Not a Ghost of a Chance
(How Peeves came to fear the Bloody Baron)
Peeves slowly looked around the corner of the door. "Yes!" a helpless, innocent first-year was walking alone down the hall. Peeves fingered the dung bomb in his transparent hand. He rolled it into the middle of the hallway in front of the boy.
"One lemon gum drop. two lemon gum drop." Peeves counted to himself.
POW!
Peeves jumped out the class room starting his song, "Little stinky first year kid, ought to see what Peevesie did, Your new odor is sure to please, If your new friends are rats and fleas, Getting it off will be a difficult task, to clean your ears and scrub down in your."
"PEEVES!" A loud voice bellowed interrupting his song.
Who dared interrupting his song! It had taken him an hour to come up with the song and he had not even got to the chorus yet! Peeves swirled around in anger
Ms. McGonagall was standing in the hall with her hands on her hips starring at Peeves and the first-year. "What is going on here Peeves?"
Peeves froze where he was, "Why am I up here when I could be down there on that glorious floor?" Peeves sighed to himself, but glanced at that stern face and shook himself back to reality. "Just a little poltergeist and student bonding professor." Peeves sneered before he flew up through the ceiling.
"Your losing your grip, just relax." he told his head as his breathing returned to normal. Then he turned and sunk down to his dungeon room. It was not actually his, but it was quiet and no one ever came in, and lets face it, who would want to spend a long time in the room with Peeves. Of course this was something Peeves was willing to change for one person.
The room was dim and crowded with self-filing cabinets of concrete gray, which matched the color of the stone walls. It was one of the dungeons that the files of alumni of Hogwarts. Most of the cabinets were covered in cobwebs and dust. Peeves glided through all of the cabinets to one in the back corner. He pushed aside some of the files in front to get to his stash. There were fireworks and dung bombs along with other items with unmentionable uses. He picked up a wad of parchment, a half empty bottle of black ink and a quill, which was losing strands of feather. He looked at them and decided that he would have to steal another first-year's bag soon to restock his supplies (they always had tons of extra they carried around with them.) He arranged himself on top of the cabinet and began to write a poem:
With your graceful silver hair and piercing glare Your beauty is impossible to compare Bird's songs are too off key to be like your voice Which I will obey forever if it is your choice The moon is too flat to be like your breast They are more like pillows calling me to rest Your soft legs are completely lovely to my eyes Calling me to rub my hands up your thighs I'd sell all my dung bombs to buy you the world If your deep feelings for me were unfurled Oh professor McGonagall teach me in love Your transfiguration turns my heart into a dove
Peeves stopped for a minute and collected his thoughts. Chewing on the end of his pen he pictured her face in his head.
"PEEVES!" the Bloody Baron's voice rang through the halls. Peeves grinned to himself. The Baron must have found his fireworks spinning around the Slytherin commons room. Peeves put away his quill; he wanted to see the aftermath of his mischief. He turned around to put his poem away, but he was facing a large, bloody, transparent head that was glaring right at his face.
"Ahhh!" Peeves screamed as he fell off the cabinet in surprise.
"Happy to see me?" The Bloody Baron sneered at Peeves. "I bet you think those fireworks were really clever. Hmmm?" He looked down at the poltergeist.
Peeves thought about answering the question yes, I think it was amazingly clever, maybe I should teach a class like Professor Bins. However he had another question on his mind. "How did you find me here?" Peeves stammered as he gained back his composer.
"The Friar told me," the Bloody Baron answered simply. "Even if he did not tell me, I can find anyone I want in this castle. I've been around long enough to learn its secrets. This place." he gestured at the room around him stirring the air, "is not hard to find." As he looked around the room his eyes fell onto a piece of parchment that was floating to the ground from when The Bloody Baron knocked it off the top of the cabinet with the breeze of him moving his arm.
Peeves instinctively dove for the parchment, but the Baron was much closer. He snatched the paper from in from of Peeves with a sly grin. "Now what might this be?" The Bloody Baron snarled. His eyes traveled across the paper, and they began to look stern. With a harsh raspy voice he muttered with a forced chuckle, "I would not be writing love poems about humans, especially professors, you don't have a ghost of a chance. I think I will keep this for future reference." Then the ghost disappeared through the wall with the poem in his hand.
"Oh hell!" Peeves was terrified. The Bloody Baron knew about his crush on Professor McGonagall. Peeves felt helpless. He had no intention of ever giving her a letter or poem. He knew he was a poltergeist and she was a beautiful professor, but he did not really want to acknowledge to his head and heart. What would the Bloody Baron do? Will he show it to the other ghosts and professors? Would he show it to her? His head began to ach with the thoughts.
*~*~*
The Bloody Baron floated down the hall still reading the poem. He put it in his pocket and continued to walk distractedly. He accidentally walked through a group of first-years while he was going to the Slytherin dungeons. He glided in and went straight into his office ignoring the multi- colored smoke that still filled the green and silver common room. He sat down at the chair behind his desk and began to stroke his chin.
"Does Peeves really love McGonagall?" He shook his head, but he knew the answer was yes. A single silvery tear rolled down his cheek and felt enraged at his emotion. "Why do I have to feel this way?! You're acting like Moaning Myrtle. If only he felt for me instead." He brought his fist down on the desk, but it just floated through. He wished he actually had hit it. The pain in his hand he could deal with, not the pain that was inside of him. "I'll make Peeves pay for how he is making me feel!"
