Rachel: This is the first time I've ever worked with someone on fluff fanfic, so I'll warn you people to start expecting something kinda crazy.
Sarah: Legal mumbo-jumbo here... Can never be too careful. Anyway, this is my first collaboration w/anyone, and I'm very pleased to be doing it w/Rachel. Please enjoy.
Boogie Nights
Day 1
SCENE: O'Hare Int'l Airport.
KERRY: Are we all here?
BENTON: I don't know. Are we?
KERRY: Fine. I'll do a head count. Mark?
CORDAY: He's not here right now.
CLEO: Where is he?
CORDAY: Beats me.
KERRY: OK, well, you're here. So that's me, Elizabeth, Peter, Cleo . . . Abby?
ABBY: I'm here.
KERRY: Luka?
ABBY: He's here.
KERRY: I think he can answer for himself. Carter?
Carter hastily dusts himself and searches his pockets.
CARTER: Does anyone have some Visine?
ABBY: Oh dear God.
KERRY: Robert's not here, and I'm waiting on Dave and Jing-mei.
BENTON: Where are Dave and Chen?
Enter a frazzled Jing-mei, followed by Dave, who is looking very pleased with himself.
DAVE: So it wasn't all that bad now, eh, Jing-mei?
JING-MEI: Oh, yes, it was, Dave.
DAVE: Hey, it was either sit on my lap in Mark's van or a free ride on my bike.
JING-MEI: It may have been free, but I'm sure a taxi would have been safer. You didn't have to go through five red lights, you
know.
DAVE: Quit being a killjoy.
JING-MEI: I am not a killjoy!
DAVE: You damn well are.
JING-MEI: Fine. Just don't make me ride your bike again.
LUKA: Oh, boy . . .
CLEO: (blinks) There they go again . . .
CORDAY: Shut up, my baby can hear you quarreling.
BENTON: What, you mean you haven't had your baby yet?
CORDAY: I guess not. Speaking of my baby, I am rather hungry . . .
Mark appears.
MARK: I brought you some ice cream, pretzels, a steak dinner, salad, some butter cookies, jelly donuts -
CORDAY: - and mashed potatoes, a box of KFC, tomato soup, swordfish, a six-foot sub, and five gallons of orange juice. Oh,
Mark!
DAVE: Wow. All for being pregnant?
JING-MEI: Lord knows what your mother ate when she was pregnant with you.
DAVE: Good point.
KERRY: Where's Romano? Much as I hate the little prick, he decided he wanted to come along. Ah, here he is now.
ROMANO: Damn you, Mark!
DAVE: Is that for me?
ROMANO: I brought the pizza and ice cream for Lizzie, NOT you, Malatucci.
DAVE: Aw, man!
CORDAY: (happily) That was very, um, sweet of you, Robert. I'll take that.
DAVE: You gonna eat all that on the plane?
CARTER: Anyone got a cell phone? I forgot mine.
ABBY: Then what's in your cell phone case? (makes a grab)
CARTER: Hey, hey, hey! Give that back!
ABBY: What's this? Women's Tylenol?
CARTER: (hurt) They're good for the cramps. Cell phone?
JING-MEI: Cramps?
CLEO: Here you are, but don't let this make you think I like you.
CARTER: (hopefully) Do you?
CLEO: That's debatable. Take it before I change my mind.
CARTER: (dials a number) Thanks. Hi, Rena.
ABBY: Oh, dear Lord.
BENTON: Are you his mother?
ABBY: No, just his "ex-girlfriend."
BENTON: Then leave him alone. (beat) Carter, stop that, we gotta go, man.
DAVE: Dr. Corday?
CORDAY: No, you may not have ANY of my food. Bad doctors can't have it.
DAVE: (coughs) Malpractice suit . . . .
CORDAY: Maybe a donut and a glass of juice.
CARTER: (still on phone) I miss you too . . . .
LUKA: (to Jing-Mei) How come you never ate this much when you were pregnant?
JING-MEI: No one brought me food.
LUKA: Ah.
SCENE: Flight 8436 to Las Vegas.
ROMANO: Lizzy, do you really think you should fly in your...condition?
ELIZABETH: Actually, yes, Robert, I can, thank you very much.
ROMANO: Because we would hate for something to happen...
MARK: She said she would be fine, you fat, balding, pathetic excuse for a man!
ROMANO: Well, I don't see what she sees in you, you're just as bald as I am, and you're missing part of your brain. Not that you
ever had one...
MARK: Why, I oughta...
KERRY: You don't want to get kicked of the plane, do you?
MARK & ROMANO: Well...
DAVE: I'M HUNGRY!!!!!
