Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Some of the ideas for this story can be credited to my sister.
In a manor in a gated community in real world Vienna, Austria, a plump blue-haired dragon-Koopa woman with an air of sophistication was playing a melody that she had composed on the piano with an expectant expression on her face.
All of a sudden, her uncle, a skinny old dragon-Koopa with crazy hair, a lab coat and swirly goggles, ran out of the basement roaring in excitement.
"Sofia, I have found your perfect match!"
Sofia had given her uncle Wolfgang a sample of her DNA for him to match up to other dragon-Koopas in his database so that he could determine who would be most likely to produce a genius child with her.
"Who is it? I certainly hope it is nobility."
"Even better. I matched you with royalty!"
"Royalty?" Sofia's smile faltered. "Um, you wouldn't happen to know of any Koopa royals other than-"
"The one and only!" Wolfgang giggled hysterically, his body twitching almost involuntarily. "King Bowser Koopa of Dark Land!"
Sofia moaned. "Not that idiot! There is no way that he is good stock for fathering genius children!"
"Sofia, he's not an idiot! He just… erm… lacks common sense. But as far as technical matters are concerned, he is actually quite intelligent. He has designed some state-of-the-art security systems for all of the real-estate he owns. Your child will likely make a great engineer or scientist!"
"Wolfgang, I want my child to be a Mozart, not an Einstein…"
"Your child will quite likely be both."
"Well certainly there is a better match than a king who doesn't have the sense not to hire a plumber that harasses him and destroys his property and physically injures him. Have you checked the noble Koopa bloodlines of Austria?"
"Yes, I have, and trust me, that would be inbreeding. We have been inbred for quite a few generations, and if we continue to do so our lineage will be destroyed! Your best hope for a brilliant, healthy child is to outbreed. Besides, wouldn't you like your child to be royalty?"
"That clown of a king can hardly be defined as such."
"Which is all the more reason to introduce our bloodline to theirs! King Koopa has not yet borne a child, so if you get to him first, it will be your brilliant, cultured child that will be heir to the throne! What could possibly be better for the kingdom?"
Sofia sighed and stared at the statue of Ludwig van Beethoven that was perched on her piano. "I don't know… I would rather not be married to such a man…"
"Genetics don't lie, my niece. And who says you would have to be married to him for an extended period of time? Just lay his egg and ditch him. He probably won't notice you're gone, what with the humongous harem he is looking to build up…"
"All right. But how do I get to him?"
"Rumor has it he is looking for mail-order brides. Considering your refined heritage, he will likely find you to be a good match for bearing his first child."
...
King Bowser was pacing back and forth while Kamek consulted his crystal ball.
"Kamek, hurry up and find me my perfect match!" Bowser roared.
"Calm Your Highness's temper, it takes a while to search for the mate with the best astrological profile for bearing a King, or Queen as it may be."
Bowser snorted and jumped onto his bed, which made Kamek's crystal ball rattle.
"Hmmm… Oh, there is this woman who has just put herself up as a mail-order bride. And, when matched up against your natal chart, hers shows that you two are a perfect match! At least as far as childbearing is concerned."
"What about as far as being a good wife is concerned?"
"Umm… Kamek hurriedly waved his hands over the crystal ball. "That doesn't matter. Just mail-order her, right now! The conception must be timed precisely if you want to bear a child that is most fit to be heir to the throne! And that perfect time comes in less than a year, which gives you only a month to order her and make her conceive your child!"
"But I want a good wife, dammit!" Bowser roared.
"You can divorce her, take her child, and then worry about getting a good wife! You do want the perfect heir, don't you?"
"Grrr… OK… I demand that you order her!"
"R-right away, Sire."