iCarly: iMake A Decision

Chapter 1: Secrets

…..

I don't own iCarly, of course. But I can dream, can't I?

…..

"There's no reason to believe…

"she'd always be there.

"But if you don't put faith in what you believe in,

"it's getting you nowhere…"

-Phil Collins, Two Hearts

…

Thunderstorms are wonderful. Humans take them for granted, or see them as troublesome or even as a source of danger, but to one such as I, they're marvelous. Especially floating, flying here amongst the clouds as the storm rages all around.

I can feel the electrical charges neutralizing, negative to positive, as the lightning flashes around me, shattering the air with their thunder. It's fun to ball up the plasma discharge and just roll it between my hands, for just a moment, like humans do with silly putty, which, truth be known, is where I got the inspiration. I let myself drift downward, and luxuriate in the feeling of the torrential rain flooding over me. Of course, it doesn't get me wet, but I can still feel it.

I drift there, just below the clouds, knowing full well I probably should be doing something a bit more productive, like my homework, but I'll have time for that. I only wish Carly could experience the storm as I do, see it in all its glory, its majesty. But humans are more often than not terrified of such majesty. It does not affect me that way, for I am accustomed to a different kind of majesty.

When you've witnessed the birth and death of stars, the initial, almost shy light of the first hydrogen fusion reaction, to the cataclysmic detonation that heralds the final moments of what may be the annihilation of whole galaxies, an Earthly thunderstorm, while pretty, is hardly intimidating.

Thinking of Carly, I wish I were with her right now, but I have some thinking to do, and her presence seems to have an…effect on my thought processes.

I have said I am accustomed to a different kind of majesty, and this is true. But, to one of my nature, there are very, very few things in all of Creation that can equate with the glory of the human element at its highest. That is one reason we are as involved with them as we are.

And to me…I have never seen anything, anyone, more beautiful than Carly Shay.

So, yes, I have some thinking to do. And I can't do it very well in her presence.

The whole matter began when my Aunt Maggie called me into the living room of our small apartment. I came and sat, with a certain amount of trepidation. I knew what she wanted to talk about. "Gryphon, we need to talk about your relationship with Carly."

I winced. "Must we?"

"You surely don't think things can go on as they have."

"Well…."

"So you do think that. Gryphon, look at the matter realistically. It's one thing to have human friends. But you are becoming more than 'just good friends' with Carly. And you needn't try to obfuscate the matter; it's fairly obvious." She knows I can't lie to her.

Still I prevaricated. "Must I do anything? I mean, no matter how I feel about her, Carly is, after all, only human. It isn't unusual for humans to, to lose interest in a boyfriend or girlfriend after a while. So perhaps I simply need to wait this out?"

"Gryphon. You know better than that. Yes, that could happen. But you can't count on it, now, can you? Now. For you to do nothing…isn't that just another way of avoiding the real issue?"

Of course, she's right. I want to do what's best for Carly, and if it hurts me, well, I knew that going in, as the human saying goes. Better me than her. The proper thing to do is…to let her go. To free her to find love, a human love, on her own. She doesn't need to be involved with a being like me.

An angel.

Humans have such a wrong idea as to what we are, or what we're like. Many of them picture us as beautiful women in long, flowing robes, with great white wings on our backs. Almost all of them see us as peaceful messengers of goodwill and divine love.

They couldn't be more wrong.

We are beings of power. Power, on a level humans cannot comprehend, is part of our elemental nature. But we are also beings drawn to the potential of living, self-aware beings, specifically to the positive aspects of said potential. We encourage that, promote it, guide those beings who exhibit it.

And, quite often, we must remove those whose potential is significantly harmful to others.

And we are not mortal. In a way, we exist outside of time and space; the passage of time nor the changes it can bring about has any effect upon us. And I know what, in part, Aunt Maggie is saying.

Suppose I continue my relationship with Carly. Suppose all goes well. Suppose anything you like…and what will things be like ten years from now? Twenty? Fifty? I'll still be as I am, with no difference in my basic appearance.

But Carly? She will age, grow old. Regardless if what I do, she will see the differences between us become more and more evident. And there is nothing I can do about that. I cannot grant her immortality.

And, mind you, that's a best case scenario.

So I have a decision to make. And I'm very afraid that decision is already made for me.

"Hey, Carly, you going out with Grif this evening?" Spencer was busy cutting up some lettuce for a salad.

Carly shrugged slightly. "I suppose. We haven't made any set plans, but you know, we probably will. If this storm ever lets up!" She went to the window and looked out, a bit fearfully. Ever since she'd been little, lightning and thunder had always frightened her. Spencer occasionally kidded her about hiding under her bedcovers when the weather was bad. The bad part was, he wasn't wrong.

She gazed out at the story raging outside, the lightning flashing and strobing, making her wince with each thunderflash. Yes, she could very easily see herself as retiring upstairs, getting in bed, and pulling the covers up over her head, trying to ignore the fury just outside the walls of their apartment building. The only reason she didn't was because she knew he'd laugh about it.

"You know, you've been seeing a lot of Griffin lately. Have…have you two, like, talked about…things?" Spencer wasn't quite sure how to ask what he wanted to ask.

Carly smiled at him. Big brother, looking out for little sister. "Nobody's engaged yet, Spence."

"Carly, I'm not trying to pry, but….well, I guess I am, sorta. Do you…maybe…see that as happening?"

His words surprised her. Had she seen anything like this in her future? Could she? It was true, she'd never felt this way about anyone…was this love, true love? Or just puppy love? "I…I don't know, Spence. I mean you'd know I was lying if I said we're 'just good friends,' but…I haven't given that much thought. And I don't know if he has or not."

He came over and stood by her, the storm raging outside, putting his arm around her. "Hey, I know I'm a goofball sometimes…okay, most of the time…but I, I just can't help but want to look out for you. You understand?"

She smiled, and hugged him. "Yeah, Spence. I understand."

But even as they parted, he to go upstairs, her to return to the main living room to watch the next episode of The Walking Dead, she wondered to herself. For some time now, she'd sensed that Griffin had a secret, a secret that he kept from her for some reason. Before their relationship could go any further, she felt she had to know what that secret was.

And she was afraid to know.

To be continued...