Pineapples and/or vampires.
Note: I do not endorse many of the things in here. They are just easy topics to write about.
Sonic tails, Amy, Shadow, Knuckles, and Rouge were sitting by the TV, trying to find a station that would work. That statement however would only be true if by that you meant they where at a bar, Tails was in a dress and there was no TV.
"When I was a little kid, my dad would tell me a story about how he met my mom. However that took 7 weeks. Now, since I am the designated driver here, I am going to tell you about what my godparents call the pineapple incident."
"Shadow, there are a number of things wrong with that." said Amy, "First of all, you have no parents. Secondly, you get drink more often then my crazy, drunk, mutant peat moss. Thirdly, you can't drive, and last but not least, why am I in a drag racer uniform?"
"Because," said Rouge," You're going on a date with a billionaire."
"He's a six-hundred millionaire. Why do you always have to round up? Besides, it still doesn't explain the uniform."
"I don't have an answer," said Sonic, "maybe he likes crazy people."
"Shut up Sonic," said Knuckles, who just grew to 6'4", "he is a billionaire. She can make people do anything on a date."
"It is not a date. It is a charity auction for people in third world countries. And I told you already he is a hundred-millionaire. Must you round up?" Replied Amy, now getting a little annoyed.
"Well look at how long it lasts." Said Shadow. He begins to hold up fingers. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven! Seven hours! And at a Hotel!"
"It's six and a half hours," said Amy, "Why do you always round up!"
"Still, I don't think he cares about little Harmono getting his iodine pills for fresh water. I think he is more interested in something else." Replied Shadow. He then began to move back and forth while saying "Bam, Bam."
"Hey, Drink these shots," said the bartender, who appeared out of no where, as he put down 5 shots of red liquor. "They are on the house. I just made them." He then went back to the bar.
"Well, I better leave," said Amy. "My six-hundred millionaire is taking me to the auction via limo."
"Sonic. I am going to pick up at least one of those chicks in the booth to your three o'clock." Said Shadow, who suddenly acquired a silk suit.
"What is your pickup line going to be?" said Knuckles, breaking from the chance to make out with Rouge, who was suddenly wearing a less reveling dress.
"How about 'Daddy's home'." Said shadow.
"That will never work," said Sonic, who was suddenly in a Nehru jacket. "Anyone will turn it down."
"Stop thinking with your brain. Think with your gut. Watch." With that he went to the table.
"Wait," said a shocked Knuckles, "I figured something out!"
"What is it honey?" said Rouge, who seemed used to this.
"The bartender is a vampire."
"What!" said Sonic, eyes on fire "How can you prove that?"
"Think for a moment," said Knuckles, "He always is in black leather clothing, you only see him at night, and he has shots that look like blood. What does that tell you?"
"That he is a bartender," said Rouge.
"Name one item with garlic in it!"
"The garlic bread." Said Sonic.
"The cheese, mushroom, garlic mini-pizza." Added Rouge.
"The chicken marinade with fresh garlic, peppers and sausage." Said Sonic, who was looking off a different menu then the bar's
"I'm back." Said Shadow, who suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
"So, did you fail?" said Sonic, determined to rub it in.
"Yes, but I also got all four of their numbers." Said Shadow, holding up four phone numbers on a napkin.
"The third one is for the morgue." Said Rouge with much experience on fake numbers.
"I still don't see how that worked."
"Because you need to stop thinking and start drinking. Lets start of slow…with five shots. Drink…Drink. (Knuckles join in) Drink…Drink. Drink. Drink.
"Can you help me out?" asked Sonic to Rouge.
"You're right Sonic. I have to agree that you shouldn't have to drink them."
"Thanks."
"However, if you don't, we will label you to be a whiner and a pansy."
"Fine. But," he drank a shot. "you must," he drank another, "realize that you." and another, "cannot beat me because," and another, "this is a super brain" he drank the last one, "and I will reme," at that point, he blacked out.
In sonic's head.
The Buddha and Jesus doing a break dance waltz with a rainbow of colors around the vision with a pink dragon under them who is shooting pineapples from his ears and spiting out random words such as: snow, Ted, Chinese food, GU-HUGA, and call 193-8103.
In reality.
Sonic wakes up in his apartment. There is a pineapple on his bed stand and he sees that his jacket has a burn hole in the back.
"How did I get here?"
He begins to stand up and his ankle searing is pain, like if he twisted it. He turns to go back to bed when he sees a woman fast asleep in a drag racer uniform; her head face down in the pillow.
