If you love somebody you better let it out don't hold it back, While you're trying to figure it out don't be timid, don't be afraid to hurt. Run toward the flame run toward the fire and hold on for all your worth, cause the only real pain a heart can ever know is the feeling of regret when you don't let your feelings show. So did you say it? Did you mean it? Did you lay it on the line? Did you make it count? Ddi you look em' in the eye and did they feel it? Did you say it in time? Did you say it out loud? Cause if you did hon' then you lived some and that feeling inside…that's called satisfied. –Jewel "Satisfied"
Regret and Rejection
As Booth and I sit on the steps of the Lincoln memorial he just returning from Afghanistan and I from Maluku. I knew, I knew just as he did I had realized that I loved him in more than an atta boy way. Though, he pulled out his phone and I watched as the screen light up with a woman he claimed he was in a serious as a heart attack relationship with. As the phone light up the funny feeling inside my sternum changed to that of what I considered a good tingling to a dull ache. Booth believed in fate, this was what one would call a twist of fate, but I had been too late.
It didn't really hit me that I had loved him before I left for Maluku and that Angela was correct in stating we had been in a relationship just not a sexual one. Not until the night I was left alone at the Founding Fathers. Booth and Hannah went to dinner Angela and Hodgins went home to rejoice in each other and the start of a family, and I sat alone at the bar with Sid. As the weeks went on it was harder to watch Booth and Hannah together, when I knew, I knew I loved him. I tried to be happy for him, put on my best false front and helped Hannah pick out a house warming gift for him.
Though, as I lay alone at night curled up on my side staring off into my dark bedroom I remember back to the night Booth told me he knew. I saw the pain in his eyes, the hurt and the rejection. I stood in front of him watching as his heart crushed, as I crushed it. I sigh and toss and turn sleep is hard to come by lately. I miss you Booth and this, your moving on-I didn't mean it. I know my rejection hurt you, but watching you with someone else and not being able to say what I feel, I think it's harder to hold love back. You were able to let it out and at least say how you felt I still have not had that chance. I believe, no I know that the sorrow of regret is worse than the pain of rejection.
Should I continue with one more chap? I know I should write more on A Silent Night, but I would like to leave that for a time when it can have my full attention. Cheers!