brave. Fenris leaned down and kissed her neck and then he is biting and Hawke is shuddering. He touched her breasts with desperation, kissing her collarbone and then taking her nipples into his mouth. She ground herself against him and he could barely pull away for long enough to get her pants off.
Varric undid his pants and swallowed hard, unable to look away.
They were both naked then and he was kissing her all over. She grabbed his head and pushed him downward – between her legs and he hesitated. She laughed and it was intoxicating. Hawke shoved him to the bed and crawled on top of him, running her nails down his chest and biting his pointed ears. Then before he could protest, she flipped around; her dripping cunt above his red face. She nuzzled his throbbing member, placing teasing kisses along it's length until he thinks he could go crazy.
"Hawke, please," he whispered and she needed no more encouragement. She gulped down his cock hungrily. He hissed in pleasure and she held down his hips so he couldn't thrust. She ran her tongue along the head, under the foreskin and Fenris shook like he never had before. Hawke had been practicing.
Varric moved his hand in time with Hawke's mouth. He licked his lips. He wanted to taste her. He swore if Broody didn't put his mouth to work, he would break in there and do it for him.
But Fenris leaned in timidly and gave her lower lips a kiss. Hawke shifted, her mouth never leaving his cock, to reach between her own legs and spread her lips apart for him. He could see her tight hole and the bundle of nerves at the top. He was awkward and clumsy with his mouth but he still left her shuddering and crying out in pleasure.
"Just like that...yes...right there...fuck...Fenris!" She quivered above him and he held her up so she didn't fall.
Varric had to stop pumping before he came too soon. Her voice alone nearly drove him over the edge.
Hawke turned around and kissed Fenris hard, her tongue getting as much of her own taste as possible. Fenris moaned into the kiss and rubbed his still painfully hard cock against her thigh.
"I wanna try something," she whispered against his lips and he nodded, drunk off her taste. She got on her hands and knees on the bed, her face pressed into the mattress closest to the window.
Varric ducked out of sight, his fist still curled around his pounding erection.
Fenris growled deep in his throat and grabbed her hips possessively. "Now?" he asked, pressing his member against her warm cunt.
"Don't ask, just take me," she snapped, titling her hips for him.
Without warning, he shoved into her and Hawke gasped loudly in pleasure, nearly coming right there and then. She let out a long hiss from between her teeth in agreement. Fenris leaned in close to her, his chest pressing against her slick back. He groaned into her ear and started to moving with a renewed fury and vigor.
Varric pumped his hand with the same vigor, no longer watching, just listening. His free arm was pressed against the cold stone of the wall and his forehead pressed against his arm as he arched over his cock.
There were already bruises forming on her hips from his firm grip and it was no surprise no of them lasted long. Fenris came first with a long drawn out groan, biting into Hawke's shoulder. Hawke followed, clenching around him and nearly screaming in a way Varric had never heard her. Varric took a few more moments after her, pumping hard and biting his lip until he tasted blood to keep from making any sound.
Varric tucked himself back into his pants and caught his breath before he peeked back into the window. Hawke was curled against Fenris, her head on his chest.
"I love you. I realize that now," Fenris whispered it like it meant the end of the world.
Hawke sighed with a grin, "I love you too, Fenris," she breathed and he tightened his grip on her.
There it was. Their happily-ever-after. Varric smiled.