A/N: I decided to type this out of pure hatred since whenever I get home from school I'm almost always pissed off. Me not having keys in order to get through the security door or a door for my own fucking apartment so I can fucking sleep, alongside my mother being a slow-ass bitch when it comes to fucking answering the buzzer (her fat ass is always sleeping until I fuckin' get the Hell home). My legs hurt, I'm exhausted, I can barely breathe (I stopped bringing my temporary inhaler since I didn't feel like getting up in class to use the damn thing. I haven't used it properly for a while. It seems like my mother has no intention of packing whatsoever (we're moving on October 1st).

I kind of feel like making this a feely story since I need to unleash my feelings onto something other than locking them up and watching them boil over like boiling water on a stove. I've been trying to hide my emotions a lot lately and that's all because of school, my mother pressuring me to get a job, and because of me wanting to become a better person. I would love to be confident, but I just haven't built up enough after what happened with my fourth boyfriend (he broke up with me on the New Year of 2014, saying that I was ''too weird for him''. Like damn, you didn't have to be rude about it.

Don't you hate it when you sacrifice so many things for someone or something to only have the false ribbon-the ribbon that you once thought was real-the ribbon that once linked you both together was real? I did that too many times. I decided to just stay single until I actually feel comfortable around people. I can't even do a single speech without my face literally bursting into damn flames! I'd like to overcome the anxiety that has been clinging to me for years without me actually knowing what it was. I'd like to rid myself of that dark shadow that's always lurking behind me. Watching. Waiting for the right moment so it can plunge me into more anxiety.

People have no idea how many times I've actually tried killing myself. I felt like I had nowhere to turn then. I still kind of feel like that. I feel like running from my problems instead of facing them.

Courage, confidence, compassion, energy. Those are things I lost in my time of despair. I still have yet to obtain them once again. I look forward to the day I do.

Honestly, just fuck my life.

YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE ''NOOOOO YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY AND LOOK TO THE FUTURE FOR YOUR ANSWERS!'' OR SOMETHING LIKE: ''YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW, NOT SAD. EVEN THOUGH THIS FANFICTION IS GONNA BE SAD AND FEELY AND CRAP.''

yes yes i know i should be typing a new chapter for ''a fresh start'' but my heart throbbed once i watched this emotional episode of bones so hush

If you guys ever want to add me on Facebook just PM me and I'll send you a link! I'll probably add you on my real account instead though. Need my other accounts for RP-ing, ya know?

To be honest, I have yet to read the second volume for No.6. I'm somewhere on episode ten for the manga. I think. X'D

This Fanfiction will actually start with Nezumi and Shion's past then work up to why Nezumi's confused as fuck. I'm gonna make it relate to The Red String Of Fate stuff so it'll be extra feely. Watch me end up crying while typing a chapter. I kind of want to throw in some animal stuff. What do you guys think about me turning this Fanfiction into something that links Nezumi and Shion to another world (kind of, but it's in the modern world) where they end up with cat ears and have mates and crap like that for different types of animal race (NOT FURRIES EVEN THOUGH THEY LOOK COOL, NO. YOU JUST WENT A BIT TOO FAR WITH THAT ONE YO)?

what am i even doing? i should be finishing my speech and working on my other two paragraphs for my damn english essay

/criez

wHAT A PRETTY RANT-

Grammatical errors?: Hell yeah, bitches!

Disclaimer: I own No.6, duh.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

XXX

Pissed. He was extremely pissed. He didn't want to take shit from anyone. Not even the person who had been his best friend ever since they were children. He didn't even know what to do anymore. He was just so damn confused! He didn't know how to react to what Shion had told him. About how he apparently liked him, but didn't tell Nezumi up until now. He felt like shit. He felt like he was drowning. He felt stupid and confused about his feelings.

Flashback

Shion had asked Nezumi to meet him up on the roof of the school because he supposedly had something important to tell him. The Hell if he knew. He was clueless-well, not that clueless. You see, Nezumi and Shion had been friends since they were little and have grown closer in more ways than one. Shion was a sickly child. He almost always seemed to catch some type of cold or get extremely sick to where he wouldn't appear at school for weeks-the longest he was sick was about four months. Supposedly his immune system was weak ever since he was little, which is why he tries his best to make everyone happy. He was perfection itself with a kind heart, intelligence and popularity, who everybody admires. Even though he was sick, people soon found out he was hiding something behind that mask of his. He simply wouldn't take it off even if you used sheer force. Some people even knew what was going to happen next. They all knew what the next big move was. All of them except Nezumi.