(How Peeves came to fear the Bloody Baron)
Peeves slowly looked around the corner of the door. "Yes!" a helpless, innocent first-year was walking alone down the hall. Peeves fingered the dung bomb in his transparent hand. He rolled it into the middle of the hallway in front of the boy.
"One lemon gum drop. two lemon gum drop." Peeves counted to himself.
POW!
Peeves jumped out the class room starting his song, "Little stinky first year kid, ought to see what Peevesie did, Your new odor is sure to please, If your new friends are rats and fleas, Getting it off will be a difficult task, to clean your ears and scrub down in your."
"PEEVES!" A loud voice bellowed interrupting his song.
Who dared interrupting his song! It had taken him an hour to come up with the song and he had not even got to the chorus yet! Peeves swirled around in anger
Ms. McGonagall was standing in the hall with her hands on her hips starring at Peeves and the first-year. "What is going on here Peeves?"
Peeves froze where he was, "Why am I up here when I could be down there on that glorious floor?" Peeves sighed to himself, but glanced at that stern face and shook himself back to reality. "Just a little poltergeist and student bonding professor." Peeves sneered before he flew up through the ceiling.
"Your losing your grip, just relax." he told his head as his breathing returned to normal. Then he turned and sunk down to his dungeon room. It was not actually his, but it was quiet and no one ever came in, and lets face it, who would want to spend a long time in the room with Peeves. Of course this was something Peeves was willing to change for one person.
The room was dim and crowded with self-filing cabinets of concrete gray, which matched the color of the stone walls. It was one of the dungeons that the files of alumni of Hogwarts. Most of the cabinets were covered in cobwebs and dust. Peeves glided through all of the cabinets to one in the back corner. He pushed aside some of the files in front to get to his stash. There were fireworks and dung bombs along with other items with unmentionable uses. He picked up a wad of parchment, a half empty bottle of black ink and a quill, which was losing strands of feather. He looked at them and decided that he would have to steal another first-year's bag soon to restock his supplies (they always had tons of extra they carried around with them.) He arranged himself on top of the cabinet and began to write a poem:
With your graceful silver hair and piercing glare Your beauty is impossible to compare Bird's songs are too off key to be like your voice Which I will obey forever if it is your choice The moon is too flat to be like your breast They are more like pillows calling me to rest Your soft legs are completely lovely to my eyes Calling me to rub my hands up your thighs I'd sell all my dung bombs to buy you the world If your deep feelings for me were unfurled Oh professor McGonagall teach me in love Your transfiguration turns my heart into a dove
Peeves stopped for a minute and collected his thoughts. Chewing on the end of his pen he pictured her face in his head.
"PEEVES!" the Bloody Baron's voice rang through the halls. Peeves grinned to himself. The Baron must have found his fireworks spinning around the Slytherin commons room. Peeves put away his quill; he wanted to see the aftermath of his mischief. He turned around to put his poem away, but he was facing a large, bloody, transparent head that was glaring right at his face.
"Ahhh!" Peeves screamed as he fell off the cabinet in surprise.
"Happy to see me?" The Bloody Baron sneered at Peeves. "I bet you think those fireworks were really clever. Hmmm?" He looked down at the poltergeist.
Peeves thought about answering the question yes, I think it was amazingly clever, maybe I should teach a class like Professor Bins. However he had another question on his mind. "How did you find me here?" Peeves stammered as he gained back his composer.
"The Friar told me," the Bloody Baron answered simply. "Even if he did not tell me, I can find anyone I want in this castle. I've been around long enough to learn its secrets. This place." he gestured at the room around him stirring the air, "is not hard to find." As he looked around the room his eyes fell onto a piece of parchment that was floating to the ground from when The Bloody Baron knocked it off the top of the cabinet with the breeze of him moving his arm.
Peeves instinctively dove for the parchment, but the Baron was much closer. He snatched the paper from in from of Peeves with a sly grin. "Now what might this be?" The Bloody Baron snarled. His eyes traveled across the paper, and they began to look stern. With a harsh raspy voice he muttered with a forced chuckle, "I would not be writing love poems about humans, especially professors, you don't have a ghost of a chance. I think I will keep this for future reference." Then the ghost disappeared through the wall with the poem in his hand.
"Oh hell!" Peeves was terrified. The Bloody Baron knew about his crush on Professor McGonagall. Peeves felt helpless. He had no intention of ever giving her a letter or poem. He knew he was a poltergeist and she was a beautiful professor, but he did not really want to acknowledge to his head and heart. What would the Bloody Baron do? Will he show it to the other ghosts and professors? Would he show it to her? His head began to ach with the thoughts.
*~*~*
The Bloody Baron floated down the hall still reading the poem. He put it in his pocket and continued to walk distractedly. He accidentally walked through a group of first-years while he was going to the Slytherin dungeons. He glided in and went straight into his office ignoring the multi- colored smoke that still filled the green and silver common room. He sat down at the chair behind his desk and began to stroke his chin.
"Does Peeves really love McGonagall?" He shook his head, but he knew the answer was yes. A single silvery tear rolled down his cheek and felt enraged at his emotion. "Why do I have to feel this way?! You're acting like Moaning Myrtle. If only he felt for me instead." He brought his fist down on the desk, but it just floated through. He wished he actually had hit it. The pain in his hand he could deal with, not the pain that was inside of him. "I'll make Peeves pay for how he is making me feel!"