DEB: Not again!
JOHN: Yeah, last time, it was all we could do to keep him from eating.
PETER: I hope that crazy author person doesn't show up again in this story.
CLEO: I heard there were TWO authors for this one!
PETER: TWO!! (faints)
CLEO: Peter? Peter? Oh well.
KERRY: Luka, thank you SOOOOOO much for inviting us to come with you on this trip that you won.
LUKA: Oh, no problem. Who else would I invite? All my friends in Croatia are dead.
ABBY: What about Evgeny?
LUKA: How do YOU know about HIM?!?!
ABBY: Remember? We saw him in Croatia when we went to visit your family.
LUKA: Oh, right. Anyway, most of my friends from Croatia are dead.
JOHN: Think we'll have an in-flight movie today?
DEB: That's what the itinerary says.
DAVE: Who has an itinerary? (sees DEB with hers) Give me!
DEB: Hey!
DAVE: Food, food, food, food, ah, here it is! A dinner...Oh, wait, that's the Super Ultra Deluxe First Class. We're only in Super Ultra
First Class, so we get a...drink!!! Yo, Carter!
JOHN: What, Dave?
DAVE: Any chance you could pull a few strings---
JOHN: NO!
DAVE: Please?
JOHN: NO!
DAVE: With sugar and chocolate sprinkles and maraschino cherries on top!
JOHN: Well, oh, I HATE maraschino cherries. NO, NO, NOOOOOO!!!!!
DAVE: Darn.
PILOT: We will be taking off now.
LUKA: So, what exactly do you DO in Las Vegas?
PETER: Gamble.
MARK: Find cheap whorehouses.
ELIZABETH: MARK!!!!
ROMANO: You can always call off the engagement now.
ELIZABETH: NO!
LUKA: Is there anything reputable to do there?
ABBY: Well...no.
LUKA: I'm damned to hell.
DAVE: I'm--- (DEB claps a hand over his mouth)
DEB: FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, WE KNOW YOU'RE HUNGRY!
DAVE: God, you don't have to make a big deal about it!
JOHN: I miss Rena.
DAVE: Who?
ABBY: Oh, you know. The nineteen-year-old chick that Carter slept with.
DAVE: Nineteen, hm? (Breaks down laughing)
DEB: John, I never thought of you as a womanizer.
MARK: Following in old Dougie's footsteps, eh Carter?
JOHN: Uhhhh...
ABBY: Who is this Doug again?
LUKA: Remember? The guy I sued.
ABBY: Oh, right.
DAVE: My role model!
PETER: Hell, he's all of us's role model, that is, us guys.
CLEO: Oh God.
SCENE: Nurse---That is, Flight Attendants' station.
FLIGHT ATTENDENT 1 (POLLY): Man, those people up in the Super Ultra first class are sure causing a ruckus.
F.A. 2 (BRIDGET): Who? (Looks up from reading "Bridget Jones's Diary")
POLLY: There, see. (pointing)
BRIDGET: Oh, right, the County General people.
POLLY: You know them?
BRIDGET: Yeah. I was on the flight they took to Disneyland. Hey, did you ever notice Bridget Jones is a lot like me?
POLLY: Don't you think we should try to calm them down?
BRIDGET: Nah, won't work.
POLLY: Well... Why don't we drug them?
BRIDGET: Whatever. Now LET ME READ!!!!!!
SCENE: C.G. Employees' seats.
JOHN: Oh, Rena!
DEB: You're hopeless. I hope you know that.
ELIZABETH: Oh, I felt contractions!
MARK: How far apart are they!
ROMANO: Lizzy!
ELIZABETH: Just kidding!
CLEO: Anyone have a battery?
ABBY: NOT AGAIN!
FLIGHT ATTENDANT (over intercom): The in-flight movie is "Independence Day" .
CLEO: Will Smith!
DEB: He's such a hottie!
DAVE: What about me?
DEB: What about you?
DAVE: Aren't I a hottie?
DEB: Don't flatter yourself.
PETER: I HATE ALIENS!
KERRY: I love this movie!
ROMANO: Am I in charge during this trip?
KERRY: No.
ROMANO: Then who is?
KERRY: I should say Luka, but actually, it's me.
ROMANO: Damn!
LUKA: Surprise, surprise.
CLEO: The movie is starting!
PETER: Mommy! (begins to cry)
JOHN: (breaking out of his "Rena" stupor) I've never seen this side of you before. Oh, Rena.
POLLY: Would you like some drinks?
ABBY: No, I don't drink anymore.
POLLY: (annoyed) I meant like soda. We can't give you people alcohol anyway.
