1.
"Oh god Jayne put some clothes on man! You'll have my fucking eye out." Wash turned back into the shower stall, letting the warm water sting his eyes.
"Aww did I sully your innocence little man?"
"Ah Jayne that don't scare me. You should see the size of Zoë's balls."
2.
"Ta ma duh, wang bao dahn!" Mal struggled to get Jayne to the ship, hauling the big man along over one shoulder while he tried to shoot straight with the other hand. When he made it to Serenity, Zoë and the Shepherd came to help and all three of them managed to get Jayne laid out on the infirmary bed.
Simon immediately began cutting away material from around the wound. Mal shook off Zoë who was fussing over a grazed cheek and weeping gash on his head.
"Uh, Doc?" Mal watched simon cutting away Jayne's pants.
"Yes Malcolm?" Simon had that harassed edge to his voice.
"You might not want to..." Too late. Simon pulled away the tattered remains of Jayne's pants and stared most unprofessionally for a second which caused Mal to laugh out loud despite all the bleeding coming from his head wound. Simon shot him a humiliated glare before pulling up the bed sheet to cover Jayne who, as ever, had decided to go without underwear.
3.
"Jayne?" Zoë entered the kitchen slowly, gun drawn, edging across the far wall trying to find the source of the crashing pots and pans. Zoë hated being on the late shift, sitting staring out at all that black just made her ache for her own warm bed and her own warm husband. She sighed and holstered her gun.
"Jayne?" She stepped forward and carefully placed a hand on the merc's shoulder. Jayne started, spinning round and lashing out towards Zoë. "Jayne, calm down." He blinked a few times, real slow and careful and then took a look around the room.
"Sleep walking again were we, Jayne?" Zoë smiled amicably.
"Looks that way..." Jayne rubbed his eyes vigourously and looked at the mess of kitchen appliances before him.
"Sleeping naked again were we?"
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry Zoë." Jayne made no attempt to cover up but quickly shuffled from the galley and out of the kitchen. Zoë smiled as she noticed the rosy blush in Jayne's cheeks.
4.
River saw Jayne naked at the same time she saw Mal naked. Neither of them knew they'd been seen, not until three months later when River was having a fit, smashing up the kitchen and throwing food all over the damn place. Jayne approached from one side, Simon the other, Mal stood at the exit while Kaylee hid behind the opposite door.
"Meimei, please!" Simon held out his hands in a submissive gesture. River had taken exception to the idea of Simon injecting her yet again, she complained the needle was huge and when he told her not to be a baby she had begun screaming. The needle he'd been carrying was now being waved around wildly in her hand.
"C'mon girl. It's ain't that big."
River tipped her head to one side and stared at Jayne. "That's not what the Captain said."
5.
Mal's knees hit the deck no sooner than the words popped out of Jayne's mouth. Something about the commanding tone just pushed Mal's buttons and he was on the floor unzipping Jayne's pants eagerly. Jayne wrapped his fingers round the back of Mal's neck as the Captain took a mouthful of Jayne's cock and sucked like a tchen wah.
Jayne gripped the side of the desk hard, abstractly hoping it didn't splinter under the assault. Mal swirled his tongue around like he was sucking on a lollipop - and made a hungry growl in the back of his throat like he was enjoying it too. Jayne's head hit the wall behind him as he swore loudly. Mal's hot hands were working inside Jayne's pants, one cupping his balls while the other gripped the base of his cock.
Mal took one look up, making eye contact with Jayne he throated Jayne's cock, delighting in the almost-too-tight grip on the back of his neck.
"Oh ye soo. That's it boy, suck that prick." Mal moaned at the words, half guilty at the way they made his cock ache, the other half of him too hard to care. Gasping for air as Jayne pushed himself deeper Mal let his eyes fall shut and Jayne fuck his mouth. Mal gripped Jayne's thigh, his own cock leaking onto the front of his pants as Jayne sped up, his balls tightening as he growled Mal's name into the room. Jayne came hard, holding Mal in place for a long moment before releasing him. The captain licked his lips and opened his eyes, looking up at Jayne and about to demand pay back. River smiled down at him from air duct.