Dreams Can Come True

by jorjarr

About A Girl... and a group that once was. Her struggle and walk through madness... but does it all end like this?

My Story...x

Georgia Bennett

'Dreams Can Come True'

I'm Keela. I don't have many friends, It doesn't bother me anymore, I'm happy with my little group. Or the group that once was...

We all went to Saffron Walden County High School, otherwise known as SWCHS. All of us 14 years of age. All of us live in the same village, Plungton, Most of our spare time was spent walking Jade and Elliot's Dogs, Amber and Billy, across the fields for long, long walks. We would chat, joke and dance like crazy people to our favourite song, I Swear, imitating the band... N-Dubz. The ultimate chavs.

We ONLY ever hung out in our trio. Ohh... The laughs, the dares, the chats, the security of one another. One day all that was about to change, I didn't keep my fair share of the deal... 'Keep each other safe, and forever we will stay.' I've regretted it ever since. Obviously.

It was the summer holiday, must have been about 3 years ago now. Me and Elliot were walking to the bus stop after a WICKED day in town, Saffron Walden. We had spent the day doing sod all, just 'hanging out' kind of thing, Getting hyper on Red Bull and Rainbow dust. Daring each other to go and confront the chavs on the infamous 'chav bench' (we didn't succeed, we weren't that brave).

I Remember that day I had wanted to kiss Elliot so badly. That would have been our last kiss. We hadn't kissed for a long time. I've always had a slight soft spot for Elliot. We have been best friends, but when we were alone, or with Jade we would act like we were inseparable lovers. We had, and still are in my heart, been best friends and did EVERYTHING together, everything best friends would do. First kiss together, 

cried together, laughed together, helped each other, got scared together. I guess that's what made me fall for him in the first place, I wanted to be more than best friends, and that was happening, being flirt buddies and so on. But I, personally, didn't feel it meant as much to him as it did to me. Anyway, I got over it and enjoyed it while it lasted.

I look back, and... I'm pretty glad I came to that decision.

We had got to the zebra crossing, hyper as anything. We were laughing at some crap joke, but that's what I liked about us, were all a bunch of idiots who love to laugh, no matter what it's about. That, to me, is special.

Standing at this zebra crossing, waiting to cross to get to the bus stop, pissing ourselves with laughter, Elliot thought he would cross the road while trying to get the last drops out of his can. Because we had been standing there laughing so much, looking like we were drunk, the driver who was waiting, very patiently, decided he would go, we were taking up his time. I obviously didn't think Elliot would be stupid enough to then cross, while trying to get the last possible bit of that GOD DAMN drink. The man's car steamed ahead, in anger and frustration. We had wasted his time.

Now he was about to waste Elliot's.

Elliot saw the car coming towards him last minute, he went blank, I could see it in his face and that was it.

BAM.

He was hit by the frustrated man in the posh work car.

I guess I probably saw it coming, but I didn't see it coming at the time.

When I heard the crunch of his bones and the bang of his flesh on the posh mans bumper, my Heart stopped and sank at the same time. I knew he had died, or was seriously injured, but I wouldn't believe it, too many thoughts were whirling in my head that now seemed so empty.



I was standing there in a numb shock, trying to scream 'HELP'. Nothing was coming. Finally when I came to my senses, I screamed a weak and dreary 'Help'. By then the posh man had got out his car and was trying to talk to my best friend, Elliot, Who was now lying on the floor, unconscious. I fumbled about in my miniature handbag, dropping everything. Shaking terribly, I found my mobile and called the ambulance. They told me reassuringly that a man had already called for an ambulance at that place already.

At least posh men have some sense. I definitely never imagined them to.

From the zebra crossing I had watched the man and woman Paramedics, who looked scarily familiar, check out poor Elliot. They didn't look too sure. I ran over to them and collapsed in front of my one and only Elliot. Screaming through my flood of tears, I knew that was it. His life, my life... Over.

Ever since, up until now, that moment had haunted me numerous times. I hadn't slept in many months. I just couldn't get to grips with the pain he must have gone through, and him simply not being with me. I honestly didn't believe there was any point in me living, he was my one and only 'boyfriend'.

Noticeably, Jade was feeling the same. But after a LONG while I had started to come to my senses, I realized, I still had my whole life ahead of me. I had Jade.

She found out through my mum, Mum herself was so taken back by it and sad, because she too was used to Elliot coming round to play and things like that, like he was my brother.

The summer holidays had then long gone. Me, Jade and supposedly Elliot are now all 15.