As Nezumi walked up the long staircase to the roof, he noticed what he was doing and felt extremely stupid. He a hand through his blue-gray hair, frustratedly and quickly opened the door. He stepped out, greeted by the warm sunlight that shone down through the cloudless sky. Taking in the fresh air, he let out a small sigh at how content he was. Sometimes he wished he could be like this forever. He didn't want to worry about not finishing homework on time, getting into fights like he always did, but he mostly didn't want to worry about anything. He felt that if he was ever put into a coma, he'd be worry-free-yet that was false. Shion would worry about him not ever waking up. Smirking silently to himself, the light blue haired male stared straight ahead, seeing the whitette standing by the edge of the roof, gripping the railing tightly as if he knew he'd fall.

At the sound of the door to the roof opening, Shion looked up at the sky with bright eyes before turning around to face Nezumi. The white haired male placed both hands behind his back, tilted forwards a bit, but not too forward in a girly-ish move (A/N: BECAUSE HE'S ADORABLE, KEH?). Amber eyes flashed with the light of life in them. Shion closed his eyes, smiling brightly at the now long haired male in front of him as if everything in life had been a game all along. Sakura petals danced in the light breeze that blew past, ruffling his snow white hair. Nezumi couldn't see the smaller male's snake-like birthmark due to him standing right in front of the sun which was slowly sinking, yet high enough for Shion to block out the light, making his face hard for the taller male to see. Neither of them spoke or made any sign of leaving which made Nezumi a bit uneasy seeing he didn't really know what the white haired male wanted to tell him.

Officially linking his hands behind his back, fingers intertwined, Shion opened his now sunset-colored eyes, still smiling as if nothing could break the small layer of a wall he had put up as his defense. The whitette stood up normally now. A few petals decided to land on top of his head, but that didn't stop him from what he was about to say. Because once he said it, Nezumi felt his blood run ice cold. Like mount Everest cold. The bluenette's eyes went from normal to as wide as the moon within seconds. Questions shot through his mind that had once been blank. He felt an oncoming headache, but decided to brush it off. It was nothing right now. Nezumi wanted to focus on the words that came out of Shion's mouth because all he could hear was silence. It was like time itself had stopped. Everything stopped.

The sound of his heartbeating rang as clear as a church bell in his ears. It was like a melody from a familiar song he'd know but he wouldn't be able to pinpoint the name or artist of the song. Suddenly, his heart rate increased dangerously. Flashes of red blurred his vision. He couldn't breathe or speak-he couldn't do anything! He just felt really helpless all of the sudden. Nothing in the world could save him nor prepare him for Shion's words. Absolutely nothing. A shiver ran up Nezumi's spine as he balled his hands into fists at his sides. He tensed up a bit as his feelings surprised him by pouring out from his heart like someone pouring a glass of water without watching it, to have the water flow over and onto the table. They hit him hard. His heart throbbed violently in his chest at the words.

As he slowly regained his senses, Nezumi let his blue bangs cover his face, slowly walking towards to the white haired male who kept smiling without a care in the world. A growl sounded from the back of Nezumi's throat. All he saw was red. Alarmed, Shion thought the taller male was about to hit him until he realized he had stopped halfway and shoved his hands into his black pockets. Nezumi finally managed to get a look at the whitette. His eyes were still a bit wide with shock. He finally decided to open his mouth to speak, and when he did the only words that came from his mouth were: ''Could you repeat that for me?"

As usual, Shion nodded his head slowly, smiling brightly at him, ''People have been wondering why I've been acting strange, right? Well it's because I've been trying to keep it a secret so I won't worry anyone, but I'm afraid I can't keep everything from you,'' he paused, ''I've been a sick kid, yet I try to make everyone happy-I'd rather put other's first then I'll worry about myself. Not too long ago, probably about...hmm..two weeks ago? I found out that I have cancer, but that's not the reason why I dragged you up here. That wasn't important nor necessary.''

''The fuck you mean 'it wasn't important nor necessary.'? I have damn feelings too, ya know! I worry about you all the fucking time! How can you having cancer not be fucking important? Damn, Shion! You're stupidly-smart, aren't you? You choose to be smart at times, then you choose to be stupid at almost the wrong time!'' Nezumi flared. In an attempt to calm himself down, he continuously ran his fingers through his blue locks.