ABBY: Well, in that case I'll have a Diet Coke.
LUKA: How can you drink diet pop? I'll have a Cherry Coke.
ABBY: Remember last time you had a Cherry Coke?
LUKA: Uh...
~*~ Flashback ~*~
LUKA: Cherry Coke High!!!!!
ABBY: Luka Nicholas Kovac! Get off that chandelier immediately!
LUKA: CHERRY COKE, CHERRY COKE!!!!!!!
~*~ END ~*~
LUKA: Oh, right. Oh, well. Cherry Coke!
JOHN: I won't eat or drink until I see Rena again.
KERRY: Then you'll be a very hungry little boy. Plus you chose to come with us.
JOHN: Luka said Rena could come!
All glance at Luka.
LUKA: *whistle*
POLLY: Anyone ELSE!
DAVE: I'll take everything!
POLLY: Uh, okay...
DAVE: FOOD!!! FOOD!!! FOOD!!!
KERRY: Oh no!
DAVE: I HAVE THE URGE TO DANCE!
LUKA: ME TOO!
Both get up, and dance down the aisles!
DAVE: SUNSET BOULEVARD! TWISTING BOULEVARD! VALENTINO DANCED ON THAT terrazzo!
KERRY: It doesn't go that way!
ABBY: Since when are you an expert on "Sunset Boulevard"?
KERRY: Who knows?
LUKA: I WANT IT THAT WAY. TELL ME WHY - AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HEART ACHE...
PETER: Wahhhhhhhhhh!
CLEO: Shut him up!
DEB: OHHH! Will Smith!
JOHN: I think I'm going to jump out of the plane in despair!
CLEO: Okay, I never liked you goody-two-shoed white boy anyway!
DAVE: THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE: INSIDE YOUR MIND!
LUKA: WHEN YOU FINALLY GET TO LOVE SOMEBODY GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT: IT'S GONNA BE ME!
CLEO: Shut them up too!
JOHN: The winter of despair!
ABBY: Great, now he's quoting Dickens!
DAVE: LET'S SET THE PLANE ON FIRE!
LUKA: OKAY!
EVERYONE ELSE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
DAVE & LUKA: WE WERE JUST KIDDING!
KERRY: It's going to be a loooong trip to Vegas.
What? You have something to say already? You can write to us at kovacsgirl@yahoo.com (Sarah) and malucciecabaz@yahoo.com (Rachel).
Sarah: Legal mumbo-jumbo here... Can never be too careful. Anyway, this is my first collaboration w/anyone, and I'm very pleased to be doing it w/Rachel. Please enjoy.
Boogie Nights
Day 1
SCENE: O'Hare Int'l Airport.
KERRY: Are we all here?
BENTON: I don't know. Are we?
KERRY: Fine. I'll do a head count. Mark?
CORDAY: He's not here right now.
CLEO: Where is he?
CORDAY: Beats me.
KERRY: OK, well, you're here. So that's me, Elizabeth, Peter, Cleo . . . Abby?
ABBY: I'm here.
KERRY: Luka?
ABBY: He's here.
KERRY: I think he can answer for himself. Carter?
Carter hastily dusts himself and searches his pockets.
CARTER: Does anyone have some Visine?
ABBY: Oh dear God.
KERRY: Robert's not here, and I'm waiting on Dave and Jing-mei.
BENTON: Where are Dave and Chen?
Enter a frazzled Jing-mei, followed by Dave, who is looking very pleased with himself.
DAVE: So it wasn't all that bad now, eh, Jing-mei?
JING-MEI: Oh, yes, it was, Dave.
DAVE: Hey, it was either sit on my lap in Mark's van or a free ride on my bike.
JING-MEI: It may have been free, but I'm sure a taxi would have been safer. You didn't have to go through five red lights, you
know.
DAVE: Quit being a killjoy.
JING-MEI: I am not a killjoy!
DAVE: You damn well are.
JING-MEI: Fine. Just don't make me ride your bike again.
LUKA: Oh, boy . . .
CLEO: (blinks) There they go again . . .
CORDAY: Shut up, my baby can hear you quarreling.
BENTON: What, you mean you haven't had your baby yet?
CORDAY: I guess not. Speaking of my baby, I am rather hungry . . .
Mark appears.
MARK: I brought you some ice cream, pretzels, a steak dinner, salad, some butter cookies, jelly donuts -
CORDAY: - and mashed potatoes, a box of KFC, tomato soup, swordfish, a six-foot sub, and five gallons of orange juice. Oh,
Mark!
DAVE: Wow. All for being pregnant?
JING-MEI: Lord knows what your mother ate when she was pregnant with you.