Me and Jade were really struggling at school, we would creep into a corner and grieve on all the good times we had. I had always known lots of people who have had family or relatives die, they say 'Try and remember all the good times'. But how does that work, when you know, you can't ever re-live them.

Jade always tried to help me, because it was mostly me who brought it up, thought about it the most or mentioned it when it had just slipped past Jades mind, even for a moment. I hated myself for that. Bringing the one person down that was always there, who was trying so hard to keep my spirit at a reasonably stable level.

I remember, whenever I wasn't with Jade, and my self esteem and depression was at its lowest, I would go crazy. Literally. I would hear and see Elliot, calling for me, a kind of moan. "Keela...Keela, its Elliot." He would whisper in a creepy, upsetting moan. I would imagine Elliot in the distance, reaching out to me, like he always did when he saw me, to give me a warm, loving hug.

Still to this day, I don't really know if it was my mind playing tricks on me or whether he really was there, reaching out to me.

But that's one of life's secrets, you never know what's waiting round the corner. Everything's a secret.

When I had become 15, I was starting to become stronger. With the help of everyone, my family, Elliot's family, Jades family. Although, most of all... Jade. Without Jade, I don't honestly know what I would have done with myself. To put it quite honestly... I think I would have killed myself. Partly the fact that I felt responsible and I saw him die made it even worse. I couldn't get the images and flash-backs from coming and haunting me. It was like my mind was doing everything it could to make me feel even guiltier than I already did.



I couldn't take it.

But I carried on.

I tried every night, to think, while lying on a tear-soaked pillow about everything I would leave and end up missing out on if I left the world. And more to the point, how much pain it would cause if Iwas 'gone' too. This was my own little way of boosting my confidence, by just a small fraction, to get me to move on.

But, if I wasn't on this seemingly cruel world, I would see and always be with Elliot. The boy of my dreams. If only he knew that. If only I had managed to tell him before he went, I would feel so much better. But not much different.

This life doesn't make any sense to me.

I remember, and will never forget this one particularly bad day at school. It must have been at least a year and a half after Elliot's death.

Me and Jade were getting off the school bus at the front of the school. There was a mob of the 'popular people'. I didn't really expect much, they were there every day, I mean, I thought they were all gathering there for something to do before going to their first lessons, like they always did. We were taken aback when they all started to stroll over to us, when we were on our way to maths. We thought that all of a sudden, all the 'cool people' wanted to talk to us and make friends with us. Part of me would have loved that, Part of me didn't. I knew what they got up to in their spare time. It never once crossed my mind that I would be on the receiving end of it. Why do they deal out so much pain, like it's some sort of gambling game.

We were hit with abuse, hurtful comments and good solid punches. Those guys must work out pretty hard.

And it was all to do with the pain WE had been going through. They had seen it as some sort of excuse to beat us 

with their words, not just their fists. Telling us to 'F off' and 'get friends'. Forcing us to 'get over it' and 'stop being so grumpy'. But the comment I was grateful for... 'EVERYONE DIES'.

They're right.

I will die, and see my Elliot again.

And so will they...

Good.

That day at school has never been forgotten easily. It was one hell of an experience. Good and bad. I came to my senses, but hated the way it had to be put to me. Abuse verbally and physically.

I went home with a black eye, bruised arms and shins and a broken heart, soul and mental state. I explained all to my mum and dad. They were in tears with frustration but mostly anger and sympathy. I tried to stay strong and learn from it, but it was more the fact that mum and dad just couldn't.

That day, I popped round to Jades house, where she too was being nursed by her sobbing mother. I asked if I could take Amber out for a while. She whimpered a yes, but, I knew, she just wanted me out of the house, she wanted to be alone.

I fetched Amber who looked very pleased to see me, it had been so long, I was happy to see her reassuring face to. That's why I love dogs, their face doesn't change with emotion, except happiness. So I only really see dogs as being happy, unless I determine its feelings for it. That suits me.

I gave Jade a comforting, gentle, girly kiss goodbye. She couldn't help but smile. I whispered to her... 'Try and think about what you can learn from the comments they pelted at us today. I did. Some of it, I'll grant them... is true.'



I had so much homework that day. I didn't care, I had to get some fresh air in my lungs.

I quickly tied Amber to the fence outside my house, while I went inside to fetch my wellies, which I had used so much recently. They were caked in dry mud and stones. Going for long walks over felids was my way of getting away, escaping from reality, even if it only be for an hour.