Shion continued smiling, ''Do you want to know what I wanted to tell you? Why I pulled you up here?"

Nezumi fell silent and watched as Shion climbed up onto the totally safe railing that he had been gripping ever so tightly a while ago. Confused, the taller male just watched from his spot. Once Shion turned around to face him he began to speak again. The white haired male spread his arms out for balance.

''When you're high up everything that seemed confusing is now clear. You're able to understand it all,'' he then jumped off the railing, back to the spot where he had been standing seconds ago. He slowly walked up to Nezumi, ''I know it sounds cliche, but I truly mean it. It's not so confusing when you're up.''

Nezumi took a step forward, but that was all. He didn't move any further than he already had. Within a few feet of Shion. He could feel the whitette's energy radiating from himself. Shion made the choice to shuffle the rest of the way to Nezumi. Inches apart now, the smaller male raised his hands and placed them onto Nezumi's face before blurting out with a sad smile on his own face: ''I just wanted to tell you that I love you.''

Frozen. He was completely frozen. Nezumi wished he had just died already. His best friend, closest friend had found the courage to actually go through with confessing his feelings to him. Sure, he thought about it multiple times. He never thought it'd freaking happen though! Nezumi's eyes flashed with confusion, frustration, and a little anger that lurked within the mixed emotions he was currently feeling. He honestly didn't know what to feel. He didn't know how to react to this at all. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to accept these feelings of Shion's or stomp on them like they were nothing? What if Shion's feelings for him were just something that would simply fade away? A new emotion flowed into Nezumi. Fear.

''Why?" Nezumi inquired, grabbing Shion's wrists. He didn't want to look him in the eyes right now, for he would've-no, might have broken down which he didn't want.

''You're perfect. There's nothing to it. I like you just the way you are.''

''Liar.''

''I'm not lying, Nezumi. I'm telling the truth, honest,'' Shion grinned.

''No one likes me. Yet you somehow manage to not hate my guts,'' Nezumi chuckled. He released Shion's wrists, turned around, and began walking away.

Shion understood. He wanted to give Nezumi time to adjust to the new emotions that were thrown at him. Space is what everyone needed in their lives. Even if people didn't understand that they needed time to figure things out so they could be successful in their life, they somehow manage to get it through other people's heads-no matter how thick their head was, they usually end up understanding. Right now what they both needed were lots of space and lots of time. They still had a long way to go in their lives, even though Shion knew he could possibly die, he simply smiled everyday, knowing that he'd live to see another day. He was happy he was alive. Happy that he had somehow survived what life had thrown at him so far.

Nezumi on the other hand had almost always been the expressionless type unless it was serious. Dead serious. He always wanted space and continued wanting it no matter how much people tried to socialize with him, he'd always end up being alone. That was up until he met Shion. The sick child. The fragile child. It all seemed a bit too cliche to be honest. He was the type who was always cold and tough. He'd literally beat up anyone who tried touching or looking at Shion in any way. He was mostly anti-social unless it was Shion who made conversations with him, then he'd reply a few times and listen to what he'd say, but that's mostly it.

XXX

Walking home, Nezumi didn't know how to feel. He bought a can of Arizona at a nearby convenient store for a dollar. They didn't have Fruit Punch or Mango so he grabbed fhe Strawberry Lemonade kind instead. He let out a long sigh as he stalked home, still holding his backpack for school. He should've been home by now. His mother would probably worry about him so much he'd end up cooking dinner to shut her up. Pausing to look up at the sky, Nezumi didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to feel. Was he supposed to somehow be happy? When he was a child, people used to say he was happy, and he belived them, but now...he was just cold, and tried building up walls around himself, ignoring the people who wanted to get in. He ignored everyone except for one person. That one person had confessed his love to him.

He didn't deserve Shion's love. He didn't deserve anyone's love. Nezumi was simply the coldest person anyone would probably meet in their lifetime. Then again, he was drowning. Drowning, sinking. He sank deeper into the beautiful electric blue ocean of despair. Honestly, he didn't know how to get out or how he even got into the damn ocean. All he knew was that it dealt with some type of secret people kept from him so he wouldn't freak out about it. Apparently, once they brought it up, he'd throw a tantrum about it (when he was about five it happened). It had to do with the reason why he had a supposed 'birthmark' on his back. He'd asked his mother about it and everytime he did, she'd freeze up for a few seconds like she was hiding something-which, in this case she was-then she'd continue telling him it was his birth mark, but he knew it was all a lie. He couldn't tell what the difference was between the truth and a complete lie.