DAVE: Good point.
KERRY: Where's Romano? Much as I hate the little prick, he decided he wanted to come along. Ah, here he is now.
ROMANO: Damn you, Mark!
DAVE: Is that for me?
ROMANO: I brought the pizza and ice cream for Lizzie, NOT you, Malatucci.
DAVE: Aw, man!
CORDAY: (happily) That was very, um, sweet of you, Robert. I'll take that.
DAVE: You gonna eat all that on the plane?
CARTER: Anyone got a cell phone? I forgot mine.
ABBY: Then what's in your cell phone case? (makes a grab)
CARTER: Hey, hey, hey! Give that back!
ABBY: What's this? Women's Tylenol?
CARTER: (hurt) They're good for the cramps. Cell phone?
JING-MEI: Cramps?
CLEO: Here you are, but don't let this make you think I like you.
CARTER: (hopefully) Do you?
CLEO: That's debatable. Take it before I change my mind.
CARTER: (dials a number) Thanks. Hi, Rena.
ABBY: Oh, dear Lord.
BENTON: Are you his mother?
ABBY: No, just his "ex-girlfriend."
BENTON: Then leave him alone. (beat) Carter, stop that, we gotta go, man.
DAVE: Dr. Corday?
CORDAY: No, you may not have ANY of my food. Bad doctors can't have it.
DAVE: (coughs) Malpractice suit . . . .
CORDAY: Maybe a donut and a glass of juice.
CARTER: (still on phone) I miss you too . . . .
LUKA: (to Jing-Mei) How come you never ate this much when you were pregnant?
JING-MEI: No one brought me food.
LUKA: Ah.
SCENE: Flight 8436 to Las Vegas.
ROMANO: Lizzy, do you really think you should fly in your...condition?
ELIZABETH: Actually, yes, Robert, I can, thank you very much.
ROMANO: Because we would hate for something to happen...
MARK: She said she would be fine, you fat, balding, pathetic excuse for a man!
ROMANO: Well, I don't see what she sees in you, you're just as bald as I am, and you're missing part of your brain. Not that you
ever had one...
MARK: Why, I oughta...
KERRY: You don't want to get kicked of the plane, do you?
MARK & ROMANO: Well...
DAVE: I'M HUNGRY!!!!!
DEB: Not again!
JOHN: Yeah, last time, it was all we could do to keep him from eating.
PETER: I hope that crazy author person doesn't show up again in this story.
CLEO: I heard there were TWO authors for this one!
PETER: TWO!! (faints)
CLEO: Peter? Peter? Oh well.
KERRY: Luka, thank you SOOOOOO much for inviting us to come with you on this trip that you won.
LUKA: Oh, no problem. Who else would I invite? All my friends in Croatia are dead.
ABBY: What about Evgeny?
LUKA: How do YOU know about HIM?!?!
ABBY: Remember? We saw him in Croatia when we went to visit your family.
LUKA: Oh, right. Anyway, most of my friends from Croatia are dead.
JOHN: Think we'll have an in-flight movie today?
DEB: That's what the itinerary says.
DAVE: Who has an itinerary? (sees DEB with hers) Give me!
DEB: Hey!
DAVE: Food, food, food, food, ah, here it is! A dinner...Oh, wait, that's the Super Ultra Deluxe First Class. We're only in Super Ultra
First Class, so we get a...drink!!! Yo, Carter!
JOHN: What, Dave?
DAVE: Any chance you could pull a few strings---
JOHN: NO!
DAVE: Please?
JOHN: NO!
DAVE: With sugar and chocolate sprinkles and maraschino cherries on top!
JOHN: Well, oh, I HATE maraschino cherries. NO, NO, NOOOOOO!!!!!
DAVE: Darn.
PILOT: We will be taking off now.
LUKA: So, what exactly do you DO in Las Vegas?
PETER: Gamble.
MARK: Find cheap whorehouses.
ELIZABETH: MARK!!!!
ROMANO: You can always call off the engagement now.
ELIZABETH: NO!
LUKA: Is there anything reputable to do there?
ABBY: Well...no.
LUKA: I'm damned to hell.
DAVE: I'm--- (DEB claps a hand over his mouth)
DEB: FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, WE KNOW YOU'RE HUNGRY!
DAVE: God, you don't have to make a big deal about it!
JOHN: I miss Rena.
DAVE: Who?
ABBY: Oh, you know. The nineteen-year-old chick that Carter slept with.
DAVE: Nineteen, hm? (Breaks down laughing)
DEB: John, I never thought of you as a womanizer.
MARK: Following in old Dougie's footsteps, eh Carter?
JOHN: Uhhhh...
