Bring me home :)

The days are far too long without him, but even when night time comes around there's still no escaping the emptiness I feel now that he has gone from my life. The club was my last chance to still be close to him, where I could be surrounded by our memories, but even that's gone now. It should've been mine; I would've made him dead proud of me. Everything is changing; people are moving on…except me of course. How could I even think about moving on without him? He was the only person who could ever keep me sane, but now without him I'm slowly losing it.

My life is slipping out of control, there is no light at the end of my tunnel and all I can see ahead of me is darkness…pitch black, nothing. I feel so much pain and every day without him is a day I live in despair. Revenge is quickly invading my life though, running through my veins and changing the man I used to be, the man he fell in love with. See, I'm not that person anymore and unless he is by my side, I never will be again.

Seeing Kevin in his club that day only brought everything back and the pain of losing him, of our future together hit me all over again. I wanted to hurt him real bad, hurt him like he's hurt me but I guess I just didn't have the guts to finish what I started. But now the more time that goes by, the more hate I feel and getting revenge is all I think about. Kevin wasn't easy to find, that Patrick bloke pointed me in the right direction though. Someone else Kevin has upset no doubt. I found him in a rundown derelict flat just outside of town.

I think he knew what was coming; he could see the hate in my eyes. I thought of ways to hurt him for weeks, for finally making him pay for destroying my life, but with him staring at me with pleading eyes I knew I'd have to be quick otherwise I'd lose my edge and change my mind. I thought of Brendan and how the man in front of me changed everything, he took away the love of my life. I pulled a knife from my jacket pocket and watched the colour drain from his face.

He begged me, begged me not to hurt him. He said sorry over and over, but sorry doesn't bring Brendan back does it? Sorry wouldn't change a thing, but this would. Kevin tried to fight me off, but I was too strong…too angry…too crazy. This time I was determined to do it probably. I jabbed the knife into his chest, pushing it in further and further until he dropped to the floor. I pulled the knife out and dropped it next to his dying body. I crouched down next to him and waited for him to fade away to nothing.

I watched the blood trickle out of his mouth and looking at him I'd say he only had minutes left. I wait till there is no breath in his lungs before I leave the scene, before I leave him swimming in a pool of his own blood. I take one last look at him before I leave and strangely I feel nothing, not even regret. I glance at the knife that is covered in my fingerprints and I know I'm doing the right thing. My plan was a complete success. I know that everything will be okay now.

I return home and fill myself up on any remaining alcohol that's in the flat, I sit quietly for hours, just drinking. I know that it'll be the last time I drink for a while and I've grown quite dependent on it since I've been on my own. I'm not surprised to hear a knock at the door; In fact I've been waiting for it. This is what I'd planned after all. I stumble to the door and open it up wide to see two policemen standing there. I almost want to smile at them, to let them know how happy I am to see them.

"Steven Hay" They ask me.

"Yes" I simply reply.

"Steven Hay I'm arresting you on suspicion of Murder. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defense if you do not mention when questioned, something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence."

I feel the handcuffs tight on my wrists and I never thought that this would feel so good. I'm escorted to the police car and I don't struggle at all. I mean why would I? I wanted this.

I hadn't felt this good in a while and to the policemen I probably looked mad, but it wasn't that at all. I was getting my life back and it felt great. See if Brendan couldn't be with me on the outside then I'd have to join him on the inside. To others I'd just be doing a long stretch in prison, they'd think my life was over, but really it's only just begun. I can't live without him and the way he makes me feel and to know that I'll be seeing him soon brings warmth to my cold, tired soul.

I knew that nothing could come between us for long and the closer I get to him, the happier I feel. I look out of the window and look at the life I used to know one last time. Then I sit back and relax as the boys in blue bring me home.

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