The bluenette, rummaged through his pocket for his keys, now standing in front of the door to his house. He swiftly shoved the key into the hole, turned it, pulled it out and placed his left hand on the cold doorknob. The sun was almost down, causing the sky to turn a beautiful bright orange color. It reminded him of the whitette's confession. He couldn't get it out of his head even if he wanted to. It just lingered there like a dark entity. It wouldn't leave-more like couldn't. He just wanted to live a normal life-he wanted to be a normal person. Just like everyone else was. Sometimes he wanted to be like Shion. He wanted to have the ability to shine through the darkness like a bright star. He just felt like he could've done that when he was a kid, but what happened to him during his childhood had changed him in many good and bad ways. Maybe if that incident hadn't happened then maybe he could be normal. If he hadn't befriended that one kid who he couldn't remember had supposedly 'disappeared' is the word they (people who knew Nezumi when he was a child and saw him befriend the other kid) liked to use frequently. People liked to say that the other kid in Nezumi's life other than Shion, had disappeared mysteriously without informing anyone-especially Nezumi.

Sometimes he wondered what would've been the outcome if the unknown kid had stayed and grown up with him and Shion. Letting out a long sigh, Nezumi slipped off his shoes before walking up the stairs, trying to avoid his mother who would probably bombard him with questions once she found out he was home. And she always found out within five minutes. He tossed his bag onto his bed which was covered with a red sheet, multi-colored pillow, a cream colored blanket along with a gray one, and another pillow that was also red. He threw his school uniform's jacket onto a light blue tub, groaning at how tired he finally realized he was. Nezumi then remembered he still had homework to do yet he didn't feel like doing any of it. He was currently confused, frustrated and needed to calm down before he flipped a table onto someone (most likely Shion because he was causing him to actually listen to his emotions now) without giving a single fuck about what happened to the person afterwards.

Rushing into the bathroom, he quickly stripped then stepped in. He almost forgot to let his hair out of the red ribbon that held it up. Giving it a quick tug, Nezumi placed the ribbon onto the counter next to a brush and turned on the water. The water was hot against his skin as he made quick movements, but didn't intend on leaving the bathroom as quick this time. He felt like thinking for a while. He just didn't know what to do anymore-now that he knew Shion's feelings and that he had cancer was a bit too much for him. He didn't want to be hurt if the whitette's cancer was serious to where it could be the end of him. He didn't want to give the smaller male false hope. The bluenette grit his teeth, shaking violently. He knew he shouldn't be doing it in the shower, but he couldn't help himself. It was just too much for him to handle now. His emotions and feelings were running wild, and he felt extremely helpless. He felt like he couldn't do anything now that he knew about his own emotions.

Tears mixed with the now warm water that streamed down Nezumi's face. He still felt like shit. He couldn't think straight anymore. When he stepped out of the shower, he dried his hair and body before putting on random clothes. He didn't care what he wore to bed. He just wore whatever he could find. The bluenette didn't feel like reading anything either. He'd usually come home and instantly start reading. Nezumi flopped onto the scarlet colored bed, pulling the blanket over himself, in hopes that sleep would wash over him and he'd forget about Shion's confession.

End of Flashback

So why was Nezumi so pissed right now? He felt stupid for ignoring Shion's damn feelings along with his own.

XXX

A/N: I will try to fix how I'm going to do this Fanfiction. I want it to deal with Nezumi's past about someone he met, but can't remember the person's name since people rarely talk about that person. I want that person to come back into Shion and Nezumi's lives soon (they'll end up finding out together that it's the person everyone's been talking about all along) and that the person they sought wasn't what they'd expect at all. This is where the kid from their past tells them why they disappeared suddenly. Or should I just keep this a cancer Fanfiction and hurt you all? No? Didn't think so. This is going to be fun. c':

SO I'M GONNA GIVE NEZUMI A SWORD AND NAME IT BECAUSE HE'S FUCKIN' HOT, KAY?

Me: /Throws a sword at Nezumi

Nezumi: /Stares at it

Me: Just fucking hit someone other than me with it.

Nezumi: Okay.

/Attempts to hit me anyway

Me: I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SHIELD.

/Throws Shion at

Nezumi: /Drops the sword in order to catch Shion

Me: /FLEES

REVIEW, YEAH? NO? OHOK. I SEE HOW IT IS.