ABBY: Who is this Doug again?
LUKA: Remember? The guy I sued.
ABBY: Oh, right.
DAVE: My role model!
PETER: Hell, he's all of us's role model, that is, us guys.
CLEO: Oh God.
SCENE: Nurse---That is, Flight Attendants' station.
FLIGHT ATTENDENT 1 (POLLY): Man, those people up in the Super Ultra first class are sure causing a ruckus.
F.A. 2 (BRIDGET): Who? (Looks up from reading "Bridget Jones's Diary")
POLLY: There, see. (pointing)
BRIDGET: Oh, right, the County General people.
POLLY: You know them?
BRIDGET: Yeah. I was on the flight they took to Disneyland. Hey, did you ever notice Bridget Jones is a lot like me?
POLLY: Don't you think we should try to calm them down?
BRIDGET: Nah, won't work.
POLLY: Well... Why don't we drug them?
BRIDGET: Whatever. Now LET ME READ!!!!!!
SCENE: C.G. Employees' seats.
JOHN: Oh, Rena!
DEB: You're hopeless. I hope you know that.
ELIZABETH: Oh, I felt contractions!
MARK: How far apart are they!
ROMANO: Lizzy!
ELIZABETH: Just kidding!
CLEO: Anyone have a battery?
ABBY: NOT AGAIN!
FLIGHT ATTENDANT (over intercom): The in-flight movie is "Independence Day" .
CLEO: Will Smith!
DEB: He's such a hottie!
DAVE: What about me?
DEB: What about you?
DAVE: Aren't I a hottie?
DEB: Don't flatter yourself.
PETER: I HATE ALIENS!
KERRY: I love this movie!
ROMANO: Am I in charge during this trip?
KERRY: No.
ROMANO: Then who is?
KERRY: I should say Luka, but actually, it's me.
ROMANO: Damn!
LUKA: Surprise, surprise.
CLEO: The movie is starting!
PETER: Mommy! (begins to cry)
JOHN: (breaking out of his "Rena" stupor) I've never seen this side of you before. Oh, Rena.
POLLY: Would you like some drinks?
ABBY: No, I don't drink anymore.
POLLY: (annoyed) I meant like soda. We can't give you people alcohol anyway.
ABBY: Well, in that case I'll have a Diet Coke.
LUKA: How can you drink diet pop? I'll have a Cherry Coke.
ABBY: Remember last time you had a Cherry Coke?
LUKA: Uh...
~*~ Flashback ~*~
LUKA: Cherry Coke High!!!!!
ABBY: Luka Nicholas Kovac! Get off that chandelier immediately!
LUKA: CHERRY COKE, CHERRY COKE!!!!!!!
~*~ END ~*~
LUKA: Oh, right. Oh, well. Cherry Coke!
JOHN: I won't eat or drink until I see Rena again.
KERRY: Then you'll be a very hungry little boy. Plus you chose to come with us.
JOHN: Luka said Rena could come!
All glance at Luka.
LUKA: *whistle*
POLLY: Anyone ELSE!
DAVE: I'll take everything!
POLLY: Uh, okay...
DAVE: FOOD!!! FOOD!!! FOOD!!!
KERRY: Oh no!
DAVE: I HAVE THE URGE TO DANCE!
LUKA: ME TOO!
Both get up, and dance down the aisles!
DAVE: SUNSET BOULEVARD! TWISTING BOULEVARD! VALENTINO DANCED ON THAT terrazzo!
KERRY: It doesn't go that way!
ABBY: Since when are you an expert on "Sunset Boulevard"?
KERRY: Who knows?
LUKA: I WANT IT THAT WAY. TELL ME WHY - AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HEART ACHE...
PETER: Wahhhhhhhhhh!
CLEO: Shut him up!
DEB: OHHH! Will Smith!
JOHN: I think I'm going to jump out of the plane in despair!
CLEO: Okay, I never liked you goody-two-shoed white boy anyway!
DAVE: THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE: INSIDE YOUR MIND!
LUKA: WHEN YOU FINALLY GET TO LOVE SOMEBODY GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT: IT'S GONNA BE ME!
CLEO: Shut them up too!
JOHN: The winter of despair!
ABBY: Great, now he's quoting Dickens!
DAVE: LET'S SET THE PLANE ON FIRE!
LUKA: OKAY!
EVERYONE ELSE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
DAVE & LUKA: WE WERE JUST KIDDING!
KERRY: It's going to be a loooong trip to Vegas.
What? You have something to say already? You can write to us at kovacsgirl@yahoo.com (Sarah) and malucciecabaz@yahoo.com (Rachel).