Title: Moving Forward
Author: dokushoka79
Rating: G
Spoilers: I guess everything up to TUP
Category: uhm…missing scene ^_^
Summary: This takes place in TUP after Joan leaves
Adam in the cafeteria. à What made Adam go to the Crystal
Ball? I wanted to know so I wrote it
^_^;
Disclaimers: Joan of Arcadia and characters belong
to Barbara Hall, CBS and Sony Pictures. This is for pure entertainment. No
profit being made.
Dedication: To AL who's been super nice
to me and who has inspired me to write.
A/N: This is my first ever fanfic that I
actually began writing and finished writing.
So please be kind! Thanks for
reading!! ^_^
Feedback: I'll take any. ^_^ you can email me as well at dokushoka79@yahoo.com
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Moving Forward
"Great job, Rove." I tell myself as I feel Joan walk past me. I want to throw my hands up in frustration. Why in frustration? Well, because first off I don't really know what I am feeling right now. I knew my tone with her was cold and dismissive but when she left I was disappointed. A part of me wanted her to stay and continue talking to me just so I can have her in front of me talking to me but the other part of me couldn't stand her.
My cold demeanor was not because of past hurt but because I heard through the grapevine that she asked Ramsey to the Crystal Ball dance. I was in disbelief for the most part and then I was hurt. She did it again. She hurt me. It's not because I wanted her to ask me to the dance, okay…maybe a small part of me did…but it's just the idea that she would ask Ramsey to the dance baffles me. I don't know why she would ask him after witnessing what happened yesterday. And yes it does hurt. I couldn't face her after hearing the news so I skipped out on chemistry class.
I was a bit surprised when she sat down and began talking to me a few minutes ago. She has the habit of starting a conversation with me as if things were normal. It's like she is willing things to go back to the way it used to be. But that can't happen. I don't know what makes me continually shun her attempts at reaching out to me. Deep down in my heart I know she cares about me. If she didn't then she would have stopped long ago to mend the rift that has come between us. She would have just ignored me instead of continually apologizing and attempting to talk to me. I realize that she cares but I just can't take that next step and verbalize that I do know this and that I forgive her. Yes, forgive her. I think I've forgiven her a long time ago but my pride and the memories keep me from telling her so.
My thoughts are interrupted when Luke greets me as he walks up to my table.
"Hey."
"Hey" I respond back.
"I know it's none of my business but I saw what just happened." He pauses and sits down in the seat Joan had occupied. Luke starts wringing his hands and fidgeting in his chair. I continue to just look at him unsure of what to say. "Alright," he starts "I know that the last time I tried to talk to you, I made no sense what so ever. But bear with me here. I'm not going to say that you have to do what I tell you but just hear me out, okay?" he looks at me for some sort of permission to continue. I slightly nod my head and put down the rest of my sandwich.
"First of all I want you to know that Joan is trying her best to make things up to you. It might not seem like it but she is trying." He looks at me as if willing me to believe him. He takes a deep breath and another moment before he starts again.
"Acceptance is sometimes thought of as being the easier way out. It's like you gave up and didn't have the courage to continue fighting. But it's not really like that. With acceptance that's when you can do the greater good. With Joan, you don't understand why she does certain things. I don't understand her. Girls in general are hard to understand. Especially Grace (he adds under his breath). That's a given. You can't change Joan or get her to explain herself to you any more than she already has. When you accept that you can't understand her then that's when you can put aside the past and work with the present. You move on. I'm not saying to forgive Joan and stop being angry with her right here and now but to just move forward from the past. Rebuild your friendship. Do you understand what I mean?" Luke asks as he looks at me expectantly.
I remain silent and continue to look at him as I process what he said in my mind. What he's asking me seems simple enough but he doesn't factor in how hard it really is. I think Luke takes my silence to mean that his words did not get through to me because he stands up with a defeated look on his face. He begins to walk away but stops. He looks back at me and says,
"Just think about it, alright? She does care for you, even I can see that. She wanted to ask you to the dance but she thought you hated her. So now she's going with Ramsey. I just want you to know that she did want to go with you." With that he continues on his way out of the cafeteria.
I sit in my seat for a few more minutes then I make up my mind. I stand and clean up the remains of my lunch. I walk towards a table set just outside of the cafeteria. There is a sign attached to the front of it saying "Crystal Ball Tix Sold Here". I get to the front of the table and say "One ticket for the Crystal Ball, please." And I hand over the money.
"Maybe I can move forward", I tell myself. I'll go to the dance and maybe I'll get my opportunity to talk to Joan and let her know that I don't hate her. Even if it means seeing her with Ramsey.