Potty Talk
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling.
Written for the Rebirth of the Daily Weird Prompt Thing
Prompt - "Stop talking about my butt!"
The students were always playing pranks on each other at Hogwarts. But since magic was involved, the pranks were far worse than what went on at regular schools. The worst was when the Weasley twins went on a toilet hexing spree. This involved everything from toilets spraying random people in the face with water, to toilet lids repeatedly hitting people in the back while they were sitting down trying to do their business.
Draco had been rudely interrupted by a toilet lid hitting him in the back one morning, and was then seen storming out of the boy's bathroom with toilet paper clinging to his left shoe, saying how he was going to tell his father about this.
"Go on then, Malfoy," Harry said, laughing as Draco tried scraping the toilet paper off his shoe. "Go tell your dear old dad how you were attacked by a toilet!"
But it didn't end there. The twins began thinking up new tricks to play on their fellow students.
The next day Neville came running out of the bathroom, shouting something about the toilets going mad. When Harry and Ron went to see what was going on, they encountered Seamus as he stormed out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him as he yelled, "Stop talking about my butt!"
Harry open the bathroom door and looked inside. His mouth dropped open in shock when he saw the toilets laughing, talking and spewing water all over the floor. Two of them were engaged in a conversation about Seamus' butt, while others were cracking jokes and flapping their lids.
"Hey John, weren't you arrested for indecent exposure?" one of the toilets asked.
"I can't remember the last time I got arrested for indecent exposure," another toilet said. "It was many moons ago."
"Hey guys, I was walking through the changing area at the swimming pool yesterday and brushed this woman's arse," said a third toilet. "She was shocked and I apologized. But I couldn't help myself really - I've never seen such a hairy arse."
Harry and Ron continued to stare as the toilets kept right on making jokes.
Ron shook his head. "That right there... That is messed up."
Harry agreed, and the boys quietly backed away, closed the door and left. They weren't getting involved with Fred and Gorge's army of wise cracking toilets.