I guess some would say I'm a nature girl, I like to go out for long, relaxing walks, even if the sun burns or the rain feels like needles. I choose to embrace it... enjoy it. Everyone else chooses to despise it and see the negative sides. I don't play the game like everyone else.

"Where are you going Keela? Shouldn't you keep an ice pack on that eye of yours... honey?" Mum pleaded with watery, sorrowful eyes.

"I'm just going out for a bit... I'm fine"

She knew exactly where I was heading, she can read me like a book. Although, it was pretty obvious, this field is the only place I go 'out' to... especially on my own.

I stomped over to mum with my caked-in-mud boots, trying to tread carefully in order not to crack off too much dirt. I gave her a big hug, the kind she calls the 'boob banger', which she jokes about every time, as I was growing up pretty fast then. This time she didn't joke. She was finding it tough trying to get to grips with what had happened, I couldn't bare seeing her depressed about something I was trying to get over, that's why I had to get out. I gave her a nice, tender kiss goodbye. I left it at that.

I ran out the house, forgetting about the mud on my wellies. Lots fell off.

Amber was jumping about, almost strangling herself on her short lead due to seeing me running out the house, right 

towards her, speaking in my squeaky puppy-language voice. You know... the 'Awww, you're so cuteee!' kind of voice.

We made our way down the short, lifeless road, towards the field 'we' named the 'JEK' field. The Jade, Elliot and Keela Field. We always got together and went for long, long walks on our field. Even the farmer knew us.

The field full of memories. Countless, priceless memories.

I then let Amber off the lead to go and have a good leap and sniff around, while I tried to unwind on what seemed such a harsh day, but one I was determined to learn from.

I decided to clear my head with Jade's, Elliot's and, of course, my favourite song. I Swear. The song that we simply never got bored of. The song that seemed to have the power to MAKE you dance.

I walked along, dancing in my stride. Ohh, how good that felt. If only somebody was there to watch me...

I used to dance in front of Elliot with no care in the world, he loved watching me dance, it sometimes made him cry with laughter, and other times, he would just stare. I used to love the way he stared, his big brown eyes gazing at me, in that kind of 'in another world' look.

He admired my confidence, and just simply loved to see me so carefree. I liked it too, who doesn't?

Elliot wouldn't care what others thought, so long as I was happy. That meant so much.

It secured any insecurities I would have about him leaving me.

I was skipping and dancing to my song, which, I have to say, was blurting out very loud.



I wanted the world to hear the song that meant so much.

I got it once more, it ruined my dancing mood. I was going crazy... again. I could feel someone behind me... again. A ghostly feel, like a shadow. Indescribable.

I thought I was hearing his voice... "Keela, Keela, its Elliot." For a while I kept turning round, just presuming it was me and my body trying to play tricks on me. Tricks that were, at the same time, my only hopes and wishes.

I carried on singing and dancing, trying to forget about my very demanding brain.

Then. I heard him say something, but it was different than usual. I kept thinking, now it can't be me going insane. He went on: "Keela, Keela, this isn't you, it's me."

That really did make me turn and look behind me, confused. There I was, just staring into the distance, trying to figure out my thoughts and feelings. I squinted, attempting so much to see something, a blur, anything.

I couldn't see anything, I started to cry. I carried on walking and trying to dance and sing, but because I was crying, it simply wouldn't 'come'.

After me practically having a breakdown in the middle of our field, screaming, crying, pleading for him to come to me. I decided to put Amber back onto the lead and walk back towards home.

So much for trying to relax and unwind.

I started to hear that voice AGAIN. Louder, clearer and more than ever before.

"KEELA..KEEEELLLLAAAA." I felt a figure following me, I started to mumble and cry. Successfully ignoring it with all my might.

Then I really started to get freaked out.



I saw a blur in front of me. I convinced myself it was my tired and swollen eyes.

The blur reached for my cheeks, and it touched me ever so lightly, I couldn't help but do my little-girl giggle, it tickled.

I was ever so grateful for that giggle. That was the thing that made me snap back into reality, forget about my feelings and realize my dreams and wishes had come true.

It was my Elliot.

"Oh My God, Elliot, It's you! You've come back. I can't believe it, I thought I was going crazy...Insane...Barmy! I have so much to tell you, so much to explain..."

"Ohh Keela..." Elliot embraced and kissed me with his icy lips, "We've got a lot of catching up to do."

As me and Elliot walked off into the dark night, clutching each other's hand, I just had to ask the question, which I think I have wanted to know the answer to ever since I was tiny.

Everyone wants to know.

"So tell me Elliot... is there really anything up there?"