Sonic limps to the door, his head searing from a hangover. He then sees Knuckles and Rouge eating, as in Knuckles putting an egg in his mouth and giving it to her via kiss.
"What happened last night?"
"You got wasted Sonic." Said Knuckles
"Then you began to sing Celine deon on one of your calls to Amy."
Flashback.
Sonic in singing in a high falsetto voice. "Sorrow, but my thuuuumb will go onnn, for I knoooow that my thumb willllll go oooon, and OOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"
"Then you went in a rant about penguins." Said knuckles
Sonic began to go on a rant, his high Falsetto voice still prominent. "You know what we should do we should see some penguins and throw Chinese food at them 'cause then they'll all be like 'oh no, Chinese food is thrown at us, were in China, they want to skin and eat us so they can put it in the Chinese food and throw more of it at us while their dictatorship crumbles in their feet and we all die, but it is snowing, so we are in New York City, so why is Chinese food being thrown at us.' So they pass out and we throw more noodles at them. HEE, HEE, HEE, HEE, HEE!!!!
"So we sent you to bed." Said Rouge
"But that doesn't explain the girl in my bed." Wined sonic.
Rouge and Knuckles jumped from the couch to the door of Sonic's room.
"There is an actual girl in your bed!" said Knuckles.
"I was wrong about you," said Rouge.
"Why do you have a pineapple in your room?" interjected Knuckles.
"This makes no sense," said Sonic. "I'm calling Shadow."
Sonic calls him. A ring is herd from the bathroom. Knuckles barges threw the door.
"Shadow?"
Shadow is in the tub. His suit is still on, but his tie is off. He wakes up and takes out his phone.
"Speak to me." He mumbled.
"Yeah, I have a few questions."
"Hit me with them."
"What happened last night and why the hell are you sleeping in my bathroom tub!" yelled Sonic, slowly getting angrier by the second.
Shadow woke up with a jolt.
"O.k. Here is what happened after that which you miraculously explained to me in five minutes."
Flashback.
"I'M BACK!" said a drunk Sonic.
"Hey Sonic!" said Shadow. He was sharpening a salad fork and eating his salad with a spoon.
"What are you doin', buddy?" slurred Sonic.
"Eating. Why?"
"Can I see one of those numbers you got from them girls?"
"Um" Said shadow. He was facing a dilemma. On the 'no' side, Sonic wanted to take away a 'chance' for him. But on the 'yes' side, Sonic was a mean drunk. Ultimately, he decided yes. However, he planned on doing something in return.
"Thanks buddy."
Sonic began to call the first one. Once he began to speak, Shadow pulled out a lighter. He flicked it and caused a spark that reached all the way to Sonic's jacket. On fire and on the answering machine, Sonic began to yell. He then tried to kick Shadow, but got his foot jammed and began to yell higher. He finally took the jacket off and put the fire out.
End flashback
"Then what happened?" said Sonic, desperate to learn of the previous night's advents.
"You then hurt your ankle so I took you home. I put you in bed, but lost my key to my house, so I fell asleep here."
"What about the girl?"
"What!" yelled Shadow. Jumping out of the tub, he ran to Sonic's bedroom. He returned shocked, "I was wrong about you!"
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" asked Sonic.
"Because you hang around with a boy who is younger then you and constantly run from Amy who just wants a little love." Said knuckles, as if it was obvious.
"I don't run from her because of that." Said Sonic, who was obviously scared. "I run because she tries to make me remember bad memories."
"Shut up, you pansy. You like her. We all want to do things that involve her whenever we get the chance. Everyone in this room wants to." Said Shadow.
"Not me," said Knuckles. "Me and rouge are all we need, right rouge?"
"Um," started rouge, eyes darting around, "Shadow, what do you mean by that."
"You know."
"Oh." She turned to Knuckles. "Sorry, but I can't reply."
"What!" yelled Knuckles.
"Look, enough about you, more about me. Who is that chick in my room?" said Shadow.
"I believe it is Amy's sister, May." Said shadow.
"How did you know that?" asked Sonic.
"Shoe size, dress size, and the fact she thinks I'm dead. I'm going." With that, shadow jumped out of the window and began to run. The remaining three stared and soon decided to have breakfast.
A day later.
"Sonic, I think she's dead." Said rouge.
"Are you sure?" said Sonic, desperate not to have to deal with her.
"Yeah."
"I guess we better start running."
I do not own anything of relation to Sonic the Hedgehog.